CHAPTER 37 | Strange

When I felt the light of the sun shining on my face, I struggled to open my eyes, which felt heavy and my eyelashes were covered in eye booger because of my crying yesterday.

I wiped it off my eyes while I yawned. Then I stayed there, lying on my bed, wrapped on my thin sheets. I drew random figures on my pillow with my finger, with a sad face. I remembered the reason why I had been crying for hours yesterday, and if my eyes weren't hurting as much as they're doing now, I'd probably be crying again.

It's surprising how much I had been crying the last hours, when nothing in my life had ever made me feel so heartbroken. Anybody would see in me a tough guy who can't feel or show a single thing other than seriousness and anger, but never happiness or sadness. Now I see that the thought of having made someone kill himself, really messed up my feelings so badly. The truth is that I'm not as tough as it may seem.

His death still seems so unbelievable. When I look back at yesterday's events, I still can't believe it, and I wish it all had been just a dream. Today would be a normal day like any other. If I hadn't treated Zack so bad, today would be the day in which I'd tell him that I'm sorry for what I did, for being an idiot, for playing with him... I had never felt the need to apologize to someone so badly as now.

My phone was buzzing incessantly on the table next to my bed. I knew they were messages and calls of my friends telling me why the hell I hadn't gone to school today. When the sound got annoying, I groaned and grabbed my phone from the table. I turned it on to see that indeed, I had lots of missed calls and unread messages. Most of them were from Scarlet.

Hoe:
MAAAAAARK MY LOVEEE pls tell me you're alive 😭😭😭

Rupert:
Dude, what's up?? Why didn't you come to school? :(

Fucker:
Don't tell me u killed yourself now -_-

I replied to all of them by telling them I was sick, and that probably I'd be like this for the rest of the week. Maybe I wasn't lying anymore about this sickness, since not only I had felt emotionally sick, but also I was starting to feel it physically.

Scarlet insisted that she had to visit me, so to prevent me from doing some stupidity as to kill myself. I knew she only wanted to do this so she could skip the rest of school. She doesn't care that much about me. Besides, it's not like I'm going to kill myself. At least not now.

When I was about to exit the app and go back to sleep, my eyes couldn't help but stare at the chat between Zack and me. The last message between us was the one I sent to him, where I told him to meet me at the back of the building, and that I'd finally tell him everything. I had typed that message while I had a malicious smile on my face. That day I knew pretty well that he'd fall for my trap so I could... Beat him up. What a sick and horrible monster I was.

I tapped on his profile to see his picture, the same one he had kept for weeks, but the same one that had always managed to make my stomach flutter no matter how long I looked at it. He was wearing glasses, with a serious face, looking to the side, so I couldn't exactly see the beauty of his eyes. His brown hair fell slightly on his forehead, and made him look so cute, yet so... Handsome, I must admit. He didn't wear glasses, but once he told me he liked to wear that accessory, even if he didn't need them. With glasses or not, it didn't affect how beautiful he looked.

That was until I had to ruin the beauty of his face, when I destroyed it with my filthy hands. This picture that he had on his profile, would be the only physical image that I'd have of him where he's not covered in blood. Blood that he spilled from his wounds. Wounds that were made by me.

The last time he was online, showed it had been on Monday at 2:09 PM, the day in which he went directly to the place I told him to go, not aware that going there would cost him his life. I felt a lump forming in my throat, and something wet starting to make its way out of my left eye. It took me a while to realize that I had started to cry again.

I quickly wiped away the tear from my eye when I heard my doorknob turning. I put my phone back on the bedside table and acted as if I was barely starting to wake up. The door opened and my mom walked in.

"Mark." She called softly. "Are you still feeling sick?"

"Um, yes mom." I said, rubbing my eyes and trying to make my voice as hoarse as I could.

She walked over to my bed and sat on it. She placed the back of her hand over my forehead, my cheeks and my neck.

"You don't have a fever." She said confusingly.

"I don't need to have a fever to be sick." I replied.

