41. Circuses and Anger

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Chapter 41

Cassandra stared out the window as Sebastian drove to the first day of school from winter break. Her mind was on what was told of her—the opportunity to get away from everyone ad the words they said about her behind her back. Leaving meant the whispers would stop, and the rumors would die. But at the cost of her relationship that she wasn't sure she could stand the distance.

The offer began to sound more and more appealing the closer she got to the school. Whore, slut, homewrecker. A girl who would open her legs up. Shunned from the society that is called the sophomores of Joan of Ark Highschool. The people she would have to face for the next two years.

"Hey, guess who is off of punishment?" Sebastian sang.

"You?" Cassandra muttered. She eyed his glove compartment but sucked in her breath. She was unable to smoke now, a command that she was now determined to follow.

"Yup, so I think we should go on a date. It's been a while since we went on one."

"I'm on my period," she responded.

"So?  It's not like we can't hang out because of your period. I miss you. With everything going on, it sucks only be able to hang out with you for an hour a day." She continued to stare out the window.

Her mood began to dampen the closer they got to the school. "Sure, I'm free after singing practice," she informed him. "I'll wait for you until you're done with basketball practice. You usually take longer than I do."

A smile crept onto his face. "You know, we have our first game pretty soon. How about you sit in the crowd and cheer me on? I can lend you my practice jersey that has my name on it."

Cassandra shrugged her shoulders. "Sure," she answered.

Sebastian's eyebrow furrowed when he heard her tone of voice. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind."

He looked over at Cassandra and back to the road. "Wanna talk about it?"

Cassandra began to open her mouth but quickly closed it. She had spoken about it a few times. All of which ended the same way. They will get over it.

But the thing was, it never happened.

"No, it's fine. I'll get over it." Sebastian drove into his signature parking spot. Cassandra sat in the car until Sebastian opened the door for her. A habit that Sebastian made sure to engrave in her mind.

"Want me to walk you to class?" They stood in the parking lot. Cassandra looked to the incoming crowds of people who made it their business to look at the two, whisper, and keep walking. They were a circus, a source of entertainment, and Cassandra hated the mere thought of it. Her being the butt of the joke.

"No, I'll see you at lunch." She kissed him quickly and fled to class.

Lunch came faster than she would have liked. She sat next to Sebastian. His arms stayed wrapped around his waist as he laughed with his friends. She felt the vibrations of his laughter around her body. They spoke of something she didn't care about or cared to remember for very long. She wished she cared enough about the people Sebastian threw her with.

The embarrassment of being abandoned would hurt less.

She looked over at the table she wished to be at. Smiles, banter that she once shared with people she once called friends. She could have an idle talk about television shows and movies. An occasional memory that could pop up that would be such funny milk would come out of Gabrielle's nose. Sebastian's grip was hard, taking her out of reminiscent state.

His grip reminded her of the sex they had. The daily toe-curling, shaky leg, orgasmic sex. They hadn't had sex in weeks, and a part of her didn't care to. The loneliness was too much for her to want to.

At times she felt her loneliness being next to him in the middle of the lunchroom, staring at the life she once had.

A basketball girlfriend, a person whose name escaped Cassandra, smiled at her. She didn't have her high school other-half next to her, so she began to talk to Cassandra about meager things for some reason. The Bachelorette, Love Island, shows that it didn't strike her or she truly cared about. Mindless dribble, Cassandra called it but never out loud.

She nodded her head. "Hey, wanna go smoke?" Her head whipped to Sebastian, whose grip loosened. She wanted to join the boys, but she knew she shouldn't, couldn't, to be more exact. Her mind raced with the idea that Sebastian would say no and stay with her.

An idea that the two would go to the library and take a seat in the back. She would lay her head on his chest with her homework in her lap while he played on his phone—the one thing Cassandra wanted. The two teens just being together in the horrid place they called high school.

"Sure," Sebastian said, getting up from the table.

He placed a kiss on Cassandra's forehead and left with the rest of the basketball team without giving her another glance. Cassandra was left alone to watch Sebastian walk off with his friends.

She watched as his body got smaller and smaller until he walked out of the back door with a slap of a hand and chuckle. He was no longer next to her. No longer was he her bit of solace in the masses of people that looked down at her. He was gone to hang out with his friends. A luxury she no longer had due to her stupidity.

The room felt bigger, and Cassandra felt as small as an ant—she didn't matter. She stood up from the table and left. She ignored the stares that were placed on her by the people she thought cared about her most. They looked up and then turned away as if she didn't exist. With a clenched fist, she quickened her pace out.

Her boots slapped against the granite floor. She locked herself in the bathroom. She inhaled them quickly exhaled, taking in the fumes of the bathroom. She instantly regretted her decision and left the bathroom and fled down the hall. Cassandra's next place was the music room, which sat Vincent.

Mrs.Whitecotton took the day off the enjoy the benefits of having a student-teacher by taking a two-hour-long lunch without fail. A delightful time she used to spend time catching up on her new reality show obsession.

"Cassandra," Vincent said. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at the girl whose eyes brimmed with tears. "What's wrong?"

She took a seat across from him and placed her head on the desk as she tried to muffle her tears. Vincent said nothing and merely pat her head as she cried. That one gesture, a comforting pat, made her feel a bit better.

