Still Carter pov

I lied to Yaz.There wasn't a teacher who I hit.Im not that violent.I had to tell her something so she can get off my case.

Sigh.

I walked down the block to the liquor store.

Hmm.Beer?

I took up some cheap case of beer.

"Dude,let me get this."I said to the cashier.

"I.D.?"

"Oh,I got it right-"

I ran out the store,down the street to the alley way.

I panted.

I'm safe.I took out a bottle and drank the whole thing in one gulp.

Yup.Thats really satisfying.

I continued to walk down the block,hoping no one I knew saw me.

I think your a bit confused as to why I'm doing this.The real reason is...I'm scared.

I don't want to have this perfect life.Dad came back.Girlfriend is accepting.Roof over my head.An education.Money.

It's too amazing.And I know something bad is going to happen soon.I want to be prepared.I'm ruining things now so I won't get used to this lifestyle.I have to.

I know it's crazy.But I'm crazy.

My phone rang.Janae.Guess who I'm seeing?

:3

"Im so excited to see you!"She grinned as she gave me a hug.

I forced a smile and walked inside her house.

It was pretty nice.Her parents weren't home so that's good.I guess.

"How long is this 'hang'gonna take?I have girlfriend " I just wanted to make that clear.If she tries anything.

"Oh that hasn't stopped me before."Janae winked.

"Okay I'm leaving.I came over.We hanged.End of story."

"I'll tell the school you were here today."

I sighed.Then Yaz will know I lied.

You know what?I don't care.Im not cheating on her.

I went to the door.Janae pushed me against it.

No no no no.Wtf???

"Get off me.You don't want to see me angry."I growled.

"Ooooh that sounds so sexy."She giggled,leaning in.

I closed my eyes and turned my face.She got my cheek.

Phew.I pushed her off gently.No hurting girls.And left the house like flash.

I sped walked home where Yaz was waiting for me.

"Hey"I smiled at her.

She didn't say it back.

All she did was look.

"Hey"I said again.

"I don't wanna speak to you.Just go."

"Yazmin-"

"No!Go!Get out!"she yelled.

"Whats wrong?"I asked, already having an idea.

"You're being so difficult.I'm trying to help and you push me away.And you lied to me.You said you would be at school but no.You weren't.And I talked to that teacher you went on about.He said you never hit him.When will it stop?When will you stop lying to me?"I could hear the sadness in her voice.

I gulped.

"You don't have anything to say?At least tell me the real reason you skip school?What can be that important?Are you with someone else?Is that why?"Her eyes showed emotion everything else was solid.

"I told you.You won't get it."I whispered.

"Tell me or leave."Yaz stated.

"I can't.Its stupid.I'm stupid.I cant even be greatful for what I have.I can't just accept that life has its ups and downs.I can't.I won't.Because nothing lasts forever.And I won't be attached to the idea of happiness.I can never be happy.I can never have what I want for a long time.Things go once they realize its okay.They go because they think its fine.They go because they don't care!Am I not important enough for him?Why was I not important then?Why is he back now when I don't need him anymore?Did he realize that I had to do over a year because of his dumb ass?Does he realize how messed up I am?How can I be happy like this?How can anyone live?I don't deserve to live.I don't deserve anything."

And that's when I realized I've been crying.Really crying.Tears flowing.My body trembling.I couldn't control myself.I was freaking weeping on the ground.

Yaz sat next to me as I cried.

"You deserve everything Carter.You're amazing."she said.

I sobbed in her lap.

"Truly amazing.I've never met anyone like you.You deserve to live.You deserve to be happy.You deserve it all."I looked up at her.She was crying too.

"Dont cry"I whispered.

She wiped her eyes."I do get it.I feel the same way.And it's a shame you couldn't tell me the truth but I understand."

I leaned up and looked her in the eyes.

"I care so much about you.Even if no one else does.I do.I want you to know that."I said.

"I can't believe I'm crying."She laughed,wiping the rest of her tears.

"Sometimes we all need to cry.Just not so often like me."

We both laughed.

"Your pretty. "She said to me.

I grinned."Thanks your not so bad yourself ".

"I feel gross.I'm gonna shower."

"Same."I replied.

"By yourself.I hope."She rolled her eyes.

"Why not with you?I don't feel like waiting."I pouted.

"Ugh."

I smiled and kissed her lips.

"Uhh..why do you taste like beer?"

I got up and ran upstairs.

Comment thoughts on this.I went deep.Lmao.

Xoxo nia