Walking into this dinner I have mixed emotions, none of them particularly good. I just pray we are seated far away from the Rutherfords so I can hide all night and not have to deal with them. I know for sure Brock's mother, Amelia, will not approve of my dress, it is not by a name brand designer which means you can't brag about it. I personally like my dress, it is a nice maroon with a lace halter top and flowy long skirt. It has a small slit that shows a little bit of leg when I walk but nothing scandalous.

I walk over to the table with the name cards and look for mine. They're in alphabetical order, but apparently the Rutherfords are already here since their cards are all gone. I wonder if all of Brock's siblings are here? God I hope not, between his sister and two brothers I will literally run away.

"Table 6? Us too," Brock comments, looking over my shoulder at the small card in my hand. He rests his hand on the small of my back as he stands behind me, his large body pretty much trapping me between the table and him. I mentally groan but plaster on the fakest smile I can muster.

"Wonderful," I say through gritted teeth, trying to remain pleasant. I sidestep in front of an older man, bumping into him a little in my attempt to get away from Brock.

"Most of them aren't here. Just Gavin and my parents were able to make it. Mary had an exam tomorrow morning and Finlay is home with the baby." Brock steps aside and I move toward him a little more relaxed knowing the entire clan isn't here. I don't mind Gavin, when I started dating Brock he was deployed but when he returned he really got along with my dad so he was always nice to me.

"How is the baby?" I ask politely. Finlay just became a judge or some shit a year or two ago and had a baby back in January. His baby was actually born the same time I was in D.C., which was why Brock was home from college at the time.

"He is cute but cries a lot. I don't think either of them have slept in weeks." I nod not really knowing what else to say. We both stand there in an awkward silence not knowing what to say to each other. The last few times I have seen Brock I've been in the middle of a breakdown so we weren't making small talk, I almost forgot how awkward things still are. "So um, you seem better than the last time I saw you."

"Yeah that was. . . something."

"Yeah. So listen, I kind of need to talk to you. Can we go talk somewhere?"

"Um sure, let me just give my parents their name cards first." Brock helps me find them and politely says hi to my parents, nearly causing my dad to pass out. Brock is like a totally different person, calling both of them sir and ma'am and even apologizing for the eggs. I am just as stunned as he leads me away from the party to a quiet spot away from everyone.

We both sit down at a bench under a window and I fix my dress so it hopefully doesn't wrinkle. "So you wanted to talk?" I ask while Brock just fiddles with the cuff of his suit jacket.

"I owe you an apology, well many apologies actually. I reacted to our break up really badly but I was a shitty person way before that. You deserved so much better and I am sorry I wasn't a better guy for you. I am also sorry for what my family put you through too. I know keeping up with our lifestyle wasn't easy."

I stare at him, shocked, totally blindsided by this conversation. "What changed?" I blurt out, wondering how Brock came to this deep realization.

"Well, I met someone and she was just so amazing and her family was just so kind, but when she asked to meet mine all I could picture was what you went through, and when I told her all about our relationship she really opened my eyes. When we started dating you were 15, yet we all expected you to act like a seasoned politician at events. You did so much shit to make our relationship work and honestly I don't understand why Sydney, I was such a shitty guy to you."

"Honestly, back then I swore I was in love with you," I tell him honestly even if it is a little blunt.

Brock is a little taken back by my answer. "And now?"

"I realize I had no idea what love was back then."

"But now you do?"

"Yeah, I do," I tell him confidently. I love Matt, there is not a question in my mind that I love Matt. I feel things for him that I have never felt before. I genuinely love just being around Matt, even if we are doing nothing but doing homework in silence. Brock and I always needed plans if we were hanging out, otherwise we'd get bored. I can't even tell you the last time I was bored around Matt, probably in class but even then I like to watch him take notes. I love the way his tongue pokes out a little and he holds his pencil funny; also he bends over his desk with his arm holding his notebook down because he writes so quick that if he doesn't hold it down he will literally fling it off his desk. I dated Brock for almost 8 months and I couldn't tell you if he was right handed or left, let alone how he held his pen.

"What's he like, this new guy?" Brock has a relaxed look on his face, seeming genuinely happy I found someone.

I sigh, not ever sure where to begin with Matt. "Well he," I pause so many things running through my mind about Matt, " I don't know, he is just amazing. He always makes time for me and always makes sure I am ok. He always makes things special, even the small things like dinner at home. He is crazy but in the best way possible. And God does he know how to make me laugh. I swear I have abs because I am always laughing with him."

"I am guessing his family isn't high maintenance either. Just a normal guy from the suburbs."

I laugh and shake my head. Normal guy, that is funny, last I checked most normal guys don't buy their girlfriend a $5,000 necklace to ask her to prom. "Not at all. His dad is a famous chef and his mom is an interior designer who has her own company. They have this house in the Hamptons that puts your house to shame honestly. The difference is they don't care and they don't try to keep up appearances. I only just found out how much money they really have and I have slept over their house more times than I can count."

