Chapter 55

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"Wait what?" Matt asks, clearly confused by my confession.

"Can we get dressed first?" I know I am just buying time and hoping to distract him but he smiles softly and moves to grab his pants. I decide to grab a pad from my backpack and use that, figuring it will catch the. . . mess. This isn't the ideal way to tell someone you have a missing brother who could be dead but it is out there now.

"All good?" he asks while I nervously play with my sleeve. Matt gently pulls me onto his lap and I wrap my arms around him, letting the comfort of being in Matt's arms calm my nerves. "You don't have to tell me. Trust me, I get not being ready to talk."

I let out a shaky breath, shaking my head, "You've told me everything, you deserve to know this."

"And I will, when you're ready. I told you about my mom because I was ready. Don't force yourself to do this if you aren't, I can wait babe." Even though Matt is giving me an out right now, every word he says only makes me more sure I need to tell him. He is so important to me and so much a part of my life, I want him a part of this too. Actually, I need him to be. With the holidays coming up I have been struggling, having him to talk to might help before I completely break.

I take a moment to collect myself before ripping off the band-aid, "He is missing, we don't know where he is or if he is even still alive." I can feel the tears slowly rolling down my face as Matt uses the pad of his thumb to softly brush them away. The tears aren't all sad though, some are from the relief I feel telling Matt. Having him to talk to about Aaron like he does with his mom will be nice. I know unlike everyone else he won't walk on eggshells and make me feel weird the moment I do feel like talking. My grandma was right on Thanksgiving, we don't have to act like he doesn't exist but that was just easier than the awkward conversations honestly.

Matt lets me continue when I am ready, not saying a word or pushing me. "He disappeared in June, right before we moved. When we moved we all decided to start fresh and to protect ourselves from the questions. I archived all his pictures on my Instagram and my parents didn't hang up a single family picture in our house. There are a few pictures of him in my room but you can't tell he is my brother, we look nothing alike."

"Did he run away?" Matt is trying to understand the situation but I am being annoyingly vague. In all honestly I could tell him the full story but I am scared it will scare him away. Between the story, that night all the way back in September, the break-in, and just everything, I wouldn't blame him if he left. Matt has spent most of his life thinking everyone will leave him, the last thing he needs to know is he wants to date a girl with a target on her back, he will run for sure.

"We don't know, there was no ransom call so we don't know what happened." I cringe a little as the lie so easily rolls off my tongue. I feel guilty but I try to keep the lie as close to the truth as possible. I mean there was no ransom call, that was true, but to say we had no idea is so far from it.

"Want to tell me about him? Not the sad stuff but the happier stuff? I know those two aren't always easy to separate."

I pull out my phone and open my album of all pictures of me and Aaron. "This is my brother Aaron," I tell Matt while swiping through the pictures. I can't help the smile on my face as I look at all the pictures of us smiling and happy.

"How much older was he?"

"14 months, I was the mistake before you ask."

"How'd you know that was my next question?"

"It always is. Ohhh that is close in age, did you parents want that? Nah bitch, but here I am anyways." Matt laughs as I put my hand under my chin and smile obnoxiously.

"Don't worry, that is the second best mistake to ever happen to me."

I pause and look at him, "What was the first?"

"You bumping into me in the hall on the first day." The mood shifts as Matt and I lock eyes. I can feel my heart instantly start to race as his eyes flick down to my lips and then back up. I lean forward a little and brush my lips against his watching as his eyes flutter shut. I can feel the electricity between us as he finally closes the gap and presses his lips to mine.

"Mine is your mistake at the party asking me to your fight," I tell him when we finally pull apart.

"That wasn't a mistake, Sydney."

"But you said-"

"I lied. I had a few drinks, sure, but I knew very well what I was doing. I liked you but you did not like me, I had to change that while not making it obvious I wanted your attention."

I laugh as he tries to explain his logic, "Sounds complicated."

He laughs with me nodding in agreement, "Yeah I probably could have just been nice that first day, but where is the fun in that? We all know the kids love a good enemy to couple trope."

"Plan on writing a book, Mr.Scott?" I tease. Things with Matt go from 0 to 100 all the time. We go from barely talking, to fighting, to having these deep heart to hearts, to hot make outs, to two friends just joking around, all within a few hours. If we don't get better control of our roller-coaster we call a relationship, one of us is going to go flying off.

"Yes I am, but right now I want to know more about your brother if you're ok sharing." And back to the heart to heart, I think I am going to need a neck brace after today to help with the whiplash.

"Alright well basic bio I guess. His name is Aaron Dennis Rider. Born February 26th, the same year as you. He would have been a senior this year. He played football at Friends and was talking to scouts when he disappeared. He was the best at our school but we weren't really a sports school so no crazy offers like you. He did have an offer from Harvard but he said if he went there he wouldn't play football, it would be too much."

"Ah, so he was the brains and the athlete of the family, what did that leave you?"

