The night Callum died I had laid beside his grave and talked to him. I made sure to apologise a thousand times and promised never to forget him.

How could I?

At some point Bellamy had come over with some food and water, and had pulled me up to sit between his legs, my back to his chest. We had sat in a comfortable silence.

Maybe, a half hour later, Bellamy had lifted me up and carried me back to his tent where I didn't sleep at all.

It had been two days. One and a half days since I decided I couldn't be sad anymore. I had to push the unwanted feelings aside and focus on the camp and everybody in it.

There had been no Grounder retaliation yet, but I knew better than to think they wouldn't retaliate at all. Everybody prowled around on high alert.

"How long do you think until the Grounders come back?" Jasper questioned.

"I give it a day. They probably want to give us a false sense of security."

A few hours ago, I had nominated myself to help Jasper with his recipe to make gun powder. We needed more if we were going to make enough bullets to take on a Grounder army.

The recipe consisted of urine for saltpeter, charcoal, and sulfur which we were going to get from the crash site of the Exodus ship.

I probably would have been more suited to helping Monty with my skill set, but he was working with Raven so I was more than happy to assist Jasper. He even let me wear his goggles again because he thought I was sad.

"I know if a war starts out anytime soon I'm sticking with you. Your fighting skills will definitely keep me alive."

"More like I'd be sticking with you since you can fire a gun accurately." I was quick to add on, "Don't let that go to your head."

"I think I've learnt my lesson," Jasper confessed with regretful eyes.

"You and Monty are fine now, right? So, order has been restored."

Jasper nodded and stood up. I followed suit since it looked like we were just about ready to leave now. I went to grab my bag but Jasper's hesitant call of my name stopped me.

"What's wrong?"

Jasper looked around with wide, fidgety eyes, studying everything in the room from the dull grey walls to the same metal rod he'd been holding for quite some time. His eyes shot to anywhere as long as they weren't on me.

"Jasper? Spit it out."

"Um. Everything here is done."

"Okay. So, let's go." I urged. I didn't get why we were wasting time. The trip to the site wasn't a ten minute walk, and Grounders could turn up whilst we're gone.

"Right. But― you can't come."

I stood confused. "Why? Did I do something?"

"No. No, of course not. It's actually Bellamy. He said to not let you go, but please don't hurt me."

"He said what?" I exclaimed. "You're joking, right?"

Jasper shook his head carefully and pressed his hands together. He seemed unsure of what to do, so I handed back his goggles and spoke calmly whilst my blood boiled beneath the surface.

"Okay. Fine. You should leave now so that you get there on schedule. I'm going to go find Bellamy."

"Oh boy."

I spun on my heel and stalked out. I had let Bellamy saying I couldn't plant the bomb slide, but this.

I knew what he was going to say, but just because I didn't look that great didn't give Bellamy the right to take options away from me all of the time. Too many things have been going wrong for me to just sit around doing nothing hoping I might suddenly lose my conscience and get a decent amount of sleep. I needed to stay strong and carry on.

Everyone in camp migrated out of my path as if I were a bull in a China shop. I didn't blame them.

Bellamy didn't seem to be anywhere. Lucky him. If he had any sense, he'd be hiding.

Up ahead, Octavia strode in and out of the camp's meat shack: a small wooden hut we hung meat in and preserved. Bellamy had said he'd given her a job in the hut, but I hadn't seen her since. . . the day we blew up the bridge. To be fair, I had been avoiding people.

I jogged over and stopped in the doorway of the shack. Octavia, Del, and Murphy the jackass were inside.

"You don't want the fire too big. So maybe just try to knock it down with some wet leaves."

"You get that from your boyfriend, Grounder pounder?" Del held a cocky grin.

"Hey! Lay off Del! If I hear you call Octavia that again then we'll have a problem." I reprimanded with fierce authority. He didn't have the right to speak to Octavia like that.

Del held his hands up in surrender.

I turned to Vi, "Do you know where your brother is?"

"No. Not since this morning." I heard Murphy's chuckle but refused to spare him a glance. "Is that why you look so angry? Is Bellamy in trouble?"

"Oh. A lover's tiff."

"Shut up, Murphy! Nobody spoke to you."

He backed up similarly to Del only Murphy donned a smirk.

"Woah," Octavia studied me for a second with wide eyes. "Let's talk outside."

