No one ever tells you what losing the love of your life is actually like. Like they do, but they don't. It is much different than losing a family member or a friend that I can tell you. For starters, you can't breath like someone is standing on your chest or holding your throat. You gasp for air, desperate to fill your lungs but they still feel like you aren't getting any air, no matter how much you breathe in. You also feel nauseous as the reality sets in. Your head is spinning, your eyes can't focus, your mouth is dry, your ears are ringing, your entire body feels heavy like you have 100 weighted blankets piled on top of you. But the worst part is your heart. It feels like someone has opened up your chest and is squeezing it. The emotional heartache causes actual physical pain. I have never been hit by a bus like Regina George, but I would switch with her in a heartbeat. The pain of the loss is too much and I fear my body just can't handle it all.

My ears are still ringing and I am holding my eyes shut as tightly as possible. I am scared to look. I can't have the last time I even see Matt be like this, I just can't. I feel Aaron climb off of me and I hear noises but I can't make them out, it is like listening to someone talking underwater. I remain curled on the floor, eyes shut. I think I am crying? I can't really tell.

Someone picks me up, I assume it is Aaron? Maybe it is Dimitri. I move my hands to cover my ears not waiting to hear the muffled chaos around me. I feel like I am dying and I just need quiet.

The person holding me sets me down on the bed and grabs my hands, pulling them away from my ears. Nadia is crying. I can hear that clearly as the ringing subsides a little. I fight to cover them again not wanting to hear them. Part of me wants to get up and curl my body into Matt's one more time. Kiss him for the last time. But the other part of me knows the sight in front of me will drive me insane. The last image I have of Matt being him bleeding out on the cold, concrete floor.

I hope it was quick. I hope he didn't feel anything. I hope he knows how much I love him, even if I never said it.

There is a voice talking to me but as the pain engulfs me, my entire body shaking, I struggle to hear. I can't make out the words or who owns the voice as I spiral into a pit of sadness and despair.

"Sydney, open your eyes! Sydney!" the voice screams as I thrash around trying to get my hands out of their grip. I know that voice.

My eyes shoot open and I look straight into the beautiful hazel eyes in front of me. His head is bleeding and his hair is all matted but he still is the most perfect sight in the world. "Matt."

"Hi my baby girl," he whispers, kissing my lips gently. I pull him into my body, my arms and legs wrapping around him trying to get as close as physically possible. I feel like I am on cloud nine as I slowly kiss Matt, a feeling I thought I had lost forever.

I pull away still only looking at him. "But if you're ok, then...?" I look at him confused. I turn to look around the room at everyone else but Matt blocks my view.

"Don't look. I don't want you seeing that baby." I don't put up a fight, trusting Matt. I know he has my best interest at heart so I put aside my pride and for once just listen to him.

"I am confused," I whine, my brain still struggling to process. I lay down on the bed taking deep breaths as Matt rubs my back to comfort me. Aaron comes over and I look at him as he hands Matt a gun. Where the fuck did that come from? That is different from the one Dimitri had.

"You know how to use it?" Aaron asks, making sure the safety is on.

"Sort of, yeah I can manage," Matt replies, tucking it into the back of his jeans.

"Where is that from?" I choke out, my mind still struggling to piece everything together. If Matt is alive, Aaron is standing here, I am ok, and Nadia is crying then that means. . . Dimitri. He is the one that got shot. By who? How? What!?

"It is mine," Nadia answers sitting on the bed next to me. I quickly hug her knowing the pain she must be in. She lost the love of her life, the father of her child, no matter how bad he was that still hurts.

"I am still confused, can someone please explain everything to me?" I beg as Aaron again walks away, grabbing a sheet off his bed, probably to cover the body.

"When I was hugging Nadia after telling her about Lily, I felt the gun tucked under her dress," Matt confesses. "When he grabbed me and pulled his gun out I noticed Nadia also pulled her's. I egged it all on knowing everyone's best chance of survival was her pulling the trigger."

I stare at the stupid fucking boy in front of me in awe. While his explanation makes sense a part of me still wants to kill him for risking his life like that. I decide to hold off on scolding him until we are in private and look at Nadia.

"I am sorry. I couldn't imagine having to make that choice," I tell her, hugging her tightly. I think she is still in shock and a little numb because she is pretty put together considering she just killed her husband.

"Sadly I think it is for the best, it was either him or a lot of innocent people. Pulling that trigger was the second easiest decision I ever made." She rubs her belly looking at it sadly.

"What was the first?" I ask out of pure curiosity.

"Saying yes when he proposed. But the guy I said yes to all those years ago and that man, they weren't the same. Now we need to hurry, I am sure the others heard the gunshot which means they will be coming soon." I look at her in awe. She has so much strength I can't help but to admire her.

"What about you?" I don't want to leave her. She could be in danger too, besides, no man left behind.

"I will be ok, don't worry about me. I am going to distract everyone, you all wait a few minutes and run. Run as fast as you can as far as you can. I will lead everyone to the back of the building, take this hallway to the end and make a left. The front door will be easy to find from there. There is a gas station half a mile away, you should be able to find help there." I shake my head no. We can't leave her. We can figure a way out without leaving her. There must be a better way.

"Thank you," Matt tells her, his hand tightly gripping mine. No! Stop, she is coming with us! Why isn't he coming up with a new plan!? Why is he letting her do this!?

