Matti Williams

Friday.

It was my last weekday practice in college—ever. It was a surreal feeling.

Wednesday morning, the turf had been dry enough that we had practice right after the huge rainstorm. I left Naomi back at the house in my bed and after practice I stopped at Starbucks and got us drinks.

I was now a professional at ordering her drink.

Triple shot of espresso over ice in a venti glass with two pumps of vanilla and sweet cream cold foam on the top.

She woke up and refused to kiss me until her teeth were brushed and then refused to kiss me after drinking her coffee because of her coffee breath. She made no sense.

Wednesday night, I watched as she finished her art midterm and then she studied her ass off. I don't know how she does it. She went on for three hours staring at this 800 page anatomy book before she got to page 566. She read that page for ten minutes before sobbing, exclaiming how much of a failure she was going to be.

I watched absolutely mortified; how could someone be that invested in a damn school book?

At that point I just removed her books from my bed and tucked her ass in for the night.

And that's basically how our relationship, or whatever we were, had been for the past couple nights. Eat, sleep, study, practice, and repeat. A couple hot and heavy handed makeout sessions here and there.

Thursday morning she walked into the kitchen in a good mood.

It was a breath of fresh air.

She was relaxed and not worried about her nursing exams. I knew she would pass them, she was one of the smartest people I knew. Everytime you told her that she had nothing to worry about—that's when she would go mental on you.

Thursday morning, it was good as I was saying. It was good until Reese walked into the kitchen with drinks for everyone and every single drink had plastic straws in them. To which of course Reese started screaming as Naomi chased him around the kitchen. He had no idea what the difference was between plastic and metal.

Needless to say; nobody got to touch their drinks until Naomi ran upstairs and grabbed the extra metal straws she always had incase of emergencies.

It was cute that she was a freak of nature about some things. Thursday night she didn't sleepover, it was weird though without her there. I was so used to her being there, we had our own schedule. Brushing our teeth together, falling asleep together, kissing her on the forehead before I left in the mornings for practice.

I really was falling head over heels for this girl.

She had brought out a side of me that nobody including myself knew. I couldn't see myself doing anything in the world without her by my side. And she wanted to wait and I'd wait years for her.

I'd wait for her, no matter what that would look like, I'll wait.

Football practice was my sanctuary but she had become my favorite part of the day.

Friday morning I woke up ready to start for practice. My bed was cold and I was lonely without Naomi by my side when I woke up. It sucked being without the person you've become most accustomed to.

We were supposed to go on an actual date tonight. Like a proper date, dress up nice, three course meal, spending time with each other.

We had practice this morning and then we had film at five.

I got myself out of my bed—I was resting my body from the intense training I did today. Once I was ready for film, I walked into the kitchen—Blake and Griffin were the only two in the room.

"Where's the slackers?" I ask while walking to the fridge. "Upstairs—doing something." Blake mumbled while sipping his protein shake. "Can we talk, the three of us, real quick?" I ask as they both turn to look at me and nod. We all take seats around the island.

"Blake—you have to chill on Naomi." I state as he rolls his eyes. "Don't start with that because you know exactly what I'm talking about." I glare at him.

"You do?" He asks as I nod. "Oh yes, I really understand." I assure him. He raises his eyebrows to challenge me. "Woah, okay. What exactly is going on?" Griffin interrupts.

Blake and I stare at each other as Griffin watches us with a confused look on his face. I let out a chuckle, shake my head, and then look away. "Blake likes Naomi." I let the words fall out as it gets quiet.

I hear Blake intake a huge breath before releasing it. "Matti. Can you get your head out of your ass for one moment?" Blake asks me as I laugh.

"You couldn't be more wrong about this entire situation." He continues as I roll my eyes this time. "You have literally abandoned your team—your best friends, for a temporary girl! Open your fucking eyes bro! I have needed you more than ever these last few months and you have disregarded my feelings for a girl!" He exclaims as my eyes widen.

I immediately put my hands up in defense. Griffin sits on the side watching this all play out.

"Woah. First of all she's not temporary—" He cuts me off. "Of course she's temporary Mattison! Are you blind! She's not leaving the campus for you! She's going to stay here for the next two years! And then what? Move around from hospital to hospital? She wants to get her masters? That's another four years! You were planning on leaving her anyways dude—open your eyes! Don't ruin your dream for her!" He freaks out getting up from the island.

"She's a great girl Matti—a really great girl. Your perfect match, but you'll be dragging her along if you continue like this. I can't watch you do this to yourself and I won't let you throw away our eleven year friendship for her. You haven't checked on me once bro. Not once— when my dad is about to be the fucking Vice President. Not once." He walks away from the table with his face in disappointment.

"Open your eyes man! You don't even know the girl." He calls out outside of the kitchen.

I freeze. Had I been that bad of a friend? Had I been ignoring the signs? Is he putting shit into my head that shouldn't be there? I stared at where he once sat.

