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THROWBACK

FIRST DATE

The Mexican place that was suggested was as expected, packed but luckily Faith booked a table in advance so waiting was no issue at all. It wasn't a massive place, it wasn't on the level of The Ritz but it radiates a particular charm that meant basic jeans, shirt and trainers would probably get you multiple dirty looks afar. A mere 5 minutes while the servers clean the table appropriately for them to eat at, nothing worth a complaint.

Gracefully, they took their seats and instantly looked between the menus, food and drink. The selection was extravagant. A varied selection that it made one temptation turn into multiple before it was straight down to elimination based on the quantity of the food that was actually plated, the pricing for what you were getting and whether it would hit the spot enough to not regret ordering something else.

Out of the two, Faith was her usual self, collected and thinking about something worthwhile to speak while Selena was evidently nervous about the date itself, keeping herself more reserved. She could sense a nearby couple staring at them and it made her feel more uneasy than it should.

"Are you okay, Selena? You seem like you would prefer to throw yourself out the window." Faith smiles nervously at the girl who was looking like she was searching for her unknown stalker somewhere.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm fine. Absolutely fine." The poor performance of convincing. Selena was doing okay-ish in retrospect, but she was a little on edge. Her head was moving side to side in a chance to catch someone questioning their dynamic for a second time. It wasn't that she was ashamed, but the sudden insecurity of the entire thing just made me sweat with anxiety.

"It's either you haven't been on a date like this in a while that you've forgotten how to act like a normal human being or you haven't dated a woman before. Am I right?"

"I'll confess, it's the second one." She groans, hiding her face by planting one elbow firmly on the table and spreading her hand as much as she could but somehow Faith knowing and possibly understanding reassured her. They both begin to smile in hopes to change the general mood and pass it off casually. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I'm just being stupid and the last thing I want to do is ruin th-"

She interjected before the rambles of slightly nervousness wouldn't allow her to stop. "I was the same on my first date with a woman. I had grown into a conservative family too so that had its own issues, I was still a teenager living in a little town where everyone knows everyone and I was petrified about people's judgments that I initially didn't want to admit it was a date, especially if someone asked. It's a small town, people talk and I had barely accepted my sexuality at that point. But, once we sat down and she laughed at one of my shitty jokes, I realised that I didn't give a fuck what people thought because I knew the person in front of me was everything I needed. People are assholes, you just don't give them any of your time."

It was a big reassurance to know that Selena was not the only one going through this or has done in the past. It was like a boulder had just rolled off her shoulders in seconds. Selena was all in her head, figuring things out about her sexuality, the way she feels isn't coming back with definitive results. It was more of a progressive thing than just knowing the answer straight away and although judgement was one thing to be afraid of, it was also hurting the one person that really meant a big ordeal to her because she still didn't know.

"You make it sound so easy."

"Discovering sexuality is a journey. It will always be different for everyone and that's okay."

"So, you don't mind that I'm probably going to ruin this date by being a complete nervous wreck?" A little hopeful, yet she knew she needed to suck it up as much as possible.

"You won't ruin anything. You'll simply ease into it." Faith was beginning to merge with Selena's positive personality already. No mockery. No swearing. No nothing. She was entirely smitten already by the person she had barely lifted an eye away from. "You don't need to be worried, at least not with me."

Faith's hand cautiously reached out for Selena which was on top of the menu. Selena didn't hesitate but to gently hold it back for a few seconds in reassurance. Perhaps the small pep talk is what she needed in the end. It wasn't an unusual encounter to see a date between the same sex, it was life, it was basic love. Who gives a shit?

"You're right. I'm thinking way too much into it. Okay, you have my entire undivided attention from now on." By now, she was sitting normally as expected and pushes herself more towards the table. She straightens out her bodycon dress, a simple black one while Faith has almost the exact same, only with a centimetre thicker strap and in the shade of dark blue with velvet material. "You do look beautiful, though."

"Thank you. I copied the best." Her eyebrows raised with a sheepish smirk plastered on her face like a child waiting for her parents to find out the misdemeanour present.

"I knew it." Selena laughed with a sense of pride. It was out of Faith's comfort zone. Selena knew Faith was typically more fond of tight skinny jeans with a seductive top showing enough boobs to engage every single person in the room towards her. A red boob tube was one of her absolute statement looks. However, Faith wanted a change, something that would scream that she was here to impress despite knowing she could wear sweats or a full tracksuit and Selena wouldn't give a fuck. "I knew it wasn't just an amazing coincidence."

"I think I managed to pull it off though." She really did. "I mean, it's not really my thing, bodycon dresses but I was surprised by it."

