Ch. 39

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"I'm sorry. I just can't leave without you." Maddox says, his eyes desperate. It occurs to me that this is Maddox panicking.

"I can't. Not right now, just go." I want him gone. He's my weakness and seeing him like this is devastating to me. I never want to see Maddox like this. The fact that I'm causing this is nauseating.

Maddox looks to the floor with the most defeated expression I've ever seen on a person. What am I doing? Tyler's right, maybe if I hadn't tried to change him, Maddox would be confident enough in our relationship and he wouldn't feel like he has to fight for me constantly. I walk to him and hug him and he crushes me to him.

"Please, this is my fault. I just need some time to fix it. I need to think about things. I need you to understand that and give me time and space to breathe. I'll call you tomorrow." I promise, stepping back from him.

His eyes find mine and they say everything. I know mine mirror his. We are two very lost and broken people hanging on to each other because we don't have anyone else. We both don't want to be alone anymore.

"I love you." He says and walks away quickly.

Tyler hugs me from behind resting his chin on my head. "What have I done to him?" I ask, quietly.

"It's not what you've done, babe, this is about him. It's up to him to change his ways and grow up. Stop putting it on you. You've asked him to grow up, nothing more. You're asking him to change for the better, not telling him he's not good enough. If he doesn't want help or doesn't want to change, can live with it and love him regardless? Think about who Maddox is, I don't see him being what you're trying to make him. He's just not the type of guy that conforms to what others expect or want. He does what he likes doing. You love that about Maddox or you don't. That's all I'm saying about it. You have a lot of thinking to do. Don't ask for advice, you know what you want. You know what's right for you and it's your choice, no one else should influence your decision." He states, pointedly.

"Hadley, you're going to need more than a day. Don't rush into anything. You've done enough rushing in this relationship. Stop, think about it." Chris offers, sympathetically.

"I know I do, but he'll find me. He's always rushing things too. He's got a hold over me. He's my weakness, just as much as I am his."

"Road trip!" Tyler, says excitedly.

"What? Where?" I ask.

"I have another shack two hours north, right on the water. It's the perfect place to think. We'll go for a couple of days." He suggests, helpfully.

"I can't go. I have to take care of Alex. Hadley, you should talk to him before you leave." Chris says, sadly.

Just then we hear one of the men who Maddox fought get on the phone reporting to another man. I had forgotten they were still here.

"Yeah, is he here?" I ask.

"Knowing Alex, he's waiting for you to come back out." Chris answers.

"I don't know. I had security start breaking up the party." Tyler adds.

"I'll go look for him. Be right back." Chris says, walking away.

"Ah, I really don't want to do this." I groan, rubbing my temples.

"Man up, buttercup." Tyler orders, smirking at me.

"Shut up, Tyler." I reply, smiling.

Chris and Alex come into the kitchen. Alex is looking a lot like Maddox did. I smile at him letting him know that I don't hate him.

"I'm so sorry, Hadley. I shouldn't have done what I did." He admits, ashamed.

"Its okay, Alex. How about we go for a walk?" I suggest, walking to the back patio.

"Sure."Alex agrees, happily. Oh, this is going to be hard.

I walk outside and Alex follows. I see a gazebo in the garden and start to walk towards it when Alex steps beside me.

"I love you, Hadley." He suddenly declares.

Shocked, I suck in a breath. I turn to him and he pulls me to him, his lips suddenly on mine, kissing me roughly. I get over the shock and pull away, but he steps with me and continues to deepen the kiss. I feel his desire on my stomach. I hear him moan and I break our lips apart.

"Alex." I say, shaking my head.

"Hadley, I've waited for you for two years. I'll wait for you for the rest of my life. You'll see that Maddox isn't right for you and you're not right for him. Until then, I'll be here waiting. I have a meeting with the baseball team in Oakland tomorrow. I plan on being close to you no matter what." Alex states, looking at me intensely.

"Alex, I'll admit I love you. You've been like family to me. You and Chris, I love you both. Don't do something like change teams, you'll regret it and resent me."

