//Chapter 37//

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"Bring your love; I could bring my shame."

➳ ➳ ➳

[Angelina]

I sighed, turning the page on the book I was reading. Sandra had insisted on me reading it, she said it was a good book, but the more I read, the more I wanted to throw it away. It was a typical love story gone wrong kind of book, and it didn't help at all with how I was feeling.

Nick had been avoiding me for the past two days, pretending like I wasn't even in the house. He seemed lost in his own world and distant from everyone, even Enrique hadn't come to see him, and I was starting to get worried about him. As much as I hated to admit it, my feelings towards him hadn't changed a bit, even after everything that happened in New York, even after Alexander's threats, and I doubted they ever would. They were getting stronger, and that scared me because I knew that this wouldn't last forever. If I let myself fall for him now, it would break me to see him hate me after he found out the truth.

I tilted my head back, exhaling deeply as I closed the book and threw it onto the sofa. This shit was driving me crazy. It was supposed to help me relax and forget about reality, not make me think more about my impossible relationship with Nick and everything that stood between us. Thank you, Sandra. I stood up from where I was sitting and bent down to pick up the book, but stopped when I saw a small letter lying on the floor.

I frowned as I took it in my hand. It must have fallen when I threw the book. My name was written in messy letters on top of it, and that made by confusion grow. Why did Sandra put this inside the book? That's strange. I unfolded it, pushing my hair out of my face as I sat back down onto the sofa. My eyes wandered over the small letter first before I started reading it.

Sweet Angelina, my child.

My eyes widened as I read the very first sentence. It was from Agnes. She had written this for me. But why was it inside Sandra's book? It was like everything was planned, and Sandra gave me the book on purpose so I could find it.

If you are reading this letter now it means that you have left and believe me when I say this, I wish you all the best. You are a strong and smart girl with a kind heart, and you deserve every bit of happiness.

The reason why I am writing this letter is that I want to help you. Consider it as a last piece of advice from me. I say last because I know that I won't live forever, I'm dying my child. Stage four cancer, the doctor said. I'm sick, and I feel my body shutting down slowly, so before I go, I want to get this off of my chest.

My hands started shaking as I continued reading. Agnes was dying? She was sick, and no one realized it, not even Nick. I couldn't believe it how well she hid it, and it was now that I realized that the smile she always carried with her was just a mask.

It made my heartache, knowing that she wrote this letter to me, someone she barely knew. It meant that she cared about me, truly. She was planning to give me this when I left, but she died earlier, and now here I was with a letter in my hands that I shouldn't have read just yet.

I have been observing you and Nick very closely, and I have noticed a few things. Things you ignore or just scared to admit to yourself. You pretend that you don't care, and you think that you have everybody fooled. Well, not me. I can see right through you, Angelina. No matter how much you try to deny it, I know that you care about him as much as he cares about you. I know what love looks like. I have experienced it. I have seen the way he looked at you; you challenged him, and you were unpredictable, so stubborn. As much as he tried to hide it, he secretly adores it. And now you are gone. I'm not asking much from you. What I'm asking you to do is admit that you love him. I know you do. Don't lie to yourself; that's my advice. Admit the truth. I know that Nick is a damaged young man, but this is the best part of falling for someone, Angelina, you don't get to choose. It just happens. You love him, don't you?

Then, please, tell him.

A tear slipped from the corner of my eye without me noticing. All those moments of me fighting with him and crying replayed in my head, and I understood what Agnes was trying to tell me. Despite all the times he hurt me or did something wrong I never gave up on him, I tried to understand him and somehow always forgave him. One simple touch or kiss from him, and I wasn't myself anymore.

Just then, the front door opened, making me jump up quickly and wipe away some of the tears that had managed to escape and fall down my cheeks. My heart was beating fast as I saw Nick enter the house, and I hid the letter I was holding behind my back. I didn't want him to see it.

He was keeping his head down, looking something on his phone. He hadn't seen me standing there, or maybe he had and didn't want to acknowledge my presence. Either way, it hurt me for him to avoid me. I knew that it was wrong of me to leave like that after he had opened up to me and told me the truth. But I had my reasons which I couldn't tell him. I didn't want to go against Alexander, and I didn't want anyone to die. I don't know what I would do if Nick were gone.

He approached the stairs, and only then did I have the courage to call his name.

