6 months later

Amaya

"Niya! Can you pass me the salad?" I asked Niya who was sitting on the other end of the table.

Niya gave birth to a baby boy and his name is Zeehan which means brightness. He is so small and cute that you can spend a whole day looking at him. My angel is sleeping right now.

My grandparent went to India 2 weeks back. Pinni, Babai, and the idiots come here every weekend.

"You can't eat the salad. You have the chicken." Said Brian my physiotherapist and I just rolled my eyes at him.

Trust me! He has been a pain and pleasure in my life. You see life from a new angle when you are in a wheelchair. I'm not talking about the height. I was in a wheelchair for 4 months and in bed for a month after the accident. After the wheelchair on crutches for 2 weeks.

 It's been 2 weeks since I started walking. Brian is a pain because he made me work hard to get rid of the wheelchair in 4 months. He is a pleasure because he is the reason I'm walking these days.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, young lady. You still have a limp in your step. You have to eat healthily." He said and served me like 4 chicken breasts. 

Some metal pierced my pancreas and I got diabetes after the accident. My meals are getting boring. I haven't had sugar ever since and that sums up life, boring. I didn't think I would ever say this. But I'm starting to hate chicken, which used to be my favorite kind of meat in my life.

I took the chicken out of my plate and tried to put it back on the table. He wouldn't let me do it. So, we started bickering.

"Don't you feel jealous? I am jealous of him, I should be the one taking care of her like that. He is completely different when it comes to her." Niya asked Brian's wife Laura. 

Laura is my psychiatrist. When the doctors here analyzed my case, they wanted me to talk to a psychiatrist. I didn't want to but Sampath told me to do it. Laura is his colleague and friend from school. She is the one who referred him in the first place.

"No, I don't. To be frank, I'm happy to see a new angle in him. She brings out the father in him."  She smiled looking at us fighting like kindergarteners.

"I don't know how even put up with him. He is so annoying and mad all the time." I asked her. She just smiled at me.

"When I first went to his office for the initial check-up. He was like, don't call me Brian or Mr. Huffner call me Dr. Huffner. He was all weird and angry." I told her trying to imitate him. \

Everyone just laughed at my actions including Brian.

"What about you? Do you remember the rap or poem you wrote when went to see Laura?" He asked me. How does he know that? Oh god! just kill me. I was so sad that day and Laura was not coming in so.

"Ammu wrote a Rap!! Why did I not know that? Do you have it?" Niya asked them shrieking.

"I do have it with me let me show you?" Laura said and pulled out her phone. 

She started saying what I wrote that day. I started to yell, so she won't be able to read but Brian ran into the kitchen and put tape on my mouth, and held my hands.

I should start a Rhyme
But I can't remember any other word but thyme

How about a Rap
Everyone go take a nap

Oh yeah! I got it now
It's easy as a cow

Weep, Weep, Weep
Till I sleep, sleep, sleep

Is it because I'm broke
Medical bills are a joke

Is it because my car a junk
It was my first hunk

Is it because I can't walk
Life is such a poppycock

Weep, Weep, Weep
Till I sleep, sleep, sleep 

Is it because of him
Everyone says he is dumb

I say to myself that it's his loss
Why do I feel the abyss

No one knows that I cry

Weep, Weep, Weep
Till I sleep, sleep, sleep

I'm waiting for a shrink
I'm starting to rethink

Why is she so late
Is she gonna interrogate

Here she comes
Let's talk about my glums

Everyone is clutching their stomach and laughing their hearts out.

This is so embarrassing. I wanted to stomp on everyone and leave the room. But I'm not that person anymore. I started to not run away from anything that embarrasses me or hurts me.

"What did you do to her? Stop annoying her." Sampath said to everyone and took the tape off my face and freed me from Brian's hold.

He went and kissed Niya and settled on a chair beside her. Niya and Brian said Sorry, trying to control their laugh.

"I was impressed with your skills. You were my first patient who did that when I came in late. So, I saved the thing and sent it to Brian." Laura said controlling her.

"You are so mean! What happened to the doctor-patient privilege?" I asked her stuffing my mouth with this stupid bland chicken.

