31. From bad to worse.

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Despite Joni's hope, Chris' jealousy never took a turn back to an easier level, instead, it just kept growing. After being released from the army that autumn, and thus spending more time at home with Chris, it was easier to see. 

Chris was frustratingly suspicious of every man he met, any man who approached him. Suspicious towards the modeling gigs he had, the attention they brought. It was rather unpleasant to suddenly become more aware of the controlling side of his boyfriend, to become aware of qualities that made him feel uneasy. 

The truth was that Joni would have wanted more time alone with his friends than what Chris was willing to give him. Chris was already starting to intervene in what kind of modeling gigs were acceptable to his standards and too often they fought about it.

 Joni started to feel like he was being suffocated, he really didn't want to take Chris everywhere he went! He didn't need someone constantly checking on him. Chris hadn't made friends of his own as fast as Joni would have expected.

The thought of breaking up had crossed his mind several times. So far it had been just a passing thought to silently consider, pushed aside when Chris behaved like the man he had fallen in love with. 

Joni had stubbornly held up the hope that the jealousy would ease, and things would work out between them, he wouldn't have wanted to give up so easily.

But that winter, after two years of being together, yet only months of that time lived together daily, it turned from bad to worse.

They had argued earlier that evening, and many times during that week and Joni was feeling more exhausted with the way things were now between them. He had already turned down several modeling opportunities for Chris, several offers to go abroad and he was starting to question himself was it worth it, was Chris worth it. 

And so despite Chris' dislike, he had decided to attend a rather large fashion show that was held in Helsinki; which had been the cause of their earlier fight. After the show, Joni found himself to be further persuaded into joining an after-party event by his agent; a chance to meet new contacts and getting bigger contracts. 

Annoyed with Chris, annoyed by their earlier fight he agreed. He had decided it was enough and that Chris needed to understand that it was about what he wanted to do with his life and not about what Chris thought was best for him, best for them both. Joni didn't need another parent.

He did end up having fun; champagne, interesting people, and new contacts who were interested in booking him. In the end, he had lost track of time, his phone's battery was dead and he forgot to worry about letting Chris know he'd be home late.

**

Chris sat in the kitchen sipping his beer slowly, his fingers tapping the surface of the kitchen table while waiting for Joni to come home, it was two am and he was feeling quite pissed off; Joni didn't care, he was flirting with people, coming and going how he pleased; no consideration for him and it had to end... Too many changes had been given, this had to be the last.

Finally, he heard the key turning in the lock, the door slowly opening and closing and Chris got up, walking quietly to the hall, narrowing his eyes when looking at him.

Joni glanced at him, taking his jacket off.

"Sorry, thought you'd be asleep by now," he said, kicking his shoes off and placing his jacket on the hanger. "There was this party which I was advised to join and..."

"Advised you?" Chris hissed, "And did they advise you not to mention it to me?"

*

"Chris, please," Joni sighed, "my battery ran out, I lost track of time." Feeling tired and slightly drunk Joni wasn't up to continue fighting.

"Don't give me that shit," Chris grasped his arm. "Don't tell me you were the only one with a cell phone within a kilometer's radius and couldn't fucking borrow a phone!"

"So I forgot!" Joni snapped, "I'm sorry, but these parties are a part of modeling, you have to get used to it." He tried to pull his arm free.

"So you're going to do this more often huh?" Chris pushed him against the wall, "what else is a part of it? Spreading your legs? Giving head? Whoring? Tell me, because I've heard it is!" he gripped Joni's clothes.

"Stop it, Chris! I'm not whoring for God's sake! Let me go!" Joni tried to push him away.

"No! Fuck no!" Chris slammed him against the wall a few times, "Why should I fucking believe you, huh? Tell me why? I was fucking worried something happened while you come back home drunk, telling me you couldn't call me?! Why the fuck should I believe you now?!"

Chris was beginning to scare him.

"I wasn't thinking! I forgot, you need to trust me Chris for fuck's sake!" Joni screamed.

"Yeah, I fucking trust you! When you went to that damn army I trusted you! I trusted you even after meeting this fucker behind my back, but what should I think now?! Why should I trust you now?!"

