Hiii bestiesss!

Okay so...I've never been so emotional writing a chapter. It is the LONGEST I've ever written, so be prepared. Grab some snacks and a box of tissues (you'll need it).

It took me a long time to write this one for many reasons, so I'd like to apologise for taking forever in posting it.

Do follow me on the little blue bird app, because I post teasers there 😌

And oh, if you haven't noticed, NEW COVER (and for my other books as well), and the chapter pics. I figured it was time for a little change. How do you like it (them)?

Many song selections for this chapter, check them out in the little music icon.

Anyway, without further ado, I hope you enjoy this one, my precious rosy tulips 🌷

♬ ✥*

Serenity.

I missed Harry's birthday.

I missed Harry.

I missed the man who broke my heart.

I missed the man I love.

But that same man betrayed me.

Even if we had the slightest chance of being together, how could I ever trust him again? How would I be able to know that he was truthful with anything he said again? What if it all turns out to be another lie?

It was hard to think about, but the only thing that was on my mind. Harry clouded my thoughts entirely, and he made it impossible for me to dare have anything else cross them.

Things were even worse because everyone started to tiptoe around me, afraid I would break. Yes, I was emotionally fragile, but I wasn't that crushed.

Or was I?

Just over four weeks had passed, and it's still tough. Not much has changed, except for the fact that I could fall asleep quicker, but I'd still wake up in the middle of the night with a dream about the man I still love.

I could enter my apartment and start to avoid anything that reminded me of him — but how?

Only by looking at the ground.

Harry's small closet was still sitting in my living room, and I hadn't bothered to touch it. Multiple times Milo and Amara told me that it was time I take it down, and they'd take back the clothes to him, but I'd refuse it.

Maybe — yes — something was wrong with me for doing that.

Usually, a person who's had their heartbroken by the person they love, to get over them, they'd get rid of everything that reminds them of said person. They'd take all their stuff, throw it in a box, and basically throw it at them — or just trash or burn it.

But that would be too extreme.

Nonetheless, I decided that I wasn't normal.

I mean, Harry didn't cheat me to do any of that; however, he didn't cheat on me with someone else. I supposed marrying his work was more than enough for him. Maybe it was worth it for him, and he really didn't want someone by his side.

However, two weeks without seeing him made everything more painful. As much as I didn't want to see him, deep down inside, I did; but that last time didn't help. Looking at him the way I did, seeing how he stood, was the complete opposite of he normally held himself.

Harry was strong, powerful, and held his ground. But the man I saw was weak, helpless, and barely seemed like the CEO I knew him to be.

In all honesty, I was afraid because of that.

But even during this rough time, I still went to a shop and bought a present that I thought would be absolutely perfect for him — well, two shops and two gifts.

One was stashed in the depth of my closet, and the other was in my childhood bedroom. I figured those were safe hiding spots that Harry wouldn't have checked — especially because he had his own little wardrobe. We even had a mini argument about it.

"That's what it's called, darling. I don't understand 'closet.' It makes no fucking sense," he mocked in a faux Canadian accent.

"First of all, H, never talk like that again," I said, snickering. "And second, that's just what it is. You've lived in this country for a decade now, so learn how things are actually called. Third, you're offending this nation by saying that."

"Oh fuck off, E. Canada has the Queen on its bills. This nation is part of the British Commonwealth. Once that changes, we'll have a different talk about this."

"Did you just tell me to f-off?"

"Yeah." He smirked, running his tongue along his bottom lip. "What are you gonna do about it, Miss Hayes? You gonna deport me?"

"I mean, that's possible —"

"Nu, uh," he tutted. "You can't. I'm a Canadian citizen."

Pursing my lips, I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're testing my patience, Mr Styles."

"No, I wouldn't want to do that. Would I?" Harry said with a shit-eating grin.

"Asshole," I muttered.

"Oh, look at that. My sweet, innocent petal has a foul mouth. Not sure if I like that," he spoke.

