Heartbeats.

The things that keep us alive.

Our hearts pumping the blood throughout our bodies so that we can do things, like stand up and walk towards doors even when in our minds we are freaking the fuck out.

Daimon is here.

In Georgia.

I can't wrap my mind around it.

I've just found Cathy and she's enlightened me about the mother I never knew who now has a name in my brain. I've just laid to rest my ghosts. I've said goodbye to Tiffany and Dylan the right way. I'm ready to move forward with my life and though I was just on my way back to Kansas and to the Krossway and essentially to him, now I'm scared shitless.

It was on my terms when I was going back to him, but now he's here, on the other side of this two inches of wood. Nothing but a door separates us but I can't move another inch.

What if he's here to dump me in person?

What if he's here to tell me he still wants me?

What if he's only here to yell at me for running away?

I could sit and drown myself in what ifs for a lifetime, or I could open the door and face the truth.

Come on dumbass arms, open the damn door!

I swallow hard, trying to gain my composure as my own heartbeat batters my chest and makes me breathe way too fast.

"Please let me in, doll," he whispers and his voice is like curling up in a fuzzy blanket at the end of a long cold day. It reaches deep into my bones and gives me the feeling of wholeness that just a simple voice shouldn't have the power to do.

My hands shake and my head is screaming as I turn the lock and slowly pull the door open.

He sighs as his amber eyes meet mine.

"Hi," I say, my voice weird.

His eyes search between mine. "Hi," he says back.

I'm so nervous it doesn't make sense. I'm not the nervous nelly kind. I'm usually pretty prepared for anything, but this...Daimon here...I don't know what to do and we stall in an awkward silence.

"Why are you here?" I finally ask.

His Adam's apple bobs as he stands straighter, tucking his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. "Because you left."

"I did." I nod and the wind blows and I'm wrapped in his scent; it should be heaven, but it scares me. What if I'm never wrapped in that scent again?

"I've told you before I don't like it when you leave."

I hear Cathy moving back out of her bedroom and then stall at the top of the stairs. "Oh," she says and I half turn to her, afraid if I take my eyes off Daimon he might vanish into nothing. "You must be Daimon."

Daimon shuffles on the porch but smiles up at her as she walks down to meet us. "Yes ma'am." He nods. "I haven't had the pleasure." He holds out his hand to her and I practically choke on my spit.

Who the fuck knew that Daimon knew how to be polite?

"I'm Cathy." She shakes his hand, not looking intimidated by him in the slightest. "I've heard a lot about you."

"You have?" He raises a brow, turning to look at me. "I wish I could say the same."

I bite into my bottom lip as we all stand there at the door.

"Um, Cathy was my first foster mom," I mumble quickly. "She knew my mom."

"Your mom?" Daimon repeats, his eyes widening. "I thought you didn't have a relationship with anyone who could tell you about them?"

Cathy picks up little old Buddy from the floor, patting his head. "Well don't stand out on the porch all night, son, come on inside. I can put on a pot of tea." She turns and Daimon looks awkward for a second before he steps by me to follow her into the kitchen and I'm left to close the door and have a mini moment of freaking the fuck out while no one is looking.

I still feel like I've accidentally fallen into a parallel universe. Hell, werewolves are real, it's not that much of a stretch to believe that I could have done it. I've got shitty enough luck.

I quickly turn and follow them back into the kitchen where Cathy motions for him to sit down at the table and then moves to put the kettle on the stove.

I sit in the chair beside him and he turns his head my way. "Lose the jacket," he says so lowly I'm sure only I heard it.

"I'm cold." I shrug, holding it tighter.

"Then you wear mine," he replies, shrugging out of his and passing it over to me.

"I'm just fine, thanks." I cross my arms firmly as Cathy comes over to the table, passing us both a mug.

"Anyway, Daimon." She pulls out the chair across from us. "Alyssa and I just found each other again earlier today," she explains. "I've been looking for her for years, but she ended up being the one to find me."

"She tends to do things like that." Daimon nods. "So you knew her mother?" he asks, looking between the two of us.

Cathy goes into her story of how she ended up with me and all about Alicia Morgan my mom again, and while I'm still hanging onto every word the second time around, I also study his profile while he's not looking.

He looks exhausted.

There are dark circles under his eyes and his clothes are rumpled, his hair a mess.

"Did you know her father?" he asks her curiously and she shakes her head.

"Both Katelyn and Alicia were very tight-lipped about that information," she says. "I got from a nurse who was on duty that night that both Alicia and a man were together when she came in and had you." She looks at me. "I tried to get anything else about him but they only said he was older than Alicia and that the two of them disappeared right after Alicia signed over her rights."

