Chapter 45

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Sydney's P.O.V.

As everyone guessed during 3rd period, the school made an announcement that we would be getting an early dismissal, so after 5th period instead of going to our next class the day would end. I almost felt bad for our Calc teacher who still had 15 minutes left of class to teach but couldn't seem to regain control of the class after the announcement. "You've seen snow before right Sydney?" Amanda asks as our teacher gives up attempting to finish the lesson.

"Oh yeah you're from D.C., do you guys get snow there?" Louis, who sits in front of me, turns around to ask.

"Yes we get snow but not as much as New York obviously. But I love to snowboard so I have seen snow 100s of times in my life." They both nod, satisfied with my answer and begin packing up. The bell rings shortly after and Amanda and I say bye to Louis before walking to gym. We still have to change, so we walk into the locker room and head to our lockers where Julia is waiting for us.

"This school is a prison," she exclaims the second she sees us both.

"Hey your pants are dry, how'd you do that?" Instead of a response to my question I get a death stare which causes Amanda to laugh.

Amanda stops and hugs Julia, before stepping back and looking at her, "but seriously J how'd you dry them?"

"I WENT TO THE BATHROOM, LOCKED THE DOOR, TOOK OFF MY PANTS, AND THEN DRIED THEM WITH A HAND DRYER! ARE YOU HAPPY!?" Julia's face is deep red, a mix of embarrassment and anger, as Amanda and I literally collapse to the floor laughing. The girls that also change near us all look away so Julia doesn't see them also laughing.

"Oh God J, I am so telling that story at Thanksgiving dinner," I tell her once I finally calm down and begin getting changed.

Julia whips around to me and grabs my shoulders looking me dead in the eyes, "In front of Matt? Are you insane!" I push her off and close my locker, rolling my eyes at her.

"What does it matter? It's just Matt. What, do you have a crush on him?" I tease her knowing she doesn't. Or at least thinking I knew. Amanda looks down while Julia stares at me with a panicked look on her now pale face. "Julia?" I urge the silence terrifying me.

"I used to last year but it's nothing now. I just thought he was really hot and hooked up with him once but he has never mentioned it since." Everything in the room stops and my blood runs cold at Julia's confession. She got with Matt, the guy I am now sorta kinda with. Wonderful, the last time we went after the same thing she shaved off my eyebrow! MY! EYEBROW!

"You what? Are you sure it was nothing?" I look to Amanda trying to keep my emotions neutral. The last thing I need is to lose control of myself and blurt out something stupid.

"I mean he is still hot, everyone and their mom knows that but he clearly isn't into me and is clearly very into you. Do you know I heard he hasn't hooked up with anyone since September?"

So you think, I bite back in my mind in a snarky voice but I don't dare to say it out loud. I decide to just walk away still trying to figure out how I feel about this, sitting in my assigned spot in the gym for attendance.

During warm ups we all just walk the perimeter of the gym, I choose to walk alone not ready to face Julia yet. Amanda catches up to me eventually, giving me a sad look, "Are you ok?"

"No I am not ok," I say harshly before immediately regretting it. Amanda doesn't deserve an attitude she didn't do anything wrong. "Why didn't she tell me before?" I ask softly both confused and hurt.

"I have been trying to tell her for months to talk to you but she didn't know what to say."

I look at Julia who is frantically talking to Kyle and Tyler, probably trying to explain why I am currently not walking with them. "How about, hey just to let you know I used to like Matt and we hooked up. Amanda, I need to know just how deep this her and Matt thing went, like immediately. I can't believe he didn't tell me either."

"Relax, Matt was a very different guy last year, there is a chance he doesn't even remember hooking up with J. Trust me, she wouldn't be the first he forgot. As for her I think you two need to sit down and talk about it; I can come to moderate but it needs to come from her." I nod knowing she is right and elbow her to slow down so our friends can catch up.

"I am so sorry I didn't tell you sooner Sydney I just didn't know what to say," Julia rushes as soon as she is close to me, grabbing me into a bear hug. I hug her back still feeling really awkward about the whole thing.