"Must be nice. I am terrified to bring Kristy home because I know the life my family expects just isn't for her. Truth be told, I am not sure if all of this is what I want either."

I bite back a sarcastic comment and just nod. I could have told you over a year ago that Brock didn't actually love all the shit his family forced him to do. Everything Brock did and has done his entire life is to get his parents' attention, mostly his mom honestly. His dad is a pretty great guy but Amelia is not an easy woman to please. Things for Brock were even harder because he was the youngest and each of his siblings set the bar pretty high. Finlay is the oldest, I think 32, he went to Princeton and then Harvard law. He married a congressman's daughter, became the youngest judge in his district's history, and now produced someone to pass on the Rutherford name. Next there is Gavin, he is 27, maybe 28, he went to West Point, graduated top of his class and now has a spectacular military career. Gavin is climbing the ranks faster than anyone expected and making it look easy while doing it. Mary is the only girl and currently in her last year at Stanford. She is planning to go to med school and has her sights set pretty high. From what Brock told me over the summer, it wouldn't be surprising if she ended up at Harvard med school. This left Brock to live in the shadows. Brock was never very studious, I mean he had decent grades but not Ivy-level like his siblings. Sports was where he thrived but that didn't please Amelia. She wants another child she can brag about at charity events.

"What do you want Brock?"

Brock laughs and just looks up. We both know it doesn't matter what he wants unless he is willing to sacrifice his relationship with his entire family to get it. "Does it matter Sydney? You know her, you've met the people she hangs out with, you know this life; what I want will never matter."

"It matters to me," I tell Brock meekly. We have been through it all together, and despite how bad our relationship was I really do want the best for Brock.

"Well for starters I am transferring colleges. After my season at Akron I started talking to schools and I think next year I will be playing at Auburn, which will give me a better chance of actually playing pro one day."

"Really? Wait, that is amazing! Auburn is a great school!"

"Thanks, Kristy is graduating early and just got accepted to go to grad school there so I am excited." Brock has a smile on his face I have never seen before. The more we talk and I learn about Kristy the more I realize how perfect she is for him. She sounds like an amazing girl and honestly I hope one day I get to meet her and thank her for all the good she has brought into his life.

We talk for a little longer before heading back to eat dinner. Amelia makes a comment about how I hold my water glass but for once Brock protects me from his mother. He mentions Auburn to my parents and the others at the table, all of them gushing about his accomplishment, but still Amelia looks uninterested. The second the conversation dies even a little she brings the conversation back to Finlay and him being a judge. I try to distract Brock but the hurt is clear on his face.

"Hey," I whisper as "Wildest Dreams" begins to play, "it's still our song, want to dance?"

"Of course I do," he answers, immediately grabbing my hand as we walk to the dance floor. Brock takes my hand, trying to dance how his mother demands we dance but I stop him, wrapping my arms around his neck while his rest around my waist as we sway to the music.

"I am really happy for you Brock, you deserve to be happy. Please don't let Amelia ruin that for you." I rest my head on his chest as the song continues. It is funny one of our most romantic moments ever would come after we both fell in love with other people.

"Matt has no idea how lucky he is to have you. I can honestly say you're such a selfless and loving person, anyone who has your heart the way he does better realize just how lucky they are. Speaking from experience, losing you will be something he will regret for a lifetime." I blink back a few tears as the song ends and we step apart.

The rest of the night Brock and I just talk like old friends. I feel like I am back to the relationship I had with him before we were dating, the one that cared about me and was funny and was a big teddy bear.

When the night ends we say goodbye and I thank Brock. He looks confused, but as I sit in the car back home I text Matt I am coming over tonight because I need to tell him something. When I get home I change out of my dress, grab my backpack for school tomorrow, an outfit for the morning, and head over to Matt's.

As soon as I pull up to the house I can see Matt chilling on the couch inside waiting for me. Deep breath Sydney, here goes nothing. I get out of the car and walk inside, turning my brain off before I overthink.

Matt's P.O.V.

As soon as Sydney pulls up I shut the TV off and straighten up the living room. I peak out the window and watch her as she marches to the front door. Oh, someone is on a mission? I laugh and open the front door, not even attempting to fight the smile that takes over my face as soon as I see her.

"Good evening gorgeous," I say softly, not wanting to wake my parents. Celia mostly, she has been extra cranky lately. I lean down and kiss her when she reaches me and I feel the same shock to my system as I do every time she kisses me.

Sydney reaches for me and I sweep her up into my arms after I shut the door. I carry her up to my room while she smiles up at me, a sweet little laugh escaping her lips as I wink down at her. I really am so lucky to have her in my life, and her being sick last week has only reminded me that. I realized I was not fully cherishing her the way I should, but not anymore.

"What did you do all night?" she asks while grabbing the throw blanket from the bottom of my bed and wrapping herself up in it as I put her stuff down in its usual spot.

"Hung with Tom and Blake, we played video games at Tom's and ordered some pizza." I get into bed with her and she snuggles into my lap while I hug her tightly, kissing the top of her head.