"No! We can't leave her! Come with us Nadia!" She smiles and gives me a tight hug. I am again crying. Wow, look at me, now a fucking soft bitch. Matt pulls me off of her and gives her a hug, whispering something to her. She walks over to Aaron who is fighting his own tears and hugs him the longest. "No! Stop, we can all make it out! We can't leave her!"

"I am so sorry baby," Matt whispers, holding me as I sob trying to reach for Nadia. She saved us, more importantly she saved Matt. I owe her my life for her giving me just a little longer with him, I can't let this happen.

"Remember what I said, run, and Sydney," she pauses looking at me, "don't be stupid. You have someone who loves you, don't risk your future together. I will be ok." I blink away a few tears and nod sadly. Matt holds me tightly as Aaron walks her to the door. "Good luck you three," she says before disappearing out the door, leaving it open a crack.

"I have a first aid kit in the bathroom Matt, let's try to clean you up a little quickly," Aaron orders running into the bathroom. I jump up grabbing some paper towels to help. Nadia is right, I have my chance at a future with Matt, I can't pass it up.

As I walk back to the bed I notice Matt's left arm is bleeding pretty badly. "What happened?" I ask while running back to him and inspecting it gently.

"It is just a graze, you should see the other guy," he mumbles with a little smirk on his face.

"I'd rather not," I deadpan, grabbing some gauze from Aaron and wrapping it as tightly as possible. It isn't that deep but it is bleeding more than I like and I worry about infection.

"Matt, next time you egg on a psychopath, try not to get yourself shot too," Aaron jokes, handing him a fresh shirt. I help Matt carefully get it on and kiss his arm softly before cleaning up his face a little.

"Why didn't you say something earlier to me?" I scold, my eyes still staring at his arm.

"I wasn't thinking about it, I was too worried about you. Oh, that and at first I thought it was my right arm and it was gonna ruin my tattoo, and man was I upset for a good 30 seconds." He laughs and I reach out and choke him a little. "Damn babe, I'm kinda into that," he jokes.

"I hate you. While I was thinking you were dead you were worried about your tattoo! I swear to God Matthew, one day I am going to kill you myself!"

Aaron laughs and pulls me off of Matt. "Great kill him later, right now we need to go. We only have two guns so Sydney stay between us please."

We all get up and take one more look around the room. Aaron sighs and I squeeze his hand. "Just so you know I took your room, you have the small room," I tease before we all sneak out and begin walking down the hall. It looks like we are in a warehouse but in the basement. There are lots of doors as we walk carefully down the hall.

When we reach the end of the hall and it splits, the boys both step in front of me looking both ways to make sure the coast is clear. I stand behind them both with my arms crossed waiting for their signal to move again.

Aaron gives the signal and I begin to step forward until someone behind me grabs me, putting their hand over my mouth so I can't scream. Aaron and Matt flip around, guns drawn as the guy laughs. "You think either of you are a good enough shot to hit me and not kill her? That is cute," he mocks as he begins to walk backwards.

I don't move or resist but throw Matt a little wink. I have trained so many years for this moment and I will be damned if I don't get it. "I always did have a thing for blondes," he whispers against the shell of my ear. I quickly pick up my foot and slam it down on his. He lets go of me momentarily and I flip him over my body, sending him flying through the air. Before he can catch his breath from being slammed to the ground, I put him in a chokehold and hold it until he passes out. He is still breathing but for now unconscious.

"You're so not my type," I say as I stand up and brush myself off.

"That was so hot," Matt says to himself just staring at me.

"What can I say, I have a good trainer." We all begin to walk again, Matt now holding me tightly so I don't leave his side.

When we finally make it up the stairs and out the front door we stop. It is raining pretty heavily as we stand huddled together under the overhang looking around. I mean, which way is the gas station? How far is half a mile? Will they catch us before we can make it to safety? "Which way?" Matt asks what we are all thinking. We have one shot at this, pick the wrong way and it could be disastrous.

"I don't know," Aaron says helplessly, looking around for any sign on which way to go.

"That way," I say pointing to the left. I don't know why I picked that direction but my gut is telling me that it is right.

"Are you sure?" Aaron asks looking conflicted.

"No," I say meekly, looking for anything that could give us a clue.

"Let's go that way," Matt says and begins walking. "I believe in you, I always have baby. If you say go left, we go left."

We all begin running to the road, heading left when a bunch of cop cars and military trucks come down the road. We stop in our tracks as one of the trucks stops and out jumps my dad. I break away from Matt and run to him, throwing myself into his arms.

"I thought I lost you bean, are you ok?" he cries, holding me tightly.

"I'm ok Daddy," I assure him.

"Dad," Aaron says softly from behind us.

"Aaron!" my dad yells, letting go of me and grabbing him. He can barely stand as he sobs on the side of the road holding my brother as tightly as possible. Matt comes behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder watching the reunion.

"Wait! Nadia! Dad, you need to protect her please," I yell pulling him away from Aaron.

"Who?" he asks confused.

"Nadia! She is impossible to miss; she is pretty, wearing a dress, and pregnant. Please Dad, she saved us, you have to make sure she is ok!" He kisses both of us and hugs Matt before running to catch up with everyone else about to raid the building. I watch from a small TV in the back of one of the trucks with some other important people, praying that this goes smoothly and it can all end with no one else dying. 

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The next chapter is very very special and one you all have been waiting for. I have had part of the chapter written out since I first started this book and I am so excited to finally post it.