During the rest of class and lunch the next period no one mentions Julia and Matt or Matt at all actually. I wonder if that's why Kyle always seems to be a little defensive around Matt? I always just assumed it was because Matt is a dick and likes to make Kyle feel dumb. Wait, what if Matt is jealous of Kyle and that's why he is so rude to him always! I mean we all pick on Kyle, he is an easy target but Matt seems to get extra enjoyment out of it. I mean people always say Julia and I look alike. What if I am only a placeholder and he really wants Julia? Oh God I need to stop, I am spiraling!

When lunch ends I grab my books and walk to my locker hoping Julia doesn't need anything from her's. Unfortunately I don't get that lucky as she opens her locker next to me and gives me a weak smile. "We need to talk J," I tell her.

"I know I know, how about I come over tonight with snacks and movies and we talk about it all? Amanda offered to come and help us talk about it too. We can come over at like 6 once my dad is home? You know if I leave the twins alone now they might burn our whole house down." I laugh at her joke knowing it is kinda true. We agree on 6 at my house before she walks off to go meet Kyle.

I walk to Matt's locker and wait for about 5 minutes but he doesn't come. I pull my phone out and make sure he hasn't texted me but he hasn't. Confused, I walk to the side exit and see if his car is still in the parking lot. It is which makes me even more confused. I go to walk back to his locker when he comes down the stairs with Blake trailing behind him basically jogging to keep up. "Where were you?" I ask, a little annoyed that I waited nearly 10 minutes for him, but he blows past me without a second thought and rips his locker open.

Blake stops next to me and I look at him waiting for an explanation. "Team shit, nothing to worry about," Blake assures but I get the feeling he isn't telling the truth. I wish he wasn't in such a bad mood because I am sure asking about hooking up with my cousin isn't going to make anything about his mood better.

Matt comes back over to us and looks at Blake trying to gauge what he told me. I decide to interrupt, figuring the quicker he gets away from everyone the better at the moment, "Ready to go?"

"Yeah. Bye man, I will pick you and Lance up at 3:30 for practice." Blake and him do their little bro shake thing and nod before Matt wraps his arm around my waist and leads me out of the building. There is about 2 more inches of snow on the ground than there was this morning when we got in.

"This is a lot of snow," I comment. Matt has let go of my waist now and is looking intensely at the ground, off in his own thoughts. I am so busy watching him that I don't even notice the patch of ice until I start to fall.

Matt grabs me quickly before I can fall on my ass and shakes his head at me, "Can you fucking pay attention?"

I am so stunned at first I don't even answer as we get into his car. As he starts it waiting for the windows to defrost, I look at him and softly say, "I am sorry I wasn't paying attention."

Matt leans his forehead on the steering wheel, his hands covering his face. I watch him, not sure what to do, scared I will do or say something wrong that will set him off. I feel like we are back to the baby project when we had the fight in his car; I didn't know what was wrong that day either and I ended up making things worse. Things are too messy right now the last thing I need is a fight with Matt too.

"Don't be sorry you did nothing wrong. I am just in a bad mood, but I can't take that out on you. I am sorry babe." I climb out of my seat and into Matt's lap just wanting to be close to him right now. Neither of us speak as he pulls me close into his chest, burying his face into my hair. It is quiet in the car and I listen to the steady sound of Matt's heart beating in his chest, letting it drown out my own annoying thoughts.

"Matt?" I ask, shifting in his lap so I can look up at him. He looks down at me and kisses my nose before nodding. I take a deep breath and say a quick prayer to anyone who will listen that I don't ruin everything with Matt before speaking again, "Why didn't you tell me about her?"

Matt immediately looks panicked as he shifts in his seat. I can see him searching my eyes trying to read my emotions, but I don't let them give anything away. "Who baby?" I can hear his voice is shaking a little and I place my hand on his cheek.

"It's ok I am not upset Matt. I just wish I knew you hooked up with Julia earlier. I mean like she is my cousin. Do you like her?"

