(Jasmine pictured above)

Fleur POV

"You're WHAT?!" Jasmine screeches in the cafeteria getting a few heads to turn in our direction.

"SHHHH...can you say that a little louder next time, Jazz?" I say to my best, and one of very few, friends. I finished telling her about my evening and why I ended up cancelling my birthday plans with them over the weekend. I didn't want to tell anyone at first, but this information swirling around my head was driving me crazy and I didn't want to be alone in the suffering. You know what they say about misery loving company. 

After a small huff she proceeds to question me about everything. "This is insane. I never would have thought this. I mean, you don't look like them, but don't really look super different where people would question right away...huh." Jazz says mostly to herself. She has a tendency to think out loud. It's endearing yet annoying at times. Like right now, with my personal stuff flowing out her pie hole. 

"Can we discuss this later? Like, somewhere private and somewhere your mouth can run freely?" I say in slight annoyance. 

"Chill, sis! You could have waited to tell me if you know how much my mouth loves to marathon," she chides before taking a bite of her sandwich. "Why don't we meet at mine around 8 tonight? I'll let Brandon and Justin know too...unless?"

I know she wants to make sure I'm okay with our little friend circle knowing and I'm glad she was kind enough to ask. "Yeah, it's fine. Just tell them to meet us, but don't tell them why. I don't need their loose lips going around till I threaten them not to tell anyone."

I've never really been too big on socializing or being the center of attention. Being an introvert, it's weird to think that I'm friends with someone like Jasmine who loves the social life and making her presence known. Yet, here we are. We've been friends since middle school and I'm surprised she's stuck around since she could easily hang with the more popular kids in school. We quickly adopted Brandon and Justin when we got into high school and were paired up in a group for a history assignment. Justin is an incredibly shy, but sweet jock. It's a weird combination if you're used to cliche high school persona's. He was a tough nut to crack, mostly because he preferred to listen rather than talk. Brandon, on the other hand, is pretty much the male version of Jasmine. He's much more dramatic and open than anyone I'd met when we first started talking. With his high level of confidence, yet clumsy disposition, there's never a dull moment with him. 

I like my group of friends small and tight. I don't really care much for loose ends and I would rather few people know a lot about me rather than many people knowing very little. It's not that I'm hiding anything, well until now, but I just prefer simplicity. The less people know the real me, the simpler my life is...well was. I don't have to talk to people or share my thoughts often because they don't know me like my friends do.

~~~~~~~

After school I went home and napped after a restless night due to not being able to turn my mind off. I've always had a slight issue falling asleep with my brain always overthinking, but it was never this bad. It was only two evenings ago that I found out I was adopted and two nights since I've gotten no more than three hours of sleep. 

Even with the elephant in the room, my parents still tried to act normal and like nothing had changed. Yes, I still love them with everything in me, but things had definitely changed. A part of me now felt like some sort of outsider. Like I was a guest that was overstaying my welcome. I know it wasn't true and if I communicated that to them, they'd be upset for me thinking that, but there was a small nagging in the back of my head that couldn't fully remove that idea. All I could do was hope that whatever I discover would help clear some confusion and bring closure. 

After pretending everything hadn't changed, I went to my room to get some space and to do some more investigating before I had to head over to Jazz's. I still had the list of names that shared my biological parent's last name and lived in the county I was born in. I figured searching up some of the names in Facebook or Instagram would give me some faces to those names and maybe some would even share a resemblance. 

Most of the them did pull up some sort of profile, but many were private or lacked revealing photos and information. Curse these people being safe on the internet! After many failed attempts I decided to try one of the last names on the list, a 'Katie LeDoux'. She didn't have much on Instagram, but I found a Facebook profile that shared a few of the same pictures and to my luck her page had a handful of public posts. I scrolled down her timeline and found some pictures of different events and places she frequented. One of the places appeared in more pictures than any other location. A place called Saints & Sinners club. From her pictures it looked like she might work there, but also enjoyed spending a lot of free time there as well. 

I saved the name of the club when I noticed I was running late. I closed my laptop and kept the sticky note on the screen of the club name so I could remember to look into it later. Maybe I would be able to visit this place first after graduation. The thought of visiting a club didn't sit well with me. First, I'm not even old enough and second, I am the last person who would want to be in any type of bar or club. 

What the heck am I getting myself into?

~~~~~~

After arriving and getting scolded by Jazz for being late, we gathered in her basement and lounged around the TV with an abundance of snacks pushed on us by her mom. I know Jazz wanted to help me ease into the big news, and was glad she turned on some old show on Netflix and started asking them about their day first. Being less than two weeks away from graduation, Justin and Brandon were busy most of the time with final assignments and finishing the internship they both have at the local museum. I was looking forward to summer where we all planned to hang out together as much as possible, so I was sad to have to tell them that I would most likely be gone for a part of it because of the news I would be sharing. 

After a pregnant pause in the conversation, Jazz turned her whole body to me and cleared her throat to get my full attention. This also gained the attention of the other two who turned their head from the TV to her. "So, Flo...how was your day?" she asked in a playful tone like I had some great news to share. I know it's news, but I don't know if I would go out of my way to call it great. 

Welp, I guess there was no better time than the present so I decided I would get it over with. "Well, as you know Jazz, turns out I'm adopted," I said only looking at her. After I finished the sentence I turned my head slowly in the direction of Bran and Justin to find them looking at me with their version of confused faces. Justin looked more quizzical with one brow raised and his lips in a tight frown while Brandon's eyes were wide and his mouth hung open slightly. "You're going to catch some flies if you're not careful, Brandy." I said playfully to get them out of the slight shock they may be feeling. 

"You're adopted?!" Brandon asks with his voice much louder than acceptable, typical Brandon fashion. Justin just shakes his head behind him, probably in shame of having such a friend. 

