Another week has passed with only text messages for Liv to console an irritated Selena. Though she had managed to keep the majority of it internalised, it was beginning to rub on her day to day activities. Every blonde girl that went passed who was a few inches taller than herself made her invest in the person in hopes it was Liv. She stalked her social media, no new Instagram posts to show off a brand new book, designer label or sunset and no new sappy tweets about said things. She even spied on her extracurricular activities in hopes she could find a clue or a piece to the puzzle just to wrap her mind around this sudden change in character.

But as she sat on the sofa in the lounge area, feet propped up on the table with the television on a low volume and a laptop full of academic writing. Words she didn't understand. Words she didn't want to understand. She controlled her thoughts as much as she could so she could finish her year off positively. Flat 10 members didn't have long left until the second term was finished, which meant their second year was practically over.

But this type of silence was not doing it for Selena. She was irked, her foot was moving to an off-beat rhythm that was muted. The wind flowed into the room and made a light tapping sound from where the blinds were trying to find its own groove. There was a type of imbalance that became haunting.

"Fuck sake." was the only words the kitchen walls heard for the past hour as she aggressively typed away her mistakes that seemingly couldn't be corrected, no matter how eager she was. Nothing was doing it, nothing was good enough for this essay that was doomed to collapse.

She drew on her hoodies loose yarn around her wrist, reading her own words over and over again, altering small parts to see if she could progress somewhere. A simple spelling mistake. Punctuation randomly placed. Success. But everything else that was a step up just wasn't working in her favour.

With a sigh of frustration, she slides her laptop onto the sofa to stand up and stroll to the kitchen area a few meters away straight to her cupboards to find something to satisfy her sudden craving. Food was usually a factor to lack of work, lack of productivity. Maybe her body was starving for sustenance and a chilled break. She grabbed out a pack of unopened pasta, garlic and onion pasta sauce, cheese from the fridge and her collection of spices so she could decide once it was cooking nicely. She also grabbed the only protein that would make sense in her dish, homemade vegan meatballs, something she had tried midweek and found very delicious.

"What do you think is cuter?" Selena was now well adjusted to Faith's abrupt entrance involving a door swinging open frantically and the following vibrations from the door crashing back after. Selena was now boiling the water for the pasta with its salty season, but she twists on her heels to look at Faith who was clutching onto two outfits. "The black or the red?"

The black was a leather dress with continuous slits that went up the side of each thigh that were definitely edging the sexier look while the other outfit was a red silk jumpsuit that looked like it would hug in the right places though it didn't have any sex appeal to it on its own. It had to be filled in. Two oppositions, yet both absolutely gorgeous.

"They're both beautiful but I think it depends on the occasion."

Faith, still proudly displaying the two outfits side by side takes a small breath first, small hesitation but she remained quite confident about the following words. "I have a date tonight."

"Who with?" Selena says instantly.

"A guy called Henry. It's nothing serious, he's just a friend of a friend."

"Is he nice?"

"Yes."

"Is he attractive?"

"He's very charming, yes." She says with a held back smile. Selena didn't look impressed by this sudden news, but she kept it together. Faith could read her like a book, the way her smile struggled to sustain itself, her inability to look at her face and to what's behind her instead. "What's wrong?"

Selena clocked her lack of skill with the acting with a more strong, suited smirk instantly while ignoring Faith's words. "Where are you going for your date?"

"Prezzo." Faith replies. "The fancy Italian place in town, expensive apparently."

"The jumpsuit then. I love that colour on you." Selena goes back to her cooking, seeing the boiling water that was bubbling nicely, her face dropping almost in sync of her movements, Faith unable to see this change from where she was standing. She pours in her already prepped pasta, the perfect portion for lunch, shaking in some more salt too, afraid she was holding back.

Faith doesn't say anything originally, but she does take a cautious step forward. "It's nothing serious, Lena. If I'm being honest, a date is a stretch. He lives in a different town and he's going back tomorrow so we are going out for a meal as a way of saying goodbye."

"It really isn't my business who you date, Faith. You don't owe me anything. Honestly, go and get yourself dolled up and have a good time with him." She doesn't really know what to say, but her sweet voice lurks for a moment, a facade-filled grin on her face.

"Okay." Faith repeats, slowly leaving the awkward atmosphere. She follows instruction without hassle. She knew it was going to happen eventually, a date that wasn't going to be Selena but she knew not to kid herself about waiting, at least not for now. If it's meant to be, it will happen between them again. The timing just wasn't on her side for the girl she secretly hoped would ask her out again.

Selena's internalised jealousy was on the midst of popping out, though it didn't make sense to her. She was sure that everything she was feeling romantically was for the guy down the hall with the honey eyes who really understood her, not the girl who made her question everything like a hazy quest, her best friend who also really understood her.

•••

Jason and Selena were in town, visiting the music store for new additions in their individual collection. Selena, the vinyl selection. Jason the DVDs. It became a weekly tradition to check out all the new stock, see what was on offer and hopefully find the perfect treat.

