35 - the tipping point

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I don't know how long I stay in the bathroom. It could've been 10 minutes, or it could've easily been an hour. Part of me feels like it must not be too long though because no one comes knocking. All I know is that by the time I'm feeling more stable, I have the sinking realization that I do want to go home now. Maybe I should just leave on my own, I could call Ryder and tell him I'd gone back to the apartment, but not to worry because we could just meet up later.

I was too shaken up by that guy. He was a dickhead and he couldn't have been more wrong about everything he'd said to me, but that didn't change the way it made me feel.

This could be handled though, I would go home, take a hot bath and sleep it off. Tomorrow morning maybe Ryder and I could get breakfast to celebrate his win together, without drunk frat dudes around to ruin the night. I'd been feeling so good recently I couldn't imagine that this sends me into a tailspin now.

I am strong. I am going to be fine.

Then I decide it's time to call it a night, slowly pulling myself off the bath mat I'd been sitting on and standing again. I move to open the door, gasping in surprise when I am met face to face with another girl who'd just been trying to enter.

"Sorry." I offer, moving to the side, thinking I might recognize the skinny, blonde girl in front of me, dressed in a black dress, but then again, every other girl at Boulder had the same look.

"Fucking whore." She spits, pushing past me as I step out of the bathroom and into the hallway.

"What?" I almost laugh, there must be something in the air because people are in rare form tonight.

"You know who I am," she smirks, turning and crossing her arms over her chest. Long, acrylic nails digging into her forearms. "Just like I know who you are."

I narrow my eyes, unsure but then suddenly I realize she's right.

Granted, I hadn't seen Penelope Braddish in nearly three years, at least not up close anyways. But here she was, the same pinched expression on her face that she'd been wearing the night that she realized Ryder was after the two of us right in front of one another. An expression that told me she was jealous and obviously knew he's no longer on the market.

"Oh, Penelope." I nod slowly, wondering if she'd followed me up here.

"That's right," she purses her lips. "The girl who Ryder's been with for the past three years, that is, until you came along and ruined everything."

"You two weren't together." I state plainly and she glares. She could try to tell me different, but I knew the truth. Ryder wouldn't lie about something like that, he might have been an incurable playboy, but he was always clear about that. No relationships, period—that is, until we started to discover something new with one another.

"Fine, hooking up, hanging out, whatever you want to call it, but still," she hisses, stepping closer. "You need to back off, he's mine."

"Sorry sweetie," I laugh, unable to help it in my drunk state. "But that's not how this is gonna work."

"Oh really? How is this gonna work?" Her eyes narrow, gaze venomous as she takes yet another step towards me, pushing me father into the hallway as she advances. "Because I will not sit by and watch you get him addicted to drugs, before he eventually ends up dead too."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I snap, surprised that instead of feeling like I wanted to collapse inward, like I had done so many times before—like I felt I was going to before after Shawn's nasty words—I felt angry. It was like the small spark inside me that had almost gone out after Miles' death was burning again, about to explode.

"I'm pretty sure I do," she continues, smiling sickly at me. "I'm the right girl for him, I've been by his side since before he was famous on campus. You're only here now because he's about to get drafted, honestly, could you be more obvious?"

"Don't take your jealousy out on me," I shake my head. "If you had ever been paying attention to anyone but yourself, you'd realize he's the one who pursued me, not the other way around. So please, just quit while you're ahead."

"Not until you agree to break things off with him," she insists, backing me up until I feel the heels of my boots hit the baseboards on the walls. "Maybe not right now, but eventually, and let him have a fighting chance of making it away from you and your bullshit, you know, alive."

"That's not going to happen." I say slowly, teeth gritted, feeling a fire start to catch inside me that I'm suddenly afraid will make me do something stupid.

Penelope tsks, shaking her head and raising an eyebrow.

"Selfish bitch," she mutters. "If you actually cared about him, excuse me, if you'd actually ever cared about your ex too, you might have had the good sense to walk away when you realized you were the problem, not them."

That's the last straw and suddenly I can't focus on anything but how angry I feel. Angry at the world for believing the trash that some idiot published in the Daily Camera. Angry at Miles for leaving me behind in his mess. Angry at everyone who decided to take their issues out on me. Everything that had been making me so sad, for so long, had shifted, finally building up and releasing inside me. Unfortunately for Penelope Braddish, she picked the wrong fucking day to try and mess with me.

"Leave me alone," I gasp, pushing her back, sick of her keeping me backed up against the wall of this hallway, and she makes a face at me. "And for that matter, leave Ryder alone too. Leave us alone."

I make to move away from her, back down the stairs towards the kitchen. I didn't want to go home anymore if anything this anger made me feel different. As though I'd been at a tipping point before, teetering between falling back into old patterns, or being pushed forward into something new. No, now, I didn't want to let rude, insecure people ruin my night. They should be the ones to leave—not me.

But before I can reach the stairs, I feel someone's hands at my back, propelling me forward, and if it weren't for the person coming up the stairs at the same time, I would have sailed headfirst towards the hardwood floors below.