"Says the man who swears like a sailor," I remarked.

"I thought you love my dirty mouth, Essie." His tone was deep and sultry as he neared me. "Rude, improper, and downright filthy."

Shaking my head. "No. I do not. Now stop with that smirk. You know I'm weak for that."

"I know." He smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist. "But I'm weak for you. So that makes us even."

"Great."

"Great," he whispered, "Now, let's test that lie about you not liking my dirty mouth because I'm sure you're already w—"

"Shut up," I said before kissing him hard.

Swallowing, I pushed back the tears as I recalled that precious memory we shared. We had so many of those.

I had Harry's gift both wrapped in metallic paper, a tulip print all over it. My heart broke that I couldn't give it to him. It pained my soul that I couldn't spend his special day with him. I knew that it would've been the first time he actually would've had a birthday worth remembering and one that he would treasure forever; however, this time, it was his fault that caused this hurt.

Hurt for me.

Hurt for him.

I'd told him to leave that dreadful day, and he left.

But he wasn't giving up on trying to win me back.

When he told me to check my phone, I knew that there was so much more in it than just a few texts or voicemails to call him back. It was deeper and meaningful, and it was easy to tell by the tone of his voice. It just continued to echo in my ears, even if it was two weeks ago.

Nonetheless, I knew that Harry Styles wouldn't give up easily, and this was something amongst all the rest. Even though it wasn't business, the personal aspect of it made it much more important — or so I hoped.

All of my emotions and feelings, the worries, the lack of happiness, my physical state were all a disaster.

And that's what led Amara to suggest coming to her family's cabin for a few days. Destiny watched over her sister's shoppe and took care of Luna, while my instructors helped me out by taking over my classes.

It was honestly the exact thing that I needed. Mars knew me better than I knew myself sometimes — and that was vice versa.

Being together for years on end, our friendship was stronger than titanium. No one or nothing could tear it apart.

Unfortunately, a couple of her exes tried to ruin it because they said I was 'toxic' and 'needy.' Needless to say that they were both dumped faster than anyone could say 'cookie.'

Amara's sayings have been written down to a T while growing up — and that was literal. When we were young, we were sitting in the mall's food court whilst our mom's got us some food. A few guys were sitting at the table next to us, chatting about their relationships. Mars, being that girl sometimes, decided to listen. To be fair, they weren't that quiet either. The summary of it all, one said to his friend, "bro's before hoes."

We didn't understand what it really meant until later, but she definitely wasn't happy.

Ever since, she always says, "sisters before misters."

Which was apparently a thing before we found out it was a saying that already existed. My friend thought she made it up, but still claims that she invented the phrase.

But either way, it was true.

When we drove up north, we were practically isolated in the mountains. The weather was colder, chillier to our bones, blueing to our lips, and redder to our skin.

Two whole weeks that we lived in this special cabin. In the mornings, we'd make our breakfast together, cook something from the food we brought with us, and sit by the fire in the evenings drinking a glass of wine or a cup of tea.

Fresh powder dusted the ground and trees yesterday, so we spent several hours tossing snowballs, making angels, and building little igloos. It was something that neither of us had done in years — we acted like children without any worries in the world.

"Why the fuck is adulting so hard?" she chuckled, after a hitting striking a bullseye at my head. "This is so much better!"

"Not sure," I replied, then threw one only to hit her arm.

"Ha! Missed, bitch!" But that grin didn't last long when one struck her face, and a boisterous laugh left my mouth with success.

Afterwards, we went into the hot tub — one thing that she always pressured me to do. I hated getting in and out with the temperature change, but she told me to stop acting like a 'baby.' Every, damn, time.

Then we made a pasta dish with the minimal food that remained. We only had a couple days left until we had to return to our everyday lives, so we were taking our time to relax and just chill.

