33. Heart Breaker

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"Why aren't you packing William?"

I sat in the chair, contemplating everything. This felt...wrong.

"Arthur, come here please." I ask of him, and he nods. I watch him come towards me and sit across from me with a confused frown.

"I need to talk to you...Arthur." I start off quietly, my hands grabbing ahold of his. I stare down at them as I knew I was having the babies soon. It could be clearly seen and I felt nauseous for what I was about to do.

I love him so...much, but I'm hurting the person I love the most. The toxicity...that I place upon him hurts him, and when I learn I hurt him - it hurts me even more.

Why do I keep doing this to him? I thought I grew from what I used to be...but I was wrong. I'm not...meant to be happy with him.

What we have is love, yes; but what I give to him is not showing that. I'm a toxic person who is with a person who deserves better...he doesn't deserve me...to be with human scum like me.

"Yes?"

"I don't...want to keep doing this to you. I thought...and thought harder about this, but maybe that illusion was telling me something. My heart can't keep up with this...hurting you. You're my everything, and I keep hurting you and I'm so sorry." I whimper, tears beginning to brim the corners of my eyes.

I felt some release down my cheeks, my hands beginning to tremble.

"I'm not...what you deserve. I know we are having a babies together, but I want you to take them too. I can't...keep doing this to you. A partner is supposed to be right beside you, and when it comes to you... You always seem to be right behind me because I push you there. From the very beginning I was never good to you, and yet you keep giving me chances. Well...since you can't end it for yourself, let me save you from me Arthur." I rest my head against his hands, tears falling more by the second.

I couldn't think properly because all I could think of was my...broken heart.

"What...what are you trying to say then?"

"I am...breaking up with you." I tremble, looking up at him as he looked shocked. I sit up as I pull the ring off my finger.

When I open his palm I set it down. Closing his hand around it, I grin down as I look at him.

His eyes had tears streaming down his face too...so I knew it wasn't just me hurting.

"Is it...the relationship, that comes with this ring?" He questions me shakily, and I nod slowly.

"It's also me. I am...the problem. With this ring we married one another...in Las Vegas. I was a coward and couldn't do it right. I was never true to myself and was mean to you because you could entirely be yourself... You were you, and I hated that I couldn't be that because I was scared. I'm...a coward." I breathe, chuckling as I see his eyes look at me.

The pain in his eyes was unimaginable, but I knew he'd...move on.

To someone better.

"Do you think breaking up with me changes anything? Isn't you divorcing me running from your problem?" Arthur questions me with this hurt tone.

"No..." I whimper, smiling at him. "I'm doing what I couldn't, letting you go to save you from me. This relationship wasn't good for you and you know that. I'm man enough to...say this finally, that I love you enough to let you go. This ring held something toxic, it bonded us together and I can say to you...that if you can't save yourself from me... Let me do it for you."

I pull the ring from Arthur's finger, and he looked pained. By the time I did that I stand up immediately, my lips trembling as he continued to look down at the rings.

My whole sensibility was beginning to crumble because I wanted to stop. I wanted him to cry out to me and stop me, but I knew that wasn't for the best.

I step back from him more as he stood, looking at me solemnly. When he comes towards me I gasp when he grabs my hands. I see him now his head before them.

Watching him crumble to his knees, he still held my hands as he had his head bowed.

"Merci beaucoup...William." Arthur trembles, and he begins to stand up. I watch him look down at me as he was about to cradle my face, but stopped himself.

I just see him turn away from me now. He begins to walk away from me and I began to feel sick again.

My whole body moved itself forward as I reached for him. My breathing was hiccuped as I felt pain...a tightening of the heart. I couldn't think clearly as tears began to blur my vision and him.

Only for me to cry more as I fell on my knees, hearing the door close now. I couldn't hold it in as I cried out so loudly. The scream echoing throughout the whole house as I felt heartbroken.

I had to save him and that was the only way. But it hurt so much as I cried out his name, knowing he wouldn't come back. I couldn't help myself because it's always been him I referred to. Now he's gone.

He had to be...saved from me. How could I live on in that marriage...knowing I was hurting him constantly?

I cried out again, feeling sick to my stomach.

"Is not making mistakes and those countless mess ups a part of what makes us...us?" He mumbled against my lips, and I didn't know what to say." You have made mistakes, I have made mistakes. That is why we are who we are right now, and I would not change that for a single thing."

I whimper, crying out as the more he spoke the more I realized how perfect he was and how I didn't deserve him. I was almost hurt that he was hiding the fact that my actions aren't nothing. They meant something to him clearly if he got angry and even ran back to France. I can go on forever about how he could do so much better than me...but where will that get me?

"I love you William, I will not allow yourself to say different." He sneers, looking angry at my accusations and words." You and I are partners. It is us two against the big world. The fact that you said that hurts me a little. What is wrong with you?"

