CHAPTER 38 | Melancholy

Another trigger warning.

"How the hell did that happen?!" My dad yelled, stepping out of the house and looking at the poor state of my car. Pft, so much drama only for the damaged front and a few cracks on the window.

"I didn't see a car and I crashed against it. But I was quick enough and managed to hit the brake before it could get worse." I explained as I stood beside my car, trying to look calm.

"What do you mean that you didn't see the car? How can you be so stupid?!" He snapped at me.

"Fred!" My mom scolded him, stepping out of the house too and standing next to him. "Don't talk like that about your son!"

"But just look at how he left the car!" He said frustratingly, throwing his arms up at it.

"And have you ever bothered to ask about how he's feeling? You care a lot about the freaking car but you don't even ask him if he's okay! What if he had died there?!" My mom argued.

I wish I had.

"It's just, argh!" My dad ran a hand down his face. "Are you drunk or what?"

"No... I just got distracted."

"Distracted?! Mark, you know pretty well you never have to get distracted while you're driving! I can't believe you did this. You had never made a stupidity like this before! What the hell is happening to you?"

"Leave him, Fred." My mom interrupted, walking to my side. "I will talk to him. Go back inside and stop getting mad about useless things. What matters is the health of our son."

My dad sighed. "And the owner of the car you crashed against? What did he say? Did he tell you to pay for the damage?"

"It was an old woman. She just yelled at me and drove off." I told him.

My dad shook his head. "Well, don't you think I'm going to give you the money to fix that damage." He said before turning to head back inside the house.

"I don't need it." I mumbled, but I doubt he heard me.

My mom stayed silent for a moment, rubbing a hand on my arm before bombarding me with questions. "Are you okay, Mark? Did you hurt yourself? Where does it hurt? Do you want to go to the doctor?"

"I'm okay, mom." I said, taking some steps away from her, then realizing that I had sounded harsher than I intended. "I'm okay." I said in a softer voice. "I just hit my chest, that's all."

"Are you sure you don't want to go for an examination or-"

"No, mom. Really, I'm fine. Let's just go back inside." I urged her, not wanting to keep talking about the subject.

She sighed but she followed me inside the house anyway. As soon as I got inside, I ran up the stairs to my bedroom, ignoring the calls of my dad who asked me where I was going. Duh, to my bedroom, obviously. Where other place in this house would I want to be right now.

I closed the door behind me. I placed my hands on my head and started pacing around my room, thinking about everything. First, I didn't find Zack's grave in that cemetery. I don't know where he is. Second, his friends and his supposed aunt are mad at me and they clearly know I did something. I'm starting to guess that maybe they noticed the hits and bruises on his body when they found him, and the first person they suspect of leaving those bruises is me. And perhaps they haven't called the cops on me because they're not a hundred percent sure.

Now, I have this accident that nearly kills me. My dad is pissed, my mom worried and they both have no idea of what the hell is going on with me. I know they won't stay shut for long, and someday they won't stop bothering me until I tell them the reason of my demeanor. And I don't know what I'm going to tell them when that day arrives.

I continued pacing and thinking until my head hurt and I slumped down on my bed. What a rumor everyone is going to spread at school when they see my destroyed car.

And yes, I was right. Next day, even before I could park my car at the parking lot, a huge crowd formed in front of me. They pointed, gasped and gawked at the sight of the damaged front of my car and the cracked window. I rolled my eyes at their stupid faces as I opened the door and got out. Soon the questions started.

"Oh my God Mark! What happened?!"

"Dude! What did you do to your car?!"

"Shit! Poor car!"

"Are you okay?!"

"MAAAARK!" Scarlet's loud voice made me jump. She went to hug me, as always, and I resisted the urge to push her to the ground. She asked me the same questions over and over again. All this people talking to me at once made me want to yell in frustration, but I resisted it too.

"I was drunk!" I yelled over the voices so they could hear me. I obviously couldn't tell them I got distracted. They would think worse of me if I told them that. Mark getting distracted is not something they're used to hearing.

