36. These small, little moments

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

Chris sighed when approaching him.

"I'm sorry about last night," he said, taking a sip of his coffee before sitting down in the armchair close to him. Adam had just left and though Chris seemed calm now, Joni still felt wary near him. "I talked with Adam after you had gone to bed," he continued looking at him, "and yes, I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. I'm sorry."

Joni sighed and drew his knees close to his chest, he had heard the whispers from the living room, he thought he had even heard Chris crying but wasn't sure, it seemed so bizarre, he had never seen him crying. Those emotions were well hidden but Chris had been drunk and... maybe he did regret it?

"Well?" Chris asked.

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

Joni shrugged, "I don't know what to say, it seems we keep having the same conversation over and over again. Same routine." Chris' expression darkened, he glared at him silently for a while.

"Nothing pleases you, Joni, you're always whining and not willing to solve the problems. Tell me what it takes?"

Joni almost laughed bitterly but managed to stop himself in time, he had to look away and take a deep breath.

"Our problems," he sighed, "yes, there are so many I don't know where to begin." He looked at the floor and drew his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before looking back at Chris. "One, I'm..." He tilted his head, Chris was watching him silently, waiting and for a moment Joni thought there was a chance to talk honestly, to explain to Chris how he was hurting, in hopes that it might make a difference. "I'm sad Chris, I'm depressed and I can't sleep. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Of course it's not, I'm sad when you are sad. It hurts me to see you so distant."

Joni frowned, it felt odd, trying to reach out and talk to him. He sensed that Chris wanted to reach out to him as well, but he wasn't sure about his motives or honesty for that matter.

"We've been together for over two years, and... I'm not sure I know you at all, I thought I did; now you confuse me," he spoke in a quiet voice, afraid to cross the line; Chris could explode at any minute, one wrong word and... Yet he was so tired and wanted a change, so he was taking a risk.

"Do you realize how alone I feel here?" Chris asked, "If you would just...." he sighed. "I just want you to be with me, make me feel wanted, love me, say that you do, touch me... Instead, I see in your eyes that I'm not your only one and I can't stand it, Joni, I won't. You belong to me, so act like it."

Joni looked away again, feeling the tears rising in his eyes, he felt exhausted and weary, he rubbed his forehead and finally glanced at him.

"Stop hurting me, if you love me, stop hurting me."

"You hurt me first, with cheating, flirting, you hurt me I hurt you. I can't help myself, you need to understand, just stop fooling around. You have someone else, don't you? Who is he?"

Joni closed his eyes and shook his head. "There is no one Chris! No one!" he screamed, frustrated beyond measurement, looking at him through his tears. "What the fuck do you want me to do?! How the hell am I supposed to prove it!? Stop abusing me and maybe I could stand your closeness!" he hadn't been able to calm down, not even when Chris had stood up, approached, and finally slapped him.

"I demand your fucking respect, Joni!" Chris was breathing hard, and their eyes met. Joni's eyes revealed his pain, his cheek was red from where he had been hit and Chris continued to stare at him while his breathing slowly calmed. "You're causing me to act like this, you bring out this side which I hate," he breathed out. "I promised I would never act like him but I am now. " He knelt in front of the couch, touched Joni's face, and took his hands.

"I'm sorry..." Chris whispered, kissing his palm."I love you, I need you," he kept on. "We both have our faults," he sighed before he moved to sit next to him, tenderly touching the cheek he had just slapped. "I don't want to be like him, I guess, watching it so long made me this way, but I can change if only you are with me. I need you... my Joni," he pulled him close, kissing his forehead, and both his cheeks, and Joni shivered, not able to believe him, people didn't just change overnight, he wasn't foolish enough to believe that.

"You need help and I don't know how to help you," he whispered, "please Chris, we need help, it can't continue like this."

"You're all I need," Chris sighed, stroking his hair. "Shh now, just be here. We can make it... I will change, you'll see."

It was just another idle promise, another one that would soon be forgotten, nothing would really change, and the next day Chris would be back to the name-calling until he found another moment to apologize; ups and downs, lately more downs than ups and Joni knew how little chance there was that it would get better, some things were impossible to repair.

