CHAPTER 33 | Suppression

MARK'S P.O.V.

I can't believe I've done this! I kissed a boy! A male person! Someone of my same sex! Someone with a... d-d-dick!

Stupid Mark. Stupid Mark!

It's not my fault! I needed to know if I really liked him or not. The only way of knowing that was by kissing him. The result? Absolutely not! I didn't like it!

Sure, it does feel... A bit good. Just a little. It feels like kissing anyone else. Only with him, it feels... Different. It feels weird. He has some kind of things with him that feel like sparks, and those sparks make it feel... How to explain it... Nicer than normal. I mean, why don't I feel those things with Scarlet?

Right. Perhaps because she's already used, and I have kissed her lips a lot that I have consumed all of her sparks. I'm sure everyone has these sparks on their lips, don't they? And they run out once you have kissed them enough. Well, tomorrow I'm going to test that. With another girl. I don't care if I feel like cheating on Scarlet... Or on Zack.

Wait, what the hell? Zack and I aren't even dating! How the hell am I going to feel like cheating on him? That stupid kissing session is only so I can get rid of my confusion and this ridiculous fag phase once for all... But the most I do this with him, the more I feel like... I want to keep doing it over and over again. I had never felt like needing someone's lips on mine the entire time only by kissing someone. And with Zack... I feel that. I don't know why. I'm not supposed to be feeling that towards him!

I finally arrived at the parking lot, where my car was waiting for me. I unlocked it with the key and opened the door. I sat on the driver's seat and shut the door. I gripped the steering wheel, but I wasn't driving. I couldn't help but let my mind drift off to that specific moment.

I can still smell his scent all over my body. I can still feel his delicate lips pressing against mine. I can still feel his small hands traveling up and down my bare torso, that although they were cold, they contrasted so well with my warm body, creating an unusual yet so delightful feeling. I can still feel his tongue inside my mouth, and I swear I went insane at how good that had felt, that I couldn't help but ask him to do it again. I can still hear ourselves moaning and aching for the touch of the other.

I feel like a part of me is empty when he's not around. I feel like I have to be with him at any second. When he's close to me, my insides go crazy, making my heart thump heavily and my stomach flutter as if I had insects inside. I don't know why it's him who makes me feel such things. These feelings get stronger with every passing day, and with this thing of kissing him, the feelings increase and with so much force. Why is my body making me suffer all this?! Why can't I feel this towards a girl?! Why can't Zack be a girl?!

"Boo!"

"AAH!"

I screamed when I heard someone hitting my window. When I realized it was no one else than this stupid Rupert who was laughing his ass off, I opened the door and glared at him.

"Rupert! What the fuck?!"

"You... You should have seen... Your face!" He said as he clutched his stomach from how much he was laughing.

"You idiot! That wasn't funny!"

"It was!" He said, recovering from his laughter. "I had never seen you so scared."

I just scoffed and went back inside my car. I'm not in the mood for his foolish jokes.

"Hey, can you give me a ride home?" He asked before I closed the door.

"No!" I snapped.

"Thanks!" He said, walking to the other side of the car and opening the door.

I rolled my eyes and I had to let him in. He closed the door and looked at me. I still had a pissed look on my face.

"Oh come on, Marky, don't be angry. I just saw you here inside your car staring at I don't know what, and I was so happy to find you here, so I decided to greet you by giving you a tiny scare."

"Whatever." I said, starting the car. "What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you had gone home already?"

"I got detention!" He said angrily. "The girls in my class are so damn sensitive. I was bored, and I just told a girl that her hair looked like a nutshell. She got pissed off and went to tell it to the teacher. What a bitch."

I shook my head as I drove down the road to this idiot's house. "Rup, you know you never have to talk bad about a girl's hair. Or their appearance in general." I told him as if I was instructing a seven-year-old.

"But it was a simple joke! She should have taken it as such."

"Not even as a joke."

"Ugh, well now I see how damn sensitive they are. Anyway, what about you? What were you doing?"

Images from just a while ago came flooding my mind, and I didn't know how to respond.

"Mark? Why are you so red?" Rupert asked me.

