sixty-five

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Matti Williams

To be everything I never wanted; to be everything I ever needed.

"Can you shower?" I ask, biting my lip.

She chuckles, "Yes. But I can't stand that long. I'm concussed, which means I'm more prone to dizziness and faint spells." She gives her doctor spiel as I listen, just watching the words fall out of her lips in awe.

My ex-girlfriend was Einstein.

"Okay, let me carry you to the bathroom." I walk towards her but she holds her hand up. "I got it." I step away as she slowly climbs out of the bed. I watch with a frown as she winces, holding her head with every step she takes towards the shower.

"Do you want me to run you back to mine? I can give you a bath." I suggest as she shakes her head continuing to slowly walk towards the shower.

I sigh—the last thing she needed was a shower fall.

Entering the bathroom, I walk over to the counter and sit on top of it.

She clears her throat. I look at her, face bruised and swollen beyond belief.

"Matti," She states my name as I raise an eyebrow. "Get out," She spoke as I chuckled. "You could get hurt—didn't you just say that," I remind her as she shrugs. "Maybe I'd feel better then," She whispers.

I narrowed my eyes, that wasn't a good reaction.

"Your eye is getting worse, you know?" I ask as she shrugs, rubbing her arm. "Maybe if you had some of my protein smoothies instead of those Coco Puffs you would have smacked him back.." I continued to joke as she cracked a smile.

She then proceeds to point to the door as I sigh, I hop off the counter I just sat on. I gave her a look as if to say that she was going to regret this, but as usual—Naomi Jade Black doesn't listen to anyone.

I exit the bathroom and decide to sit by the door—just in case Prince Charming does in fact need to come and save the day. I listen as the shower turns on and I let out a sigh of air, she could slip and fall.

She could pass out.

She wasn't able to call for help.

She could drown.

I shouldn't have left the damn bathroom.

I pull my phone out of my pocket to check the notifications that hadn't been checked in hours because I've been too consumed with the girl of my dreams. My friend.

I didn't have my notifications on for many applications because if that was the case—my phone would be blowing up the entire day, and I didn't want that.

Coach is coming SOS! From Blake. One hour ago.

I chuckle, at least he tried to warn me of the storm that was about to present itself in front of me.

"Sit your ass down." He pointed towards the chair and I went and sat. "Yes coach," I spoke as I looked at him. The evil eye beyond present in him.

He shook his head in disappointment. "You are just—out of control with her. Out of control—just leave her the hell alone at this point." He moans out as I sit and listen to what he has to say. "If you're not going to be there for her then fucking leave! I don't want to see her go through what Helen went through or what Crystal went through. Us football players? We're dickheads to women—so if you can't get it through your head that you're doing more damage than good, then leave." He stopped pacing in front of me and sat down on the couch.

"She got punched in the damn face tonight! When we got that call—Jesus. You don't know how many times you hear that call until you become numb to it." He shook his head. "She got punched on your watch Williams! Your watch!" He slapped the coffee table in front of him.

"Matti! You're an idiot! Get your head out of your ass!" He yelled.

But I didn't flinch or move at all—the emotions were all hitting me at once and it was like I was frozen.

"It's hard to leave, Matti—I know. Trust me, you know that I know that. But- she needs herself now more than ever. She doesn't need you holding her back, but you yourself need to make that choice. You can't keep dragging her along and destroying her—that's almost as bad as Ben and Crystal. You guys just need time to grow up. I know you guys are in your early twenties, but you just need a month or two in the real world without each other." He continued to feed me advice as I just nodded.

"But don't let her hold you back either son—don't do it. I lived my life and in the end I settled down with the same woman . We found each other again." He crossed his legs.

I did agree, and I knew she would agree too.

We were doing more harm than good to each other at the moment.

We just needed to live without each other to realize we needed each other.

"We had the conversation before you got here, and both made the choice to be friends right now," I cleared my throat having a hard time coming to terms with that. He nodded, watching me overcome with emotion.

I couldn't continue talking much longer though because it was eating me alive.

I was selfish—beyond selfish.

I didn't want to leave her.

He sighed, slowly getting up from the couch and pulling a chair up next to me, patting me on the shoulders. "If you love each other enough—it will work. Just carry out your lives—learn shit, and then come back. Be civil. Love her—it's not hard to not love her, but do it from a distance." He squeezed my shoulder and I nodded.

Letting his words soak in because when wasn't coach right?

Soulmates—you have multiple of them, but at the end of the day; you always end up together.

We're still young, we'd make all the mistakes in the world still, it's best if we'd be apart right now. Right?