"Nick," I said loud enough for him to hear. He stopped, putting his phone back inside his pocket and looked at me from across the room. When his eyes met mine, I felt like the world stopped for a minute as I took in his appearance. His eyes were a red and dull green color, his cheeks had a light shade of pink on them, and his nose was red. It looked like he had been crying, or maybe I was wrong. Maybe he had been drinking again as he did since Agnes' death. All I knew was that he wasn't himself anymore. This Nick standing in front of me, had no control over his actions and was slowly destroying himself.

Without saying anything, he turned his back to me again and walked away, just like that.

"Nick, wait!" I yelled behind him, but he didn't stop. He ignored me completely.

"Damn it, don't do this to me," I whispered in frustration, hitting my foot on the floor. I hated it when he did this.

My eyes moved down to my hand, and I opened the letter again, reading the rest.

Don't let my boy lose himself again, please, Angelina, don't let him down.

Save him from himself. Somebody has to.

With love, Agnes.

Lose himself again? What did she mean by that? Was she referring to what Nick told me or something else, something worse? I folded the letter and placed it inside the book again, running my fingers through my long hair.

I was thinking about everything that Agnes had written. She was right; everything she had said was true. Even though I still wasn't sure if I loved Nick, I was slowly falling for him, and I wasn't going to deny it anymore or pretend the opposite, because I was hurt. I didn't know if I would ever truly love him. I had forgotten how love felt like. It was taken away from me when my parents died, but I was willing to allow myself to feel for him. I just wanted it to last.

I glanced at the stairs, and without thinking twice, I ran upstairs towards Nick's room. The door was closed, so I knocked once and waited for him to reply. When he didn't, I tried again. Yet, no reply came from him. I couldn't even hear any movement from inside.

Hesitantly, I placed my hand on the doorknob and opened the door, slipping inside carefully. Nick wasn't on his bed or around the room, but the light coming from the opened door of the bathroom told me that he was there. I could hear the water running from inside, and I debated with myself if I should go there or not.

It's now or never, Angelina.

I gulped and slowly walked towards the bathroom, pushing the door wide open with my palm. When the sight of Nick in the shower came into complete view, my lips parted, and my throat went dry.

He was standing there, naked, under the water with his hands on the wall and his head hanging low. The hot water was hitting his head, soaking his hair, then run down his perfectly sculpted body. I was shamelessly staring at him, and I could slowly feel my cheeks turning a deep shade of pink as I approached him.

Suddenly, Nick tilted his head up, and soon our eyes met, causing me to stop. A lump appeared in my throat as I saw the way his eyebrows knitted together, and he looked at me with confusion.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me.

Don't back down.

I parted my lips but didn't say anything. Instead, I reached out my hand and pulled down the straps of the night-dress I was wearing, letting it fall around my feet. Then my underwear followed, and I was soon standing in front of him completely naked.

Nick's eyes were on me the whole time, following my every move, and even though I was starting to have second thoughts about what I was going to do, I didn't stop this time. I knew what I needed and what I wanted, and that was him. I didn't care about Ethan or Alexander, and I didn't care if I would get hurt in the future. I just needed this moment with him. This was for real — no pretending.

Without breaking eye contact, I stepped inside the shower. Nick stood up straight, and once I was just inches away from him, I placed my hands on his face and pressed my lips on his plump, soft ones. His body was warm and wet, and his arms were so strong as they wrapped around me and held me in place. The kiss got deeper and more passionate, and soon my body was pressed against the wall, with Nick's body on mine. The contact with the cold surface caused me to gasp lightly. I could feel the water coming onto my head, soaking my long brown waves. I moaned quietly into the kiss, and Nick slowly broke the kiss and rested his forehead on mine as he looked down at me.

"What are you doing?" He asked softly. My eyes trailed down to his pink, swollen lips, and I could feel my heartbeat increasing.

"I want you, Nick," I whispered. He wet his lips and leaned in to kiss the corner of my lips, then he continued his kisses towards my ears, down my neck and collarbones. I sucked in a breath and put my hands on his biceps for support as he cupped my breasts, massaging them. His fingers tickled my wet skin, and he grabbed both my wrists, putting them above my head.

"I want you, too. I have never wanted someone so much, Angelina. I want all of you." His voice was low and husky as he spoke.

"You can have it." I breathed, closing my eyes.

His lips were no longer soft and gentle as they found my mouth once again. Nick was rubbing his entire body to mine. I was trapped; his kisses were intense and filled with an emotion that I couldn't exactly tell what it was. He bit my lower lip and then slipped his tongue through my mouth, the way it gracefully explored inside made me moan, and I pressed my chest onto him, managing to free my hands from his grip.

