13

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

The flat had not been the same since the last box of Char's belongings was taken down to the car to never be seen again.

The girls even stayed in her room in complete silence for nearly 3 hours the day her parents moved her out, taking in how ghostly her dorm was without her intricate details. How her polaroids were clipped onto a piece of string that hung on the longest wall across where her bed was position and somehow twisted into her fairy lights. The bonsai plant that she kept on her windowsill next to two flags she proudly displayed on each side, specifically as a dedication to her Barbadian and Jamaican ancestry as a reminder of where she came from. She took pride in her roots, even despite her parents neglect.

Everything was gone, even the dust particles.

Day 1: a nightmare. Nobody wanted to eat, drink or sleep properly unless they wanted waves of guilt about the absence of a dear friend. Char's voicemail was a permanent mark in their minds as each of them attempted to get into some form of contact to see how she was. No response.

Day 2: not even remotely better. Although they managed to cook a meal between them and what was buried in their fridges and freezers, the atmosphere didn't change from its heavy, disrupted state. It was almost like one simple laugh should come with a mental punishment and no one wanted that. 

Day 3: they all carried on with their lives as much as possible but kept it very neutral back at the flat. The wound was beginning to close up, salt could still inflict amounts of pain.

Jason did his best to help the girls in any way he could with coffee trip offers, cooking the entire meal on the second day so they would regain their strength and avoid hunger and provided as much entertainment to lift their spirits. Despite their responses being mostly of declines, they really did appreciate Jason and the kindness he was offering.

But day 4 was still Selena's day 2 when it came to her emotional responses. Everything she did was laced with enormous amounts of guilt, defeat and she couldn't eradicate it without feeling responsible for what happened with Char. Their fight replayed in her mind. Char's anger, her eyes darkened by the drive of the drugs in her system, her own panic from what would of happened if she managed to get the drugs that were snug in her pocket.

Too many possibilities. Too many wonderous thoughts that lead to self-confliction.


*****

Selena rested by her spot for the first time this year. She couldn't think of a place better fitting to help replenish some kind of tranquillity back in her mind. The pier was not as flourished as it was months ago. Winter had pretty much destroyed the nature around the area but it still remained a beautiful treat. Summer would come in full force and restore it back and Selena had already imagined the beauty that's to come. 

Her legs just hung on the side, her vans barely missing the water that seemingly had risen since the last time too as she let the bag of oats she bought slip through her fingers repeatedly. The ducks weren't even around the area and it added to her already bad mood. 

Her earphones were tucked into her ears as she specifically chose her those calm vibes playlist, one she found herself listening to more often coming back to university. The stress was piling and everything good was only momentary rather than a long, lasting feeling. It was all dispensed at one given moment and then went without a trace, almost like it was never meant to be in grasp in the first place.

A shadow leans against Selena and without turning her head, she could see the Nike trainers joining her on the edge along with rolled up black jeans. She didn't need to move to know who it was exactly. A single earphone was loosely pulled out of her ear but for once, that didn't annoy her. "I thought I could find you here." 

"Then you'd know that I want to be alone," Selena responds to Faith in monotone, hoping she'd grab the hint.

"Don't be like that, I was actually worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"You've been out for a while so whether you've been out here for a long or just got here, I thought you might be cold so I bought a few things." Her bag that was usually miles too big was full for once. She pulled out a red checkered scarf, one that was large enough to act as a blanket, a thermos full of hot chocolate for them to share and one of Selena's favourite Subway sandwich, chicken tikka. 

Selena was hesitant at first, she just eyed up the hot chocolate, the two sandwiches that rested on either side and the blanket that Faith had already placed around Selena's shoulder that unknowingly, she was already holding for her life. Maybe all the thinking had made her forget that in fact, she was freezing, almost ice cold to the touch. "Thank you."

