Matt thrashing around in bed wakes me, like it has every day for the past week. The first night he stayed home because his parents were a mess. I woke up at 3am to a phone call from a very scared Matt. He hasn't slept at home a single night since, but that hasn't helped his nightmares at all. He still wakes up every night in a sweat, thrashing around tangled in my sheets. He won't talk about them and I'm worried if he keeps burying this it will literally drive him mad.

I do the same thing I've done every night and wrap my body around him, whispering that he is safe until he wakes up and realizes it's just a dream. "Shh you're safe Matt," I whisper softly as he grabs me tightly, soft whimpers escaping as his eyes fly open.

"It's not me the dreams are about," he croaks, the fear thick.

This is the first time he's opened up even a little bit, and I know I shouldn't, but I get greedy and pry for more answers. "What are they about?"

"You, it's different every night but they always end the same. You die and I can't save you." I flick on the lamp so I can see his tear-soaked face.

"But you did save me," I remind him. "Actually, you saved all of us. Matt I love you baby, but I'm worried about you. You really need to talk to someone like your parents suggested. Aaron is going, it's not bad."

"I don't need therapy!" he yells annoyed that I, like his parents, are trying to get him to talk about this with a professional.

"Why?" I bite back still not understanding the issue with going to therapy.

"Because I'm not some weak little boy who can't handle life and take care of you! I can!"

"What? Matt, do you think anyone will think less of you because you are going to therapy? You were kidnapped, held hostage, and then watched a man get murdered. And then if that wasn't enough you made sure I saw none of it. Matt, you are one of the strongest, if not the strongest, people I've ever met. Nothing will change that." I grab his face in my hands and kiss his nose, watching his eyes flutter shut and a small smile tug at his lips.

"I love you Sydney," he whispers as he flicks the light off and we snuggle back into bed.

"I love you more," I mumble as I nuzzle my head into his side, my arm across his chest and my leg over his.

"Impossible. Also babe?"

"Mmm?"

"Happy birthday my love," he says softly while he kisses the top of my head and falls back to sleep. My birthday. I kinda forgot about that. Everything the past week has been so crazy.

The first day after we talked to the FBI and everything, my dad dropped Matt off and then he headed home. There was a lot of hugging and crying that night. The next day was Friday and it was a lot of the same. Matt and I didn't go to school but our friends stopped by after school to see us. Matt also went with his dad and got his bike back from the FBI. Thankfully it was completely unharmed, because if it wasn't he was going to, and I quote, dick-punch every one of those dumb fuckers... yes ladies and gentlemen, that is my boyfriend. Sad, I know.

Over the weekend my friends from D.C. all came to visit since Matt and I weren't really in the shape to be traveling to them. It was nice to see them all and intermingle my D.C. friends with my N.Y. friends. Aaron and Sasha did a lot of catching up too and I have high hopes for their future.

Monday was back to school and honestly it was nice to go back to normal life. Aaron will do his senior year next year with me since he missed the entire school year. I have been avoiding Matt's house, figuring Celia and Nick hate me now, but I know I can't hide for much longer from them. Eventually I will have to face their looks of disgust at the girl who almost got their son killed. Trust me, whatever horrible things they think about me I've thought them about myself and worse.

Today is Thursday, a week since we escaped and my birthday. April 9th. I have begged everyone to just ignore my birthday this year. I don't want or need people fussing over my birthday, especially after everything that's gone on lately. All I need is everyone I love to be safe and healthy.

I eventually fall back asleep and wake up again because of Matt. He is trying to get out of bed when I crack my eyes open and yawn. "Fuck, did I wake you?" he asks rubbing his neck.

"It's ok. Are you ok?" I ask looking at him full of concern.

"Yeah I just... I know you said you don't care about your birthday but I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed." He trails off at the end and looks anywhere but me.

"I love you Matthew Dean," I tell him while getting up and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I," he pauses to kiss me, "will never get tired of hearing you say those words."

"Good, because I will never get tired of saying them."

"Good. Now go back to sleep or at least pretend to sleep so my whole little romantic plan isn't blown to shit. Please?"

