Chapter 37/184: Damage Sinks In

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This is purely aimed to show you all our appreciation for waiting for us today, and to assure you: that waiting for us is always worth it :)

Please give this chapter all the LOVE IT DESERVES! It got us SUPER emotional writing it! And we had to edit it today amid ALL the work we had for the interview JUST to reward you with it!

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I was curled into a ball under water, hugging my knees and shaking.

Breathing felt impossible, and my chest constricted. I had held my breath in, refusing to let myself inhale water as long as possible.

It was dark, and I felt so lonely. 

Yet even more than that, I felt... invisible.

Like no one could see my pain...

As I eyed my body, a shudder crossed it.

This...!!!

I eyed my swimsuit which I wore back when I was seven.

And I eyed my tiny figure. 

'Charlotte...!' A distant voice called, 'Charlotte! Wake up, baby girl!' 

I forced my eyes open, as my father's face appeared before my vision. 

D-Dad... 

But... But why are you... here... 

'Because I'm not here to save you from under water this time, Cherry!' My dad's voice came, 'You need to reach out! You need to help yourself, baby!' 

My body shook. No, dad, I can't. 

I... I'm too... hurt.

I don't want to get out. 

A fast recollection of the last few hours I'd passed through shot to my mind, and my heart sank. 

Yes, this was a similar feeling...

When I stood out there in the ball, looking at Rickard Ellington Conway and his perfect fiancé, seeing everyone's admirable looks for them. 

I... felt a similar feeling to the one I feel right now... and the one I felt when I was under water back when I was seven. 

I felt... invisible.

Like I was drowning in my own grieves and pain... 

With no one noticing. 

And that's why I don't want to try and get out, dad. I can't go on with all this pain. 

I can't keep on losing people like I... lost you. 

From before me, my father's silhouette started fading, and yet, it had a... smile.

'There's always two sides to a story, Cherry.'

I blinked at his words, 'Remember how you saw my acts before you knew my side of the story.' 

My heart ached, as my dad's silhouette faded, leaving only traces of his tone.

'You can't just give everything up before you know the whole story. So resist, my girl.'

Adrenaline rushed through my body at this.

'Resist, Charlotte.'

I forced my eyes open, as I felt some numbness leave my body. 

Looking at it, I saw my adult body again...

Meaning I had managed to escape the trauma episode. 

I tried wriggling under water, in an attempt to swim up. 

But how the hell do I swim?!!!

A silhouette appeared from above at that. 

A huge muscular silhouette.

And he was holding a flashlight. 

I tried wriggling with all my might in an attempt for him to see me. 

As I moved my circulatory system again.

So did the alcohol move in my blood.

Maddening pain shot to my head, and my vision began to blur again.

Sudden accompanying pain surged through my stomach again, yet I tried to ignore it as I focused on the silhouette.

He was in only his light white chemise, and had his phone flashlight held between his lips. 

Under the flashlight effect, one main feature of him was highlighted beyond anything else.

Those beauteous, drugging, and sea cold blue orbs.

They glowed in their ultimate natural habitat.

Heat surged through my body, as I, in my most desperate and doziest of states... recognized those eyes so well.

He... He'd come for me.

Even though I had just... lashed out at him...

Mr. Ellington...

He's here to save me...

As the silhouette approached me, wrapping his hands around me in the dark, I hugged him back tight.

I could not see anything very clearly, and yet the eyes I'd seen were enough for me to be reassured.

Right...?

As he swam up towards the surface with me, something began stirring at the pit of my heart.

Those... hands around me...

They were not... Rickard Ellington's...

They were very muscular, true, and yet... they were... slightly thinner?

My eyes, in their most dizzy and unfocused state, managed to force themselves to look at his right hand.

No wristwatch was there.

Instead... there was a cross and a rose tattoo on the inside of his wrist.

A cross and a rose.

Amidst all the abyss in my mind, my linking capabilities managed to match the crosses and roses concept.