"Bitch if I was smart, athletic, and this hot it wouldn't be fair. I couldn't have all the power, imagine what that would be like?"

"Shit you're right, I would have to fight so many guys! Everyone already wants my girl as it is!"

"Too bad I am yours!" I yell clinging to him.

Matt takes me by surprise by kissing me, "Thank God you are."

I wiggle away from Matt before the kiss can get too intense. "Can we go get food now? I am hungry."

Matt rolls his eyes but climbs out of the back and into the driver's seat. I climb over the seats into the passenger seat and thank God I left my heated seat on. Things are a little moist down there and I am hoping the heat will dry it out. Matt and I decide to go get my car first at school and drop it home, which will also give me a chance to change. I text my parents that I told Matt and fill them in on my little lies just so they know. When we get to my house Matt and I walk in like we alway do but both stop in the entryway.

"They are staring at us."

"I am aware Matthew thank you," I bite back staring at my parents. "Can I help you two?"

My dad stands up and walks over still silent. He walks over and puts his hand on Matt's shoulder while Matt just looks at me confused. "I need you to listen closely to me Matthew."

Matt nods, looking a little terrified. "If you go to Iowa instead of Penn State you will fuck a lot of shit up for your father and I. We have big plans that depend on your ass being at Penn State. So stop wasting your time with my daughter, she isn't even that cute."

"DAD!" I scream, pushing him off Matt while Matt and my mom look at my dad stunned before bursting out into laughter. Annoyed with his bullshit, I storm off upstairs and quickly change into something comfortable. When I step out of the bathroom Matt is, like always, snooping around my room.

"Is this you two as kids? It is a cute picture."

I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist while we both look at the picture. Aaron is holding me upside down and I look like I was screaming or maybe laughing with my eyes shut. It was a picture from one of the military bases we lived on but I couldn't tell you which one, they all kind of look the same. I point out a few other pictures of Aaron and I hung up in my room until Blake calls Matt asking where we are.

When we get to Blake's house, I run right for the door leaving Matt in the dust. I can see Tito at the front door and I am locked in. I rip the screen door open and drop to the floor where the dog aggressively begins licking my face. When Matt finally walks in he pulls Tito off of me and pulls me up off the floor like I am his annoying child. "Elane, this is Sydney, Syd this is Elane, Blake's mom."

"Hi," I chirp, waving politely. Instead of a response, Elane looks me over once before turning on her heels and walking off. I watch her walk away in shock that she just snubbed me like that, bitch.

"She is always a bitch, she likes me and. . . well just me honestly." I pout the entire way downstairs, upset that Blake's mom wrote me off like that. I was excited about the dog but she didn't need to be rude!

When we walk into the basement everyone stops and looks at me. The entire team minus Asher is here which is almost 30 guys. The only ones I really know are Blake, Lance, Kaden, and Nash, the rest I have only seen but not talked to. Blake scoots over and pats the spot next to him for me so I can join in the video game he was about to start.

The room is dead silent still as I step away from Matt and rush over to hide next to Blake. "Favorite game?" Blake asks, pointing to the rows of games next to the tv.

"Probably Mario Kart," some guy says and the rest of the guys laugh. Matt looks at me ready to step in anytime but I give him a small nod to let him know I am ok.

"Do you have Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2? 2 is the best, honestly anyone else who says otherwise is only lying to themself." Blake gets up and puts the game in before sitting back down. All the other guys have shut up now watching me again as I start to play. Matt kicks some guys off the couch so he can lay down next to me and has Lance throw him a beer. I am shocked that judgy bitch Elane lets them drink to be honest.

"Damn, you're good Sydney," Lance comments after a little bit breaking the silence.

"Thanks, I have had a lot of practice kicking Matt's ass."

Matt tries to defend himself but all the guys are already laughing once he admits I have beaten him a number of times. When the game ends I hand the controller off to Nash, moving onto the floor in front of Matt to pet Tito.

"Let play a game," Graham, who is in my study hall, announces. Matt and I look at each other, both having After flashbacks, which are similar to war flashbacks but instead it is just the beautiful Hero and Jo eating each other's faces off.

"What kind of game?" Everyone looks at me but then back at Graham, realizing that it was actually a good question.

"Spin the bottle?"

"How is that going to work fuck face, there is only one girl here and no offense but I am not kissing any of you nasties?" Lance pipes up looking at Graham like he is a moron.

"Sydney spins the bottle and whoever it lands on becomes the luckiest bastard in the room." A bunch of the guys cheer at the idea while I roll my eyes. Matt sits up annoyed with the conversation and pulls me up onto the couch, instantly getting protective. He doesn't say anything, trying to let me handle things myself from now on but I know he is about to snap.

"Or you can each stand up and I can show you one by one how I laid out Asher today?" Matt laughs as they shake their heads not wanting to be flipped.