I let them ran down his toned chest and abs and then lower. His lips went off mine and gently nibbled my ear, causing me to shiver. I wasn't like the women he had been with, and I knew that. I wasn't experienced, and I didn't know how to please a man, but I wanted to do something for him.

Hesitantly, I wrapped my small hand around his length. He inhaled sharply, stopping his sweet torture on my neck, and locked his hand around my wrist but didn't stop me. I took that as a sign for me to continue.

I started to pump my hand slowly up and down his shaft, looking down, afraid that I was doing something wrong. He was thick and swollen; the tip was sensitive and would twitch every time my fingers brushed against it. Nick was breathing heavily and thrust in my hand as both his hands now moved to the wall next to my head to support his weight.

I bit my bottom lip and glanced up at him through my lashes to find him already staring at me with his intense dark green eyes. He clenched his jaw, pressing his lips into a thin line and breathed heavily through his nose. I increased my speed, squeezing a little harder.

I hope I'm doing this right.

Nick pants, leaning onto me. He looked down at my hand and then back at me, moaning loudly as his hands fell from the wall to rest on my hips, bringing me closer. "Stop, baby. I want you." He said, taking my hand away.

I didn't have much time to react or think as he lifted one of my legs to his waist and slid his hands down my stomach to my aching center. A soft gasp escaped my lips as he traced my sensitive entrance and slowly pushed a finger inside me. He moved his finger in and out of me a few times, teasing me.

"You're so wet for me." He groaned against my ear, goosebumps appearing on the surface of my skin.

"Don't do that," I whispered.

He immediately obliged and pulled out of me, kissing me roughly before he lifted me up by my rear. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and I could feel his member pressing into my thigh. I just needed this now.

My arms wrapped around his neck, I pressed my head against him, our noses touching slightly, and sighed as I felt him enter me slowly. When he was entirely inside of me, I groaned, curling in my fingers to fist his wet hair, and he waited for me to adjust to him.

He started thrusting slowly, but quickly sped up his thrusts, pushing deeper and hitting all the right spots. The water that was falling down our hot bodies added up to the pleasure I was feeling. My trembling lips brushed against his every time he moved inside, and his nails dug into my hips, causing me to moan in ecstasy at the passion he showed.

"Promise me that you won't turn your back on me again. Promise that you won't let me go." I whispered, cupping his face with my hands and forcing him to look at me. I wanted him to remember this moment when everything would come crashing down. I wanted him to know that what I was feeling for him was real. That this moment we shared was real for me.

"I promise you." He said, and I kissed him lightly on the lips. He moaned into the kiss, going faster. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on his shoulder as I felt the familiar heat in my stomach. His thrusts started becoming erratic. I whimpered.

My back ached, and I pressed my bare chest against his biting down on his shoulder to muffle my screams of pure pleasure. That's all it took for me to come undone around him. I moaned his name.

Nick groaned loudly and pulled out of me, lowering me back to the floor as he releases himself on my legs and floor. His head tilted back and sighed deeply.

We stood under the water, letting it wash our bodies. Nick's arms were wrapped around my small body, holding me close to him as I traced the tattoos on them with my fingers. No words were spoken; it wasn't needed. My head was on his chest, and my eyelids closed from exhaustion, enjoying the moment.

I felt Nick move, and he turned off the water. It was sweltering, and steam had clouded the whole bathroom fogging up the glass door of the shower. A warm, fluffy towel was wrapped around me, and then Nick took another one wrapping it securely around his hips.

I was first to step out of the shower with Nick following behind me. One arm was placed behind my knees and another on my back, lifting me off my feet. I squealed in surprise, my eyes widening, and I quickly put my hands around Nick's neck only to be brought face to face with him.

He was smiling cheekily at me as his eyes trailed from my lips and back to my eyes, and I couldn't help but grin at his change of mood.

"Nick. Put me down." I whined, but he didn't listen. He started walking with me in his arms towards his bed.

"You didn't want me to put you down a few minutes ago." He stated and hit his chest lightly, burying my red face in the crook of his chest. His chest vibrated as he laughed loudly, and I yelled as he through me unexpectedly onto the soft bedding. "And I was hoping for a round two."

He crawled on top of me and stared down at me, the smile disappearing from his face. I placed my warm palm on his cheek and lifted myself to give him a small perk on the lips. His eyes closed briefly, and he stayed like that.

"Please, Nick, don't do anything that you will regret. Don't hurt yourself." I told him.

"It's already too late for that, Angel. I did when I let you in."

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