Iris~~

Erik finds me sitting outside. I thought the darkness and tall grass would hide me better. The shirt he gave me bunches between my stomach and thighs. The drawstrings on the shorts even pulled tight barely keep the shorts up.

Erik nudges me with the toe of his sneaker. "I'm glad you still know how to shoot a gun."

"I haven't had much chance to put it to use, but I still train every day back home."

"Home?"

I wince even though I know I'm not ashamed. The Estate is home. Jonas is home. Even Colton is home in a way.

"I heard you guys talking while I was in the shower," I say.

Sighing, Erik sits down beside me but keeps a foot between us, and I'm reminded of when we sat by the small pond in Nevada after I found out I had an aunt and uncle who hadn't wanted me. Erik comforted me back then.

"I can't believe you've already chased your fiancé off to another planet."

I snort.

A few minutes pass, neither of us saying anything.

"Do you think Andrew will actually show up?" I ask at last.

"I do. Once he realizes the French are closing in on him, he'll appear."

"I wish things could have played out differently." I tilt my head back. The stars glisten, having no concern for our earthly matters. "I wish we could have been friends." I wrap my arms around my legs. "There was a time when you were my hero, you know."

"Even after I claimed to be the villain?"

I nod.

He lies back, resting his head in the grass. "Sometimes I want you to be miserable."

It feels like claws dig themselves into my heart.

"But other times, I think I want you to be happy." Moonlight reflects off the scar running along his jaw. Does he think of it every time he sees Andrew? "Is Arrietty doing okay?"

"She's happy. She and August are dating."

He tenses. "Oh."

"You're not all right with it?"

"I just hoped that she would eventually see the light and leave the Society."

"He makes her happy, and she seems to bring out the best in him." I rest my cheek on my knee. "Are you okay around Andrew?"

He turns his head toward the house, hiding the scar from my view. "I prefer not to be around him, but I've learned to deal with it. Now answer a question for me."

"Go on."

"Why did you choose Jonas. Not marrying him I mean but why did you choose the Society?"

"Jonas gave me hope that this Order could be better."

"And is it? In your opinion?" He sounds lost.

"They haven't burnt down any orphanages."

"So you think they're better?"

"I do."

He shakes his head. "You have some of the strangest standards."

"Jonas's and Colton's father would have killed me on the spot for being Expired. Jonas didn't."

"Colton or any of the others would have. Colton and Seong-ho tried."

"I don't expect you to understand. Maybe it's naïve, but now if faced with someone like me, I don't think they'd kill them."

"What makes you say that?"

"They're my friends, Erik."

Immediately, I see how my words affect him. His face morphs and twists, showing his pain. For him, it must be like I stole his cousins from him. They were his friends first, the ones he grew up with. They have their differences, but they still care about each other. I know that.

Because of Erik's actions, Jonas was left with no choice but to mutilate his Mark with Vienna's help or be found out by the rebels. Every time I see Jonas without his bandage, the emotions I felt when I first saw what he had done in that cell flare up—the pain I felt in my own arm, the anger I felt toward Erik all become fresh again

He lets go of me. "I miss when it was us against the world. Don't you?"

I don't answer, because how am I supposed to tell him I don't at all?