As much as I want to fight this—I just need to accept the fact that Matti Williams can't always win the game called life. Naomi Black had made me lose the game that I should've had control over.

Why did you tell coach? I sent

Caden and Reese are both in the hospital they called him. Blake sent back.

I raised my eyebrows.

Both in the hospital? I responded.

Yeah, Reese didn't take the accidental swing Caden planted on NJ that well. Anyways, taking the trash out. Talk later.

He texted back as my fingers hovered over the lock button. It would be more entertaining for me to just stay on my own and not focus on the girl who was in the room next to me—withering in pain, under the showerhead.

I was miserable watching her fucking go through it—she got hit by a fucking body builder almost. That's like me taking a full swing at her. It was unbearable to watch someone you love suffer through the pain.

Trust me, Reese and Caden were just the warm up—I would have my time with Caden, and if I didn't see him before I left today—Blake would definitely let him know what the fuck was up.

She was definitely taking it like a champ. I'll give her that, and partially I think it's because she didn't want to be weak in front of me.

But deep down I know she was hurting.

And then I heard a cry.

I shot up from sitting down and threw open the bathroom door, but came to the conclusion that she didn't fall—she didn't even make it into the shower.

She sat with a towel wrapped around her, sitting against the wall—trying to cry quietly, but obviously failed. I frowned, walking over to her. "NJ," I said. The room is filling up with steam from the shower water.

This entire time she wasn't even in the shower—she was just sitting?

"Naomi, what's wrong?" I whispered, sitting next to her. She stayed silent though, the tiny sounds of her crying absolutely ripping my heart to shreds. I thought she was showering—I didn't know she wasn't? The idea of her crying alone was hurting me.

The idea of her not telling me she was hurting was even worse.

"You have to shower." I state more as a demand.

She nodded.

Good—glad I could get that out of her.

I stood up from sitting down and held out my hand for her. She huffed before slowly grabbing it. I pull her off the ground, gripping the top of the white towel tighter. "Okay. Shower, I'll wait outside the door for you? Okay? Want me to get you clothes?" I ask her as she stays silent.

I sigh—why was she being so difficult?

I walk away, leaving her standing in front of the shower.

"Matti," Her voice stops me. I turn and look at her—I nod. "Stay?" She asks as I pause, then nod. A small smile appears on my face, as she watches me walk back over to the counter to sit. "Matti," She said my name again as I nodded.

And then she drops her towel.

My eyes immediately shot everywhere in the room but her.

"Shower with me?" She asks with hope in her voice but for once in my life—I don't want to shower with a girl. I don't think I can do it without breaking down, we're friends—you aren't supposed to do things like that.

"Matti—please. Just one more time before we say goodbye for a while?" I huffed, scratching the back of my neck, still not looking anywhere near her naked, awaiting body.

She was my bad addiction.

She was a bad player that I couldn't call. Every Quarterback has that one play that he hates running—and she was it for me.

I heard her step into the shower and I released my breath, looking back around the room again. The room was warm, damp because of how hot the water was. The water that was running down her naked body in the shower right now—feet away from me.

I bit my lip.

Just this once.

One last time.

I slowly slide off of the bathroom counter and start to remove my clothing, tossing them to the side. I walk towards the shower, opening the curtain and then stepping into the hot water.

Her eyes meet mine as she faces away from the shower head, her hair slicked back and soaking wet, her face dripping with water. God—she was a wet dream.

I freeze, not knowing what to do in such a small space with the fragile girl. More importantly—not knowing what to do with me or my emotions that were on the line right now.

She looked up at me, and reached for my hands, pulling me towards her—under the water. The water covered us, and she let out a chuckle. "Did you grow a new ab?" She teases as her finger comes to trace my absonmen and I let out a hiss.

I reach for her hand and pull it away from me.

She frowns.

Coaches words sinking into me—embedded into my head. It wouldn't be fair to either of us at this moment, if we were to succumb to each other after we just made a choice to stay friends.

"Matti," She spoke my name as she reached to grip my jawline, I looked down at her—the water ricocheting off of each other's body's. "Matti, it will be okay. We will be okay." She tried to reassure me but my head was out of the room at this moment in time.

I was so scared of us turning into my parents.

Or her parent's relationship.

With one of us six feet under.

Or both.

And the thought of us and the remembrance that we weren't going to be together in the next twenty four hours led me to acting on my selfish desires.

Her hand that was gripping my jaw was quickly removed by me, because I was gripping her neck, shoving her body against the wall. She let out a groan, "Easy—injured here." I grimaced, how could I forget.

But I didn't see her with the bruises on her outside because I knew she had many more on the inside.