"What exactly is your sickness? Or were you just lying so you didn't go to school?" She asked. When I looked down and I didn't reply, she knew she had caught me. "Why didn't you want to go to school?"

"I just... Didn't feel like." I answered, not knowing what else to say. Or rather not wanting to tell her that because of me someone committed suicide, and that made me feel like hell. No one would ever have to know about that. Not even my parents, or Wyatt. They would never forgive me.

"Is somebody bothering you at school?" She asked after a while.

I looked at her with an are you serious look. "Mom, I'm not eight years old! And if someone was bothering me, I can defend myself now, you know."

"Then what's the matter? I know you never feel like going to school, and yet you still go. But today there's something that's clearly bugging you more than normal. Please tell me. You know you can tell me anything, son." She said, caressing my cheek, as if I was a baby.

"Mom, it's nothing." I told her in a more demanding voice. "And stop babying me. I'm a grown man."

"I'm not babying you, I just care about you. I'm your mother and I have the right to know what's bothering you and help you get through it... Now tell me, is it about that Scarlet girl? Did you two break up? Is she pregnant of you?"

"No, mom, nothing of that." I said, sighing and running a hand down my face.

"Then?" She inquired.

"I didn't do my homework." I lied, just wanting her to leave me alone. I know she's only trying to help me, but I don't see how she can help me if I tell her that a boy killed himself after I beat him up. Then I would have to explain her everything, that I kissed him, that I had feelings for him, and that would be too hard for me to talk about.

"Oh Mark." My mom said, then she started giving me a life lesson about me having to stop being lazy, to do my homework, to continue studying so I could get a job in the future, that she and dad weren't going to be with me for the rest of my life, etcetera etcetera. I simply nodded during her entire speech.

"I don't want you to ditch school tomorrow, okay? Now get up. I'll make breakfast." She stood up and walked to the door.

I groaned, mostly because I didn't want to get up, and I didn't want to eat anything. But my stomach was already grumbling and demanding to get some food, 'cause I ate nothing yesterday. I finally gave in and sat on my bed.

"Can you bring me the breakfast here?" I asked, trying to feign I was too weak to stand up.

"You're a grown man, aren't you? Come down and get your breakfast yourself." She said, opening the door and going down the stairs.

I rolled my eyes and I had to stand up with the very few strength that I possessed at this point. It's incredible how weak I have gotten with all this happening, and it's been just a day after his death. As I have said, no matter how many days pass by, I will always feel the same or worse pain inside my soul, and I will never forgive myself for what I did.

During the rest of the day, I simply had eggs for breakfast. When it was time to eat, I barely ate. My mom insisted that I should eat more, but I just told her I wasn't hungry. Really, I wasn't. Zack's death still has me so doleful that it has inhibited my desire to eat. I didn't even bother to drink any water. If I am to die from dehydration or hunger, I don't give a damn. I very well deserve that.

My dad noticed my attitude and tried to push me to tell him what was wrong with me. Why I was acting this way when on previous days I hadn't been so downcast as I am now. Why I didn't go to school and why I was spending more time locked up in my bedroom than usual. I knew the answers to all of his questions, but I had to lie so he would stop asking me. I hate having to lie to my parents. It's surprising because in the past I wouldn't care if I had to lie to them; now, after this, I do feel bad for hiding the truth from them.

But just imagine how my dad would react if I told him that I kissed a boy and then I beat him up, and that that caused to kill himself. He wouldn't care about the beating up part, but he would care about the kissing a boy part. If he found out I kissed another boy, he would transform into the devil himself! I don't want to happen to me the same as Wyatt. So, to prevent any more problems with my dad was the main reason why I had to lie.

After finally convincing them that I was just feeling nervous because I had an upcoming test at school, they finally stopped asking me questions and I was let free to go up my stairs and lock myself in my unsightly cave, as Wyatt called it.