**^^**^^**^^**

The weekend after Adam's visit Joni and Chris spent time at his parent's house. It was mid of May and the weather was quite warm. His dad wanted to have a barbeque and Chris was eagerly helping him, busy sprucing up his image even more in Asko's eyes.

Joni sat on the porch, holding a can of beer watching quietly as his siblings played in the yard. Occasionally he caught a glimpse of his father and Chris chatting while cooking the meat, and drinking beer all fine and normal, with occasional laughter shared between them.

Joni detested it and hated how friendly his father was with Chris. At times he wanted to scream at him, ask if he was really this blind. Would he love Chris so much if he knew he was forcing himself on him, beating him into submission?

Of course, he knew he couldn't blame his father for not knowing. How could he? -When he couldn't bring himself to voice it when he kept actively hiding it.

Still, he felt upset.

These lies were weighing on him, pulling his spirit down. He saw the mock worried looks that Chris gave towards him; could almost make out how they were both worrying over his tired state and what might be the reason for it.

His thoughts were interrupted when his brother suddenly jumped out from seemingly nowhere right in front of him.

"Haa caught you!" The boy screamed before spraying cold water on him from his water gun, which made Joni growl in anger and his brother laugh in excitement at his success. "Die, enemy!"

"You little shit!" Joni spat angrily. He narrowed his eyes, left his beer can on the ground, and stood up, water dripping from his face and shirt. Julius' eyes widened in fright as he made an attempt to reach him and he quickly dashed away from him, "You little eel, get back here!"

"Daddy, Daddy!" Julius screamed running towards where his dad and Chris stood. Chris looked at him with smug amusement, his dad had a disapproving frown on his face.

"Joni, don't curse at your brother," he said.

"He shot me with that goddamn water gun!" Joni was fuming.

"They're just playing, no harm done. " Even his brother was looking smug now, Asko looked at Julius, "Don't do that again, okay?"

"You know an apology would be decent!" Joni pointed out upset.

"Come on Joni, get over yourself," Chris sneered, "it's just water."

"Fuck the whole lot of you!" Joni snapped and turned to go inside, cursing all the way up to his room. They were ALL against him, he was the bad guy now, they could just go fuck themselves.

*

Katja watched as Joni stormed past her to his room upstairs, clearly upset and dripping with water making her wonder what had happened. She continued her way to the backyard to set the table there.

"Why was Joni so upset?" she asked looking towards the two men.

"Julius shot him with a water gun," Asko explained, turning the meat on the grill. Katja frowned and looked at her two boys and daughter who were running around in the yard with said guns, laughing.

"Julius, I want you to apologize to your brother," she told him in a firm voice.

"But he's scary when he's mad!" The boy protested.

"No, he's not, you will apologize," she nodded, arranging the table, and then decided to go and check on Joni herself. "Ten minutes," she turned to the boy, nodding before returning inside.

She gently knocked on the door, but hearing no reply she peeked in carefully. Joni sat in front of his desk, gazing out, having changed his shirt.

"Are you alright?" Katja asked softly as she entered the room. She saw him nod silently; Joni's back was turned against her, his hand raised to his face to rub his eyes. She frowned and approached, "Joni?"

"I'll be down in a moment," he answered with a hoarse voice.

"I'm worried for you; we're all worried for you," she stated, "has something happened?"

He shook his head, "everything is alright. Please, just go," he asked, refusing to look at her. Katja however walked even closer, close enough to see his face and notice the tear stains he tried to wipe away.

"Joni, you've not been yourself in weeks, in months, what is going on?" she asked again.

He took a deep breath, shaking his head, "I'm just so tired..." He replied, "But I'm fine, I will be, please, just..."

"We are your family if there's something, anything... Please tell us so we can help you," she sat on his bed observing her stepson who took a deep breath and forced a smile.

"I'll be fine," he assured again, "nothing but stress, it will pass." She wasn't convinced, there had to be something else in this whole matter, and it was frustrating that he kept it from them.

"Are you sure?" she asked, getting up slowly.

"Yes, very sure," Joni assured her. "Thanks though," he added after a while.

