CHAPTER 41 | Perceiving

I stood there awkwardly in front of him. I don't know why I did that. It's just that when he revealed that he was gay... I felt the need to kiss him to know what I felt, if I liked it... If I was gay.

The result? Well, it didn't feel as good as when I had kissed Zack. But it had felt better than kissing a girl... So maybe I do am gay...

I gulped and shifted nervously as Rupert just stood there, staring at me. I took a few steps back, and decided to... I don't know, apologize for what I did, tell him to forget about it, anything. But just to make this situation less awkward.

"Rupert... I'm... I'm sorry... I didn't-"

But I wasn't expecting that he would place his hand on the back of my head and shut me up by placing his lips back onto mine. Now I was the one who was surprised by his action. He had his eyes closed and was kissing me fiercely, waiting that I did the same as him. And after a moment, I did. I gave in and closed my eyes too, placing a hand on his back to pull him closer to me as I kissed him back, and he happily responded by pushing his chest against mine.

He started taking steps forward, making me step back, without breaking the kiss. I stepped back until my legs touched something behind me and I fell onto the bed. I was heaving and watched as Rupert threw himself on top of me, almost smashing me with his big size. I was still bigger than him, but he wasn't small either. As soon as his clothed chest was touching mine and he positioned himself between my legs, he pulled me into another full kiss.

I placed a hand on the back of his head to deepen the kiss. Rupert wasn't embarrassed about the sounds that came out from his mouth as he kissed me, because he let them all out. While me, I was fighting hard to keep my own moans inside me, as much as I was liking this, I didn't want to let out a simple sound from my mouth. I had never heard Rupert making that kind of sounds, and I never thought that hearing them would be such a turn on. They sounded better than the moans of a girl.

But then it was my turn to moan when Rupert started grinding his hips against mine, and I instantly felt how the hard bulge under his pants brushed against my groin, making my pants get incredibly tight too. I had never had another guy's dick so close to mine like this, and I never thought that it would feel so damn good.

Rupert started to use his tongue to lick my lips, and I moaned again as I felt that wet piece of flesh brushing against them and demanding entrance. I was unsure at first, but everything was feeling so good at this moment, that I let him have what he needed and opened my mouth to grant him the access. He eagerly pushed his tongue inside and ran it all over my mouth, and I couldn't keep fighting to hold my moans at this moment, as I started to push my hips up to rub my hard against his, while running my hands down his clothed back. That caused him to pull away to let out another loud moan. I took advantage of this to slip my tongue inside his own mouth and did the same as him. I explored his viscous and hot mouth with my tongue, earning muffled groans from him.

"Oh God." Rupert moaned shakily as he pulled out from the kiss, gasping. "You kiss so damn good. Now I see why all the girls go crazy for you." He said before he went to slam his lips back against mine.

The girls I had been with always told me they liked the way I kissed... But I didn't know it had the same effect on guys too.

Rupert switched his attention to place kisses on my chin, then to my neck. I could sense he felt the vibration of my voice as I moaned softly with every kiss and bite that he left on my neck. Next thing he did was to grab the hem of the shirt I was wearing, and he lifted it up to my chest, letting my abs and my pectorals exposed to his eyes. I watched as that lusty look never left his eyes, and he licked his lips hungrily as if I was the most delicious dessert he had ever seen. He used his big hands to run them over my abs, then up to my pectorals to pinch my nipples. I had to cover my mouth to muffle the moan that escaped from me when he did that.

His hands were now replaced by his wet pink tongue that was now licking and kissing everything that was before him. Starting from my abs, then slowly going up to my chest. We both were a panting mess as those lips of his placed themselves around one of my nipples and started sucking on it.

"Ah!"

I arched my back as his tongue swirled around my sensitive nipple. I had never had my nipples sucked by any other girl. Zack had only pinched them, but I didn't know that it felt so good when a sloppy tongue ran all over it. He moved his mouth to my other nipple as he pinched on the one he had just sucked, and the pleasure I received was something I had never experienced before. He even bit them gently, making me groan a bit.