"Jourdan!" Whoever it is that just caught me is surprised, holding me up as I spin around, feeling venomous.

"What the fuck?" I yell at Penelope who just smirks, expression snide as she crosses her arms over her chest again and narrows her eyes at me.

"Oops." She shrugs and I lunge forward, but I'm stopped by two hands at my sides. I look up, ready to deck whoever it is, but I feel myself calm down the second I realize it's Lars. It seems he'd saved the day twice tonight already.

"Oh, hey," I say, gasping as I take a deep breath. "Let's go back downstairs."

"You sure?" He glances between the two of us then, visibly confused. "What just happened?"

"Nothing worth mentioning," I hiss, looking back to Penelope. "Just another person taking their problems out on me."

"That's not true!" Penelope screeches. "I was just explaining that Ryder cheated on me with you!"

"Bull-fucking-shit." I respond instantly, knowing she's grasping at straws now. Part of me felt bad for her, even if Ryder never committed to her, he never shut things down with her, he just stopped responding. This, in most people's opinions, is a dick move to be sure. But I'm a woman too, and there's something to be said for being able to take a god damn hint. At this point, she's just torturing herself.

"Yeah, Penelope," Lars shakes his head. "That's enough."

~

"Dude, you should make a move already." Tristan tells Kai, who had just finished opening up to us about his unrequited love for Paige. I nod, agreeing with him as I take another sip of the jungle juice that I'd almost finished by now. Before, I'd chugged it, needing to calm down after Shawn nearly ruined the night, but now I was wishing I'd paced myself a bit more. Especially when I could really start to feel whatever they'd mixed in there starting to hit.

"Agreed, worked out pretty well for him." I add, and gesture to Tristan who grins knowingly.

"Yeah, I know," Kai sighs, expression still forlorn. "I just don't wanna fuck up the friendship, I mean we all knew Andee liked you too. Paige . . . well, I think she really does just see us as friends."

"Well, as long as we're pointing out the obvious," Tristan plows onward. "I don't think this guy every thought Jourdan Mathews would give him the time of day, and yet, here we are."

"That's true," Kai laughs, and I nod, laughing with him. "Gotta say, I'm happy for you, but I really didn't see that one coming."

"None of us did," Tristan chimes in and I shrug.

"What can I say?" I joke. "She couldn't resist me."

"More like you couldn't resist her." A new voice joins the conversation then and a glance down to my side reveals Andee, who giggles, sliding around me to join Tristan who laughs loudly at her comment.

"She's kinda right bro." He agrees and I roll my eyes. Even if she is, I'm not gonna admit in front of everyone. No, at this point, everyone should know our attraction is more than mutual.

"Where is Jourdan?" I ask then, glancing to her and realizing they'd left our circle together a while ago.

"She went to the bathroom," Andee shrugs. "She'll be back in a second, I think she needed some alone time honestly."

Guilt bubbles in my stomach, wondering if she really was as okay as she was pretending to be before. I'd always known Shawn had a big mouth, and that he barely had two brain cells to rub together, let alone check himself from saying stupid shit. But I didn't expect that to come out of his mouth. In fact, I've still got half a mind to find him and beat him into the ground.

But being arrested for battery and physical assault wouldn't be a good look for me or the team.

Maybe having some time to herself was good. Jourdan is strong, she was taking care of herself just fine before we got together, and she could take care of herself just fine now. After all, neither of us is clingy, we both understand that needing space almost always has nothing to do with anyone but yourself.

Just then I hear a commotion at the front of the kitchen, looking up to see Lars pushing through the crowd. Jourdan close by his side, a look on her face I hadn't seen before, something between relief and complete, utter rage.

"Yo," I hear Tristan beside me, who has also spotted them moving towards us. "What the hell is that about?"

"There's a bit of a problem—" Lars starts reaching us first, but before he can get the rest of the sentence out, Jourdan goes flying towards Kai, tripping over her own two feet as he catches her, almost like she'd just been pushed.

"Jourdan, what—" I ask, reaching for her but she spins around before I can get to her, turning towards whoever just pushed her. I turn too, my stomach doing a flip when I realize who it is.

Penelope Braddish is standing there, smiling like she'd just won the lottery.

"Bitch." She hisses at Jourdan, and before any of us knows what's happening, Jourdan charges at her, decking her into the ground. The chaos that ensues would be almost comical, if I wasn't so worried about one of them cracking their heads open by accident on the granite countertops in the kitchen. Still, I stand there, almost in shock with Tristan, Kai and Lars, who all look just as surprised as I am that my girlfriend had suddenly become a WWE fighting champion.

"Holy shit." Kai laughs next to me, watching the scene that unfolds as the two girls roll around, pulling at each other's hair and clothes.

"This is every guy's fantasy." I glance over to Justin and Brady, who seem to have been shaken out of their little bubble over on the other side of the kitchen as they join our circle.

"Dude," Tristan shakes his head. "No."

We all laugh then, especially as everyone else around us has noticed the confrontation, turning to watch as Jourdan manages to lift herself off the floor long enough to grab a spare cup of jungle juice and dump it over Penelope's head.