She takes the sandwich which had not one ingredient forgotten. It was perfect. She made a small bite into the toasted sandwich, taking in how warm it still was. But she didn't speak, she looked over to the open water, the sun was starting to set as the sky showed off its beautiful orange, pinky tones. Faith realises this and she just sighs. "You must not blame yourself for what went down with Char. I know you do."

"I can't help it." She muffles.

"I know, but you shouldn't."

"She was our friend, Faith and we didn't know she was back into a dark place. Are we really that oblivious that we missed even one sign that she was actually suffering?" The guilt swarmed again, her mind was handling too many thoughts and questions that anything could roll out at any given point just in hopes an answer could be given to settle the troubles in her mind.

Faith was worried about Selena. She hadn't seen Selena like this in a very long time and she truly hated seeing her like this. 

"Look, when addiction is part of someone's life, it becomes such a complex part of them. None of us could have anticipated a relapse or connected the dots that something was wrong and we did what we could to handle the situation and we made sure she didn't get into further trouble with it." Faith spoke, saddened. It was clear it was still taking a toll on her too. "That's all we could have done, we aren't experts."

"I get that. I really do but I keep replaying things in my head and think about how different it would have been if I hid the drugs away from her, you know. What if we realised any signs before that she was taking them then we could have helped her before?" A tear fell from Selena's cheek as she looks at Faith. "As her best friend, I should have noticed something."

"No, don't do that." Faith places her hands on Selena's cheeks, using her thumb to wipe away the tears that began to fell. She remained close and looked at Selena strictly. "You are not to blame for any of this. We are not to blame for this. Addiction is to blame. Char is a very strong woman for what she's gone through with her parents as a child and also the way she's handled it over the year but sadly, the addiction became a little stronger. Right now, she is getting the help she needs and that is the most important thing right now. Don't even think for a second that any of this is your fault."

"You really think that?"

"I do."

"You aren't saying that because you are obligated to say that because you are my best friend." They both laugh a little. 

"You know me, Sel. I'd tell you straight." She backs off and sits back down and places the sandwich on her lap and pulls the remainder of the scarf over her for warmth. "I know it's going to be weird without her here but she'd want us to carry on, not mope around for too long and when she's out of the centre, healthier and ready, we will all travel to her place and we'll make a day of it."

"I think that would be great." A first real smile that planted on her lips in the past few days. 

"Good. It could be for a good few months but just keep holding onto the thought." 



*****



Jason interrupts Selena's act of doing nothing but staring hopelessly at the ceiling as her playlist was now playing on her Bluetooth speaker, her journal resting on her stomach. He walks into her room after knocking softly twice on her door and peers her head through the door to see if she was busy. 

"Hey, did you get my note?" Selena was the first to speak as she realised he had walked in

Jason had the note in his hand prepared. "Of course I did. For some reason, you taped it to my head while I was sleeping."

Selena giggles to herself, thinking about how he managed to fall asleep in the living room area watching Grown Ups. She wanted to see him after her adventure out earlier, so she taped a note to tell him when he was awake, to come and see her when he was ready. "Well, I wanted to be efficient.

Her places the note into a passing bin and look at her. "You seem a lot better today. Are you feeling any better?"

"I feel a little better than earlier. I think I just needed to get out of here for a while." She was feeling more perkier and actually wasn't riddled with guilt about it. She didn't know whether it was because of having a full stomach for the first time in three days, high amounts of sugar from drinking majority of the hot chocolate that Faith made earlier or just chilling on that pier with her, taking in the serenity of being outside and watching the sunset. "I've been trying to write in my journal too just to let out some excess stream too."

"Is it working for you?" He makes his way over to her. 

"I think so." She begins to pull herself up so Jason has enough room to perch on the edge of her bed, closing the journal and placing it on her bedside table "I guess we will see in the morning if I feel a bit more myself. How have you been anyway, I haven't really spoken to you since all that happened."

"I've been fine considering everything." He just says, not really sure what the correct or best response is to that. "Honestly, it's just been a really long week for all of us for so many reasons, I'm really ready just to sleep the weekend away."