She looked up. He removed his hand and met her gaze. "I hate my life," she cried. "Why did I make that dumb decision of cheating on Phillip with Sebastian. If I never did that, then I wouldn't be as sad as I am now." She blew her nose in the nearby tissue. "And the thing that really makes this whole situation shit. It's like it wasn't even worth it."

"What do you mean?"

"He ran off the go smoke pot with his friends, leaving me with the girlfriends. Who! I, in fact, hate. Plus, not to mention. I know they all think I'm a whore too. This is why they spend extra time hugging their boyfriends when I'm around. Like why the hell would I want you guys boyfriends! And I can't tell anyone this because I have no friends."

Her tears began to dry. Her face was red with anger. "Then! My boyfriend, the guy who this all is for, seems like he doesn't even care. I tell him about how I feel, and he always responds with the same thing. It doesn't matter when it does. It does fucking matter. He's so damn dense."

Vincent rested his head on his hand as he stared at Cassandra as she ranted about her life. She ignored the bell for class and the text messages that came to her phone. All of which came from her boyfriend, who she could care less to speak to.

He was the center of every problem she faced.

"Then break up with him," Julian finally said. "Break up with him and be done with all the drama. The best thing you can do is walk away from the situation."

Cassandra's eyes widen then she looked down. "You know you're not the first person to tell me that." She fought back her laugh.

"You know, I heard if a person is constantly given the same advice by people around them. They should probably take it."

"You think?"

Vincent only nodded his head. It was the first time she felt as if it was the right thing. The bell began to ring, indicating that their time together was over. She collected her books and kept her head low. Cassandra looked back at Vincent, "thank you. Thanks for listening to me."

"No problem, and Cassandra. No need to come to practice today. I think you won't be able to perform after what you have to do later. I assume?"

Cassandra glanced back at Vincent and fled the room. Her book bag with tightly held on her shoulder. She walked into the classroom. The mind filled to the brim with her decision that she was now stuck on.

Brea stared at Cassandra. She looked at the way her C's curved a certain way on her paper. The way her last name was always in cursive and her first name was in print. She thought it was strange. It didn't look good; it was a mess, she thought. She turned to Cassandra—the girl with too many problems and opened her mouth.

"Why are you with Sebastian?" She wanted to ask her this question as soon as she heard the rumors. She knew Sebastian like every other girl for his good looks, and if you had the right amount of assets. You could potentially have a chance to be invited to his room.

He was known for his superior tongue play and how he threw all the girls away for Cassandra. A girl she knew for her singing voice and cheating scandal. Brea wasn't like any other person in school. She was too curious for comfort, and questions to tend to fall out of her. She once asked a teacher if their hair was real in front of the class. It earned her plenty of laughs and no answer. An outcome she did not favor in any way.

Cassandra raised her eyebrow at the sudden question. "Because I love him."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Because you don't seem too happy, and in love, people are always happy."

"Well, real love isn't like that."

"Yes, it is. My parents are madly in love, and they're both happy all the time. It's a bit sickening at times. Yes, they have their bad days from whatever the hell is going on, but they make each other happy and based on my parents' interactions which are considered pure marital bliss."

"Whatever," she scoffed. She began to draw triangles on her paper. One darker than the other. Some triangles had legs, while others had a funny face in the middle. It helped her a bit with her decision.

"You said your parents are happy?"

"Yeah."

"So, like they don't argue or anything?"

"No, and if they do, they get over it like it's nothing."

There was no getting over what was going on with Sebastian and Cassandra. The damage was done, and there was no hope of it ever being fixed. Cassandra's reputation was at an all-time low. In contrast, Sebastian's wasn't affected in the slightest. He was even picked first for basketball and had his series of friends. Cassandra had nothing, not a friend or a confidant.

All because of him.

When the bell rang, Cassandra was the first to leave. She didn't give Bree a chance to asked her another question. The curious girl went about her afternoon. Her mind trailed to Cassandra for a second before she left.

Cassandra didn't go to practice; instead, she swallowed the anxiety that weighed down on her and went to see her boyfriend. She approached Sebastian at his locker. He took out his textbooks that were needed for the night's homework and studying he had to do. It was now January, and it seemed as if his teachers were determined for him to fail. His date would include a much-needed study session and pizza.

A date he knew Cassandra wouldn't mind if he explained to her.

"Can we talk?" Cassandra asked.

She couldn't stop her leg from shaking.

"Sure, it'll have to be quick. I have to get to practice."

He looked down at Cassandra. She held her body to give herself a bit of courage. Her leg went weak.

"Sebastian, this isn't working out," she admitted.

He raised an eyebrow, "what? What's not working out?"

"Us," she stuttered. "You and I. I think we should break up."

When the words came out of her mouth, the hallway went silent. Sebastian couldn't hear the usual laughter or the plans his peers had for that evening. Today's plan was to go to practice, study, spend time with Cassandra, and share a pizza with her as they drove to her house. He was going to introduce himself to Walter and say hello to Aurora finally.

Not, be broken up with.

"Why? What happened? What's wrong?" The words came out fast.

"Because... I can't take the constant stares. The words people say about me because I'm with you. Sebastian, I've never felt so alone since being with you."

"Cas...they're just words. They don't matter."

"But they do." Her voice was hoarse. A part of Cassandra didn't want to break up with him. But, there were too many negatives being with him now. "I hope we can be friends," she added.

She kept her head down as she walked past him and out of the door, leaving a shell-shocked Sebastian in the dust.

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