I cried the more I thought about it. I couldn't take this...he deserved more than me. Nine years ago...I should've let him leave. Why did I go back for him? He was better off and I was so selfish and delusional that I went to him.

Even though he saved himself, I just went back to him. I am the problem...!

...star-crossed...

"Oui. Mais vous et moi sommes traversés par des étoiles." ( Yes. But you and I are star-crossed. ) He murmurs, making me frown.

"Why?"

"Parce que nous sommes contrariés par la malchance. Il y aura toujours quelque chose qui nous donnera de la malchance dans cet amour ... et cette malchance c'est toi." ( Because we are thwarted by bad luck. There'll always be something that gives us bad luck in this love...and that bad luck is you. ) He says, making me gulp.

He was right all along.

I cry out again as this felt worse than him being in a crash. I knew he was alive...I just couldn't ever love him the way I once did. I am a problem and our babies are being born...by the problem.

I am scared...because he was everything I wanted.

"I'm scared." I mumble, making him frown.

"Of?"

"Of going back home and we won't do this anymore..."

"That up to you. I never say it had to end-."

"Exactly! I'm scared we can do all this, but I'm afraid I'll get held back on trying to remain popular that I hurt the two of us."

He looks at me with a pained expression; soon shrugging as he laid back down.

"That all up to you. It your choice if you let things go back to the way they were. I not decide that; you did." He says, and I fold my arms." I not be surprised if you go back to how it was before trip. I already prepare self so no problem-."

I wipe my eyes of more tears, still crying as all the memories from then haunted me. Arthur was never home...I was his prison.

"America not home; France my home."

France was always his home and I took that from him. Why do I continuously keep hurting those I love?!

I have a problem...no, I am the problem. This is how I save him. Even though it hurts so much to the point that my tears blind me.

"Pourquoi pleures-tu?" ( Why are you crying? ) He asks softly, making me open my eyes that I didn't know were closed. His hand going to my cheek as I felt his thumb rub away at what I didn't know was there.

"I'm not crying-." He interrupted me by wiping his finger along my cheek and then he showed me. Letting me see a smeared tear on the tip of his finger, making me take in a hitched breath.

I suddenly brought my arm to my face as my fist covered my face, my other arm wrapping around me. Just letting myself cry as I didn't want him to see, but he was seeing anyway.

Shaking my head, I was afraid of whatever we had. Because...

"I like you Arthur..." I tremble, and he looks at me softly. Grabbing my arms as he pulled them behind my back. Making me hide my face looking the other way, but he made me face him.

"I wait to hear that for long time. I want to see you happy. Why cry?"

I can't help...but cry! Arthur was too sweet to me, too kind. I...thought I changed, but I never did.

"William, if you get mean again, I remind you of promise that you be better. If we keep to that, we be fine." He says, and I nod; but I'm afraid I'll still abandon the thought. Still be mean and cruel...not caring because of my ego and pride...

Arthur pulls me into a hug, feeling him pull a blanket over us as I sigh. Sad to think of going back home.

He always...put me in check and told me my problems. He always kept his word there. Except I broke each and every promise, went against his word. I was...a bitch.

I am still, a bitch. I don't deserve to be happy and he deserves more than what I have given him. Why did he always let me do those things?!

Why did he always let me win when it came to him?!

"You win." He whispers. And I don't care as I cry onto his shoulder. Like a damn child who can't control their tears.

Why must I always win? I was mean if it wasn't me. I would be mad if anyone was better than me, but worse to him when he was. I hated him...yet loved him too.

I love him so much...but I hated him so much too. My envy got in the way of everything. I was his shadow...and I ultimately, somehow, made him mine.

That realization broke me more as more tears fell and I almost shook violently.

"Si tu continues à pleurer, je vais aussi pleurer. S'il te plaît, arrête; Soyez heureux." ( If you keep crying I'm going to want to cry as well. Please stop; be happy. ) He whispers, making me want to cry even more.

I freeze, my whole body felt numb. I stare at my hands on the ground and saw the countless tears drops on the floor.

My whole mind felt this feeling as I felt something in Arthur's words from back then.

"S'il te plaît, arrête; soyez heureux." ( Please stop; be happy. )

Please stop...be happy.

That's all he wanted from me. Was to be happy. Happiness was all I needed and he gave me that, but I was so envious and mean... I didn't see it.

I could allow myself happiness if it was at the expense of him at most times. I've ruined everything...

I have done...the right thing. Even though it hurts the most. Who am I to keep him bound to me, to this toxic relationship?

Those rings kept us together, and I had to let him go.

"S'il te plaît, arrête; soyez heureux." ( Please stop; be happy. )

Yes...Arthur, please stop excusing my toxicity...be happy.

Without me.

______________________😢

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