There was a small knock on the door, Katja gave him a small smile knowing who she would see outside, and sure enough, when she opened, the small eight-year-old boy stood there, his arms in front of him, biting his lip slightly as he first gazed upon his mother and then at his older brother.

*

Joni raised his eyebrow, on some level feeling curious and amused; so regretful and small Julius was looking at the moment, almost frightened when his mother left them alone. Joni fought to keep a serious, indifferent face.

"What is it?" he asked somewhat flatly, turning on his chair to face the boy better.

"Um... well... um..." Hesitant grey-blue eyes looked up at him, "sorry," he muttered.

"Excuse me? I didn't quite hear you?"

"I'm sorry I shot you," Julius said then, making Joni smile though the boy didn't see it: too busy looking at his hands. "I didn't want to make you mad, I wanted you to play with us," he hurriedly added. "You looked so bored."

Joni chuckled then, "I see." Julius looked up at him. "Don't worry about it, okay? You're forgiven and I overreacted, it was just water after all." He shrugged then and the boy smiled a little brighter and nodded.

"I can shoot Chris as well if you want?" Julius asked, "for laughs," he added.

The offer was quite tempting, making Joni wonder how the man would react to it.

"If you like," he grinned then, "he could need it." He nodded and stood up. "Let's go back outside, but don't tell him I encouraged you," he asked ruffling his brother's hair, who then grinned widely.

"I won't," he promised.

Joni took his seat, reaching for a book he had left on the table earlier and for his beer. Katja was setting the outside picnic table, Chris still helping his dad and Joni watched with amusement how the twins seemed to be plotting together now, glancing at Chris from time to time.

In the end, it was Sauli who crept closer to Chris just as the man was on his way to get something from inside. The boy jumped in front of him and aimed... The surprise and stunned expression on Chris' face after Sauli had managed to wet Chris' trousers, making it look like he had wet himself, was enough to make Joni laugh, he knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it.

"Finland rules!" Sauli announced before running off and soon both Katja and Asko scolded the boy, embarrassed of his unexpected behavior.

Hearing Joni's laughter caused anger to take over the surprise on Chris's face. His hands curled into fists and his breathing was tense, he looked like he was about to snap.

"What's the matter, Chris?" Joni couldn't help but ask, "It's just water," he grinned, trusting in the fact that Chris couldn't hurt him here. His grin however faded when he saw the look Chris gave him, the man's eyes were narrowed and there was that certain glimmer that made Joni swallow. The next moment Chris composed himself, and smiled, managing to hide his anger from everyone else but Joni.

"Yes, no harm done, just water, I have spare clothes," he smiled at Joni's parents, "boys will be boys, huh?" He laughed it off and headed inside once again giving Joni a certain look that meant trouble for him.

**^^**^^**^^

Later Joni got into his room before Chris did. He was hoping Chris might chat with his parents for a little longer, enough to give him time to fall asleep or to at least fake it.

It was a couple of minutes past eleven pm but the room was still bright with light coming from outside. Sighing heavily he stripped from his shorts, leaving his t-shirt and boxers on before he drew the shading curtains bringing the darkness.

He was startled when he heard the creak of the door behind him, he didn't need lights to know it was Chris. Silently he proceeded to sneak under the coverlets, facing the wall, holding his breath as he listened to the dooming steps approaching the bed.

A ruffle of clothes, click of a belt, zipper being opened, Chris didn't say anything while he undressed. When he was ready he moved closer to the window and opened the curtains just a little bit to have some light in, just enough to see better.

The coverlet was moved, and Chris sneaked under it, moving close to him. Joni felt himself tensing and he felt tears rising in his eyes. Chris was naked and his half-hard shaft now pressed against his buttocks making him shiver from disgust and fear.

"You will not deny me, will you dear?"Chris breathed in his ear, with a threatening ring to his voice.

"It won't matter if I do," Joni whispered bitterly the words Chris would ignore. He felt Chris's cock hardening further he moved demandingly against him, his lustful breath in his ear sickening him further.

Chris's hand moved under his boxers, rubbing his organ rather forcefully which made Joni whimper quietly. "Don't," he whispered lowering his hand on Chris's wrist in a useless attempt to stop him. The roughness simply changed softer, but it did nothing to arouse him.