Again, everyone started asking me questions again about where I went last night, how many cups I drank, if I rolled down someone, if I went to the hospital and if I had died. Yes, some dumbass asked if I had died.

I swear they all were about to pull out their cameras and microphones at me like freaking paparazzis, and as if they were interviewers and I was a freaking celebrity!

I tried to come out with many credible lies as I could until I heard Scarlet gasp. I saw her opening the passenger door and taking out the bouquet of flowers. The flowers I was going to give to Zack...

"Oh Mark! Are these flowers for me? You're so sweet!"

I quickly walked over to her and snatched away the flowers. "They're not for you!" I snapped, surprising Scarlet and the people around me.

"What?" Scarlet asked in disbelief. "But... If they're not for me... Then who were you going to give them to?! Are you dating someone else?!"

I placed a hand over my face as everyone started whispering among themselves. Here she goes with her stupid jealousy attacks.

"No, I'm not." I replied as calmly as possible.

"Then who were you going to give those flowe-"

"Shut up!" I yelled, making her and the whispering hush. "Shut up! Everyone get away from here! Now! Just go! You too, Scarlet!"

"B-But-"

"No buts! Everyone leave!"

They all seemed startled by my attitude, but they also looked afraid that I might slaughter them all into pieces if they didn't obey me. So, they started walking away towards the school, still whispering and giving me weird looks.

When the crowd dissipated, I looked down at the flowers that were starting to wither. I didn't know what to do with them. I can't just leave them here at the school, nor I want everyone to look at me carrying them. These flowers were for Zack. I had bought them with so much affection for him.

I placed them back inside the car, in a place where no one could see them. I decided I should put them in a water vase once I got home. I hope they don't die in the meantime.

As time passed by, I was waiting impatiently to run out of Spanish class and go to the cafeteria. Not to eat, but to rest from these endless hours of class that each day seem to make me more and more tired than normal.

When the bell finally rang, I was about to leave the classroom, and I had to groan in annoyance when Ms. Claudia, my Spanish teacher, called me over to her desk to discuss some issues.

"Okay, let's put it like this. You have always sucked at Spanish class. And then there was a time in which BOOM! You became an excellent Spanish speaker and delivered all of your assignments. But then," She whistled as she flew her hand in the air, then she let it fall onto the desk with a splatting sound. "You sucked at Spanish again. What happened? It's like your brain suddenly forgets everything and then it comes back whenever it feels like."

I remembered when Zack used to help me with my Spanish assignments, and I rarely thanked him. Even when I was in class, I would message him to tell me the answers to some exercises. And he never lied when he told me the answers, because I would always get high grades.

"It's just that these last lessons have been hard..." I said. I was never good at Spanish so all of the lessons were hard for me.

She remained silent for a while. "I had a really good student at one class. He was the best of all the rest. I would have told him to tutor you but... Well, you know what happened to him, do you? His name was Zack."

I nodded, looking to the side. He was exactly the one who had helped me in this subject. I had no doubt that he was the best of his class.

"I don't want you to fail, so why don't I give you and other students a separate class after school? Do you think you can stay a little longer?"

I shook my head. What I wanted was to spend the less time as possible in this place. "No, I don't think I can. But I'll study more at home, I swear."

She shrugged. "If you say so."

"Can I leave now?"

She nodded and in an instant I was out of the classroom and making my way to the cafeteria. Once I was there, I took a seat at our usual table and sighed. I was tired. Tired of doing nothing.

The whispers and weird looks were still present. I bet now everyone knows the thing about my crashed car and the scene I made outside the school. They have also started to keep a safe distance away from me, as if they're still scared of how I yelled at them.

A while later, my two friends and ugly girlfriend entered through the door and made their way to my table. Scarlet sat at my side, saying Hi babe and kissing my cheek, as if that would make my mood any better. Herman and Rupert went to get some food, so I was left in an uncomfortable silence with Scarlet.

"You don't want to eat, babe?" She asked me after a while.

I shook my head, leaving no word for further argument.