I didn't even realize I was blushing. I scratched my forehead to try to hide my face. "Um... Nothing. It must be the sun."

"But there is no sun today." He pointed out, looking through the window.

"Whatever. I was just... The teacher told us to stay in the classroom for extra time because... We misbehaved in class, that's all." I lied.

"Oh, I see. Too bad they didn't give you detention."

"You wanted them to give me detention?"

"Yeah, so we could have been together, and I would be less bored."

I chuckled. Too bad I was busy making out with Zack at that time.

Fuck! Stop thinking about that!

I stopped the car in front of Rupert's house when I got there. I waited for him to open the door and get out. But when I glanced at him, I noticed he was just staring at me.

"What?" I asked uncomfortably.

"Nothing. Just trying to figure out what has made you look so off lately."

"Off?"

"Yeah. I feel like you're not the same as before... I mean, you used to be a bit more cheery, joyful..."

"That's when we were kids, Rup. Some people change as they grow up, you know."

"But not too long ago you used to talk a lot with us. You laughed, you joked, you joined our conversations, and one day, BOOM! You went from happy to bitter faster than light. And it was after that party, if I'm not wrong. Did something happen that night?"

I shook my head. "No." Oh, except that I found out that Zack slept with my brother. I seriously hope he's still not talking to him through messages or something.

"Then what is bugging you?" He pushed. Ugh, hasn't he ever heard about private things?!

"It's nothing, Rup. This is just the way I am."

"No, it's not. I know you and I know something's not right with you. Why don't you want to tell me? Aren't we life-long buddies? We're supposed to tell each other the simplest things. Hell, we have even seen each other's dicks already."

I looked at him in disbelief. "You made me look at your dick!"

"I know. You don't have to thank me, dude." He said simply, patting my shoulder. I swatted his hand away with a glare. "Oops, it looks like I've made you angry again. I better leave before you destroy my precious face." He opened the door and climbed out of my car. "Bye!" He waved at me.

"Bye." I replied dully before he closed the door and I drove off to my house.

I trust Rupert. I really do. But there's no need to tell him about my current situation. I don't feel anything towards Zack, so there's nothing to worry about. Those things that I feel while kissing him are normal and they happen with anybody. With the time those things will fade away until I won't feel them anymore, I won't have to kiss Zack again and I'll get rid of this stupid fag phase once for all! Just you be patient, Mark. Be patient.

I parked my car in my driveway and climbed out. I could hear some loud music blasting through the window of my bedroom. I rolled my eyes when I knew that was Wyatt. Why is he playing that music so loud?

I opened the door to the house and stepped inside. The first thing I saw was my dad sitting on the sofa and with an angry look on his face. He must be pissed due to the noise that Wyatt is making with his music. I walked to the kitchen and my mom was quietly cooking something. She smiled at me when she saw me.

"Hi, Mark. How was school?"

"Fine, I guess... What is Wyatt doing?"

"He said something about cleaning up your room before he left. By the way, why don't you go there and help him? I told you to clean it yourself even before he arrived and it looks like you didn't obey me."

I rolled my eyes and went up the stairs to my bedroom. That Wyatt. He just loves to clean everything up. I wonder why he didn't get a job as a maid instead.

I opened the door and the music was even louder. I was surprised when I found lots of black bags everywhere, the furniture was out of place, there was more trash than usual. Everything looked more terrible than usual!

"What are you doing?!" I asked Wyatt through the loud music as he came out of the bathroom.

He made his way to his mp3 player thingy and lowered the volume just a bit. "I'm cleaning your bedroom. I told you I would clean it before I left."

So he is going to clean it for me? Well, I'm fine with that as long as he doesn't involve me in this. This was his idea after all.

"What do you want me to do with these?" He asked as he showed me my complete collection of magazines with hot girls in them. "Do I burn them?"

"Yeah." I shrugged as I walked to my bed.

"Yeah?" He asked, surprised of my answer.

"Yeah, I've seen them all already. They've gotten boring. Do whatever you want with them." I said as I plopped myself down on my bed with shoes on.

"Thank God! I have new food for my fireplace."