When he was satisfied with my nipples, he sat on my lap and grabbed the hem of his shirt with both hands. I watched as he lifted up and his delicious body came into full view. It was odd seeing a guy sitting on my lap, and of top of that, shirtless. But I found it quite more exciting to see a man sitting on my lap rather than a girl. My eyes were frozen on his slightly built body, and I licked my lips in anticipation. From here I could see just how hard the bulge under his pants was, and the sight made my own dick get harder. I just wanted to eat him all up like he did to me, but my mind was still a bit uncertain about making that move.

Rupert, noticing my uncertainty, grabbed both my wrists, and he himself placed my hands on his own stomach. Then he guided them up to his chest, my hands getting into contact with the quick beating of his heart. He let go of my wrists, but I didn't withdraw my hands from his chest. Feeling another guy's skin on my hands felt better than that of a girl. As he stared into my eyes and I stared into his, I decided to make a move and proceeded to rub my thumbs slightly over both of his hard nipples.

"Ah... Mhmm..." He moaned and whimpered, closing his eyes and enjoying my thumbs rubbing his nipples.

His moans and whimpers turned me on so fucking much, that I felt the need to hear more of them. So, next thing I did was to sit on my bed, with him still sitting on my lap. I took off my shirt and wrapped my arms around his back, pulling him close so our bare chests were touching. We both moaned at the contact, and once in this position, I started to place kisses on his neck and then down to his chest. My attention was drawn to one of those hard nipples of his and I licked my lips before I sucked on it. The moan that I received from the action didn't help the erection that had reached its top inside my pants. So much that it was painful to keep it there.

I had never felt so damn horny only by having a guy like this. The pleasure was too much that I didn't give a shit if I was making out with my best friend who I knew since almost 6 years now. This level of arousal and pleasure was even higher than that of fucking a girl, and we had just been kissing... How would it feel if we took this all the way up?

As I sucked and nibbled on his other nipple, I was running my hands down his back as he placed a hand on the back of my head to make me suck more, not wanting me to stop. The room was now filled with moans, heavy breaths and whimpers, that I feared that my parents might be hearing us.

I pulled away from his nipple, giving it a last lick before I looked up at Rupert's face. He opened his eyes when he noticed the lack of contact on his nipple, but he didn't tell me to suck more. Instead, he put his hands on both sides of my head and pulled me into another full kiss. I kissed him back without hesitation, exchanging our fluids and our moans. He grinded his hard against my crotch, and I did the same. We were literally dry humping each other through our pants as we kissed, and I could already feel my dick throbbing and wetting my boxers with precum.

"Mhmm! Mark..." He moaned in my mouth, pulling out from the kiss, but staying close so our lips were brushing and our breaths were mixed with the other's. "I want to suck you." He whispered.

My dick twitched inside my pants and I couldn't help the moan that escaped from me at hearing that. The thought and the image of my best friend sucking my dick made me hornier than before. I had never felt so excited about the thought of someone sucking my dick, someone other than some girl. But I didn't know if I was ready to take this all the way up with him. Hell, I didn't even take a time to myself to think about what the hell is going to happen after this? Will we still be friends? Will this affect our friendship? I will never see Rupert the same way anymore.

"Please, Mark. Please..." He begged in my ear, nibbling it softly and sending shivers down my spine. Then I felt something being placed on my crotch and started squeezing it gently. I moaned loudly as I realized his hand was literally jerking me off through my pants. I kissed and bit his shoulder desperately, enjoying the touch of his hand rubbing up and down my clothed hard member. That was all it took for me to take the decision that I did want him to suck me. Yeah, just fuck it!

"Rupert..." I whispered shakily, moving my head to face him. "Go ahead and do it."

I watched as an excited smile appeared on his face and I leaned down on my bed, fiddling with my pants quickly, ready to pull out my hard dick and give it to him to suck it. He eagerly moved his face to my crotch and waited patiently to receive it.

"Boys, are you awake?"