Griffin cleared his throat, "Clearly there is more to the story than what we are seeing—" I cut him off. "Am I a shitty friend?" I ask him as he raises his eyebrows.

"I don't think you are. I just think Naomi occupies your time now, you don't really hang out with the bro's anymore unless it's football related. I totally get that, I do. I'm always with Natty." He points back as I nod my head.

I had completely disregarded Blake's feelings when he was going through one of the most life changing moments someone could ever go through. He was about to have secret service guarding him for life, everything he did would be broadcasted. He was going to lose everything so his dad could gain everything.

I sighed, "I'm in the wrong here." I admit as Griff slowly nods in shock. "Do you see a future with Black?" He asks as I play with my water bottle in my hands. Do I see a future with Naomi?

Do I?

Whenever I say that we are getting married, I always joke about this stuff. But am I? Was I going to be dragging her through the mud after draftday? Would we be strong enough? Was I abandoning my team?

I set the bottle aside and put my head in my hands—gripping my hair at the root. I groaned as I felt the tension headache coming on. I needed someone to tackle right about now.

Griffin slid his chair out and walked towards me. "You just woke up, so I'll give you that. But, it shouldn't take you that long to answer whether you see a future with the girl you're currently spending all your time with or not." He spoke as he patted twice on my shoulders.

Head still in my hands I heard him walk away from the kitchen. I picked up my head and decided I needed to get to the stadium before I lost my mind.

I grabbed everything necessary and flew out of that house in need of the one cure to every problem. Football.

Football was my safe haven, I knew football before I knew Naomi and football will always be my thing. Maybe I am going crazy? Maybe I am in way over my head with Naomi? I switched up my feelings towards her so fast—maybe we do need to pull back.

I was only committed to football this year just like she was only committed to school—maybe that is how this had to go.

Maybe I should stick with the plan I made from the beginning? She has had the best semester with me, and there's about a month left still, we could finish off strong.

But I know deep down if I told her that I just wanted to be friends it would break her heart—and I couldn't handle putting her through that. It would literally eat me alive.

I pulled onto College Ave and was ready to roll. I wanted to go into that stadium and work until I couldn't walk. Mentally, I was swimming in circles because I felt like I was going nowhere with Naomi- and maybe Blake did have a good point.

Too bad that argument couldn't have happened this morning. That way I could've ran the anger out of me.

We weren't dating, sure we did everything that couples would regularly do, but what was the point of me waiting around for her if she wouldn't even give me the time of day.

I wasn't even excited for our date anymore for tonight.

I just wanted to fucking punch a wall. Blake is my brother and knowing I hurt his feelings ripped me into shreds. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I needed to just get in there, get my shit done, and go.

I pulled into a parking space and got out of Camille. I grabbed my bag and my shake before walking over to the entrance and scanning in. I walked down the hallway.

"Why are you walking so fast? Get in here boy!" The coach's voice yelled out. I sighed and closed my eyes. My fist clenched around my drink so tight that I think I broke the cup.

I spun around and watched as the old man gave me an intimidating stare. He pointed inside his office towards his chairs and I groaned. I was not in the mood for a damn heart-to-heart. I just wanted to get my shit done and leave.

I walked into the office and threw myself down in the chair. Coach shut the door behind him. He walked around the office tossing a ball in his hands-admiring the trophies and photos.

"Your last season game is this week," He spoke. I hardened my face, not wanting to face this sob show that was about to go on. "Why are you so pissed off? This is your last practice in your field! At your house! Why are you letting her get in your head! You spent three years making this home, and you're going to let her get at you like this!" He spoke as he made eye contact with me—tossing the toy ball at the trophy case.

I sighed as I put my hand up to my mouth.

"How'd you know it was her?" I asked while looking at the ground. He chuckled, "Because—trust me. I know when a woman like that affects a man." He spoke. He walked over to his desk chair and sat down. He scooted towards the desk and placed his arms on top of it.

"Am I making the wrong decision?" I ask as he looks taken back. "What decision would that be?" He asks as I sigh. "Should I be wasting my time on her when I could be putting this energy into football?" I ask as he rolls his eyes.

"I told you—when she hurts your game, that's when there is a problem. But she is a really good girl from what I hear—" I cut him off. "I know! And that's the problem! She's going to hate me if I end it with her just because of that!" I groan as he grips the edges of the desk.

"You're about to play one of the most important games of your career. This game depends on whether you get your jersey hung up in the Penn State Hall Of Fame, and you're freaking out over a girl?" He shook his head.

"Helen and I found each other when the time was right Matti, maybe you and Naomi's time just isn't right just yet," He states as I pursed my lips and looked at the ground. I'm involuntarily bouncing my leg.

I had butterflies in my stomach and it wasn't the butterflies that were the good kind, it was the nervous kind as in, I will feel guilt like no tomorrow if I do this, butterflies.

My mind was in a million places at this moment. I was a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. Maybe we were made to know each other because I needed her to teach me how to be a better human.

And maybe she needed me because nobody could ever have shown her love like I had.