"What about her family?" Daimon asks, leaning forward on his elbows. "Alicia's parents?"

"She lived with her mother and Katelyn said her father was never around. He worked out of state doing something very hush-hush and important, but they always had money so I assume he must have made good money, especially since Alicia's mother didn't work. When the hospital called her mother, she didn't want anything to do with the baby and she up and moved away just weeks later," Cathy says, hopping up as the kettle begins to squeal.

"That's odd," Daimon muses. "Alicia was an only child?"

Cathy purses her lips as she brings the tea to the table and pours us each a mug. "Actually, I think Katelyn mentioned a brother once that she met, but he didn't live with them."

Daimon's eyes skim to mine and his jaw tightens.

"They were a very strange family," Cathy sighs, folding her hands on the table over the top of a weathered-looking envelope. "No wonder Alicia had so many issues."

I hear her talking and Daimon breathing and his heart beating and the wind blowing outside but all I can think about is that damn envelope. I stare at it. Wondering what it could be. What secrets it could hold. What my mother wanted to say to me. Would it say how much she regretted leaving me? Would it explain why she'd done it? The curiosity is ripping me to shreds.

"Alyssa?" Daimon says and I snap out of it, turning to look at him. "Are you alright?"

Loaded question, my friend/lover/maybe ex/maybe boyfriend/I don't fucking know what.

That issue will have to be addressed, but right now it's not the biggest thing on the table. That envelope is.

Cathy must sense it.

She picks it up, turning the worn paper in her hands and looking at me. "I don't know what it will be," she tells me. "I told you, she was a mess when she showed up that night with it. It could be nothing but ramblings of a troubled girl." She pauses, sliding it across the table. "I know you want it, but just be prepared for whatever it might say."

Prepared.

Right, sure, whatever, just give me.

I glance back at Daimon and he nods as I open the seal.

This is it. The only thing I have from my long lost womb lender. The seventeen-year-old who gave me life. The mother I will never know.

I slide the piece of hot pink paper out and unfold it with deliberate slowness, the drama queen in me building the suspense for myself as if I were in some big-screen movie.

In all seriousness though, I should have seen this coming.

A name.

That's all that's written in a hasty scrawl that's barely even legible.

Everett Bordeaux

No heartfelt letter of her love and affection for me. No confession of guilt for leaving me or even a signature at the bottom. Just a name. The only thing she ever gave me.

"Everett Bordeaux," I say aloud and Daimon furrows his brows.

"Why does that sound so familiar?" he says, rubbing his chin in thought.

"That's it?" Cathy says, sounding equally as disappointed. "Just the name? She didn't write anything else?"

I slide the paper back to her, letting her see for herself. "Just the name."

"I assume it's your father's name, though I've never heard of that name before." She shakes her head, drinking her tea as she reads the name. "She could have had the decency to have given a little more than a name."

I smile despite my disappointment. "I guess it is better than nothing at all. At least I know their names now."

Daimon still has the same look on his face. His brows pulled together and his mouth in a hard line as he holds his hand to his chin deep in thought.

"What?" I ask him and he shakes it off.

"I feel like I know that name for some reason but I can't put my finger on it." He sighs. "I'll have to ask around when we get back."

We.

That reminds me of everything else.

The hurt, Stacey, me leaving, him coming, the whole lot of it comes back to the forefront of my mind and I chug my tea to give myself something to do other than obsess over it.

"It's getting late, kids." Cathy yawns, standing and I'm screaming at her in my head.

Don't you dare leave me alone with him yet! I'm not ready!

"I know you said you were in a hurry before, Alyssa, but the two of you are more than welcome to stay here with me tonight." She smiles sleepily. "I can get the spare room fixed up for you and the couch for you." She smiles at Daimon and I cover my mouth to hide my grin at the way his mouth pops open.

It's like having a real parent that doesn't want to let my boyfriend sleep in the same bed as me and I kind of love it. None of my other foster parents gave a crap what I did as long as I was out of their hair and I didn't cost them any money.

I check the time, 3 am, and then look up at her and smile. "I'm pretty exhausted," I say and it's the truth. The last 36 hours have been a whirlwind of crazy emotions and revelations and I did just spend the whole day walking all over town. "I'm fine with staying..." I turn to Daimon. "Do you need to hurry back?"

I hate how conflicted he looks. "There is a flight back in an hour, but I guess we can take the one at noon tomorrow instead."

"You can go if you need to," I say quickly, probably a little more bluntly than was necessary, but he shakes his head.

"I could use the sleep too," he says, pushing back from the table and helping Cathy move the mugs to the sink.