The knock on the door and the voice of my mom scared the shit out of the both of us. We went completely silent, frozen in our places, and I felt how my blood ran cold through my veins. Rupert looked at me with wide eyes and I gave him the same look. Neither of us dared to make a single move to get off of the other. We were just frozen in place, as if we were waiting for mom to just burst through the door and find us like this.

She knocked again and called for my name. The door wasn't even locked, I wasn't going to risk myself and let my mom find us like this. So I quickly pushed Rupert off of me and told my mom to hold on. I grabbed my shirt and put it on, along with my socks and shoes. Rupert did the same and we tried to look as normal as possible. Looking at Rupert's lips, they were red and swollen from our kissing. He must have noticed the same thing as he looked at mine. I hope my mom doesn't notice that. I walked over to my door and opened it.

"Oh, good morning, boys. I heard you two talking, so I guessed you were already awake." My mom said.

"Umm, yes, we... We were, uh..." I said as I scratched the back of my head and blushed a bit at knowing that my mom had heard us 'talking'. I just hope she hasn't heard about the I want to suck you part and the sounds that we were making.

"So I was wondering if you Rupert could stay for a while to have breakfast with us?" My mom asked him.

I looked at Rupert who was still sitting on my bed. He seemed distracted by something for a while until he reacted. "Huh? Oh, no, miss, I'm sorry... I can't stay. I have to be at my house now before my parents get worried, um... Thanks for offering." He said hurriedly, standing up from the bed and walking past me towards the door.

"Oh, I understand. Well, take care, Rupert." My mom said.

"Yeah, thanks. See you, miss." He replied, before turning to me. "See you... M-Mark..."

"See you..." I replied in a low voice.

He gave me a last look before he ran down the stairs. I had to hold my laughter when I watched as he slipped and he almost fell if it wasn't because his hand quickly grabbed the banister to keep his balance.

"Careful!" My mom told him.

"I'm okay!" He assured her before he said bye to my dad and walked out of the door.

"Is he really okay? He looked quite nervous." My mom asked me after he left.

"Yeah, he is." I replied, although not quite sure. I hope he's okay...

================

Monday was finally here and I was more nervous than ever. The main reason was because I felt so anxious about seeing Rupert at school. It wasn't that kind of anxiousness that made me think of looking at his face again, or that kind that made my stomach flutter excitedly. No, it was that kind that made me sick to my stomach only by the thought of facing him. Doing so wasn't going to be easy after what we did at my house. I knew it was going to be awkward and that none of us would dare to speak a word to the other. But at some point I knew we would have to talk about that.

I thought about that the entire weekend. It didn't let me concentrate on my homework and I don't know if I did it right. I just can't believe that I had a hot make out session with my best friend, the one who I knew since I was thirteen years old, the one who I didn't see as nothing else than my friend and only that. He is more than my friend, he is like my second brother. But I was the one who started the kiss, and he was the one who took it to something more than that. And as much as I hate to admit it... I liked it while it lasted.

Rupert couldn't stay hidden from me for long, because he's part of our group that is slowly disintegrating. So, when he arrived at school, he only said hello to Scarlet and Herman. However when his eyes set on me, I noted the nervousness on his look, so much that he didn't even mutter a greeting and cleared his throat, looking down at the floor while his cheeks got red. He reminded me a bit of Zack by the way he was acting.

During lunch break, we didn't exchange words. I could only see out of the corner of my eye how he continuously stole glances at my direction. We were hearing another of Herman's stories about how he spent his weekend by going to fuck random girls; he described their appearance, the exact size of their breasts and butt, and even mimicked their voices as they moaned. None of his stories never really interested me. They were always the same and he didn't know what to talk about other than his sex life.

Scarlet was just looking at me, half staring, half glaring. She looked terrible. Her hair was disheveled, her lips looked pale and dry, along with her skin. It looks like she's really urged for sex so bad that the lack of it is eating her all up. Serves her right. If she had accepted the break-up time ago, she would've been free to go with other guys so they can satisfy her horny needs. It's not like she's not free, for me she can go fuck whoever she wants, but it's like she doesn't want another dick to fuck her pussy but mine. The obsessive bitch.