And that's the hardest part of it all is thinking about the fact that I don't want to leave her—but she won't let me stay if I end it.

"Williams, there's no crying in football." Coach says as I chuckle and let out a deep breath. I needed to breathe—I had way too much pressure on me and on my chest right now.

"I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders." I spoke through a chuckle. A tear slid down the side of my face. "You're crying because it's manly, you know that? You probably didn't cry before, did you?" He asks as I nod my head.

"That's because when you met her you turned into a man." He spoke as he took a sip of his drink. I sighed. "She's going to hate me," I said as he set down his mug.

"She'll forgive you, she's a nice girl." He says as my head tilts to the side. "You know her or something?" I ask as he chuckles. "Nope. Just go way back." He smiled at me.

"Now wipe those tears." I nod and wipe my tears on my hands. I stand up but he points for me to sit back down. I look at him in confusion. "I need to go to the cinema." I state but he shakes his head.

"You're watching a different film today, with someone else." He says as he stands up. I watch as he walks towards his door, he opens it and looks out. He waves for someone to come in and I sit upright, automatically recognizing the guy I've idoled since a very young age.

"Mattison Williams!" Ben Black exclaimed from the doorway. I stood up as he walked over to me with his hand out, ready for me to shake. I met him halfway, this guy was built for his age. Not as much as I was, I had the height and the strength, but he could do some damage.

"Ben Black! Black Ice! It's such an honor to meet you!" I spoke as he brought me in for a hug. We pulled away as I looked at coach. He had a look in his eyes that was almost daunting, like regret—but it went away as soon as he saw me staring at him.

"The pleasure is all mine dude! Have a seat! Let's talk, it's like looking in a mirror!" He spoke as he sat down across from me.

"A broken mirror—" I heard coach mutter as he was filling up his water. I don't think Ben caught it though because he was too busy reading papers and asking me questions.

This was the best stress relief.

Naomi would be so excited for me. This is like her meeting Einstein or Mendeleev. Or Thomas Edison.

Today was a really shitty day and this just evened everything out—this was exactly what I needed.

"So QB1, what's your plans for next semester?" He asks me with a smile. I blew air out of my mouth. "Well, hopefully get drafted." I spoke as he nodded. "You will, but who is your desired team ?" He asks.

I sigh, "Steelers, Lions, and the Ravens are the picks right now. Best scenario—I'm first round to Steelers. But I wouldn't mind the Lion's at all because I'm from Detroit. I've toured all of the facilities already." He claps his hands together.

"My man!" He laughs as I chuckle. "You'll be getting loads of chicks, don't get tripped up." He warns as I nod. "Don't worry—I'll have one to keep me in line." The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them.

I don't even know if I'll have one by the end of this day—depending on how I feel after this practice.

"Loyal to her huh?" He chuckles as he pulls out a folder. I watched as he pulled out papers. "These are the offensive plays that I had as a kid your age." He shows me a paper, it's surreal. Being next to a person you could only dream of becoming.

He looked up at me from the paper as I smiled and nodded. "I think you'll be a great addition to the team. Maybe coach will throw you in for a game when the refs aren't looking." I spoke as he laughed.

He looked so familiar. He was very tan, dark eyes, dark hair. He was just so manly and tall.

"So are you ready to play Minnesota in two days?" He asks as I nod. "Oh yeah definitely. I've been watching a film on Luke Bresman, their QB, the entire week. He's got a weak left side—so I think our defense will have a decent time on sacking." He nods.

"His throw accuracy isn't as good as yours—so you have this game in the bag unless you were to dislocate your shoulder or something." He jokes as I nod.

"Were you nervous to leave college for the big leagues?" I ask the random question as he pauses. "In all honesty, yes. I was nervous. I had a good group to surround me though. Like Blake's dad—you know how I was friends with Robbie. But, more importantly—my old girlfriend really shaped me a lot. Of course you know, I fell off the rocks because I got too cocky." He scratches the back of his neck as I sit back into the chair.

"If I had any advice it would be to not act like an idiot. I could've had a completely different life if I hadn't chased my unnecessary desires." He spoke with spite. I nodded, "How do you know what or who is unnecessary though?" I ask as he exhales—crossing his legs.

"If you can go to bed without it—it's unnecessary." He admitted. I nodded.

Well, I fell asleep last night without NJ.

But I didn't feel well rested without her.

Damned if I do and damned if I don't.

"Coach Lutz is a great coach for the Steelers. He's been there for twenty-five years. So if you go first round, he's got your back. Just don't act out." He nods towards me referring to himself.

"I'm okay though if I don't go first round though—like I said." I spoke truthfully. He laughed at my words, "And who would go before you?" He teased me.

"My best friend Griffin—he's crazy talented." I stated as he looked at me wide eyed. "You're Matti Williams, I didn't even know that other kid's name." He laughs as I give him a look of bewilderment.

This dude has an ego larger than mine.

"What made you want to coach here?" I ask as