"Have you ever seen this film?" He holds up a DVD, Selena squinting to see the title. He didn't realise how far away he actually was, despite only being separated by one section. The British classic The Full Monty starring Robert Carlyle was in his hold, steady. Jason seemed ecstatic about this find, looking at the price tag instantly. Luckily, a second-hand steal.

"Should I have?" She mentally disproves his selection and carries on flicking through each vinyl casing, disproving them even faster.

Jason's entire face drops in shock and disbelief. "I cannot believe you said that."

"Believe it, boy. I haven't seen it. I haven't even heard of it." She became too proud of this moment as Jason took a strict offence, waltzing over to her side like wildfire.

"It's about a group of people who become unemployed suddenly and decide to form a male striptease act as a way to get money to keep afloat. Ring any bells?" He prayed.

"Nope. I prefer my nerdy movies along with slasher horrors." He just shook his head in displeasure. 

"Selena, you really need a movie intervention."

"A what now?"

"When we get to the flat, we are going to have a movie marathon of all the classics you are missing out on and you aren't squirming your way out of it. Trust me, babe, you'll be thanking me by the end of the night."

"But I-" She wanted to argue, not that it didn't appeal to her. Spending time with him, quality time where things could progress between them, but she felt like she didn't deserve that time. Too many conspiracies are on her mind. She was even worried she was thinking of every reason possible not to be with him.

"I'll even buy snacks and drinks. You just have to be there. Maybe bring a fluffy blanket, we can make the lounge area cosy. Maybe light a few candles just to set the mood."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" She crosses her arms, giving up on the investigation for a new possession.

"Very much so, what do you say?"

She takes a moment to think about it, though spending time with Jason was appealing. However, she knew better than to look like she had no plans at all while everyone else has seemingly got some of some kind. "How many films are you thinking of watching?"

"We can watch two or three tonight. You can pick the next two for another night." He was very sure that she would join him, despite her obvious attempt of making her schedule appear less empty.

"Will you get us some chocolate covered pretzels?"

"If that's what you want." He grins.

"What about some peach schnapps and lemonade?" She raises an eyebrow, pushing him.

"Its already on the list."

She sighs. "It's a deal."

•••

Rather than settling in the lounge area for their movie "date", they decided to make Selena's room into a Pinterest room goal. She was even debating posting a quick dorm picture for that exact purpose. Luckily, there wasn't much effort into decoration with the already positioned lights, lit candles that go against their tenancy contract and one too many blankets on the bed. All they did was place themselves in the layers of comfort and put their chosen movie snacks into a large bowl to avoid making a mess.

The recommended movie had now drawn to a close and Jason was eagerly awaiting a positive reaction from Selena who was fine with munching on the last few pretzels in her own world. She was concentrating on the end credits, reading each name, each job title with precision for no reasons whatsoever.

"What did you think, then?" He said with a dash of too much enthusiasm as her silence became agitating.

"It was good. It was definitely better than I thought."

That response, though seems like a good one, just wasn't cutting for him. He wasn't having that. He hoped by the times she laughed and seemed like she was too involved in what was going on, she would give an answer that would sweep him off his feet, something very hard to do. "Just good?"

"What else would you like me to say?" She innocently smiles as he gets knocked off. "Give them all the Oscars?"

"I know it's no Magic Mike but come on, Lena. It is a classic." He took a strict offence.

"To you."

"To the entire British public." He argues flabberghasted.

"I'm not British though, perhaps that's the problem."

"Selena Gomez, you were perfect until tonight. I cannot believe you didn't enjoy it." His arms cross, holding a facade of sternness. If anything was obvious, they both sucked at this act.

"I said it was good." She just chuckles at how ridiculous he was acting, but his fight was stronger than usual. "That is better than nothing. I preferred it to Magic Mike if that makes you feel any better."

He sighs and settles back into bed just as Selena moves out to change the DVD. "A little."

"You seem so passionate about these movies." The DVD case of their follow up movie 1999's Notting Hill shook recklessly in her hands, showing it off in its glory before placing it into her DVD player tray. "Might make you write me a list so I can watch them, and report back."

"Don't you find movies intriguing?" He doesn't acknowledge what she says prior to his, but he had hoped she wouldn't mind.

"Depends on the nature of film or if it's a romantic comedy." She folds the case back and puts it into Jason's unzipped bag in the corner for safekeeping.

"Why a romantic comedy?" He says.

"They are always too predictable so it all lies in the execution of the build-up of their happily ever after."  He agreed to himself. It was interesting that she didn't like the stereotypical female favourites and was more into the genres typically aimed for men. She didn't care for set gender roles or boundaries. She liked what she wanted to like, not what should be suited to her because she was a woman. Something Jason had begun to adore about her, her ability to be her own individual without those boundaries. She didn't care, she was consumed with these fantasy worlds and Robert Downey Jr to even care.