Matt tilts his head looking at me like I am insane. "Like her? Sydney up until 30 seconds ago I forgot I even hooked up with her. I never liked Julia, I hooked up with her while drunk at a party that I can't even remember. I thought I had hooked up with her when we first started hanging out but she never said anything to either of us so I figured I just hooked up with someone who looked like her. To be fair a lot of these girls start to look the same when you're loaded."

"So you don't hate Kyle because you're jealous he has the girl you want and are secretly using me to get to her?" As I say it out loud I laugh a little realizing how crazy I sound. I look away not wanting to look at Matt, knowing he is probably judging me.

"Look at me," he requests while turning my face to look at him. "The only person I am using you to get to is Dennis." We both laugh as Matt's comment lightens the mood. I go to kiss him and move off his lap but he stops me, holding me in place. "I am not done. Listen, Amanda made a comment last night about me being serious and I have wanted to talk to you about it ever since. I need you to know I am so fucking serious about us and that you're really important to me. This isn't some game to me and despite my past, you aren't just another name on a list."

I don't even realize that I am crying until Matt leans forward and kisses the tear rolling down my cheek. The whole Julia thing is still really hard to swallow and I don't know what to do or how it will affect Matt and I going forward. I can't find any words so I just grab Matt's face and kiss him desperately. Every ounce of worry and confusion from today melts away as Matt kisses me back his tongue rubbing against mine as I grip his hair. I moan into his mouth as his hands roam my body slowly following every dip and curve.

"Baby I would love to keep doing this but I told my mom we would have a movie night if we got out early." I smile and kiss Matt one more time before climbing into my seat. I love that he was willing to stop whatever that was about to turn into for a movie with his mom. He holds my hand the entire drive to my house.

When we pull up to my house I can tell something still isn't right. "Are you going to tell me why you were in a bad mood back at school?" I trace my pointer finger on my right hand over his knuckles on his hand, covered in scars from years of training and fighting.

"Wrestling stuff, don't worry about it. I am going to make sure it is taken care of tonight." I look up at him because something about the way he says 'taken care of' puts me on edge but his face looks calm so I brush it off. "Are you ok about the Julia thing?"

I sigh not really sure of the answer to that. Matt wasn't even positive Julia was the girl he hooked up with but Julia clearly knew it was Matt and had feelings for him. I'm not upset with him at all but I do wish that we weren't in this situation. I would hate to lose Matt but if I had to choose between him and Julia we all know who'd win. Finally I give him an answer, "No."

"I wish I could turn back time and never kiss her but Sydney I didn't know you. God I wish I did, but I had no idea you were going to walk into my life until you were literally slamming into me in the hall back in September. I don't remember a thing about hooking up with her and I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing." Matt rubs the back of his neck and stares forward out the windshield. I don't know if it is good or bad either honestly.

On the one hand I am happy he doesn't remember, that means their past played no role in us. On the other hand I wish I knew the details what they did, if they had sex, and how Matt felt during the whole thing. I want to pretend I am a good cousin right now and I am not upset about this all because I don't want to hurt Julia, but that is a lie. I am upset because I like Matt and I felt special and now knowing he may have shared what we had even for a night with my cousin makes me sick.

"Baby?" I look over at him and feel my heart shatter at the fear in his eyes. Why does everything with us need to be so fucking complicated. After everything we have both been through why can't we just be happy together without all the bullshit?

"Don't worry, we will get through this. I am going to talk to J tonight and I will call you after ok?" He nods but his grip on my hand is tight and he makes no move to let go. I lean over and kiss his nose like he does mine. He chuckles before grabbing my face and kissing me. I pull away first knowing he needs to get home soon otherwise he will miss movie time with Celia. "Please drive safe Matt and text me when you get home?"

"Of course. I will talk to you later Barbie."

"Bye Satan," I say while I close the door. Somehow the old nicknames bring me comfort as I walk into the house and watch him drive off. 

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Little bit of a short chapter sorry guys! Also I forgot to add the picture originally but I updated chapter 44 to include little baby Matts Dino pjs they're really good so definitely go check them out. Love you all! 

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