I shook my head and put my arm over my eyes. Don't get me wrong, of course I still like girls, but those magazines are so old and I have seen every naked girl in it already. I can always browse through porn sites anyway.

I tried to relax on my bed when I felt something hard smacking my stomach harshly.

"Ouch! What the hell?!" I yelled, standing up from the bed and rubbing the spot where I had been hit. Wyatt was in front of me, holding a broom on his hand.

"Sorry to disturb your moment of peace, sir. But I'm trying to clean your unsightly cave here and I require some help. So would you care to give me a hand?"

"Was there need to do that?" I snapped, still rubbing my stomach.

"What? Did it hurt you?" He asked in an exaggerated baby voice. I scoffed at him.

"This was your idea, wasn't it? To clean my room. Why don't you do it yourself?"

"Because this is your room too. And I'm not your maid. So get your butt moving and help me out." He said in a serious tone, handing me the broom he was holding.

I huffed and wanted to protest. But there was no point in doing so, so I snatched the broom from him and started sweeping my room. Damn, I look ridiculous doing this! Men like me don't do chores like these!

The past minutes were about me taking out trash and dumping things I didn't need anymore. I took all of my dirty clothes to the roof. Wyatt told me to wash them later, and I agreed just he could shut up. But I'm not doing that. Just no. Imagine a guy like me, washing clothes? No way! I'll just ask my mom to do it for me and pray to God that she accepts to do it.

I pulled my bed out of its place to see what was below it. Lots of little black spiders came out running in all directions. There were more dirty clothes and all kind of trash. There was a notebook, a spoon, a bottle, a rotten piece of pizza, a shoe, a toothbrush, a charger, my Rayman videogame- Wait, my Rayman videogame! I thought I had lost it! I picked it up excitedly and wiped away the dust and spiders that covered the box. I opened it only to find that the CD was missing. My face dropped. Damn it. This game was my childhood.

I heard a spraying sound. I turned to see Wyatt wearing a mask that covered his mouth to his nose. He had a spray bottle of some sort and was spraying it all over the room. The smell made me cough.

"Ugh. Now what are you doing?" I asked him, covering my nose.

"Spraying insecticide to kill all of your spider friends. I suggest you leave your room for a while."

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the room.

After some more minutes passed, we were almost finishing. I was starting to see the difference between how it looked before and how it was looking now as we continued cleaning and dumping more useless things.

"Are you still talking with Zack?" I asked him. I couldn't help it, I needed to know. Why? That's what I don't know.

"No. I didn't even ask for his number." He replied with a sad smile. "Why do you ask?"

"Nothing." I shrugged. "Just curious." He better be telling the truth!

"You didn't beat him, did you?" He asked me warily.

"Of course not..."

"You better not." He eyed me cautiously before he took a bag of trash and walked out of the room. I don't know why the thought of them talking as boyfriends makes me so angry. I mean, Zack is nothing to me, I should just let him date whoever he wants but I don't know why I wouldn't bear that happening.

After another of Wyatt's songs finished, Toxic by Britney Spears sounded through the room. Wyatt came running into the room and quickly changed the song to a rap one. I gave him a weird look while he just scratched the back of his head and gave me a nervous smile. I thought he was no longer a fan of Britney Spears.

We finally finished cleaning the entire bedroom and I was tired as hell. But it was worth it. Actually, it was a good idea to clean up. My room looks bigger, more spacious, and it's easier to move around.

"What a difference." Wyatt commented, admiring our work.

"Yeah." I said, sighing in relief as I let myself fall on my neatly made bed.

"And I want you to keep it like this for the next months. If you do, I'll give you a special gift for the next time that I come here."

"What?" I asked, sounding serious, but in the inside I was curious.

"It's a surprise." He smiled and I rolled my eyes. Mom called us saying that the meal was ready and we went downstairs.

After we ate, it was time for Wyatt to leave. I helped him to take his things to his car. When we were done, mom, dad and I were standing at the doorway.

"Wyatt, my baby, take care. You will always be welcome here for anything you need." My mom told him as she hugged him.

"Thank you, mommy." He replied with a grin. To be a near adult, he still acts like a child. Thank my mom for babying us so much when we were kids.