She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the side of the hut. "What's with all the rage?"

I inhaled deeply and ran a hand through my hair. There was no need for me to be this angry whilst I talked to Vi. "Murphy's an asshole and you're brother is annoying."

"I don't disagree," Vi mumbled. "What's Bellamy done now?"

"Just deciding what I can and can't do. I don't need him to make decisions for me, he's not my d―" A pesky pang of sorrow strummed through my heart, but I recovered. "He's not my dad. I'm my own person."

A throat clenching silence ensued. I shut my eyes to soothe the pin pricks and let a trembling wave of calm ripple through my body. The tension melted from everywhere except my shoulders and fists, but there was no longer a burning desire to punch Murphy or the overwhelming and traitorous need to cry.

Fuck! I was supposed to be over it.

"Eden."

I could here the sincerity and compassion. I didn't want it right now. Once the Grounders were dealt with, I'd have time to deal with my emotions and sort out my head― alone.

My eyes flew open. "Sorry."

"I'm sorry I wasn't around when Callum. . ." Octavia held my hand with a squeeze. "I had to deal with Lincoln and then I was just laying low."

"It doesn't matter," I said truthfully. I felt good talking to Vi, a girl that wasn't Clarke or desperate to know about Bellamy, Finn, Jasper or Monty. "How are things going with you and Lincoln?"

I picked up on the sad look in her eyes. "When he told me about the sickness, he also told me he was going to run away. He wanted me to leave with him. 'East to the sea then across', but I couldn't let Bellamy or you get killed. You're all my people."

"Vi, I'm sorry." I felt awful that Vi chose to stay with us but it's what also made me smile. "I know you don't particularly like it here, so thank you for staying to help against the Grounders. And it's Lincoln's loss."

We enveloped each other in a heart-warming hug and took a minute to just appreciate each other. It wasn't like hugging Bellamy, I loved him like I would a boyfriend, but I loved Octavia like a sister. If I knew she wasn't there anymore for me to go to then I'd feel a little lost down here in the woods.

"Lincoln did mention something though," Octavia pulled away with a serious expression.

"Was it about the Mountain Men?" I bit my lip. "Bellamy told me."

"Right. I should have expected that." There was no malice in Octavia's voice which put my mind to rest.

I did always worry if my relationship with Bellamy would take a toll on my friendship with Vi. I'm grateful it hadn't.

"The Mountain Men: are we supposed to take that literally?" I turned and gazed at the craggy silhouettes in the distance. "By the sounds of it, they aren't Grounders. How long do you think it would take for them to come down and attack us?"

"If they're even the littlest bit like Grounders then not long." Vi froze whilst peering over my shoulder then darted passed.

I swivelled around confused only to catch sight of rising flames trying to break through the meat hut. "Fuck."

We both ran into the shack. Del stood by the pit of flames shocked.

"I told you to stop feeding the fire!" Octavia shouted.

I spun around trying to find a way to stop the growing flames or at least save some of the meat, but the sweltering heat and dense smoke took over. There was nothing we could do.

"We need to get out," I ordered. "Its all burnt or burning too quickly."

Octavia stumbled out first. I shoved Del out who barely kept up on his feet already erupting in a coughing fit. My morality won out as I waited for Murphy to stumble out before me.

People around us were yelling and hollering, some even trying to douse the flames in water even though they could see how futile their attempts were.

Some of the younger kids looked mortified as all the meat disappeared before their eyes engulfed in cackling flames.

I jumped as somebody's hands landed on my shoulder. "Are you okay? O said you were with her."

"F😍ck Bellamy." I rubbed over my racing heart. "I'm fine. I was barely in there."

"This is all your fault! We told you it was too much wood." Murphy's shouting caught everybody's attention. He ran towards a hunched over Del and began punching him.

"Get the hell away from me."

Dell shoved at Murphy. Both boys released growls of distaste for one another. If they continued Murphy would either pull a knife or Del would have Murphy pinned to the floor, afterall Del had the upper hand on Murphy's nearly-recovered, skinny body.

Both Bellamy and I rushed over to the pair.

"Hey! Hey! Hey, stop!" Bellamy's presence and voice made Murphy falter for a second giving us enough time to pull them apart. Bell shoved Murphy back, whilst I pulled Dell away. "Save it for the Grounders."