"And people say Satan isn't romantic, bullshit," I laugh as I kiss his cheek and get back into bed for him.

He leans down and kisses me before tucking me in and leaving my room to make breakfast. I try to sleep a few more minutes but I am already awake, so instead I decide to check my phone. I have a few texts saying happy birthday, which I answer, and one from an unknown number.

I am immediately on edge as I open the text; the last time I got something from someone I didn't know it ended with Seth kidnapping me. Thankfully my fear quickly turns to joy as I read the message. "Happy birthday Sydney, I hope you're all doing well. I wish you all the best and an amazing year. 17 is going to be great for you. I already know it. Love Nadia💕 (also here is a bump picture, I just felt like you'd like to know the little one and I are doing good)."

I finish reading the text and wipe away a few tears. I have been thinking about Nadia a lot and I am so happy she reached out, I was scared I'd never hear from her again. I still owe her so much. Every morning I wake up next to Matt, his arm still bandaged, and I think about what she sacrificed for us to be here together still.

Just as I am about to answer Matt walks in instantly noticing the fresh tears. "What's wrong my girl, are you ok?" he rushes, setting the food down to run to my side.

"Nadia texted me," I tell him, showing him her text and the picture. He smiles as he reads the message before setting my phone down on the nightstand. He kisses a lone tear rolling down my face before getting up and setting breakfast on my lap.

"You sure you don't want to skip out on school today babe? We can do whatever you want," he offers for the 100th time. I know not doing something special for my birthday is eating at him a little.

"Please, I just want to pretend today is a normal day. Let's just pretend that I don't have a birthday this year." I pick at one of the Nutella pancakes and Matt sighs in defeat. "I'm sorry, it just doesn't feel right after all the trouble I caused you especially."

Matt scoffs but doesn't speak. We have been fighting a lot the last week, about two things mostly; Matt going to therapy and my guilt about Matt getting kidnapped. "You wouldn't let me buy you a birthday gift, I can't take you anywhere, and I am barely allowed to acknowledge your birthday today; what can I do!?" And the fight begins, kids.

"Nothing! That is the point," I tell him, frustrated he still isn't getting it.

"Why?" he demands. "This year, more than ever before, is worth celebrating! At this time last week you didn't even know if you were going to make it to 17!"

"And I did so isn't that enough!?" I yell back, pushing my half-eaten breakfast off my lap so I can dramatically storm into the bathroom. Unfortunately, Matt is an expert in the subject of Sydney and grabs my waist before I can get away.

I try to pull away but it is a futile attempt. Matt is bigger and stronger than me so unless I really want to hurt him, getting away will be impossible. "Please, do this for me. A week ago I thought for sure we wouldn't make it to today, so just please let me do something?"

I look into Matt's eyes and I cave instantly. Something about the way he is looking at me makes my heart race and I will do anything if it means he is happy. "Ok," I whisper in defeat.

"Ok?" he asks in shock. I nod, causing a beautiful smile to take over his face. "Thank you."

Matt lets me go and I walk off to the bathroom to shower. When I get back Matt is laying on my bed with a proud smile on his face. "What did you do?" I ask knowing he is up to no good.

"Don't worry about it Barbie. Anyways, I need to go do something, you finish your breakfast and I will be back soon for the perfect birthday." I go to protest but Matt cuts me off with a kiss before bolting out the door. Asshole.

I roll my eyes but finish my breakfast. I will admit the pancakes were really good and breakfast in bed was super cute, but I still don't want all this fuss for my birthday.

I figure since I am home waiting I should spend a little time with my parents and Aaron. They all try to act casual about my birthday but each of them fails pretty miserably. Aaron fails first. As soon I walk into his room to see if he is awake he is already fucking up. "Happy birthday Beanie!" he yells the second he sees me before quickly covering his mouth realizing his mistake.

Next is my dad who begins to sing happy birthday as I come downstairs but catches himself as Aaron motions behind me for him to stop.

Finally is my mom. She is still an emotional mess from last week and burst into tears the second she sees me. She tries to break out my baby book and insists we do something special tonight but I shoot it down. Nothing special, why is that so hard? Thankfully Matt is only gone for an hour which is good because my mom is 2 seconds away from making me rewatch old home videos.