"I find watching fictional things quite healing. There is something about finding a source of happiness in an artificial world to distract yourself from your own messed up one."

Though his tone was casual, the flow impeccable and didn't alter from his normal one, Selena could feel an undertone of something. Something she couldn't identify straight away but it wasn't matching his attitude. He swept it under the rug, gushing down a part of his lemonade can before setting it back down on the side. "What did you need to distract yourself from?"

He hesitates slightly at the question, not realising she would want to dissect his words. "Growing up, I suppose. Avoiding responsibilities."

"I was the same." She grabs the bottom blanket and pulls it over the entirety of her stomach down, finding a sudden chill from the quick escape. "Though I found my comfort into an entire personality change, black hair dye and grunge." Repulsion. Completely over her face. Taken over her voice as she went down memory lane.

Though it was somewhat evident that she hadn't completely stripped herself away from her "emo" image from her teens, the horrible part around the edges was not her finest moments. They made her skin crawl to a severe extent, wishing every day she could permanently erase the image, physical and mental from this universe. She took the best parts of that phase and blended them into her most authentic self.

"Don't sound so disgusted, I'm sure you were beautiful back then, too."

"You are simply delusional." A shy giggle emerged and Jason leaned closer into her.

"I mean it. You were definitely beautiful then, and even more beautiful now."

He knew how to captivate her, make her heart feel safe. It was always small things. The random compliments that she didn't expect for this particular event of movie night where his arm stretched almost around her. Even the way his fingertips would move across her skin by accident could make her feel euphoric somehow. No ecstasy could elevate her this way.

How could one heartbeat make her feel so vulnerable?

She whispers to him. "I don't know what I would do without you." She was looking into his eyes, dreamier than usual as he began to sink into hers. It was a rare moment for them, one he had been wishing for ages. She did as well but she was better at convincing herself otherwise. "And I know that I'm probably looking foolish saying that, but you've come into my life so fast and I cannot see my life without you, now."

Was it normal to feel a warm sensation in your heart while feeling like you are exposing a deep secret that should remain cemented in the soul?

Her emotions were on her sleeve, fully exposed and fully ready to be broken into millions of pieces but with Jason being a future beholder, he wouldn't allow it.

His hand traced her rosy cheek, always that one annoying strand in the way to be pushed back behind the ear. It was always a more romantic cliche everyone could afford. "Please, don't speak."

He knew Selena, she would want to cut him off but before she could get a word in, his lips crash into hers. Those invisible fireworks began to surround them, lighting up every inch of darkness in them and around, abolishing them for however long this moment would last. Selena reciprocated just as excitedly, her hands running through his thick hair. She wanted him, it was certain.

But as his hands wandered up to her thigh and getting close to what he was seeking, she moaned but pulled away from it, ending it all but remained close. "I-I want to."

"But?" Breathlessly, he speaks.

She could feel the disappointment from him, though he was understanding. "I-I"

"Is this your first time?" He couldn't help but mock in order to lighten the sudden tension from Selena but to his luck, she smiled with a bit lip at the end.

"No, no. I-I cannot ruin what we have. I cannot taint another friendship for something more."

"I promise that you won't be-"

"Jason, I-I need a friend right now. I know it wouldn't happen with us but I cannot risk that, not with you. Especially not with you. Not unless I'm absolutely sure this is something that isn't temporary.  I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise Selena. We are in two different places but I can wait."

She analysis his softened expression. "You are very confident for a man who just got shot down."

"I can see the way you look at me." He gets closer but keeps her boundaries in mind. "I know you want to deep down and one day, you will. Because you will realise that you love me as much as I love you. You just need to open up a little and admit it to yourself, first and I will be waiting right here until that day."

"Jason."

"You're worth the wait." He shifted away from her and stood up and marches towards the bathroom, locking the door instantly, leaving her only to think about her messed up intentions.

She lets her head fall aimlessly into her hands, cursing to herself. She knew exactly what she wants. Jason. But she cannot find herself to take that leap, no matter how much her sexual impulse is raging at her. She was longing for the touch of Jason's fingertips and the second it happens, she declines and finds an excuse, one that is barely convincing. It took every single nerve in her system to speak up and now that she did, she wishes she just knew how to shut the fuck up and enjoy the moment. Even just saying she didn't want sex, but the make-out session was a good start.

Before Selena could even begin the self-sabotage process of overthinking her own thoughts and Jason's, she is distracted by a knock on the door that makes her jump out of her bed instantly almost like a hallelujah. It gave her a sweet moment to just think of something else entirely, though she knew it more likely to be Faith either talking sweet or shit about how her date went, not the best alternative but it would work. 

When she opens the door, her expectations were completely destroyed who stood in front of her was nothing she had expected. It was frightening her, her stomach churning stronger with each passing second. What was going on? 

"Can I help you?"