"Woah, total bros night I see." I roll my eyes at her and she just laughs some more. Little miss giggles is always laughing but I love it.

I brush her hair from her face and kiss her nose. "How was your night baby? Anything fun happen at your boring dinner?"

"Well. . ." I wait patiently for her answer while she fidgets in my lap nervously. "Brock was there, we talked a lot. Actually we talked pretty much the entire party."

I try to remain calm but my mood instantly sours at the mention of his name. Fuck Brock and his stupid name and his stupid shitty college and just eveything about him. "About what?" I ask, trying to remain in control of my emotions.

"Him mostly, he apologized for being a shitty boyfriend to me in the past. Also he is transferring colleges, which I am happy for, he did have a really good freshman season." Matt relax, I tell myself internally as my blood begins to boil. Transfer to where? Better not be Penn State, that is my dream with her, not his.

"To where?" I strain to say, feeling my composure starting to slip.

"Auburn with Kristy." Sydney says it so casually but instantly I am on cloud 9.

I need to know more just to confirm my suspicions, "Kristy?"

"Oh yeah, this new girl he is seeing. They are so in love it is adorable! She really is so good for him and showed him how to really be happy. She is like his version of you for me." My heart stops at the mention of us. So she thinks we are so in love too? I showed her how to be happy? Me? I think she means how she showed me, not the other way around.

"That's good for him. Did you just talk about him?" I pry still wanting to know if I came up.

Sydney gives me a suspicious look but smiles, "Don't worry, I did plenty of bragging about you. Brock wanted me to tell you that you're really lucky and speaking from experience, losing me would be something you regret for the rest of your life."

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Lose her? I would rather die than lose Sydney, she is everything to me. "Noted."

The room gets quiet and Syd gets still in my lap. I assume she fell asleep since it is pretty late but when I go to move her to lay down she looks up at me, a hint of nervousness on her face. "Do you remember the baby project weekend? During dinner that Friday, you asked if I loved either of them, my exes?"

Flashback (Chapter 25)

"Did you love him? Or Brock?" I am not sure where the question came from, why do I care if she loved them? It is not like she will ever love me, I am a fucking mess.

"Maybe," she says softly. I tilt my head confused by what maybe means. This is a pretty cut and dry yes or no question. "I mean in the moment I thought I did but it is easy to get swept up in the moments, you know? I guess I did with Andre enough to lose my virginity to him, but then again when we broke up I wasn't that devastated. Same with Brock, like I wasn't that upset, bitter he egged my house yes, but I didn't have that like movie moment where I cried in bed feeling lost. Can I get back to you on this one?" she asks.

I nod and wonder if she really will get back to me. Will she figure out if she loved them? You would think she'd know like, how do you not know if you loved someone?

End Flashback

"Yeah I remember," I tell her looking into her eyes confused where this is going. Is she going to tell me she did love him? God, if this is what she wants to tell me I wish she would just keep it to herself. We are happy, I don't need to know that she loved someone before me. That she got swept up in the moment and in a few years she could be laying in bed with another lucky bastard saying the same thing about me.

"I didn't. I didn't love either of them." My heart stops and my mind goes completely blank as she speaks. "It wasn't until you came along that I realized what I felt for them wasn't love, even if at the time I swore it was."

"What if you're just swept up in the moment again?" I bite back with more attitude than I intend. God I am fucking this up by being me. I am so desperate to protect myself from getting hurt even as Sydney literally confesses she's in love with me I still am an asshole.

Instead of getting upset with me, Sydney gently grabs my face between her hands. "I know this is more than just a moment. I know what I feel for you is indescribable and I will never feel it again for anyone else. You're it for me Matt. I know we have only been together for a month and things are moving so fast between us, but I know, I just know."

"Sydney I-," before I can finish Malcolm gets up and starts barking at my bedroom door. I jump, startled by him as the bedroom door opens a crack.

"Sorry kids, I was getting up to grab water and dropped it." I smile at my mom even though she just ruined my moment. I think about saying it now as she shuts the door and Malcolm lays back down but the moment feels lost. So many times I have wanted to tell her I love her and the timing just never works. I don't want to just blurt it out randomly, I want it to be special, something we remember.

"Wow that scared me," she yawns, snuggling into me and the blanket.

"Me too. Let's go to bed baby girl." I get up and turn the lights out then get back into bed letting Sydney get comfortable in her normal spot. She likes to sleep on my left, her head not exactly on my shoulder but more on my chest and her hair in my shoulder. Her left leg is usually across my body while her left arm is either balled up by her face or stretched out across me depending on how hot the room is.

"Night Matt," she whispers, wiggling out of her spot to kiss me goodnight before wiggling back with a content smile.

"Night love," I whisper, kissing her head. I lay awake as she sleeps, listening to her steady breathing. Her little hand is firmly gripping two of my fingers tonight causing me to smile. "I love you Sydney," I say even though I am positive she is asleep. One day I will have the balls to tell her that when she is awake. 

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The necklace from Matt I forgot to add to the last chapter. Ops sorry guys! Also I love you all so much this story is so close to