"I think you should wear them more often." Selena's eye drifted down from her face to her chest, Faith recognising her lack of slickness, but she didn't mention it. But she banked it in her mind.

"You think?"

"Without a doubt. You have an insane body and that colour against your skin tone. I'm pretty much ready to die if I meant I could steal your body and in that dress."

"I'm so glad that you noticed." Faith uncrossed her legs under the table, lifting her leg to glide to softly against Selena's like they were teenagers in love, playing a teasing game only they knew about. That also came with minor blushing at the fact her efforts to impress had worked even better than she thought.

Selena had barely dropped her smile since sitting down."It's not hard when we have already slept together numerous times now."

"And to think you were apprehensive not even five minutes ago." Any other person would probably take an offence to the fact Selena mentioned sex already. Or that there was a level of objectification despite the other person making a certain effort to look good for them. But this wasn't a usual relationship, they knew each other almost inside and out. In response, Faith smirks. "Bringing up sex already, we haven't even ordered any drinks."

"Shut up." Mockery.

"At least I know what's for dessert if you're up for it." And there was Faith's smutty comment.

"We will see." Common smirks across the table mixed with the admiration stares.

"Hello, I'll be your waiter this evening, are you two ready to order?" A server suddenly pops out of nowhere with the electronic device ready and prepped to document their cravings. His voice was miserable and robotic-like he was reading off a sour script. Selena didn't respond to Faith's comment but nodded her head to order first while she rapidly goes through the menu to ensure she is ordering correctly. 

"I'll have the grilled chicken fajita with extra peppers and a side of rice. For a drink, I'll have the Cara Viva in Red." Faith's head jolted to Selena as she kindly folded her menu, happy with her choice.

"Glass or bottle?" He says, barely looking up from pressing the options.

"Glass, please." Even more content.

"Okay. And for you?" He didn't want to be there. I bet a rare appearance of some B list celebrity wouldn't even make him want to be there more. It was like the job was sucking every inch of his life force out and it only contained a few drips left. All was clear. His uniform was far from a high standard in comparison to the other staff. His white apron had many irregular creases, one part of his shirt at the back was barely tucked in the trousers. The top button of the shirt was undone like no care was given despite this place being somewhat posh enough where a top button is highly appropriate. He had scruffy facial hair coming through with dirty blonde, shaggy mane. Though he was cute if he even attempted to upkeep his looks an inch, he looked like he couldn't give a single shit where the orders were probably wrong in every single way possible.

"I'll have the roasted chilli quesadilla with a side of rice and a glass of the Spier Chenin Blanc, thank you." They just wanted his negative energy to leave now.

"Good choices, I'll be right back with your drinks." He smiles politely before swiftly leaving to get the drink orders. Probably will fuck them up.

***

This Despite their want for being incognito about whatever was happening between them, after the delicious meal they had and enjoying the company more than expected, they held hands back to their university campus, not caring much about who could possibly see. Though it was very late and everyone was either asleep and already out to the clubbing scene. 

The lights guided them home, or at least it seemed the way. The wind was light and airy but luckily on this night, it was quite warm. Selena and Faith didn't think about bringing a coat, only a clutch bag each to hold their items. At least it wasn't pouring down with rain, though they would argue it adds to their wonderful night.

To end the perfect date, both of them skipped dessert at the restaurant but decided to go to the local dessert place to get the thickest milkshake possible to fill those minor cravings. It was more Faith who was urging the suggestion on Selena who had never tried the Mint oreo combination shake that needed the straw double in size just to chug it down.

"I feel like we should have got churros." Selena thinks with her stomach.

"Trust me, babe, once you have that milkshake you will not want to be moving from your bed for a week." She sucked up some of the drink with a grin.

"Babe?" 

"Oh, was that not okay?" Faith's face drops to a nervous blank. "I-I didn't mean to fluster you."

"No, no. I didn't say that. It's just a little weird hearing it, especially since I'm not used to hearing it from you. I actually like it."

"Oh." Full of hope, again. "That's great then, babe."

Faith didn't know whether Selena was at the same position as her or how far back she was. Faith was beginning to go crazy for Selena, wanting to take their relationship a step further than basic fuck buddies who have finally gone on a first date to something on the lines of girlfriends. But after the small confession at the beginning of the meal, she wouldn't need to pressure Selena into dating exclusively, she could wait. 

"I really had an amazing time tonight, with you."

"Me too, Lena."