After Brandon is settled again I finish telling them how my birthday went and what happened afterward. I left the part out about finding the name of a club because they would laugh at me knowing I would probably never go to such a place. 

Justin doesn't ask or say much, but I can see that he has a lot on his mind after telling them everything. "You okay, Jay?" I ask, the concern lacing around his nickname he hates (because he claims a two syllable name doesn't need to be shortened). 

"I'm okay...just..." Justin sighs. After a deep breath he continues, "we just..have all these summer plans, and from what you're saying, it is almost like you're not going to be part of them anymore." The tone is filled with a defeat and sadness and it makes my heart clench. We're all heading off to different colleges in the fall and I am aware of how excited he had been for us to plan out the summer. Justin doesn't show much of his emotions, but to see him excited for that made me happy and impatient for summer. Out of all of us, Justin is closest with me. It's probably the calm demeanor we tend to share that makes it easier for him to be around me more than the other two whose energy is on a whole different level. 

I don't want to break our plans, but I also didn't ask to be adopted and I most certainly didn't ask to be told right before I graduate. The urge to find out is pressing on me more than anything though and I feel like once I have answers I can keep moving forward with my normal life plans. 

"I don't think I can be apart of everything this summer," I say looking down at my hands. I'm terrified to look up and see the disappointment on all their faces. "I just can't help but wonder what happened and I need answers." I'm trying to hold in tears that I've been keeping in since I started telling them the entire story. Sadly, one breaks free and runs down my face before I can catch it. I keep looking down and hear some shuffling before I feel Justin's arms wrap around me and hold me tight. He never used to be a hugger up until Jazz gave him too many unwanted that he started to initiate them with us. Since then, he tends to be a major cuddler, but more with me than Jazz and never with Brandon because he claims Brandon knows 'just the right way to make it awkward'. 

I don't have time to start sobbing before Justin says with firmness, "you're not going alone. I won't let you." It takes a moment for it to unscramble in my brain before I let go of the hug to look at him questionably.

"I can't let you do that. You all deserve to have fun this summer. I don't mind playing detective on my own." I say while trying to sound confident in my going alone. The honest truth is, I'm terrified to go alone...I just don't have the confidence to ask anyone in fear of rejection. There's a slight relief in Justin's offer, but I can't let him know. I don't want him to sacrifice the plans already made with the group to help me. This probably won't be much fun anyway.

Justin looks at me like I'm a child and he's the adult. It doesn't help that he's much larger than me. "Flo, I didn't ask, I'm telling...you can't do something like this alone. I know you better than that. If you're alone, you will most likely end up chickening out." I want to be pissed off at him and give him a piece of my mind, but he's right. Thinking about doing this and actually following through are two very different things, and I am not good with the latter.                              

Jasmine then chimes in, "Wait, what about us?! I can't go alone with this turd," she motions towards Brandon. "Why don't we all go with you, Flo?" I sense the hesitation in her voice. I know she wants to go, but I also know she's been the one planning most of the summer and seemed to be the one who wanted it more than anyone. 

"I don't want to ruin everyone's summer, Jazz. How about this? Let's say Justin and I road trip to Colorado for a week, maybe two max. I get everything settled there and then we head back and meet up with you guys? That way, we only miss out on the Grand Canyon portion of the trip." I'm internally praying that is enough to keep her from pushing the subject anymore. Frankly, I'm exhausted and am over talking about anything summer related for the night. My lack of sleep is hitting me hard and I'm afraid my grumpiness will make an appearance if she keeps the topic going. 

With a small blow of breath to her bangs she concedes. "Fine, we will discuss this change of plans tomorrow or something. I need my beauty sleep now." Maybe she can see the dark circles under my eyes and is taking pity on me. Lord knows she's the last person who needs to worry about beauty sleep. 

We all get up and start to say our goodbyes and head out before Jazz tugs on my arm to stay behind. "What was that all about?" she asks with her brows raised with amusement. 

"What was what about? I just told them the same stuff as I told you?" I say confused to her point. 

She rolls her eyes so hard I can see more white than anything and says, "I mean what was that all about with Justin. I know he likes you most, but that almost seemed...relation-ish?" 

Um...excuse me?

"Okay I don't think that's really a word, but whatever. That was not what that was. That was Justin being the caring friend that he is." I say with as much confidence I can muster. There wasn't anything different there, I don't think? He was staring at me a little strange, but that could be tied to the news I was telling them. Yeah, that's definitely it. 

"Oh my dear, little Fleur, you are so blind it's almost adorable. That boy was ogling you and has been for awhile lately." Jazz almost sings in a mocking way. She's always trying to tell me things like this that are absolutely false. Being a chameleon is what I do wherever I go because I am a fan of blending in. Jasmine makes it a task to let me know people were 'checking me out'. I usually ignore her and should probably do the same with her lies about Justin. He can't like me. I mean, sure, a boy can like a girl. I'm Fleur, though. And he's Justin. We just don't do that, do we? 

I've never really thought about Justin as a boy/man/whatever. I've just thought of him as a friend. Okay, that's a lie. Sure, sometimes I see how much he fills out a shirt or the dimple that appears when he laughs, but I can't think on those further. I'm comfortable with things the way they are and now is the worst time to thing about someone else's feelings for me. I hardly even know how to handle someone liking me, period. 

I don't acknowledge Jazz and her assumptions anymore and say my goodbyes with even more thoughts lingering in my head now. I head home in a haze, secretly wishing I could go back in time to the day before my 18th where I was still my parent's child and I was still only friends with people. 

Maybe I should do this alone after all. 

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First real chapter is done! If you've made it this far, thank you. You're a gem ❤️

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