To a very peculiar tattoo of a certain someone.

It was rather unmistakable.

Vera Valentina's upper hand tattoo shot to my mind.

And the identity of the man holding me at the moment made so much sense.

We emerged on the surface, and a ladder as well as life jackets were directly thrown into the sea around us.

As the Adam holding me helped me and himself up the ladder and back into the deck, we were surrounded by a safety team who had the first aid kits and were checking for our safety. 

I noticed no further commotion was made, especially that he stood before us.

Unflinching. Unaffected. And a steel gaze straight from the death lord.

Trevor Ellington Conway had his hands behind his back, as he watched the man who'd saved me and I panting and drenched in water, after his plan to drown me had failed.

It occurred to me at that why there were no people from the audience around us. 

He'd probably covered up the commotion by a fake environment like back when he attempted to kidnap Reina Collins and I. 

My stomach pain once again shot through my senses, and yet I chose to ignore it again, as I finally turned to my savior.

Garrett Giovanni Ellington Conway had his slightly stubbled jaw clenched, and his blonde-brown hair drenched with water. 

As for his eyes, they literally reflected the restless and mad ocean we were just drowning in. They were red from the salty water, and the redness only emphasized on how mad he was, judging by the popping veins in his forehead.

He had his arms clenched around me, reflecting how truthfully defensive he was.

What the hell... he... he saved me...?

He didn't wait for his breath to even calm back, as he moved his jaw madly.

"What the fuck was this, father?"

I gasped, as I looked at him with wide eyes. What the... hell?

He didn't flinch, and his muscles around me twitched in rage.

"Is this how far you're willing to go for Rickard to surrender? Drown the fucking woman?!" He spat, his voice thundering like that of a tiger's.

My heart sank, very painfully. 

For several reasons.

As I eyed Garrett's eyes, I couldn't help but recall... his eyes. 

And when I did, it only reminded me of how vulnerable I felt. 

I had expected him to save me.

The moment I saw his eyes, my heart forgave him for everything I'd gone through for the night because of him.

That was how much I... wanted so badly to feel he was still here for me. 

To feel like I had not... lost him. 

And yet here I am... 

What a fool I was.

"Charlotte Thorne has nothing to do with your and Rickard's feuds! Can't you see she's just a collateral damage?!" Garrett snapped. "How much more blows will she have to rec-" His words decayed, as I shifted, hugging him tightly. 

"Yo, Charlotte..." His voice came confused, as I just shook my head against his chest. 

"Stop." I demanded, my voice shaking, as my entire entity shook, "Don't go against him for my sake, p-please."

This was it.

The last straw for the night.

While I had expected the eldest Ellington son to save me and protect me, I was involving the younger one in further trouble. 

My heart turned into glass at this, and it needed one further tiny nudge to fully break. 

Slight commotion rose from around us at that, and Garrett shifted slightly beneath me. 

I straightened, looking up slightly.

Only to find the scenery had changed.

The Ellington Chairman had left by now, as though not even interested to spare Garrett or me a second glance. 

The fake environment around us was still there though. 

Yet the difference was... 

That another silhouette stood in the place of the father at this.

Sobriety had hit me relatively well at this, and I was able to tell his features properly.

And this time yes, it was him.

It was that unmistakable height, and perfectly muscular figure. It was that wrinkle-free suit, and those well-sculpted features. 

It was that tight jaw, and those pursed full lips. 

He had his wristwatch on his right hand, and it was clenched over by his left hand.

And most importantly, with no doubt...

It was those eyes.

One which very clearly distinct from those of Garrett's. 

No... Garrett's were mad, worried, and... arrogant by nature. 

But his... They were dead cold, arrogant, and yet... 

Unmistakably... 

Guilty...?

They clearly, hardly concealed that... hint of... guilt in their deepest cores. 

And they were dark. Darker than the seventh circle of hell. 