As we leave the house, much to my mother's dismay that I am not spending all day with them, I look at Matt's relaxed smile. This is the most content I have seen him in so long. "Where are we going?" I question.

"A place," he says, offering up no other details. I give him a blank look but don't even waste my time asking more questions I know he won't answer.

We drive for a while, the music playing as Matt holds my hand and I stare out the window. I hope he isn't doing something crazy like buying that pony I jokingly told him I wanted. "I have no idea where we are," I note quietly as we continue to drive. We are in the middle of a bunch of farms and I look around beginning to panic that he really did buy that pony.

"I know you didn't want to do anything crazy but I hope you like this," Matt says, his cheeks turning a light pink as he parks in front of what looks like a little gingerbread house.

I get out of the car and Matt grabs my hand, swinging it slightly as we walk to the door and he opens it for me. Inside is even cuter than the outside. I look around in awe and breath in the smell of freshly made cookies. "Cookies," I giggle in excitement as I twirl around taking in everything.

"Yeah, we pick a few and decorate them. One of the few birthday parties I actually did go to as a kid was here for some girl in my 5th grade class."

"Who?" I ask, rolling my eyes at my own stupid jealously. He was 10 Sydney.

"Ava," he says while biting back a laugh, knowing Ava and I aren't really friends. No shocker since she literally yelled at me at my lockers because I wasn't taking care of Matt after he hurt his shoulder. As if he is a toddler and not a full-grown man who is fully capable of taking care of himself.

"Agh gross, anyways let's talk about cookies before I lose my appetite."

"I am pretty sure that is impossible, my little human garbage can," Matt coos as I swat at him.

We head to the counter and pick our cookies and icing. I get three Disney cookies while Matt gets dinosaurs. We sit alone in a corner, laughing and badly decorating cookies for well over two hours. We really try way too hard even though they look absolutely terrible. By the time we leave both of us are hysterical looking at our ugly cookies that look more like rainbow blobs than anything else.

"Well, I think we should leave this to my dad from now on," Matt laughs as we carefully set the cookies in the back seat.

"Agreed," I add as we get back into the car. "Now what?"

Matt starts the car and begins driving, not answering me. "Rude, I am the birthday girl, don't ignore me."

"Oh, now you want to be the birthday girl, I thought we were skipping your birthday?" I hide my face, a light blush taking over my cheeks as Matt continues to tease me. Once he is done teasing me he finally gives me an answer, "Nowhere special, just home, but I have a fun afternoon planned I hope you really like."

"Oh my mom will be happy we are home," I remark as we get off the highway.

"Oh, I meant my house. I figured it would be nice to spend some time with Malcolm, he really misses you."

"Oh," is all I can manage as I begin to panic. I don't want to see Matt's parents especially without being prepared.

"They miss you you know," Matt says as if he read my mind. "They don't blame you for anything Sydney. I know you blame yourself but they don't and neither do I. But if it helps I asked them to leave for the day anyways so we could have some alone time for your birthday."

I let out a sigh of relief that they aren't home and Matt just gives me a sad look. "They invited you to dinner tomorrow, please come. For me."

I look out the window not giving an answer. I just don't know if I am ready for dinner with Matt's parents yet. As we pull up to his house I see Malcolm's head pop up in the window. God, I missed him so much, he is such a good boy. The second I walk into the house he is nearly knocking me to the ground covering me in kisses. I laugh and lay down on the floor so he can lay on top of me. Matt doesn't rush our reunion, patiently sitting on the couch waiting for me to finish.

"Ok, so what is this plan?" I ask after I finally get off the ground and brush myself off. Matt reaches for my hand and I take his, following him up the stairs to his room. When we get to his bedroom door Matt puts his hand on the knob but doesn't open the door.

"This might be really lame," he warns. I roll my eyes and reach for the knob myself pushing the door open. A squeal leaves my lips the second the inside of Matt's room comes into view. He made a fort!