"Why? Why can't you love me back?" He asks, frustrated.

"Don't do this, Alex. I do love you. At one time, I did have a crush on you but I need you and Chris in my life forever. I don't ever want to lose you guys, you're my family. I'm closer to both of you than my real family, always have been, always will be."

"I'll be with you forever, Hadley, you're all I've wanted for two years. Your eyes haunt me, all I have to do is look at you and I'm happier than I've ever been. I mean it with every ounce of my being, I love you."

"I don't know what to say, Alex. I'm not trying to lead you on or dismiss your feelings. I'm flattered but I just don't have those feelings for you." I tell him, fighting back tears.

He looks at me. I see his stubbornness in the set of his jaw. This has always been Alex, never settling for second and hating to lose. I just hope he listens to me. His hand comes up and cups my cheek. His eyes soften when he looks at me and I think he's going to accept what I said.

"You know it doesn't work like that. I didn't plan to fall for you but I have. You're it for me. I can't just turn it off. No one will love you more than me, Hadley, it's not possible." He says, with conviction.

"Alex... I still have to figure out things with Maddox and-"

"What the hell happened to your arm?!" Alex yells.

I look at the spot were Maddox held my arm and the bruise looks worse than what I thought initially. The dim light not hiding the difference of color.

"Maddox grabbed me." I say, looking in disbelief at my swollen and bruised arm.

"Are you okay? You can't stay with him. Tell me you're not staying with him. If you don't want to be with me, that's fine but not him, please, Hadley. He's not misunderstood, he doesn't need or want your help. He's not good enough for you! How does everyone see this but you? I know you think you're not good enough because of your parent, but you have to see that you're better than them. They aren't around anymore to bring you down, don't replace them with someone else. Look at what he's done. I beg you, make the right choice and walk away from him." He urges.

"I know what I have to do, but that doesn't make it any easier. I need time, my head is so twisted I don't need to be pulled in any more directions." I explain, suddenly feel very drained.

"I know. Take your time." He says, genuinely sorry.

"I'm going away with Tyler so Maddox doesn't find me, so I can think."

"How long?" He asks, calmly.

"A few days." I reply.

"That's a good idea."

"I'm tired, I just want to relax and go to bed. I'll talk to you soon okay?"

"Yeah. Is Chris going with you?"

"I don't know. He wants to be with you I think." I tell him.

"Well that's Chris, he's a good brother. Sorry, I freaked when Maddox pushed him." He adds, remorsefully.

"It's fine. I just want to forget this night ever happened." I grumble.

"It's not fine, Hadley. Let's go inside so you can sleep." He suggests, and I agree.

As we walk inside he grabs my hand and looks me in the eye. "How long have you known? How long have you known I loved you?"

"Chris told me at my birthday party, when I was putting on my swimsuit."

"Thought so." He says, smirking. "He's such a gossip girl."

I smile as we walk back through the doors. Alex releases my hand, holding the door open. I look to the kitchen island and Tyler and Chris are eating chips with face masks on and Chris is reading an article out loud. I go sit by Tyler listening to Chris. Tyler turns to me and starts putting the face mask on me. Laughing at what Chris is reading. He's reading about the worst dates that readers sent in to the editor. I start listening and pretty soon we're all laughing.

"Alex, would you like an apricot face mask?" Tyler asks. I wonder if he ever gets embarrassed.

"Nah, man. I'm good, thanks." He responds, grinning.

"Your loss." Chris says.

"So, we're leaving early tomorrow. My parents are there too, but don't worry they'll leave you alone. I told them you were there to think." Tyler explains.

"I'm not worried and I don't really want to think the whole time. I just want to breathe." I say, truthfully.

Tyler gets serious all of a sudden. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath then stands up and walks to the fridge. He pulls out an ice pack and sets it on my arm. Then goes to a cupboard and gets some Tylenol and a glass of water.

"Thanks, Tyler."

"No prob, babe." He replies, quietly.

"Okay, quiz time!" Chris announces, in a sing song voice.

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