Zeroed, devouring every single inch of me.

My stomach gave a painful squeeze, as Garrett Ellington shifted from beside me, standing up at that. 

With drenched clothes, he walked confidently in his brother's direction, and neither even turned to eye the other. 

Rickard Ellington Conway started walking in my direction and opposite to that of Garrett's.

As the two brother's reached one another, Garrett was first to slow his pace, as he arced his head slightly in the president's direction.

"You were right in your assumption." He muttered in his deep voice, and Mr. Ellington flinched not at his words.

As he approached me.

I looked at him. Emptily

It was one of the rare times where I knew exactly what my expression reflected.

It was clear nothingness, as I eyed him emptily. 

My vision was starting to get blurry again. 

And my glassy heart was already aching enough to almost shatter its own pieces. 

This night was just too much for me. 

And the last person I wanted to see at the moment was him. 

With every closer step he came, I wished further that he wasn't heading for me. 

I could tell his gaze was devouring me, but mine was empty... literally aimless.

My entire body was numb again, and I was on my knees, frozen and just shaking, helplessly drenched from head to toe.

As several steps separated us now, I decided to avoid looking at him, and just look at my collected hands at my lap, as I attempted to muster the strength I needed to stand up.

Please don't come closer. 

Step, step. 

I don't have any energy left for the day.

Step, step. 

Nor do I have the emotional capacity to hear a single letter from you. 

Step, step. 

Please stay away from me, for you have damaged me beyond repair today. 

The steps stopped. 

Please don't say anyth

Something warm came around my shaking figure.

It was baggy, smelled druggingly well, and was extremely... warm. 

My eyes widened, as his huge, sculpted figure came before me as he squatted down, tightening the jacket around me. 

Wordlessly, Rickard Ellington Conway attempted drying up as much parts as possible of me by using his... expensive jacket. 

His expression was cold, arrogant, and unflinching. And his jaw was tight.

As he tightened the jacket around me, a memory shot to my mind.

One from the first days of my employment.

Back when Monsieur Bard almost... raped me because of Paris Fiore.

Yes. Back then he... gave me his jacket as well.

And it was very warm...

Like now.

My entire figure began to shake at this, and he shifted slightly, moving his left hand up with agonizing slowness.

And the last bits of fragile glass which composed my current heart–

Wordlessly, his hand came hesitantly, very slowly, against my cheek, and his eyes moved to meet mine, capturing them in a drugging, soul-deep, and unwavering gaze.

–were thrown into a steel frame.

Shattered into millions of pieces.

I slapped his hand away, with all my might.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

It was a mad snap. One I'd never snapped at him before. 

From before me, his eyes were wide, and his lips were parted in pure stun. His jaw was locked, and a muscle in his neck was popping up.

Tears started strolling down my cheeks, painfully, and I didn't even bother stopping them. 

"I hate you." 

I hugged myself tightly, as I sobbed. "I hate you..." I sniffed again.

My stomach ache intensified at this, and I felt my breathing rate declining, probably from my sobbing intensity.

"How could you do this to me?!" I mumbled as I eyed him, my expression broken, "Why did you do all the things you did with me, while you had a fiancé waiting?!"

From before me, Rickard Ellington Conway's expression had recovered from stun now. And it was... dark. I couldn't even describe what it was, as it was neither anger, nor coldness.

It was almost... guilt... One I'd never seen before.

This... darkness... in his eyes...

It reflected one which I saw in Tottenham when I was about to be shot.

Loss...

But I didn't even flinch at that, as I only sniffed harder, my heart aching to the bone.

And the alcohol was not helping, as all the confidence and power it had provided me with earlier, was now replaced by ultimate draining and helplessness. If anything, it was pushing me to say everything on my mind as though I have nothing to lose.

"I trusted you..." I pleaded, weakly as I fixed my orbs into his, as though begging him to have something to say. "I-I trusted you after I had vowed not to let my heart get wounded by broken promises e-ever again!"