I rejected every call and text I was receiving on my phone from my friends and other people that insisted to come over to my house to see if I was okay. Being popular means having lots of people who go crazy and want to visit you only for a single day that you don't go to school. It was so annoying. I literally wanted to yell at them all and tell them to stop bothering me, because everything I needed right now was my solitude and nothing else. Although I did feel a bit praised for knowing that there were a lot of people who actually cared about me, I still didn't have the need of their company. Honestly I don't see anyone from that school who would make my situation any better. The only person who I wanted at my side in this moment was Zack and only him.

Zack... My... My cute little Zack... How I wish he could be here with me. Unfortunately, there's no way that can be done. He's dead.

I collapsed on my bed and the waterfalls started running down from my eyes again. Call me a crybaby or whatever, but the pain of knowing that a person who was special to me has died, is something really difficult and near impossible to get through. Even more knowing that it was my fault.

I feel so empty. Like I don't want to keep living any longer. Zack didn't deserve this. He had a whole life ahead of him, and I took it away. I should have been the one who had died, not him. This is what I get for being an asshole and for taking such shitty decisions in my life.

Again, I cried all night until falling asleep. I didn't bother to set an alarm for school tomorrow. I don't care if I fail my subjects, or if my friends worry about me, or if my parents scold me again. I simply don't give a fuck about the world. I don't even care if I fall asleep and I never wake up again.

Zack... How I wish I hadn't done that to you. How I wish you could be here with me... So I could hold you in my arms and tell you how sorry I'm feeling...

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I pulled my car to a stop when I reached my destination and stayed inside for a while. Looking up at the sky, it had gotten eerily dark with huge clouds covering it entirely, and it was just around five or six in the afternoon. Thick, dense clouds of fog had also covered the street, as if I had just arrived at Silent Hill. A flashing light appeared amongst the narrow spaces between the clouds, accompanied by the sound of a loud thunder resonating all over the place. That only meant the rain was warning that it was going to fall soon. From here, my ears could perceive the faint sound of a woman crying at the cemetery just next to me.

When staying inside my car had gotten scary, I opened the door and got out, fixing my black suit and heading to the only place that was visible among the fog that surrounded me. Walking past the big gates of the cemetery, I was welcomed with a sight that only with looking at it, made my heart throb painfully.

To one side, there were the three friends of Zack: Amber, Vincent and Jaida, all dressed in black clothes. They had their faces looking down at the grass, while Amber sniffed and wiped her face as she cried silently. Ahead of me, there was a priest saying some words that I couldn't exactly make out what they were. A blond woman was hugging the coffin that was at the center of the place, letting out all of her cries and tears with her face pressed onto it, while she repeated the word No over and over again. A man was standing behind her, looking sad as he rubbed a hand on her back softly. He tried to pull her away from the coffin, but the woman just held onto it tighter.

The scene was heartbreaking. It made me want to cry as well. Judging by the people who were present at this moment, I had no doubt of who could be inside that coffin. I'm guessing that woman and that man were Zack's parents. But I wasn't so sure. Amber had mentioned she had called Zack's aunt when he wasn't opening the door, so I can't exactly tell if they were his parents. Parents or not, they seemed to really care about him, especially the woman.

I got closer to the scene, my hands folded in front of me and my head hanging low. The cries and the sounds got louder the closer I walked, making me wince at how loud and hurtful they sounded.

I stayed standing there, looking down with my eyes closed, silently praying for Zack. I'm not a very religious person, but still, I hoped Zack's soul could be in a better place now, and I also hoped that he could forgive me for everything I had said and done to him.

I had lost track of time, and before I knew it, Zack's coffin was already inside a deep and dark hole right before my feet, while two men shoved piles of dirt inside with their shovels. The woman had started to cry harder, as the man held her close and she cried on his shoulder, not bearing the sight of her son or nephew being buried. I simply remained frozen the entire time, until the coffin was completely covered in dirt. It was an unbelievable and shocking sight that my eyes had the misfortune of seeing.

Coming back into the present after realizing that I had lost track of time again, I noticed the place around me had been completely deserted. There was no one else but me in the cemetery now, at least talking about alive people.