"Because I didn't do anything! Because I'm telling the truth! Why are you like this?!"

"Because I own your fucking ass and I don't share!" Chris shouted, pushing him further into the living room.

Joni breathed tensely, backing away.

"No Chris," he shook his head. "You don't own me, no one does, I am your boyfriend, not some god-damn object!"

Chris narrowed his eyes.

"Yes, MY boyfriend and yes it means I own your ass," he hissed.

Joni didn't like that, he tried to back away, suddenly more nervous. There was a strange look in Chris' eyes, one that he had seen a glimpse of before but never this intense.

"You need to calm down Chris, you're acting crazy," he stated.

"Oh, you want me to calm down?! Do you want me to fucking calm down?! Oh, I will, but first, you need a lesson to fucking to remember who you belong to!" Chris gripped his shirt with one hand and hit him straight in the stomach.

The blow knocked the air from his lungs and Joni would have fallen on his knees had Chris not kept a hold on him. He gasped, struggled to breathe, his eyes watery, blinking in disbelief and he had no time to reach out when another blow already came, "you're going to fucking remember! No cheating you whore!" and again on his chest, on his side...

"S-stop...God...s-stop!" Joni gasped weakly trying to pull away.

"You will remember? Will you?" Chris kept asking between blows to his chest and stomach, giving no time for him to react. It was his face that the man slapped next a couple of times, with open hand and not with his fist. Still hard enough that it would surely leave a bruise.

Joni instantly brought his arm to protect his face from getting more hits, trying to free himself, the pain was making him dizzy, he was beginning to get hysterical; something like this was never supposed to happen, not to him, not by Chris... What was this? Who was this?

"C-Chris... s-stop..." his voice was weak and trembling, head aching, everything aching, a taste of blood and iron in his mouth.

"You fucking whore, you better respect me!" Chris pushed him onto the sofa with a final blow to his belly.

Joni gasped, almost choking with his tears, he held his arms; one still protecting his face in fear and the other his aching stomach, just praying it was over.

Chris glared at him for a moment, his eyes narrowed.

"Whore," he hissed before turning and walking to the kitchen to get another beer.

There was no plan, there was nothing that could have prepared him, even in his wildest dreams he had never been the victim of this... and yet, here, now... he was.

 Chris, the man who supposedly loved him, had just.... hurt him like no other, calling him with such nasty names, leaving him in this state of paralyzing fear. 

It had been so easy, so easy to shake one's head and say; fuck, just hit me once and I will walk out with one snap of my fingers! And now, here he was... afraid to move, afraid to think... Listening; Chris moving in the kitchen, opening the fridge door, the hiss of a beer can being opened and...

He was there, still, trembling like a leaf, the pain....the hurt, disbelief, and shock. What had happened? He was afraid to move. This man in his and Chris' kitchen; he didn't know him, he might as well have been a stranger.

 If he moved, it would start again... the beating. It chilled him to the bones thinking that he might be just collecting energy for another go.

He was crying, the tears turned cold, fear like anything he had ever felt before. This couldn't be real, It couldn't be! He wasn't the victim of this! And Chris, he had never supposed to be his... abuser?

And then the steps drew near once more, he didn't dare to look up, wanting to curl up and turn invisible. He could feel him, standing there, just a few steps away, staring down at him.

"Stop behaving like a fucking sissy," Chris hissed, "anyway, I'm going to sleep."

Joni didn't look up, didn't answer, just hoping Chris would go away, not wanting him anywhere near him again, ever.

"Fuck!" Chris shook his head, "you hear me, Joni?" he asked tilting his head, sipping his beer. "Stop screwing around!"

"Go away," Joni whispered.

"Oh stop it, you're behaving like a chick," Chris said and walked closer, "Or maybe I shouldn't be surprised you do, after all, you're the one who takes it up the ass." He smirked.

Joni forced himself to move, gasping, anger and fear mixing, when he glanced up at Chris he knew that his feelings for the man had died, with every blow that he had inflicted on him only minutes ago he had broken his illusions, killed the love and left only disgust and disbelieving hate; this wasn't the man he had fallen in love with.