"She hates when people call her a shrink. But that was the first time she laughed at it." Brian told me to make me feel better.

This is Brian for you, he makes it up in all ways if he hurts you. Being with him for more than 4 months taught me a lot, Laura and Brian are the reason I am not sitting in the corner of a room and crying, or living like a zombie.

We were talking but Brian wanted me to sleep early. I bid my byes to everyone and went to my room. Niya came in to check up on me so I acted like I was sleeping because She has been trying hard to keep me happy. I don't wanna trouble her anymore.

It's been 3 hours but I can't sleep. I just miss sleeping. I tried everything Laura told like counting numbers and shutting my brain but nothing ever works. I don't want to bother everyone so, I'm gonna keep looking at the ceiling. Nice fixtures and lights, Who knew Niya had great taste.

Cha-Ching

My phone buzzed, huh who could that be at this time? I rolled over to the end of the bed and grabbed my phone only to open the book that I'd been trying to close for the past 6 months.

Jameson's 27th Birthday

That's what my phone said. I started to feel a numbing pain everywhere. I shuffled through the drawers and took a paper bag and started breathing in it.

Remember what Laura said, long deep breaths, long deep breaths. 

You are stronger than this.

 No one can break you.

 No one can hurt you. 

You are the ruler of your own mind.

 Don't think. Don't think.

 I tried chanting these words but my heart has a mind of its own.

"Are you done with your work now?"  I asked him laying on his lap, while he was working with one hand and brushing my hair with the other.

"10 min Maya. I have to sign these documents and send them to Andrew."  He said looking at his screen.

It was my birthday yesterday, and we went out on a date. It was the best evening of my life, we went out for dinner and a movie. He was such a gentleman that I wanted to stay with him forever.

"What do you want for your birthday? I can give you anything you want, this one is going to be your golden birthday and the first one with me in it." I asked him. 

He is gonna turn 27 years old this year, and I wanted it to be special for him.

"I want you to be with me every single moment of my life." He said and kissed me on my cheek. I felt really happy at that moment and I don't have words to describe it.

"When did you get so cheesy?" I asked him getting up from the table.

"What can I say? You made me into a ball of fluff." He said smiling at me. He just closed his laptop and pulled me onto him

My baby angel Zeehan's crying brought me back out of those beautiful yet painful memories. I ran to his room, so he won't wake up Niya or Sampath. As I got into his room, he stood up from the crib and was wailing his heart out, like I should be doing. I lifted him up and put him on my shoulder and started walking.

"Did you feel my pain too? I don't know what to do Z. I tried everything but it's not working." I said to him, and he just made a sound like he is listening to me.

"Today is his birthday. Why did he reject me? I wish I had an answer for it. If he was here with me, he would have pampered you like crazy." I said with a smile at the thought of Z with him.

"You met Shaurya and Ana remember? He is his son. Andrew is his best friend. You met everyone except for him Z." I told him, and Z made weird baby sounds.

Ana and Shaurya came here last week to visit me. They said that they are going to India, We talked a lot but not a word about Jameson. It's the same with Andrew too. He comes by here at least twice a month. He is still my best friend.

"I know everyone is trying to not talk about him and I act like he was not there in my life. It still hurts Z," I told him.

I'm trying to show everyone that I'm okay and that his breaking up with me doesn't affect me. It surely does. I know Laura says to accept the situation and move on, but I can't help it. I wish I had a memory-erasing device. My legs started to hurt and I looked at Z who was sleeping peacefully.

I kissed him goodbye and started going towards my room and saw Sampath at the door.

"You should go back to sleep. I took care of him." I told him.

"What about you? Why didn't you tell anyone about this?" He asked me. 

He heard the whole time I was talking to Z, I'm smacking my head mentally. We walked towards the living room and sat on the couch there.

"Everyone thought I don't wanna talk about him, and started acting like he was never there in my life. I'm trying to forget him Sampath, but I love him and I can't bring myself to hate him for what he did." I said holding my tears.

"Don't you think I deserve an explanation? The Jameson I was with would never do that." I told him, that's what I believe in.