Rupert and Herman finally came to sit with us, holding trays of burgers, hot dogs, nachos and sodas. My stomach rumbled at the sight but I refused to consume a single portion of food or drink.

Rupert started digging into his food in silence, while Herman started sniffing the air with a weird look on his face. He brought his nose to his food, then to his armpits, and then to Rupert. We all gave him weird looks until he leaned in to sniff me and then he scrunched up his face in disgust.

"Holy shit, Mark! You stink so fucking bad! Since when you don't take a shower?" He said loudly enough for everyone to hear and I glared at him.

Last time I had taken a shower had been on Monday, when I got to my house after the beating I had given to Zack. Fortunately my parents weren't there so I could walk inside freely with my blood-stained clothes. That day I washed and and scrubbed myself hardly until all of his blood was removed off me and it flowed down the drain.

After receiving the news that he was dead, I lost all my wills to do anything. To shower, to eat, to drink, to live...

"Mark?" Scarlet shook me slightly. I reacted and turned to her.

"What?"

She coughed and turned her head away from me, also covering her nose. "Um, babe... I don't want to discomfort you but... Your breath really stinks."

"See what I say?" Herman said.

I glared at Scarlet. "Oh don't tell me your breath tastes like fucking strawberries! Yours tastes like fucking shit!" I yelled, making her gape at me, then she looked down embarrassed.

"Dude, it's not only your breath, it's all of you. You've been acting very strange these past days. You don't talk with us anymore." Herman stated.

"You don't talk to me anymore." Scarlet said sadly.

"You don't eat anymore." Rupert said.

"You don't do so many things anymore! What kind of thing is bothering you that's making your life so miserable with each passing day?" Herman asked exasperatedly. When I remained silent, he lowered the tone of his voice as he spoke again. "Is it about that kid that killed himself?"

I didn't answer. Scarlet noticed this and she turned to me. "Is it really about that boy, Mark? Haven't you gotten over that yet? Seriously?"

I sighed. "It's not that." I mumbled.

"What else could it be, then?" Herman pushed. "What a coincidence that right after the day he died, you start acting like a depressed kid, as if it was your fault. Even if it had been your fault, who cares? That's what you wanted. Aren't you supposed to be happy that he's finally dea-"

I stood up abruptly and reached over to grasp his shirt and pulled him over to me. The action took him off guard and he looked intimidated by the glare I shot at him. "Shut the fuck up, you stupid son of a damn bitch, how dare you say that of someone who has died?!"

"Let me go, you freak!" He pushed me hard on the chest, making me let go of him. I could feel the stares of everyone on us at what I did. Great, I just gave them another fucking thing to talk about me. "Fuck, you had to say that right on my face, didn't you? Now I have your disgusting stench all over me, you idiot."

"You deserve it." I muttered.

"Fucking weirdo. Come on guys, leave him alone. He might want to punch us if we keep bothering him with his little problem. Come on." He urged them, turning to walk away and leaving his tray on the table.

Scarlet gave me a worried look, before she reluctantly started to step away from me, already scared of my sudden attitude. Rupert was the one who was still sitting, but he had stopped eating and looked uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"Rupert! Let's go!" Herman told him, and Rupert had to stand up and walk away with him, also leaving his tray of unfinished food. "Talk to us after you stop acting like an idiot for any stupid reason. And after you had taken a shower." He laughed at that part, before the three of them stepped out of the cafeteria.

I dropped back on my seat, resting my head on my hand. That Herman pisses me off! Him and Scarlet. I can't believe they're just so carefree about Zack being dead. They don't give a damn! Not even after knowing pretty well that it's their fault too. Well, it was mostly mine for planning that shit but still. I'm feeling sorry for what I did, and they should feel that too. But no, they just take it as something completely normal. They even want me to be happy about it! Sick monsters.

I may sound like an hypocrite right now, because I was one of those sick monsters too. But believe me, I'm changing! I completely regret what I did. Believe me that I would do anything in my power if only there was a way to bring Zack back to life... Anything. But just bring him back again...