"And you... you'll never...have... my ass ...again!... I swear... to God!" he hissed, wanting his voice to have more strength but it still came out weak, every move felt painful, and he still struggled to breathe normally.

And to this Chris only laughed.

"We will see pussy," he spat, grasping Joni's chin, making him look up, before slapping him again, not hard but still hard enough to make him fall back. "Pathetic," Chris muttered then before he disappeared into the bedroom.

Joni curled on the couch, crying behind his hand, too shocked and scared to move, it made no sense, it simply made no sense... Chris had stepped over the line; there couldn't be any excuses left.

It was early in the morning when he finally found the strength to move, he felt nauseous, his body ached all over and his head... He dragged himself to the bathroom, hissing at every step. He was frightened to see what he would look like, but finally forced himself to face the mirror; his eyes were red, eyelids swelled, his cheek... He reached his hand to touch it carefully to feel the swelling, his upper lip was slightly torn, and there was a bruise on the left corner of his eye. His hands began to tremble, it could not be his image; he could not be the victim of this! And yet, no matter how much he wished it to be untrue, there was no denying it, nothing would unmake what was done.

It would heal, he assured himself, the bruises on his face would heal, they would not leave permanent damage, and it was bad but not as bad as it could have been. That only gave him mild comfort, his hand lowered on his stomach carefully lifting his shirt; the skin beneath red and blue, sore to the touch, Joni closed his eyes, his lip was trembling, he was trembling.

It would be embarrassing. How could he explain this to his family? Or to anyone? He didn't want to, it was too painful, and his heart was broken. It was never supposed to be him, to be hurt like this by the one who was supposed to... 

But now it was over, he would leave and never return, and then the fear set in.

He quickly washed his face, he didn't want to face Chris, didn't want to think. Had to leave... Had to pack; a toothbrush, deodorant, his personal items, and his mind felt foggy.

He left the bathroom, his movements were awkward and slow and he desperately tried to find some bag to put his items into, it was taking too long. He should go.

 Finally, he found a bag, hurriedly put his items in, trying to clear his thoughts and think, his portfolio was at home, he had to take it with him so Chris couldn't take it; and his passport, his thoughts were foggy, he couldn't think straight, all the silly things that seemed important were stalling him.

Chris woke to the noises and growled when getting up, heading towards him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked frowning as he looked at Joni, rubbing his slightly sore head.

"What does it look like? I'm packing, it's over Chris. I'm leaving you," Joni answered as calmly as he could manage now that Chris was there. He didn't want to show his fear, needed to keep moving and doing things, his mind was foggy.

He walked into the bedroom to get some of his clothes. Opening the closet he started stuffing his bag with some random pieces of clothes that came in his way; underwear, shirts, jeans.

"You think you can leave me just like that, Joni?" Chris asked calmly, blocking Joni's way out of the bedroom. It was only then that Joni realized his mistake; he was trapped and in the state, he was in no position to fight Chris, the amateur boxer.

"I-I won't stay here to be beaten, you crossed the line," his voice betrayed his fear and he glanced at Chris. His jaw tightening, trying to compose himself and assure that he would get away without further harm.

Chris sighed and walked closer, his arm gently wrapping around his shoulders.

"I'm sorry Joni, I just got carried away yesterday, I was so worried about you..."

Joni shuddered under his touch, and backed away, looking at him as though Chris had lost it.

"Worried?" He hissed, "you were worried for me and did this?" he pointed at his face. "Oh no, do not think I can forgive you this! I forgave you so much shit already, but this; never. And I don't want you touching me!" Joni's eyes were narrowed, his breathing fast, anger momentarily taking over the fear.

Chris frowned, "you don't want me to touch you? That's something new, usually, it's you who spreads their legs first, why the change Joni?" Chris approached him and with every step, he took forward Joni took one back. "What? You have someone else to fuck you, that's it, isn't it?"

"Fuck you, Chris!" Joni snapped. "Do you honestly think I would let you near me, let alone fuck me after yesterday? No, you went a step too far and we are so thorough!"

"Don't talk to me like this..." Chris narrowed his eyes, "and you can forget about going anywhere, you are mine and you are staying here." He smiled slightly, and Joni shook his head; who was this crazy man?