My vision got beyond blurry at this, and unconsciously, my hands moved to clutch over my stomach, which had abnormal pain at this point. 

Yet I cared not, because frankly, everything else in me was hurting even more -especially my heart.

"When I... I saw Garrett approach me in the water," I heaved, "I th-thought it was you... I wanted it s-so badly to be you!" I sobbed, "I w-wanted to believe that I was not living in a lie all this t-time!!" I breathed in pain.

The Adam before me remained wordless, as I saw he just clenched over his wristwatch, his eyes darkening into utmost abyss. The veins in his arms clearly popped up at this as well, and it was as though he was summoning his entire musculature to stay in... control?

I didn't exactly mind that, as more images from the night shot to my mind, stabbing my heart further in the process.

"I... I always looked at your eyes as my... source of s-security..." I kept the eye contact as I cried, "Whenever you lied they would always show it..."

I hugged myself further at this, clutching over my stomach as the pain started projecting into my... legs and... chest?

"But they never once showed me you were lying when you touched me..."

A slight, almost imperceptible shudder crossed his body at this, yet he spoke nothing, and his clenched muscles remained intact.

I sobbed painfully at this, "They never once showed me you were... lying with whatever we... were doing..." I gasped for breath, "So how was I supposed to know..."

I shifted, fixing my eyes into his with deep core-felt pain reflecting into my orbs as they shook, searching for their safe haven in his.

"Tell me, Mr. Ellington, h-how was I supposed to know?"

Only silence greeted me, as he averted his eyes away. 

His flinch-less, almighty and unwavering gaze.

He pulled it away. 

And I saw as his jaw clenched it seemed like it were going to break. 

My heart sank, as further pain ate me up at the fact that he wasn't saying anything. 

I moved my right hand to my chest at that, pressuring there as the pain truly made it super hard to breath.

"It hurts..." I sniffed, "I might have signed up for many dangers... many fears... many adventures and possible losses when... when I got involved in The Ellington Company's problems..."

I clenched further against my stomach and chest, as I forced the last bits of words I could muster from the deepest painful cores of my heart. I looked at my lap, as tears fell over my exposed, shaking thighs.

"But I did not sign up for such a heartbreak..."

And I sobbed. Like a baby. I just sniffed and sobbed helplessly. Under the effect of alcohol along all the physical and emotional pain I was experiencing. 

From before me, the almighty Adam shifted, and I saw his figure tense as he... extended his left hand towards me... slowly, very deliberately, and carefully. He didn't touch me, but just... reached out. 

As though to express he wanted to. 

But didn't know whether it would hurt me or not. 

I didn't look in his direction, as tears continued streaming down my face painfully. 

His voice came at that; cold, arrogant, yet somehow peaceful? As though attempting to... transfer some peace into me.

"You need to rest. Let me escort you to your place, and we shall discuss everything tomorrow. I give you my word on that."

I shuddered, as I shook my head at many parts of the suggestion. "N-No! I d-don't want to have anything to do with you after today...!" I breathed heavily, and as I said the words, my stomach gave one final clench. "Nor do I want you to worry about me anymor- UNGG!" And my chest gave another final clench.

And I swayed.

I collapsed to the side, clutching over my stomach and... chest. 

From before me, the Adam shifted, his eyes widening as he approached me, clearly not registering what was happening with me. 

Truth is, not even I realized what was going on with me. 

"Charlotte?" His voice came hard, dead cold, and yet burning with... what was this... I could not identify the third thing evident in his voice. 

"M-My stoma-AH!" I clenched over my stomach and chest, "A-And my ches...t... Can't... b-breathe!!" I forced out. 

His hands shot out to my face and hand, as he moved them against different parts of my anatomy.

Hey... was... it me... 

Or did... your fingertips hold... a slight shiver?

I started fading away, as his majesty's voice came, still cold, conceited, and dangerous, yet also... burning

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