In the faint moonlight, they both slowly lean in. Their hands tighten together, Faith holding the remaining shake while Selena's hand fits accordingly on her waist and their lips touch in a moment of gradual passion. It was simple, soft but it was treasured insanely even though it only lasted a few seconds.

"Look, I know it's a little forward but do you want to go on a second date? I have two tickets to go watch this theatre play next week and I would love it if you'd come with me." Their foreheads remained close as if there needs to be a more perfect resolution to this moment. Though it was good, both of them needed more, something that would drive their sex drive into overdrive. 

"I would love to go on a second date with you, that's if you want to, anyway."

"I'd love to." 


THE END, A FEW WEEKS LATER

"Is this really want you want?" Faith asks Selena as they both sit on the edge of her bed. "To end things?"

"I'm not entirely sure, all I know is that I just need my best friend again." Selena knew the truth, though she kept it well under wraps. She wanted Faith, there was no doubt in her mind, but there was the fear that was beginning to overtake all the good out of the relationship she had no desire leaving.

A comment her parents made sent her towards the edge of a hypothetical cliff that scared her entirely and the whole concept of "coming out" and dating a girl. The homophobia struck a nerve, one that couldn't be displayed. But as a result, this was it. Giving in to that fear and living a lie.

"I-I don't know what to say, Sel." Faith was trying to keep the hurt from making her lash out because in front of her was the one girl she loved deeply. Deeply enough to protect her from all harm, including herself. "I thought we were good. Great, in fact. I know it's early days and it's been just over a month bu-"

"And we were great. I can't fault it in any aspect." A hopeless smile as she takes Faith hand into her own as she developed a perfectly constructed lie. "Right now, I just don't want to ruin anything and completely lose you from my life. If that means being your friend first and foremost, then I'm sorry, Faith."

A simple understanding. One that Faith could get on board with. There wasn't even a need to comprehend the request because Faith felt the exact same when the idea was being put forward. Although the relationship didn't have signs for a definite decline, it wasn't enough for Selena. Even the strongest of relationships at the beginning can break down into nothing. "I don't want to lose you either. Perhaps we were kidding ourselves with the best friends to girlfriends idea in the first place."

"You are one of the most significant people in my life. I don't regret us, not even in the slightest."

"You are mine."

"Come here." They didn't have to think twice before embracing each other in a tight-locked hug with no intention of letting each other go. Everything about it, the smell of Faith's coconut shampoo, Selena's sweet, yet sexy perfume, how this hug was tight enough to squeeze an organ out but they didn't care, this was one of the last times this moment would meaning some more than a platonic friendship.

"I'll miss this." Faith says, snuggling her neck gently on Selena's shoulder.

"What? Hugging?" Selena giggles at her.

"No. Us." There was a tone of seriousness. "I'll miss us, the comfort of it all, just knowing I have you."

"We'll be okay." Selena faintly says as they just about manage to let go of one another. "It'll be the same just without all the sex."

"One of the best parts. Damn."

They laugh to themselves. Their sex was like ecstasy, a new realm that will now be out of reach until further notice.

"Believe it or not, sneaking around with you despite being open about almost everything in my life was... pretty amazing."

"You think?"

"I would have loved to introduce you as my actual girlfriend though, no blatant hiding, no need for the secrecy but it was amazing either way." Faith and Selena were on the same page, just on two separate stories. They both wanted to share their relationship so they don't have to feel like they are hiding anything because they had accepted that it was great for both of them. However, Selena's fear of her parent's rejection had isolated her, leaving her in a place where even admitting the truth would not make it better. Deep down, she knew her truth. But admitting opened too many bad trials and demons could wander in, particular two that mirrored her parents exactly.

"Let's keep it just between us two then. Something special between you and me." Selena touched Faith's hand softly, gently squeezing.

"If that's what you want then yeah. I mean, what're best friends without secrets?" Faith laughed but it wasn't lively. Again, she didn't mind the idea, but she wanted Selena.

"Well, then. I'm going to get some comfort food, you want to join?"

"I'll follow you in a minute. Just going to ring someone quickly." Selena is just about to leave with a small, conflicted smile but she was pulled back. "Selena?"

"Yes?"

"What about friends with benefits? I mean, even you have to admit the sex was fucking transcendent."

"I'll consider it." Although she never came around a decision, she smiled in a declaration either way. "Don't be too long."

"Okay." Selena looks back at Faith before closing the door and glimpses at her beginning to break down. The guilt has begun to take its course as she made it to the kitchen.

Faith has kept it so hard to keep it all together because she knew if she let one emotion slip, it was a game-changer. Faith let several tears go once the door locked itself. "Fuck"

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