"Ha, take that!" Jourdan shouts, adding a perfectly manicured middle finger to the mix as well. Then, Penelope is screaming like she's being attacked by a rabid animal but based on the way that Jourdan had been tearing into her, I'm not surprised. I then take the opportunity as Jourdan stands over her with her hands on her hips, to step in. I grab her, hands wrapped around her waist as I lift her up and pull her back towards where we had all been standing.

"Hey!" Jourdan shouts. "Put me down!"

"Easy," I laugh, holding her tight as she squirms around. "Easy, easy, you definitely won the upper hand."

"You fucking whore!" Penelope roars then, standing and wiping the sticky punch mixed with alcohol off her face. "My hair is ruined."

"Oh, calm down," Jourdan scoffs as I set her next to me, keeping my arms around her. "One wash and you'll be fine."

"How can you be with someone like her?" Penelope has turned to me now, expression livid. "How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry," I say, truly meaning it and feeling bad that our three yearlong back and forth relationship had to come to an end like this. "Really, I know I was an asshole to you. I should have made it clear I didn't want a relationship with you a long time ago, I know that, so I am sorry. But I'm not sorry that I'm with Jourdan now."

"But I don't understand," Penelope begins to blubber, tears welling in her eyes and luckily, most of the bystanders watching before having turned back to their other conversations and drinks. It was bad enough this is happening in front of all my friends and Jourdan, I would feel even worse if people hadn't decided to mind their own business again. "We would have been so good together."

"No," I shake my head. "No, we wouldn't have been. We couldn't have been."

I try to illude to the truth, but as usual, I am too naïve to realize that Penelope won't understand what I'm hinting at. Maybe because there's part of me that doesn't even really realize what I'm trying to say until it comes out.

"Why not?" She pouts, stepping a few feet closer, but not so close that Jourdan could lunge at her again. Jourdan has been silent this entire time, I can feel her breathing hard against me, recovering from their fight. "You can't possibly tell me that it's because you didn't feel anything for me."

"Oh, honey." Justin frowns, almost taking pity on a girl whom he'd had very strong opinions about for years now.

"Shut the fuck up," she hisses at Justin who makes a face instantly, clearly any small amount of pity from just moments before gone in a flash. Her attitude definitely isn't helping things, especially not after having heard her call Jourdan all sorts of names.

"It's not that—" I start but she cuts me off.

"Then what is it?" She screeches, her tone starting to piss me off. Finally, I'd had enough too.

"We couldn't have ever been happy together because I've always liked someone else," I insist, voice raised now, interrupting her before she can get another word in. Her jaw snaps shut, glaring at me then.

"I've always . . ." I pause to look down at Jourdan, who is watching me carefully now, something almost like awe in her gaze, "I've always had a thing for Jourdan." I admit finally. It felt good to say out loud in front of everyone, albeit embarrassing, but still good. I mean they'd all known that, but Penelope didn't seem to understand.

"But what about our thing?" Penelope cries, tears now falling down her cheeks as she stops one foot, hands clenched into fists by our side.

"There is no thing between us anymore." I remind her. "Not when, not—"

"I just don't get it." Penelope continues and I hear Tristan scoff next to me, this is almost painful at this point. I try to remain calm, because it won't be helpful if I yell at her, but I can't take her questioning anymore.

"Penelope," I start, her eyes widening as she registers my tone. "I told you I'm sorry, really, but you have to admit to the fact that we never really had a 'thing'."

"But—" she whines.

"I'm falling in love with her, Penelope!" I shout, finally at my wits end, unsure how else to make it clear to her. She blinks, looking back and forth between us. Jourdan gasps audibly, and I realize what I've just said, out loud.

"Ugh, boys are so stupid!" Penelope cries, stomping both feet down before she whips around and storms out of the kitchen. She pushes two girls near the entryway, both shrieking as they nearly spill their drinks and glaring at the back of her head as she shoves her way down the hallway and out of sight.

Everyone is silent, that is, Justin, Tristan, Kai, Brady, Andee and Jourdan are all silent. I think they are in shock, both because of Penelope's outbursts and what I just said. The funny thing is, I don't even think I'd realized I was feeling something like love for Jourdan until I said it. But now that it's out, I know it is true, even if she doesn't quite feel the same thing yet.

It's weird—like a sinking feeling in my stomach and a swelling of emotion in my chest at the same time.

"Wow," Justin says finally, looking back and forth between Jourdan and I. "That was, well, that was something."

"Uh huh, I think we should all go get some more jungle juice." Tristan interjects then, pulling Andee along with him as Lars and Kai follow close behind. Lars winks at me, giving Justin a light shove away from where Jourdan and I are still standing in our own, secluded area near the kitchen table. This leaves us alone, at least for the time being.

She steps back from me then, taking a deep breath and then I decide it's finally time to look her in the eye. When I do, she looks surprised, a small smile on her face.

"Were you serious?" she asks slowly. "I mean, was, uh, is what you just said true?"

I swallow hard, looking at her carefully, studying the way her long hair is framing her face. Large brown eyes blinking back up at me with nothing but curiosity in them. It's

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