"Bye, Mark." He said as he approached me and hugged me. I hugged him back. "It was nice seeing you again, bro."

"Yeah, you too, Wyatt." We patted our backs before he let go of me.

Then he turned his gaze to dad. He didn't approach him, but waved at him from a distance. "Bye, grumpy."

Mom and I chuckled at how he called him, while my dad's glare towards him grew more. It doesn't look like he's near to accept him anytime soon, nor I think he ever will.

After he waved at us for the last time, he got into his car and drove off. Wyatt is a nice brother. Sure, sometimes we fight a lot, we have our disagreements and all, but despite everything he's still my brother and I appreciate him. Even after he slept with Zack. Although I don't know how I would have reacted if he told me that they were dating. The thought frightens me for some reason.

I think I'm slowly starting to accept him the way he is. I mean, fully accept the fact that he's gay. As for me, there's nothing to accept. I'm completely straight. What I'm doing with Zack doesn't mean anything. Being just... Very slightly attracted to someone of the same sex is something normal. It's not like I go crazy about any other guy that I see, anyway...

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"Ah, Z-Zack... S-Stop..." I said breathlessly as Zack sucked on my neck, running his hands up and down my clothed chest. I didn't even know why I told him to stop. As much as I refused myself to like this, it felt so damn good.

Today I called him again for our little meeting behind the building. The lonest part of the school. Zack looked very eager to do this, that's why now he seems to be taking control of the situation. He's kissing me everywhere he can. His lips burn me with so much pleasure in every part of my body where he places them.

When he was done with my neck, he started planting small kisses over my chest, then going lower to my stomach, until the hem of my pants. I moaned as I felt my private area getting tingly and harder. Damn, is he really going that far? I have to stop him before he gets too far!

"Zack, w-wait..." I tried to sound demanding, but my weak and shaky voice betrayed me.

He didn't pull down my pants as I thought he would, but he took the hem of my shirt and lifted it over my stomach, leaving my bare abs exposed to him. I watched as he licked his lips hungrily and I shivered in excitement at what he was going to do.

He attacked my abs with his lips, kissing them savagely and running his tongue over them. I couldn't contain my moans as I felt how his tongue transmitted shocks of electricity that ran up my system and made my entire body tremble.

"Ah! Zack..." I moaned his name as I put a hand on the back of his head and let him kiss my abs deeper. The muffled moans that he was letting out told me how much he liked what he was doing to me. And I must admit, I was liking this a lot too.

I fought the erection that seemed to get bigger in my pants. Him being so close to that area is not helping it. Nothing of what he's doing is helping my monster to calm down. Why is it that I don't feel this aroused with someone else? Why does it look like my dick is liking this a bit too much?

He circled his tongue around my belly button, and that made me moan and shiver harder. Oh my fuck! Why does his tongue feel so damn good?!

He let my shirt fall down to cover my abs once he was satisfied. I was so breathless at this point that I thought I would faint. No one has ever been able to cause me so much pleasure as him. I don't know why it's him who has this unbelievable power on me. As I stared into his brown eyes, he pulled me down into a soft and passionate kiss. I kissed him back, loving the texture and the taste of his fleshy lips.

He pulled apart, but I caught his lips onto another kiss, slipping my tongue inside and both moaning at the contact of our tongues. When he did pull apart, he moved his lips close to my ear so he could whisper to me. Him being so close to my ear makes me want to melt. My ears are a very sensitive spot, although no one knows that.

"I like you so much."

I widened my eyes at his words. He stepped back to look at my face. He had a little smile on his own. And his eyes looked hopeful. But I was too lost for words at his confession.

"What?"

"I like you, Mark. I have always liked you. And with all this that we're doing... Just makes me to like you more... Now I wish you can say the truth and tell me... Do you like me?"

I just stared at him. I always kind of knew he liked me, from the way he looked at me, and from the way he kissed me these past days. But I had never heard it coming out from his mouth. He really likes me... But do I like him?

No, this can't be happening to me. I can't like him. What we're doing is just a test. To get out of this phase that I'm currently in. To see if those sparks and tingles that I feel with him, can