"Well, that makes two of us." Selena sighs as she begins to pull a blanket over her, the draft was beginning to make her hairs stand on edge. Jason noticed this and just by closing the window that was open, Selena pulled a heartfelt smile. "I'm just trying to find a way to move on from the bad without feeling guilty about it."

"You have plenty of time to do that." Jason also took the opportunity to walk over to the other side of the bed and almost join her in full comfort, above the blanket. He kicked his legs up and laid beside her like he always did while Selena took her own opportunity to move closer and rest her head on his chest. He was very comfortable and they both rejoiced to themselves for obvious reasons. "And if you want time to move a lot faster, I will happily help you out with that."

"You'd be up that?" She sounded hopeful, almost like she didn't even expect him to offer his services to be there.

"Why wouldn't I be? You aren't exactly the worst company, Selena."

She lifts her head up and looks towards him. "Even if I force you to do 4 hour retail therapy with me?"

"Even then. I'll even hold your bags if that makes you feel better." He adds. 

"So, Jason McCann is actually a gentleman? Who would've thought it?"

His mouth drops slightly as he let outs a harsh scoff "Is that surprising to you?"

"Actually, yes."

"Wow." He chokes up in his fake offensive tone. "Okay I take back what I said, you are the worst company."

"You wish." She rests her head back down, appreciating their little joking argument as if they were 16 years old again. She felt a little stupid that even something so insignificant and childish could make her feel a small amount of comfort.

Selena could easily fall asleep as she inhaled softly his cologne, he rarely changed different types either. It was always the same one and she began to adore it. It was like she could almost recognise whether he was around just by that scent lingering in the halls or not. His hands rested on her as he played with her hair through his fingertips, something he observed she loved, although she never mentioned it. The form of relaxation made her shut her eyes with a content smirk she tried so badly to cover. 

But Jason wasn't completely satisfied with the conversation he just had. The essence of it was fine, but Jason wanted to propose something. Jason tried to bring himself up to mention a date, a real date because he became tongue-tied. His stomach was in knots and right now, he was in a civil war with himself. 

But instead, he dipped. He thought of the first thing that popped into his head. "I was thinking about suggesting that we all do something when we are all off, a small gathering to lift all our spirits up and to toast Char."

"What did you have in mind exactly?"

Jason hadn't thought about the details into strict detail so he hesitated at first, but he just thought about something easy and perhaps personal. "Nothing major, just that we could all help out and make some food, maybe buy a few drinks and just chill out and toast Char for a successful recovery. It's nothing big but I think it might help you guys bring some of the positive energy back, you know."

Selena perched up from his chest and seemed to have liked it from her expression lightened up. "That's actually not a bad idea." 

Proud was the only word to describe how he felt. "I just want you guys to feel yourselves again because it's been horrible seeing you all like this. It's also been weird bumping into Faith this week and not having her call me some weird name like Canadian boy." 

She beams. "Does she really call you that?"

"Are you kidding? That's not even the tip of the iceberg." She snorts. "I'm sure there will be more down the line somewhere."

"Knowing Faith she probably has a handwritten list under her bed or something sinister." Selena stretches her body after feeling the ounce of sleep taking over and she glances over towards her digital clock. "Right, I'm going to go and take a shower since it's getting late but you are more than welcome to stay here, I'll only be like 15 minutes max."

"Sure." He simply replies as he watches Selena begin to race around her room to gather a fresh towel, some clean pyjamas and a hairbrush. 

She finds a remote control and plants it on top of her diary and smiles to Jason who was still contently watching. "If you want to watch television, then the remote is there for you. I'll be quick."

"Take your time." He says understanding.

He picks up the remote and points it to the television across the room before looking back at the diary that had seen better days. The book was thick from where her handwriting took over, the paper looked dull and almost worn out. It was a very old diary, not new. Not for fresh thoughts only. It probably contained a lot of thoughts. He stared at for a moment, curious by it before he carries on searching for something to watch.

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net