"Well, now what the hell are we gonna do? That was all the food." Octavia exclaimed in despair.

The camp watched hopelessly as our main food supply burned to a crisp because of a boy with a big ego― our camp seemed to be full of those.

Chunks of wood disintegrated in mere minutes, the charred remains of meat crumbled into the ash and between scorched trunks of wood.

Things were going wrong constantly and the food burning was disastrous, yet I couldn't help but to watch the enormity of the fire. I hadn't see one this big before.

Embers like fireflies spiralled in the air. The tips of the flames reminded me of the colour palette of the sky when sunset burned the pale clouds and blue sky.

Eventually the fire died out leaving people to see if there was anything worth salvaging.

There wasn't.

Bellamy crouched in front of me and pushed a few bits of wood around.

Clarke came over. "Any idea what happened?"

"Murphy says that Del kept feeding the fire, mostly because Octavia told him it was a bad idea."

"And we believe Murphy?"

"I do. Yeah. Plus Eden heard and saw, too."

"We don't have to like him to believe him," I scowled just thinking about him.

Clarke nodded in understanding, "Fair point." She rubbed her hands together. "We have some wild onions and nuts in the dropship. It's only enough to last us maybe one or two weeks. What's left here?"

"Nothing. It all burned." Bellamy said gravely.

"Let's go hunting! We caught and killed that meat in the first place, we can do it again."

"Eden's right. Anyone we can spare goes out."

Bellamy eyed us sceptically. "With the whole Grounder army out there?"

"Yes!"

"Look. We can't defend ourselves if we're starving." Clarke reasoned.

"We could go back and forth about how it's a good or bad idea, but we're wasting daylight. We can go in groups and that way it's safer than going alone." I explained with an impatient tone to my voice. Neither Bellamy or Clarke disagreed. I yanked Bellamy up and got him to walk beside me. "Come on. Tell the camp and let's go."

"You're a bit eager," Bell teased smirking at me.

I didn't smile like I usually would. Now that things had calmed down and the adrenaline had died, having Bellamy in front of me reminded me I'd been searching for him. "I'm not happy with you."

"Why? What did I do?"

"Does you ordering Jasper to not let me go with him to the crash site ring any bells?"

Bellamy hesitated. He recalled the conversation very clearly, I could tell. He ran a thumb over his chin then looked at me as if debating how to phrase his answer.

"I saw how upset Clarke got and I didn't want you to feel that. Then there's still the fact that you're not sleeping and you're reluctant to talk about what's on your mind." He took the direct route.

"You said, 'You can't afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death, fear is death'. You said that!"

Bellamy looked stunned, then guilty. "I said that to Charlotte, I wanted her to be tough, more like you. But, it's okay for you to be vulnerable around me; I learnt that from you."

Frustratingly, my heart swelled, knowing once again that Bellamy learnt things from me. We had spent a lot of time together, so I guess it was inevitable. I rubbed vigorously at my eyes as my eyebrows pinched together. "Stop being nice. Can you just go back to being an asshole for a while?"

Bellamy didn't say anything.

"I get that you're being caring and thinking about me, but I don't need you to make decisions for me, Bell. If I want to do something or go somewhere: I will." My fidgeting hands moved from my eyes to my hair pulling at the strands. "I know me going to the crash site doesn't make any sense, because I refused to go before, but I just wanted to see it. I don't know how to explain it. And at the same time I would have been helping Jasper. And it got me out of camp." I pulled at my hair with more harshness.

"Woah," Bellamy grabbed for my hands. "I was just trying to look out for you, protect you; you're not sleeping. Eden, I didn't mean to upset you, but―"

"No buts, Bellamy! You're not listening." I tore my hands from his. "I am fine. You do not have a duty to protect me, but you should have the respect to not make decisions for me because you think you're protecting me. It's fucking irritating and now I know how Octavia feels."

"She's my baby sister," Bellamy stated with a levelled tone.

"Exactly. I'm not."

Bellamy squared his shoulders adopting a defensive stance. I knew I'd hurt his feelings and I felt bad immediately. Over the past days, my mind and thoughts had suddenly become very volatile, my nerves were shot, and I felt overly sensitive to everything.

"That's not fair, Eden."

"We're wasting time. You should talk to the camp."

I turned my back on Bellamy and wandered not too far.