Another guy who I don't know chimes in, "Come on, it is a harmless game, make one guy here super happy. It's not like it means anything anyways, it is just a kiss. "

"Ok," I say looking at Matt who quickly catches on to my tone. He already knows he is the one I am going to kiss so he grabs an empty beer bottle and hands it to me. "Boys, get around the table please but do not touch it that is cheating."

Most of the team piles around the table, a few of them who have girlfriends. Some of the smarter guys know better or have morals and don't join. All of Matt's real friends move away because they respect Matt. To be fair, most of the guys on the team have no idea how close we are and don't realize they're playing with fire. I take the bottle and place it onto the table, turning it slowly with my hand. I circle the table a few times before stopping the bottle on Matt.

Instantly the guys start freaking out while Matt watches the chaos, "Guess that makes me the winner!" The guys are still bitching about how I cheated when Matt leans in, in front of everyone, and kisses me. I am taken by surprise for a moment before I kiss him back, my hands instantly going to his hair.

"Fuck yeah Matt!" Lance scream while clapping.

"Fuck you Dean ,you get the best ones," someone else yells causing us to both laugh, breaking the kiss.

"Are we good now? Can you all stop harassing my best friend?" Everyone nods and a few salute Matt. Sometimes the way they worship Matt kind of reminds me of a cult and he is the leader. Even the seniors mindlessly follow his commands even though they're all older than him.

The rest of the night is pretty chill. I don't drink so Matt can, not that I mind, beer isn't really my thing to begin with. I get to know all the guys better and honestly the entire team is pretty chill. Most quickly accept me as part of the group but a few seem a little unsure still. Someone decides I am the team manager and should be invited to all team events. Matt is the first to encourage this idea like an excited kid.

When we finally leave I pretty much drag Matt out. Someone convinced him to do a shot and it spiraled from there. Blake said this is what Matt is usually like when they all hang out except usually he just sleeps over in the basement with the other drunks. It isn't like he is the only one, most of the team is trashed minus Blake, Lance, and I, and most are sleeping over save for a few whose parents decided to drag their asses home. I offer to drive Lance home which he graciously accepts, thanking me close to 100 times.

"Thank you again, my dad would kill me if I was late," he says as we pull up, glancing at the time on his phone before looking at his house nervously.

"No problem Lance," I assure him. He looks back at Matt who is laying in the backseat singing and laughs.

Lance looks back at me and rubs his neck, "I don't mean to pry but tonight, that didn't seem like your guys' first kiss." Oh how much Lance reminds me of a little Matt, right down to the nervous neck rub.

"It wasn't."

"Well Matt seems. . . better lately. He is pretty closed off but lately he doesn't seem like he is always so mad at the world. Even tonight, he is not usually the fun drunk but tonight he was having fun, like actual fun not when he fakes having fun because we all called him out for being boring."

I take in everything Lance is saying as he takes one last look at the drunk idiot singing "Heathens" in the backseat before saying good night and running in the house. Once he is inside I drive us back to Matt's house and drag him into the house.

When we get to his room I drop him into his bed before getting ready for bed myself. I wash up and grab some stuff to wear from Matt's closet. When I am all set I walk out of the bathroom and find Matt laying naked across the bed. "What are you doing crazy boy?"

"Sex?" he asks like a child, reaching out for me. I lean over him and kiss his cheek before crawling into bed in my usual spot, summoning Matt to come to his spot.

"No sex."

He pouts but crawls under the covers with me while reaching his hand under my shirt and massaging my left boob. "Why not?" he whines trying to kiss my neck.

"You're drunk," I remind him.

He stops and sighs flopping down onto the bed, "Tomorrow?"

I hand him his boxers to put on and snuggle into his side. He turns on his side so we are face to face, now his breath which smells like beer fanning my face. "Go to sleep Matt."

"You never told me what happened with you and Asher." I can see in his eyes that he is sobering up, which makes this a dangerous conversation.

I place my hand on his cheek and kiss his nose, "It doesn't matter what happened, it is over."

Matt rolls back onto his back and pulls me onto his chest playing with my hair. "You know someone will tell me right?" I nod knowing the team is too loyal to lie to Matt. He doesn't press any further as we both start to fall asleep. "Night baby, you mean the world to me."

Matt falls asleep quickly but I can't shut my brain off and sleep. I am too busy thinking about all the secrets we all keep. My secrets about Matt and Aaron and now Asher. Matt's secrets about his mom and Celia and me. Blake's secrets about his sexuality. Lance's secret about his home life. Amanda's secret about being drugged. There are literally so many secrets, but the thing everyone knows with secrets is eventually they do get out.  

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I AM BACK BITCHES!! I MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH!! I was so excited to come back and see there are over 400 new reads since the last time I posted! You guys are incredible! Also thank you for getting my story ranked #5 in the boxer category, it was such an honor to be ranked up there with so many iconic works and none of that is possible without all of you! I am not sure if I will be posting Friday due to a school writing competition but starting next Monday I will be back full time and on my normal Monday, Wednesday, Friday posting schedule. 

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