"I'll let you two talk." She looks at me knowingly and I wonder how the heck she knows. "While I go get everything ready."

The second we are alone in the kitchen I don't know what to do.

"How are you?" I whisper, looking down.

I jump a little as his fingers tuck under my chin and tip my head back to look him in the eyes. "Why are you asking about me?" he whispers. "I'm more worried about you."

I sigh, caught in the power his touch and his stare have over me. "I know how...difficult, this all must be for you," I say, wanting to look anywhere else but he won't let me. "I can't even imagine."

His hand drops and he's the one who looks away, his eyes tight. "Difficult doesn't even begin to touch it," he says. "I never...I didn't know that...I just went on..." His jaw tightens and I can see the raw emotion all over his face and even though I know he's hurting over another girl, he's still hurting and I can't take that.

"Come here," I say and he steps into me as I wrap my arms around his waist and his head drops down to my shoulder as he breathes deeply. "You had no way of knowing she was still out there, Daimon. They made sure you thought she was dead. You can't blame yourself for what happened. This is all Jon's doing and his fault."

"I should have done more," he whispers tightly. "I shouldn't have just given up. I should have..."

"What could you have done, Daimon?" I ask him, rubbing his back. "Everyone said she was dead. They gave you her...finger...there wasn't anything you could do. Even Pablo didn't know she was still alive, how could you expect to know? You did what you could and no one can fault you for it."

He breathes heavily, swallowing hard as he turns his head into my neck. "I missed you," he whispers, kissing my neck once before sitting up and looking down at me.

Tears fill my eyes as I look up at him. "I missed you too," I tell him, a gross understatement, but true nonetheless. "I had to go though...it was too much. I couldn't watch it."

"I understand why you left." He looks down at me. "But I didn't want you to."

"You didn't follow me either," I say in a moment of petty weakness.

"I wanted to," he says. "You know how much I hated sending someone else after you. You do. I couldn't leave her though. She was scared and...."

"I get it," I say quickly, just the mention of her like this is making my stomach roll. "I know she needed you. I get that."

"I don't know what to do, Alyssa," he says, pursing his lips. "I never thought...and even though I used to wish for it, now...I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Love me, dammit! Pick me!

"You were engaged," I mumble, looking down. "You had a future planned with her."

"I had a future planned with you too," he says and my eyes shoot to his. "I love you, Alyssa. I told you that and I'll keep telling you that because it's the god damned truth. I know just how fucked up this all is and I don't want to put you through anymore pain, but I don't want to lose you either."

My eyes blur with moisture I won't let out. I won't cry. I don't want him to pity me or feel bad. If he wants me I want him to want me because that's what he fucking wants, not because he feels bad for me.

"Then what are we doing?" I ask. "What happens now that she's back? What am I now?"

He takes a deep breath as he looks away, gripping the side of the counter with his hands and closing his eyes tightly. "I don't know what we do now," he grits out. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I love you and I loved her and now...god damn I don't fucking know." He turns back to me. "I know I want you. I know I need you. I know I don't want you to leave. I want you close."

"I can't be close while you figure things out," I whisper, shaking my head. "Seeing her...hearing the things you two say, watching the way you hold her, it tears me apart. I feel sick all the time now. I can't be around you and not have you." I hold my arms around myself to keep it together. "It was supposed to be only you and only me. I get that those terms have changed now. I promise you, Daimon, I understand. If Dylan came walking through that door right now I don't know what I'd do. I can't begin to imagine how confused and conflicted I'd be. I get it, but I can't torture myself either."

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispers, his tone so defeated and foreign on him. "All I can ask of you is that you be patient with me. That's what you asked me for. I know I wasn't good at respecting it. But I love you. I just need time to figure things out now."

"How much time, Daimon?" I shake. "How much time does it take to pick between me and someone else?"

"That's not what I–" He stops to grab me as I turn away, holding my face and bringing me back to him, kissing me hard. "I don't want to lose you," he says against my lips.

"Then don't, Daimon."

It's as close as I will come to asking for him to choose me. I won't be that girl who pushes. I meant it when I said I understood. I can see how much this hurts him. It's not a position anyone should have to be put in, but we are all in it. Me, Daimon, and Stacey. We both love him and he loves us both. This isn't the way anything was supposed to go. It's no one's fault but Luca's and Jon's. They're the ones who put us in this impossible place.

"Alyssa, I–" He stops as Cathy rounds the corner and he steps back.

"Your room is ready, dear," she says, waving me to her. "Couch is all set up, and there are extra blankets in the hall closet," she tells him as she leads me up the stairs.

"Goodnight, Alyssa," Daimon whispers. "I love you."

"Goodnight, Daimon."