I rush past him and run to the fort, dropping to the floor and crawling inside through the makeshift door. Inside are even more pillows and blankets along with a ton of snacks. The fort goes from the TV to the middle of Matt's room and has fairy lights strung up inside. It is so cool and comfy, I can't help but let out another little squeal as Matt crawls inside with me. "This is so cool! Did you make this?"

"Yeah, I used almost every blanket in our house for it," he jokes while rubbing the back of his neck. "You wanted a chill day so I figured some comfy clothes, snacks, and movies was the perfect day."

"I love you," I gush crawling onto his lap.

"Happy birthday my girl," he mumbles while kissing my lips. The kiss starts soft and sweet like most of our kisses usually do. But within seconds my entire body is on fire as I push Matt back and situate myself on top of him.

I pull back from kissing him and nervously ask, "Can we try something?"

"Of course baby, I will try anything with you at least once." I nod and get up quickly running to the closet and getting down Matt's box of fun. I open it and grab the little vibrator, pulling it out of its new box and making sure it has batteries. I look at the condoms and question if I should grab one but I don't. I know we should use them but I am on birth control and it just feels better without one.

I return to the fort and Matt is pushed up on his forearms waiting for me. He took his shirt off while I was gone and I pause to take in how hot he looks in his black jeans with his hair slightly falling into his face. "What are we trying?" he asks, his eyes slowly dragging down my body.

I flash him the little vibrator and he smiles a devilish smile, letting me know he approves of this plan. I drop back down onto his lap and pick things back up where we left them. I rock my hips against him and feel him instantly harden beneath me. Matt grabs my shirt and pulls it over my head, his mouth trailing kisses down from my jaw.

Soon I am underneath Matt and he is grabbing my jeans with both hands and pulling them off with my underwear. I reach for his jeans and he helps me get them off so he is just in his boxers. Once we are both undressed Matt pushes my legs apart and rubs his thumb gently over my clit. My eyes instantly screw shut as bolts of electricity course through my body.

I hear the gentle buzz of the vibrator as Matt flicks it on and my heart races in anticipation. The second the vibrator brushes my clit I gasp as my hips buck. Matt "Hms," in approval and presses it down harder, causing me to moan as I grab his wrist. He shakes his head and pulls my hand off his wrist before grabbing both my wrists and pinning them above my head.

"Matt," I beg, desperate to feel him, all of him.

"Tell me what you want," he demands and I swear I nearly come undone from his words alone as he pushes his boxers down knowing what I want.

"You," I whisper, my hips bucking again.

"You have me," he says softly against the shell of my ear before sucking on my neck. "Tell me exactly what you want Sydney."

"You inside of me," I beg, pushing my hips against his boner as he moans into my neck. I think Matt is about to torture me more when suddenly he slips inside of me with no warning, causing me to yell his name out in pleasure.

"Fuck," he groans as he slowly moves in and out of me still holding the vibrator against my clit.

I am completely limp laying on the blankets while Matt does everything. My senses are in overdrive and I am overwhelmed by the feeling. I manage to grab the vibrator and throw it to the side, allowing Matt to push deeper. His slow, steady movements pick up and he thrusts faster in and out of me. I throw my head back and scream his name knowing how much he loves his name falling from my lips.

I reach up and pull his face down to mine wanting to feel his lips against mine. His kiss is sloppy like his movements and I move with him. Matt and I haven't had sex since prom night and a lot has happened since then.

As I feel myself getting close and know Matt is close too, I slow down, savoring the time together. Matt pulls back, looking me in the eyes as he slowly moves with me, our once sloppy movements feeling more like a choreographed dance. I gasp again but this time from the look on Matt's face.

His eyes hold a love for me that I didn't even know existed before today. I know my eyes hold a similar look as Matt smiles softly, both of us getting a little emotional. He was right, this birthday is worth celebrating. I almost lost him, every moment needs to count. Every kiss could be our last, so every single one needs to count.

As I come undone underneath Matt, whispering the I love you's I held back for so many months, I wonder if this feeling will last forever. As Matt finishes seconds behind me, his own I love you's tumbling out of his mouth as he buries his face into my neck, I pray it does.

Once we both catch our breath and I go to the bathroom having learned how to handle things a