Ch. 48

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"Why does he always have to make me feel horrible, like I'm always making the wrong decisions? Every time he does something wrong he makes it seem like it was right or justifiable."

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"Eleanor Roosevelt?" I ask, grinning.

"Yeah, I have nothing else." He answers, smirking.

I start thinking about their conversation and it occurs to me that Maddox accused Tyler of liking me. "What's going on? Why does everyone think our relationship is more than it is? Why didn't you say anything when he accused you of having feelings for me?" I question, slightly worried.

Tyler looks at me. "You have to know, babe." He says, shaking his head. "I've been falling for you since the beginning."

I close my eyes, it's not what I expected to hear. It's not what I wanted to hear. Maddox has been worried about this and he was right. I don't say anything.

"I wasn't going to say anything or try anything. I just wanted to know you and be a part of your life. I didn't care that you'd never be mine as long as you were happy. Not anymore, you deserve more than that controlling, domineering, possessive, selfish asshole. If it's between him and me, I know I can make you happy. I'll be there for you no matter what, even if you're pregnant, I don't care." He says, looking at me with such love and devotion, I can't believe I didn't see it before. He was so careful he never once tried anything with me, not once did he slip up.

"How couldn't I have seen it? How could you have kept this from me? Never once did I think you wanted me." I wonder looking back at our relationship completely baffled.

"I didn't want to ruin anything. I didn't want to take advantage of you or the fact that you trusted me. I really did just want to be there for you as a friend, if that's what you needed. I made sure to hide my feeling because I didn't want you to feel pressured, or feel like you owed me anything. I don't expect anything from you. I just want you to know how I feel, finally."

"I have no idea what to say, I'm taken complete off guard. I just..."

"I know and I don't expect you to make a decision or know how you feel. I just want you to know you have options. I would never walk away from you, ever. If, later, you decide you only want to be friends, I'm okay with that, really. My love for you doesn't come with stipulations or 'all or nothing'. When I said life is too short to be without the ones we love, I meant it. I just want to love you even if it's from a distance, even if the love I have for you isn't returned."

"So the girl you were talking about earlier was me? You said it wouldn't work out."

"Babe, I'm terrified about what I just confessed to you. I don't want to lose you. I wasn't ever going to tell you how I felt. It will kill me if we try and it doesn't work out, that's why I never wanted to attempt it. But I can't sit here and see you so unhappy all the time either. If we have a chance at being happy together, I think we should take it."

The only thing I can feel right now is being scared to be wrong, to make the mistake of taking more. He's too good for me I don't deserve the happiness he gives me as a friend. How am I supposed to handle being his girlfriend? That's why loving Maddox was so much easier. He's damaged goods and so am I. How can I bring someone so perfect like Tyler is, down with me?

"I want us to still be friends, until I know for sure how I feel about everything. I don't expect you to wait around for me or anything like that. I won't ask that of you and I don't want that."

Tyler comes to the bed sitting down beside me again. I notice I'm still comfortable with him, it's just never awkward with us, it never has been.

"It's just... Tyler, you're too good for me, you know you are. I'm not perfect like you and you deserve so much more than someone like me. How can I bring you into the mess that is me? And with my past, I don't know what's normal."

"No one's perfect, Hadley. I'm far from it but I think we could be perfect together. The right love should feel as easy as breathing, not forced. I have that with you."

"Tyler, I do love you. I just don't want to rush into anything. You make me happy, you really do. I just can't make the same mistake I made with Maddox." I explain.

"I know. No rush, figure out what you want. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm tired. Are you staying here?" I ask.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I don't know." I reply and start thinking. I don't want him to go but maybe he should go.

"Okay, I'll go. Call me tomorrow?" He says, walking to the door.

"Wait. I don't want you to go. I really don't want to be alone but I don't want to ask too much from you. Ahh! I feel like I'm codependent and needy. Are you sure you like me?"

He laughs. "I more than like you." He says, walking to my dresser. He pulls out a t-shirt and shorts.

"Those won't fit you." I joke, trying not to smile.

"Smart ass. Here, go change, I'm beat. It's bedtime."

I get up and take the clothes from him smiling my thanks and walk into the bathroom. I change and brush my teeth getting a new toothbrush from under the sink for Tyler to use.

"I left a new toothbrush on the counter for you." I tell him. He's on his phone concentrating on something. "Is something wrong?" I ask.

"No, it's my mom, she wanted to know how you were doing." He replies, standing up and walking to me. He cups my face. "You're going to be fine, right?" He asks, quietly looking into my eyes.

"I'm a fighter, we never stay down for too long. Don't worry about me." He smiles at my answer and heads to the bathroom. I wait until he's back in bed before I turn off my bedside lamp.

"Can I hold you?" I hear him ask timidly.

I roll towards him and lay my head on his chest. "You don't have to ask to hold me." He brushes my hair with one of his hands pushing it away from my face. Our eyes find each other in the dark.

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