That led us cosied up on the couch, across from one another, a glass of wine in my hand, a cup of tea in hers. Two separate throws covered our bodies, feeling the warmth through the fabric

"Are you going to turn your phone on?" she asked, holding onto her warm tea.

I ran a hand over my face, groaning. "Do I have to?"

"It's been over a month. I think you should." Her tone was light as she laughed.

But we both knew that it was far from a funny situation.

I might've — definitely — taken too long to do this, but it was necessary. There was no doubt that someone would call me crazy or childish for ignoring my phone for so long. I wasn't too sure if it was considered 'running away from my problems' or just a form of letting my broken heart heal. Mars and I agreed it was the latter.

Plus, she was always on my side no matter what.

Well, except for the time, I wore an outfit that did not match for a party we went to. That time, Amara told me something that I'd never forget — or make the same mistake twice.

"Bitch, you could pull off wearing a garbage bag anywhere, and you'd be the hottest girl there. But I swear, if you leave the house looking like a 90s freak that teleported to the 1800s with that plaid dress, you will be humiliated for the rest of the school year — and maybe longer. I don't want my friend bullied, and that thing will do that to you," she said, a hand on her hips, then grinned. "Now, take it off so I can burn it. It'll keep us warm."

We brought up several memories between us while we were here. She wanted to let our minds be at utter ease.

And that's the simple reason why we brought several bottles of wine with us, food to keep us alive, and any other essential necessities.

When we were younger, our families always came up here during a time in our winter break. It was another one of the many traditions that we simply couldn't break.

But then it broke when her parents died in a car accident several years ago.

We took Mars and Destiny in without a word because they were already a part of our family. The pain that they went through was harder than I could imagine. They loved them so much — as did we.

We'd take turns and go back to either mine or hers for lunch hour. Their mom would make us the most delicious turkey sandwiches and feed us with everything healthy. Of course, without forgetting a slice of her heavenly chocolate cake. It was something that I could never say no to.

Sometimes, when I felt like I couldn't talk to Mars or my mom, she'd be there, and I'd always go to her. I let out my emotions and say things that I felt I couldn't speak to anyone else, and she never told a soul. The loyalty and love that she gave to everyone was a gift that was unique just for her.

My dad took it hard when their father passed. The two were so close, almost like brothers, and did everything together. They were incredible parents and friends to everyone — and the community loved them.

People who still are missed.

I saw how the look on Amara's face when we entered, an expression that was one of both agony and happiness. It was a place that connected her with her parents and one that she could never get rid of. When the lawyer brought up the cabin to Mars and Destiny, they fumed, saying that they knew the will mentioned it would never be sold for any circumstances.

The sisters were close to a point where they almost had to so they could live, but the entire community pitched in to help them until they could get back on their feet. All of that money was paid back in full.

She checked that the person who took care of the place made sure that everything was in working order before we arrived.

I stayed silent so she could take in the space that neither of us had entered for several years.

Wood surrounded us entirely, the lodge encompassing us with a warm embrace. Though the cold was nipping outside, the familiar feeling of comfort and home was there to greet us with open arms.

Brown furniture with caramel leather hugging the cushions. Countless pillows and throws were of nude and dark tones kept the style together. The wood-burning fireplace was a statement, as the beautiful stonework bordered it, the hearth matching perfectly.

It was my favourite part about the cabin.

The fireplace was so much more than just something to heat up a room.

Amara slowly flicked on the lights, and we saw every detail and memory that she lived here. I saw those memories flashback in her eyes. She loved that present moment, remembering all of the good, cherishing times we had together.

Hearing the crackling of the firewood burning as the scent drifted inside brought a content smile to our faces. Minimal lights were turned on, the vivid rusty and golden hues flickering as they illuminated the darkness. Our shadows deepened, but it only made everything so much more intimate. It brought everyone together to stay close to the flames to stay warm. A blanket would cover one of us along with a friend as we held on a cup of cider or hot chocolate. Grins and laughs were many as we shared old stories.