"You don't own me, Chris... I belong to no one and you sure as hell can't stop me from leaving!" Joni took his bag and tried to walk past him only to have Chris take a hold of his wrist.

"Oh you are wrong, dear," he hissed and dragged him to his computer, still holding Joni's wrist tightly, bruising him almost, he logged on. "I can show you why leaving me won't be the best idea for your modeling career," Chris sneered looking for the right file and opening it. He smirked when the pictures came to view, "Not unless you want to do it in the porn business, let's face it, you would have it in you, just look..."

Joni felt dizzy, he stared at the pictures of himself; naked and posing on his bed, in his old room, posing like some... slut... and you could see.... everything... He felt nauseous again, he couldn't remember this. 

"W-when?"

"That's not important," Chris whispered into his ear. "So, if you're still up to leave, I'll call your agent... then I think I'll send these to your friends, family, I wonder what your grandparents would think? Or your dad? Your stepmom?" Chris smirked.

Joni closed his eyes not wanting to see, he felt frozen, tears gathered in his eyes, those pictures could destroy everything, he wouldn't be able to handle the humiliation. 

Who was this man?

"Why are you so cruel?" he asked bitterly, opening his eyes and looking back at Chris.

"Who's cruel here?" Chris tilted his head. "You're the one who's cruel, playing around, playing with my feelings, thinking that you're the best, but let me be the one to tell you dear; you're not... But I still care for you."

Joni shook his head, feeling exhausted, desperate. "You have no right to those pictures!" he screamed, "no right!"

"But you agreed quite eagerly," Chris smirked.

"I hate you; right now I really hate you," Joni whispered brokenly and looked at him in disgust, he felt lost with what to do, but he didn't want to be there with Chris.

He managed to pull his wrist free, turning his back, feeling defeated while making his way across the room; he needed time to think, sit down and think.

Chris growled, pissed off when Joni was about to leave the room, he grasped his shoulder and spun him around, holding tightly; the younger man was helpless in his grip. "So? You want me to send them everywhere? Put them online on some porn site? Or maybe I need to remind you who you belong to?"

"Don't send them!" Joni cried out, "and just leave me be!" he begged, trying to pull free, scared of another beating.

"Shut the fuck up, you!" Chris shouted and slapped him to bring him to his senses.

Tears rolled down his pale cheeks, why was this happening to him? His life was slowly turning into a joke he had no control over.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"I thought you knew?" Chris touched his face, "I care for you and I want you by my side; always... No one could care for you as I do..."

Always had never sounded as dooming as it did then and his touch, even now when it was tender, left him shivering and feeling cold. Joni looked away, silent, what could he say?

"Look at me now!" Chris requested gripping his jaw and turning him to face him, "look at me when I'm talking to you," he whispered. Joni stared at him silently for a moment,

"I want to rest," he whispered finally, and to this Chris smiled.

"Okay, let's take you to bed," he said, holding his wrist, leading him towards the bed, laying him down, and pinning him beneath him. "That's better."

Joni felt uncomfortable, not this, not now.

"Please Chris, don't..."

"Don't?" Chris gave him a confused look, his knee spreading his thighs, "what don't?"

"This... don't...I'm tired," Joni tried to move, unable to get free; Chris was holding his wrists above his head with one hand.

"No you're not," Chris said fumbling with the zip of his pants with his free hand, "you're never tired of this, always willing to spread your legs, so don't lie to me."

Joni was beginning to panic, all he knew was that he definitely didn't want this.

"No, Chris!" He tried to sound forceful, "not now!" And he tried to free himself but every move was painful and his struggling weak because of it.

"I told you; shut up!" Chris hissed and slapped him again and before Joni could protect himself Chris managed to slide his pants and underwear down to his knees.

Joni gasped crying out in fear, just as he had thought it couldn't get any worse he was about to hit rock bottom, he tried to kick Chris off of him but he was just too weak if he hadn't been beaten he might have had a bigger chance.

"Sissy whore," Chris whispered, his hot breath caressing Joni's ear. "You will like it, you always do."

"No!" Joni shook his head, "please! Let me rest!" he begged, turning his face away from him.

"Oh, you will rest," Chris

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