"Look, it looks like that Skylar bitch has gotten some new hot friends." Herman told us, looking behind him to a table where Skylar was sitting with two other girls. We looked at her direction and noticed how she looked more talkative around those girls than she ever was with us.

"Good for her." Scarlet muttered. "She was always like a nobody in our group anyway."

"I kinda miss her." Rupert finally spoke. "She was nice."

Herman snorted. "She was nice with you. But with us she was always throwing shit about everything we said. And don't forget all the crap she told us THAT day." He said, and Scarlet nodded at him. I knew by that day he meant the day we were at the back of the building after Zack's death.

"Also, let's not forget how she bitchslapped your face to knock some sense into your brain." I reminded him.

Rupert laughed at my comment while Herman glared at me. I finally moved my eyes to look at Rup, who looked back at me with a smile on his face. I couldn't help but  return a small one too. I watched as he moved his head down again to look at his hands.

And so they continued throwing shit at Skylar's back for what remained of lunch break until it was time to go to class again. It looked like the awkwardness between Rupert and I had diminished a little bit, but I still don't know if we're ready to talk about what happened in my bedroom.

It was at the end of classes when I was standing next to the bleachers of the soccer field with my arms crossed, just staring at nothing in particular. I was thinking that if I stayed here, maybe Rupert would come to talk. And if he didn't, well, I wouldn't mind. It would have to be another day. But it looks like my mind didn't agree with that idea as I started hearing footsteps approaching my direction. My stomach turned with so much nervousness as I caught the blond haired guy out of the corner of my eye walking towards me. I just continued looking to the side and prepared for the awkward atmosphere that I knew was coming.

"Hey, Mark." He greeted, trying to sound casual.

I turned to look at him as if I didn't know he was there. "Oh hey, Rup."

"How are you?" He asked, avoiding eye contact and putting his hands on his pockets.

"Fine... You?"

"Me too."

Awkward silence.

"So... What are you doing?" He asked after a while.

"Nothing, just here... You?"

"Not much."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

As another awkward silence grew between us, I was becoming uncomfortable and my brain tried to come up with excuses to just run the hell away from here.

"So... About that kiss..." He said in a low voice.

I rolled my eyes. "You had to bring that up."

"Well yes! That's what I came here for. To talk about that." He said, throwing his arms up and finally looking at me.

"Okay... So what do you have to say about it?" I asked him.

"I don't know, you tell me. You were the one who wanted to try that out, didn't you? So you tell me, what did you feel, you liked it, you didn't like it, what?"

I sighed, turning to look to the side for a second before I answered. "Look, I'm going to be honest with you... I... I did like it, okay? I admit it. It's just that when I... You know, when I kissed Zack..." I said that part as I lowered my voice. "It felt a bit better..."

He looked at me for a second. "But you still liked it?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip nervously.

"So, that means... That you're gay, right?"

I shook my head. "No... Well... Not yet..."

"What do you mean by that?" He asked, giving me a dull look.

"I mean that I can't go gay just like that. Rupert, you know me, I have been straight for the rest of my life. I can't just change pussies for dicks from one day to another!" I told him.

He chuckled by the way I said that. I mentally smacked myself.

"More like you've been telling yourself that you're straight for the rest of your life."

I glared at him and I was going to snap before he interrupted me.

"Anyway, what other proof do you need, dude? You told me that you liked it when you kissed Zack, and you also liked it when you kissed me. You had never liked it so much while you were kissing a girl, did you?"

I remained silent for a moment, starting to shift nervously on my spot.

"How longer are you going to continue living a lie, Mark?" He asked again.

"Look, I understand that I liked kissing Zack and you, but I don't think I'm gay. What if I'm bisexual? I mean, you know I have been having sex with girls since I started high school, and... I have really liked it." I said, trying to convince myself that being bisexual would be a better option.

"You say that because you have never got laid with a guy." He said, smirking.

I couldn't help the blush that crept into my face as I heard that. "Ugh, so what? I'm sure it would feel the same as with a