I saw that little glimpse of pain and misery from the bits of when her parents were with us.

Nothing stopped me from moving to place my arms around her, pulling her in a tight embrace. "I miss them, too, Mars," I'd whispered softly.

Breaking my thoughts, I took a sip from my wine as I shook my head at her question. My finger absentmindedly drew along the rim, before quickly pulling my hand away remembering a certain someone who occasionally did the same.

"Want to check it for me?" My eyes met hers with a hopeful smile.

"Not a damn chance," she said, snorting a laugh. "Your phone, your messages, your life, your relationship."

My lips sucked in at her words. "Rephrase that last word, would ya?"

"Oh, my mistake, ex-relationship," her tone was sarcastic.

"You're quite subtle to keep you sarcasm at bay."

"Ren, I love you, but I'm going to push you with this." She sighed. "I know Harry fucked up bad, but you owe it to both of you to see what he has to say."

"But—"

"No damn buts, check your phone." Her tone was demanding.

"I mean, it's been a month. I'll have to wait until it's charg—"

"I did that earlier today. It's still off, though," Amara spoke with a grin, hiding it behind her mug.

"Well, aren't you just full of surprises," I sarcastically smiled.

Leaning across the couch, she grabbed my phone and tossed it over to me.

With a deep sigh and shaky hands, I turned on the device, with my heart was pounding as the screen lit up. Every second made the nerves throughout my body increase tremendously. I set my wine glass on the table and waited for the background to pop up.

And when it did, I wished I never saw it.

The picture of Harry and I were just smiling at the carnival, changed to the one where he kissed me on my cheek. I always said to myself that it was the one I'd choose if we ever got together — and we did.

Now, it only made my heart break more.

The happiness that we shared that day was something entirely unforgettable. I felt butterflies in my stomach when he unexpectedly kissed me — and it was the day I fell madly, deeply in love with him.

Until this very moment, that feeling never faded.

But then the notifications started popping up.

Well over one hundred.

Text messages, missed calls, and voicemails — one after another, after another.

The speed was too quick for me to even try and keep up with. It was easy to say that I knew I'd need a long time to go through each of them — and surely with a rough emotional struggle.

As soon as the vibrations stopped, I turned my head to see Amara already looking at me with a sympathetic expression.

"You can do this, Ren. I'm right here next to you," she spoke softly. "Unless you want me to go upst—"

"No," I quickly interrupted. "Don't go."

Mars scooted over a little bit more, so she could hold my hand, squeezing it gently. "Then I'm right here."

Slowly, I lifted my phone up properly, unlocking it as I tapped at the messages app. His name was right at the top — as he was in my heart. Hundreds of messages were beside his name, and my nerves were on overdrive. It seemed like a perfect time to expect the unexpected.

Were they going to be good? Bad? Even more heartbreaking?

Well, the answer to that was simple — yes.

Nervously, though, I pressed on it only to see everything he had to say. They were all in individual bubbles, and it only reminded me of the time he commented about how I did that.

Do you tend to send multiple texts at once? He'd texted me once.

Ouchies.

Back when things between us were so much simpler. If only I could go back to the past; but then, I wouldn't have known that Harry cheated my heart like that. The damage would've already been done, and I'd have to go through this same broken feeling again.

Maybe the present is better.

With a deep breath, I scrolled all the way to the top of when the mess started.

2020 - October 2nd, 12:02 AM
Tiger 🐯

Serenity, I'm so fucking sorry. Please forgive me.
H x

The way my whole body stung when I saw the message. I pushed everything in me to change his name under the contact information. I felt Amara's hand smooth across my arm, knowing as she read the message because of my action.

2020 - October 2nd, 12:07 AM
My Tiger Who Broke My Heart 🥺💔

Shit, no. You hate when I end with my name.
Or was the 'H' not part of it?
Maybe it's the 'x'?
I'm sorry...
For everything

The 'H' was cute, Harry. I also missed how he'd also