================

Lying down on my side on the soft grass that covered the ground, I stared deeply into what seemed as the most angelic face I had ever seen in my life. The bright full moon high in the night sky bathed us in a soft white light that made Zack's figure glow, and his sweet brown eyes shine with it. It was a moment of pure silence between us, but a very comfortable silence in which we exchanged glances every now and then. He looked so cute and beautiful right now that I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face.

"Why are you smiling?" He asked softly.

"I really don't know." I replied, not breaking the eye contact between us. "I don't know why you make me smile."

"I wonder why that is." He said, bringing his fingers to my cheek to caress it. I had to sigh and close my eyes, liking how my body reacted so positively wherever his touch came into contact with me. "Could it be because you feel something for me? Something nice?"

I ducked my head a bit, playing with some strands of grass with my fingers as I felt my face getting slightly red. "It could be that."

We remained in silence for a while, Zack continuing caressing my face, just enjoying each other's company. It was as if the world around us had literally disappeared, and in this universe the only human beings existing were us and only us.

"I like you." He whispered. I looked up at him at his words. "A lot."

I felt my heart thumping at hearing that, and I really couldn't form the words to respond. I wanted to say I felt the same. That I liked him back, but I felt as if something was restraining me to do so. So I simply stared into his eyes.

"Do you like me, Mark?" He asked.

I gulped nervously, before ducking my head low again and I finally came with an answer. "Maybe..."

"Maybe?"

"Maybe if... If you kiss me... I will find out." I suggested shyly.

I watched as a soft smile appeared now on Zack's face. He slowly lifted my chin so we were looking directly into the irises of the other. He moved his hand to rest it on the back of my head, and I licked my lips in anticipation, preparing to have his small lips on mine, preparing to receive that sweet feeling of having them on me once more...

But what happened next was something I wasn't expecting. The hand that Zack had placed on the back of my head, received me with a hard smack. I winced a bit and looked at him confusingly at the action, but he just started laughing. I was still a bit confused as I rubbed the back of my head, but then I took that as a joke and started laughing with him too.

Then he brought his hand to my head and smacked me again, harder than before. I let out an Ow of pain, while he continued laughing, and honestly it wasn't being funny anymore. Instead, it was getting creepy as his laughing didn't stop and I just looked at him with a face that read: What the fuck?

"Wake up, sleeping beast!" He yelled at me, laughing.

That's when everything disappeared and I found myself with my face buried onto my table, with my arms covering it. I slowly opened my eyes and adjusted myself to the reality. I could hear small laughs and chuckles coming from a group of people. I rubbed my eyes and groaned after realizing I had fallen asleep at English class.

The back of my head was hurting a bit, and it didn't help when I felt yet another smack coming at it. Still in my state of waking up, I turned quickly to look at the idiot who had been smacking me until waking me up. The dude next to me was laughing his ass off at me.

"What's up, sleeping beast? What were you dreaming about?" He mocked, making the class chuckle.

I glared hatedly at the bastard. This son of a bitch had ruined the perfect dream I was having about Zack!

I stood up from my seat sharply, not giving a second thought before I raised my fist high in the air and it connected against his cheek. The force of the hit made him fall off his chair and the entire class gasped.

"Mr. Pierce!" The English teacher yelled at me.

I looked at her angrily. "Didn't you see what he was doing to me?!"

"You were the one who was sleeping in my class." She stated.

"And you think it's fair having to wake me up by smacking me on the head?!" I argued.

"That's what you get, Mr. Pierce, I really can't do anything about it. It's your responsibility to stay awake and pay attention during the class. Now look at what you've done to your classmate. I'm afraid I will have to give you detention for that."

I looked at her in disbelief. "And why only me?! He was the one who started!"

"He will have to go to the infirmary because what you did to him was worse. Besides, you don't only get detention because you hit your partner or by sleeping in class, but also because you're one of the worst students in my class. You never do your assignments nor your homework, you never want to work in groups or pairs, and I can tell so many more things about you that are not acceptable in my class. So this detention also goes for all of that. Now please grab your things and head