For a moment he thought about screaming, thought about what would happen if he would. His father and Katja would rush in to see what was wrong, and his siblings would wake. And then he'd have to explain, his dad would be angry at Chris, and he would believe him, but it would be so embarrassing to tell them.

It felt embarrassing to be a man and to be forced into this weak position, forced to go through this humiliating form of abuse.

Did this happen to other men? He wondered silently, surely he couldn't be alone to suffer like this? He knew there were those helplines, but they were for women, right? Who could he talk to? Would they just laugh if he called to ask for advice on how to get out? Maybe they would...

He should be able to fight Chris, but fear stopped him. Fear of what Chris would do to ruin his life completely. Fear of shame that would follow.

His chest tightened, he couldn't. He couldn't scream. He wouldn't be able to take the embarrassment of everyone finding out, everyone seeing those shameful pictures of him.

"Please Chris, not here," Joni pleaded quietly, he didn't want it to happen in this room, his childhood room, where he had always been safe before. "At home... not here."

"Ass or mouth, choose," Chris whispered as if not hearing him. He was sucking on his earlobe, making another demanding movement against him.

Tears ran down, slowly, quietly, Chris could see them but he didn't care.

"Mouth," Joni whispered brokenly and Chris allowed him to turn while making himself comfortable by laying down on his back.

Joni wiped the tears away and reluctantly moved to give him a blowjob, not bothering to stall with other caresses he just went straight to business to get it over with. Chris' hold tightened in his hair as if to make sure he wouldn't back off, making him gag, and bringing out new tears.

His safe place was no longer a safe place. His siblings were asleep, his parents still awake outside on the terrace enjoying the beautiful and warm Spring evening, without any clue what was happening upstairs in his room.

Chris was forcing his cock violently in his throat as a punishment for laughing at him earlier.

There had been a time when he had enjoyed sucking him, he would have done it gladly and without hesitation, but all that was gone. Still out of two bad, this was the lesser evil.

Chris didn't need long to finish and like many times before, he held him still forcing him to swallow the thick cum. Joni gagged once more, closed his tear-stained eyes, and did what was necessary. When Chris released his hold, he sat up abruptly and brought his hand over his mouth, feeling like he was about to vomit.

He tried to calm down, and felt Chris' now tender touch on his thigh, rubbing gently. As if the violence of the action never happened, as if it had been normal.

"Felt good," Chris whispered and Joni, still holding his hand over his face could only nod, avoiding his gaze.

"I'm getting a glass of water," he finally spoke quietly, after getting the chance to calm down. Chris didn't say anything, just watched him with his infuriating smile that almost resembled something gentle.

He made his way to the bathroom as quickly as he could and finally couldn't hold back anymore, he kneeled in front of the toilet seat and threw up. He felt his body trembling heavily, cold sweat on his forehead, gasping for breath and fighting back new tears.

He forced himself to stand on his shaky legs and walked over to wash his face and mouth, trying to calm down. He finally looked up to face the mirror; he was looking so pale and tired, so ugly... He bit his lip just watching himself, touching his face and detesting what he had become this submissive thing.

This couldn't go on much longer; he needed to do something, anything, just to... stay on the surface. He needed to get himself back in some kind of control.

It took him fifteen minutes before he could return to the room, Chris had been waiting, shifted on the bed making room for him, lifting the coverlet pulling him close to his chest, his hand went to his hair stroking softly. "Took you long," he remarked, "I could turn the favor you know," he surprisingly offered, and Joni, who felt uncomfortable enough as it was, shook his head softly.

"I'm tired," he whispered.

"You're always tired, I'm worried about you," Chris sighed looking down at him, almost causing bitter laughter from Joni's lips; worried?

He didn't want to be there, not in his arms. He turned so his back was against Chris, it did not bring any comfort, but he didn't want to see his face either. Chris' arm snaked around his waist, his breath tickled his neck. "You are very lucky Joni, you should realize that; a great family, all these nice things...not everyone has that, you know," Chris began whispering. "I didn't have that," he

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net