A minute or two later, I stood amongst the camp, who had condensed into a tight group to listen to Bellamy brief us all.

Alfie stood beside me eyes intent on his leader. "I guess you'll be grouped with Bellamy."

My eyes stayed focused on Bellamy. "I doubt it."

"Each group takes someone with a gun, and they're for killing Grounders, not food. We don't have the ammo. Use the spears for hunting. Get what you can. Be back by nightfall. No one stays out after dark."

The crowd began to break up into small groups, then headed for weapons.

"Do you want to form a group?" Alfie cocked his head to the side.

I shrugged indifferently. "Sure. Why not?"

"Cool! Miller has been teaching me how to shoot a gun. He says I'm pretty good! Do you want a spear?"

"Uh, yes please. I'm just gonna go get my jacket. I'll meet you by the Dropship."

"Okay."

Eyes downcast, shoulders slumped, I slunk over to Bellamy's tent to retrieve my jacket and canteen of water. I slipped into the silent area and crouched down rummaging through covers and clothes Bellamy and I had strewn around the tent. Together, we weren't the neatest people.

I found my jacket beneath some blankets wrapping my hands around the material and yanking it free.

"Eden." I jumped at Bellamy's voice.

"Shit," I breathed out turning over to sit down.

Bellamy watched me attentively, it felt like he could see my heart hammering against my chest as it rose and fell with harsh, deep breaths. A crease developed between his brows, "Normally, you hear me coming or anybody."

"Yeah, well, I just wasn't paying much attention. It's not a big deal." Silence. Bellamy didn't say anything so I jumped to my feet ready to leave.

As soon as I was upright the room seemed to spin and I felt light-headed. I stumbled forward into Bellamy's out-stretched arms.

"Are you okay?"

I took a second to allow the room to stop swirling and for the nausea to pass. I stayed in his hold for a second too long, enjoying his strong arms around me, then stepped back.

"I'm fine. I just stood up too quickly," I waved off his concern.

"Eden. . . I didn't mean to come off as overbearing and inconsiderate to what you want."

I shook my head ready to speak, but Bellamy cut me off.

"Eden, I mean it. I'll try to stop. I know you can handle yourself, I've said it loads of times."

"It doesn't matter."

"Why?"

"Because I already forgave you." Bellamy looked completely lost, which was kind of cute. "I know what you're like, and I know you're not doing things to annoy me. I don't want you to change yourself, I just want you to understand."

"Okay." Bellamy nodded and looked down for a split second in a vulnerable sort of way.

The material in my hand slid over my fingertips reminding me of the young boy who'd be waiting for me with a gun and spear in each hand.

I slid on my jacket and blinked my tired eyes. "I need to go."

"Wait!" I watched Bellamy pick up my knife and step close to me. His breathe fanned over my neck as he secured the blade to my belt.

A stirring feeling made me want to have a moment of weakness and cling to Bellamy, but I had a point to prove.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"I'll pair up with you, it'll give me time to make it up to you."

"Okay, but I already said I'd go with Alfie, which makes you the third wheel."

Bellamy hummed doubtful with an assured look on his face. "We'll see about that."

"Let's go." I motioned out of the tent ready to have Bellamy follow me. Instead, his hand clasped mine whilst we walked side by side.

"Just because I forgave you, doesn't mean you're in my good books."

Bellamy smiled. "Oh, I know. I wouldn't expect any less."

We headed towards Alfie who I had spotted not too far away. His face lit up with a smile as he greeted Bellamy.

"Are you joining us?"

Bellamy studied the young boy for a second sizing up his appearance, before breaking into a friendly smile. "Yeah."

"Great!"

"You can have the spear, Bell." I took the weapon from Alfie and handed it over.

"No problem. I'm pretty handy with a bit of wood, although you're better."

Luckily, Alfie wasn't paying attention when I glanced at him. My eyes shot to Bellamy's smirk. I simply shook my head. "That was bad," I sputtered a laugh.

"Hey, Bellamy! We need more ammo, we're running low." A kid called over.

"Hang on a minute!" Bellamy called back switching back to leader mode. "I'll be right back. Raven will have ammo "

I almost recoiled at her name, my features crunching up in distaste for Finn's ex-girlfriend.

"Hurry up."

It took five minutes for Bellamy to return with