I looked down to see that Zack's grave was in front of me already. I knelt down in front of it and read the message that was engraved on it... Well, I rather tried to read it, because I couldn't understand anything. His name and other words were written in a language I couldn't comprehend. It wasn't Spanish, but some other language with a different alphabet. That was odd. However, something was clear and that was his date of birth and the date of his death: 08-25-2001 - 11-19-2018.

Without a previous warning, the rain started to pour down, and so did the tears from my eyes. I closed them as I placed a hand on the cold, concrete material of his grave. I didn't care about the heavy rain hitting my back and my face like needles. I just continued kneeling there, crying out all of my sorrows.

What have I done?

I cried harder as my mind still continued to refuse that this was happening. I just wanted to dig my hands deep into this dirt, and throw it all away. And as creepy as it may sound, I wanted to open the coffin, pull out Zack's dead body and hold him close to me a last time. I just needed to hug him... That's all I wanted. But I knew that couldn't be possible.

I looked up from the ground for a brief moment, and my eyes caught a glimpse of someone standing some feet ahead of me. Due to the rain and the mist, I couldn't make out who was standing there, I could only see a blurry dark shadow. I figured out it had the same size and complexion of someone very familiar... It looked almost like...

"...Zack?" I called, standing up slowly.

The figure didn't move from its spot. It simply stood there. After a moment, I started feeling uneasy. Only seeing that shadow there made me tremble with fear, for some unknown reason. Something inside me told me it looked pretty similar to Zack, even though I couldn't see its face. After a while, this started to become unnerving.

"Zack?" I called louder between the loud thumping of the rain.

In a blink, the figure charged at me at an incredible speed. I didn't have time to react when the shadow impacted against me and...

"AAAAHHHH!"

I was brought back to reality to find myself sitting in a dimly lit room. I was breathing heavily and I felt as if my heart was going to pop out of my chest. I looked desperately at my surroundings, and I calmed myself down after realizing I was in my own bedroom, and everything I saw had been just a dream. No... A nightmare.

What was that all about? I was at a cemetery... With people who I already knew, and others who I had never seen before. But something odd about that nightmare was... That I was supposedly attending Zack's funeral? Then there was a creepy shadow standing ahead and that had a slight resemblance to Zack's body. That scared the shit out of me.

But it was also so damn mournful. I mean, it felt so real and I could feel all of the emotions rushing through me as I saw how he was being buried and all. Maybe this nightmare is telling me something... Like, I don't know, attend to his funeral and see what happens. But I don't know when it will be, so I'll have to ask. I hope it hadn't passed yet.

Looking at my phone, it was 6:28 AM. There were only 32 minutes left before school started. So, without thinking, I stood up and got dressed, even though I was still feeling like shit.

I went to my bathroom to pee, then I ran down the stairs and to the kitchen. I drank a glass of cold milk to calm down my rumbling stomach a bit and I walked out of my house, grabbing my keys in the process. I got into my car and drove off to the school.

After I parked the car and got out, I made my way into the front of the school. The people who were there looked relieved to see me again. They all walked at my sides, asking me questions about what had happened yesterday, why I didn't come to school, what was my sickness, etc. Such gossip these people. Scarlet came running from a distance and I prepared for the uncomfortable hug and irritating voice that I knew was coming.

"Mark! I'm glad you're okay! You had me so worried yesterday! I thought you were going to die! Don't do that to me ever again, okay?" She cried loudly in my ear, then going to kiss my lips, but I pulled away quickly before I could receive another taste of her disgusting breath.

The people around us watched the embarrassing scene as Scarlet would continue hugging me and babbling things. Sigh. Being popular has its disadvantages too. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so much.

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At lunch break, we stepped into the cafeteria and I immediately spotted Zack's friends sitting at their usual table. They looked a bit more relaxed now, but there weren't the usual laughs and jokes like before.

I told my friends to go and sit at our table, that I'd be with them after I asked something to Zack's friends. They gave me a strange look, but the look I gave to them let them know that they had to