 I always thought if there was ever gonna be a fight between us it would be because of me, he was the mature one in our relationship.

Sampath looks conflicted and sad at my words.

This is what I hate more, Niya cries with me every single time I cry. I already made them go through so much, I don't wanna see them in pain anymore. That's the reason I stopped being sad in front of them and put on a happy face for the people who love me.

"There can't be answers for everything. You have to accept it and move on." Sampath told me.

"I'm trying to. But I just can't help it. Every single time I see a couple I miss him. Is it because I don't look good? Is he in love with Sophie?" I told him my true feelings and pain. There are days when I was jealous of Niya and Sampath.

"It's not you," Sampath told me like he knew it wasn't me.

"If it's not me then why? You don't know it? You are just telling me to ease my pain." I justified his answer.

"Trust me Ammu it's not you. I could never be you. He loves you so much." He told assuring me, but it's not helping me.

"If he loves me so much, why was he not there when I needed him the most? Do you think I should go back there and ask him?" I asked Sampath, and he just let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm gonna tell you something, but you can't tell anyone I told you this," Sampath told me and showed his hand to make a promise. I nodded and placed my hand in his.

"When you were in the hospital grandpa yelled at him saying he is the reason you are in bed and it was him who should be on the bed not him. I assured him that he is not and everything would be okay after you wake up, but he kind off thought that he is the reason our family's breaking up." He told me, and now I can paint the picture of what he might have been thinking.

Oh, my poor Jameson! He went through so much for me.

"He was there every night when you were in a coma. He sat there crying and looking at you. I saw him in your room when I was there. He loves you Ammu. I think he did that so you and grandpa won't fight anymore." He said with so much confidence that I believed him.

It was not my fault, but he broke with me for me and my family. I don't if I should feel happy or devastated. The only thought that popped up in my mind was to go there and meet him.

"Can I go back and be with him?" I asked him with the best puppy dog eyes with happiness gushing through my face with the thought of seeing him.

"No Ammu. What about everyone? What will I tell them? You can't leave and I don't wanna risk you going back to a coma if he says no. That's the reason I assume, not his reason to break up with you." He said, but I'm not gonna leave it there. I am going back.

"I love him and he loves me. I'm not going back to a coma. If he rejects me now at least I will know the reason for it. Please give me one last chance to fight." I pleaded with him.

"Fine! What about your therapy and work?" He asked me

"I can talk to Brian, and we can work this online. As for work, I'm already doing remote so it won't matter. Don't tell anyone about this just Niya. I don't want everyone to feel bad if he rejects me again." I said gulping through the last words.

He nodded a yes and hugged him. He kissed me on my head and said

"I can cover up for you only for 2 weeks. You have to come back after that. Now, will you go sleep?"

I'm gonna meet Jameson. I will go on the first flight tomorrow which is at 7 here which means 10 there. I have to talk to Andrew about this. I limped to my room after Sampath left and called Andrew.

"Are you okay? Why are you calling me at this time?" He asked me yawning through half of the words he said.

"I'm coming back and I want a job where I can be really close to Jameson," I asked him

"WHAT... Did I hear it right?" He asked me.

"Yes, You did," I smirked.

"No Amy! You won't able to bear it. I don't want to lose you again. I know it's his birthday and you are missing him but that's not the right thing to do." He said with worry evident in his voice.

"Yes I'm missing him but that's not the reason. I think I know why he broke up with me. It's because he doesn't wanna create a rift between me and my family. I know he is following what Ana said Don't break others' families to make yours." I explained it to him and he went numb.

"Hello! Are you there?" I asked

"Yeah! How did you know this?" He asked me and is shocked.

"It's not important. Are you gonna help me or not?" I asked him again.

"Anything for my favorite girl and to get rid of this grumpy man look on Jamie. At what time should I pick you up?" He asked me with excitement in his voice.

"It's at 12 there. Thank you so much for this." I thanked him for his help and his support.

"Sure Shortie. Let's kick Jamie's ass. I'm so excited for you guys." He yelled through the phone and for the first time after six months I laughed.

Whoop whoop...

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Love
Sneha