Chapter Four
-My First Love-
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Knocking continues...

"Jay!? Get ya ugly-ass to this door!"

Still face to face, he sighed and pulled away from me on the bed. I then watched him head for the door to have a brief conversation, but suddenly a fight broke out between him and his sisters. While Jay was trying to close the door on them, his sisters won that battle easily two to one and barged into room to see me getting up from his bed.

"Ohhhh, this why you ain't wants us in here" the taller one said, looking at me as I fixed my skirt.

"Ouu! Jay Jay gotta girlfriend" the smaller one teased, poking at him.

"Hi.." I spoke to the girls, not trying to seem rude or anything.

"Hey" they said back, both coming up to me. "You're pretty. You datin' our brother huh? I think you're a little out of *whispers* his league if you ask me"

"Yeah, like...what was y'all doing up here?"

"It ain't none of y'all damn business, now get out of my room" Jay came over.

"We just wanted to talk to her"

"Yeah so shut up. Its about time you bring a girl home, we was starting to think something" the taller one laughed.

"Y'all thought he was gay?" I laughed along.

"Dyme! Don't entertain her. Get out!" he pushed them to the door.

"See? I like her, she knows a good joke. Its not our fault you seem a little fruit fruit"

"Yeah, you never bring home girls. It's been like years maybe" the little one said.

"Get out yo! Damn, y'all annoying" Jay finally said, after successfully getting them out of his room.

He looked back me with a worn out expression and climbed right back on the bed to lay down.

"Awe, they're so cute" I cooed, sitting down once more with him.

"You mean annoying as fuck..." he wiped his face.

"So, I'm the first girl you brought home in a while, huh?"

"N-no they just –exaggerating.." he sat up normally again.

"Oh, so you brought home someone else recently?"

"Not recently but yeah I bring home girls all the time"

"Oh really?" I folded my arms, acting like I cared.

"Uh–it's not like that, Dyme. I just have friends over..."He shrugged.

"Mm, okay. Did you happen to kiss one of those friends too? Like you did with me?"

"No–...how–...why you sound like that?" he asked, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"I'm just asking, Jay. Since you said you have girls that come over "all the time"....."

"I do.." he shot me a confused look, trying to play it off.

"Mm. Can I ask you something personal?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"You had sex already, right?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah" he said, making his words sound confident each time he said it over.

"Oh, when was your first time?"

"Um...2-2 years ago. I was 16.."

"Mm. How was it?"

"What? My first time? Uh- it was okay"

"Wow...just okay? You didn't have fun?"

"No no I did, but she..was like in pain and shit. How bout you?"

I ignored his question, now on to him like a detective in a murder case. "Well since that wasn't fun, how is it when you have it now. On the girls you bring home"

"Um it's nice, I guess.."

"Tell me something" I begged, grabbing his arm to make him blush.

"Uh-its really nothing. I just...-we just make love I guess,...then I switch up"

"Mm, you switch up?" I licked my lips, laughing inside.

"Yeah" he blushed once again. "You know like go harder...faster"

"So when you're inside her, what do that feel like?"

"Um. Its...warm all over"

"That's it?"

"Yeah, why?"

"So you're telling me that *straddles his lap* you're a slow-hard type of guy and all you feel when you're f*ckin' is warm-ness?" I asked now sitting on top of him with my arms around his neck.

Before he could say another word, I leaned in and kissed his lips softly before I eventually pulled away again. "Boy, why you lying to me?"

"Lying? Lying about what?" he chuckled awkwardly.

"About everything you just told me. Especially the p*ssy part..."

He turned his head from me, guilty. Now sighing out of embarrassment and probably because he made it so obvious. "H-how you know?"

"Because when you said you felt warm, it raised a red flag to me. I have a...girl private part, so I know what it may possibly feel like when a guy is in there. You could've said you felt a warm-ness along with pressure, her walls contracting you,...maybe her smooth entrance, her wetness...., I would've even brought it if you said she was tight"

"Fine, you got me. I never did it okay..nor brought home any girls recently..." he continued to look away.

"Awe, you're a virgin Jay....that's soo cute" I teased, pulling at his cheeks.

"No, that's not cute. Its pathetic.." he moved my hands away.

"No it's not–"

"Yes it is, everyone around me has had sex before..., even my sisters I think"

"Okay...so?"

"Are you a virgin?"

"No but what's the difference--"

"See? Even you had sex before, I know you probably thinking I'm lame now"

"No I don't think you're lame Jay, I think it's a beautiful thing actually. You're pure..., unlike most of the niggas out here"

"It's still pathetic..."

"If it's so pathetic, then why don't you go get some then and lose it"

"Because...I ain't wanna lose it to just anyone, okay. I'm not even that worried about it, but I just hate when that topic comes up and I have nothing to say but lies. I don't wanna seem gay or soft, but...I just wanted my first time to be special and..with my girlfriend. I just haven't had a girlfriend in so long, probably because I just..stayed to myself for a while. But I guess now you know the truth"

"That is the most incredible confession a boy my age has ever told me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saving yourself, Jay. Wouldn't you rather feel something then to just do it just to create a story from it? Why does impressing these fuckboys even matter to you? You're more of a man than all of them combined"

He chuckled lightly. "Thanks. I guess...sometimes you just wanna fit in with the crowd and prove that you're more than just a handsome face"

"Trust me, I was once there. I regret my first time, it wasn't nothing special. He just took it and ran away. I lost it when I was only 12 years old, and at the time...I was vulnerable to any and everything. I just wanted my crush to like me and...it ended up costing me my virginity. Just for him to say he never knew me the next day..."

"Damn. That nigga was a bitch, he's probably nothing right now as we speak. I'm sorry you had to go through that though, I'm sure it broke your heart"

"It did but..it's okay. It was 5-4 years ago. But what I'm really trying to say is don't make the same mistake I did, just to impress someone. People ain't shit these days and no one can be trusted. Being honest with yourself is what matters, as long as you're happy....nothing else matters. Believe me"

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Dyme in the Media