I leaned under the water and placed my lips on top of hers. And in that moment— I couldn't give two shits about the deal we had just made or all of the sense that coach just knocked into me.

This was the last time she was going to be in front of me.

I wanted to kiss the hell out of her.

Before I could make out with her and let her make a man out of me, she let out a loud laugh. I pulled back, "What's so funny?" I ask as she nods. "I think that this is literally the horniest I've ever been and I have no clue why? Like I don't even need foreplay—" I nod at her words.

That's when I decided to reach down and run my finger along the middle of her and she sucks in a breath of air. I chuckle, smirking. "I'm not complaining, but you literally got punched in the face today and I think this is the wettest you've ever been. Not to mention it's almost five in the morning—" I lean down to kiss her on the lips.

And she smiles into the kiss, which melts my heart.

But it broke my heart even more at the same time because I knew she loved this, and it made her happy.

"I can't do this." I state as I pull back from her.

She frowns, "But Matti," She tries to pull me back to her as I shake my head, holding up my hands. I step out of the shower and grab an extra towel, wrapping it around my waist and leaving the bathroom, walking into her room.

I hear the shower shut off as I open up her top drawer, reaching for a pair of my sweatpants that she always wears.

I shove them on and walk over to her bed, sitting down on my side for the last few hours that it's mine.

Her wet footsteps paddle into the room and I frown, I didn't want to look at her at the moment—I knew she was disappointed. "Matti—what the hell?" She asks as I frown harder, I hear her walk to her dresser—to what I presume throw on clothes.

"Are we not going to talk about what just happened?" She continues as I sigh, leaning back into the headboard and actually stare at the tiny brunette that had her hair up in a separate towel, but a big shirt on the front of her.

I frowned—this shit was so unfair.

She walks towards me, and sits on the edge of the bed. We sit in silence for a moment, waiting for me to open my mouth and talk to her, but it's not coming out.

"I wrote you a note too." She muttered, playing with the white duvet. I perked up at that one. She nodded, "Just in case you didn't decide to come back—it would be my closure from the note you left me." She huffed out air.

I watched as she leaned over my legs and reached into her bedside table, grabbing the note—handing it to me.

"I'm going to grab some more ice—I'm starting to hurt again, just read it whenever you feel like it. It's yours." She mutters before slowly climbing off the bed and walking out of the room.

That's when my anxiety kicked into mass overdrive.

I wouldn't be waking up in her bed anymore and she wouldn't be waking up in mine.

But it was for the best. We needed time to grow, time to learn.

Mimi hopped up onto the bed and gave me a look, a weird one—almost a knowing one.

I raised my brows as she pawed her way towards me, laying down right next to me. She slowly blinked her eyes at me, purring loudly, louder than I had heard her before.

"She's acting weird too?" I jump out of my Mimi moment to see Naomi walk towards the bed, water in hand. That's when Mimi perks up, hearing NJ's voice. She rolls over and waits for NJ to sit on the bed before climbing to her and laying ontop of her lap.

"Jesus girlfriend—what has gotten into you?" Naomi whispered, petting the cat who was acting as if she just laid in catnip across Naomi's lap.

I cleared my throat.

"Well—I'm just going to hang out in the living room. If you need anything, just call me. Okay?" I ask as she looks at me, her eyes getting worse. She slowly nods, "Remember don't fall asleep," I remind her as she chuckles.

I get off the bed and exit her room, note in hand making my way to the living room, to lay on one of the couches. I was exhausted. I had been flying everywhere and anywhere to please people and these teams. I had watched the girl I loved get punched in the face, I watched her gush blood. I listened as coach yelled at me.

And now I have a damn cat trying to send me signs.

I grip the paper in between my fingers contemplating opening it.

I could love what's on the inside, but I know it would hurt ten times more knowing I leave in a few hours. Or it could be a total diss—which would be funny and it would somewhat keep my mind off of things.

I decide to slowly peel apart the letter, too anxious to not open it but too anxious to open it.

When I read the writing that's when I let out a huge breath of air, trying to take in the words she wrote to me after I left her.

Dear Matti,

I don't know if you're coming back or not but I just want you to know what you've done for me.

You have given me everything I could've ever wished for and more. I couldn't ever thank you enough for loving me these past few months when I couldn't love myself or the people that had loved me had passed.

You have given me a new reason to be happy and love myself.

You make my days better and brighter.

You have changed my mind on so many things—in a positive perspective. First—I do want to get married one day, because you made me realize that I'm not afraid of love. I'm just afraid of the wrong person loving me.

Second, I want a house full of kids. Maybe not as many as you, but I couldn't imagine not being able to give the life I never had to a child that would love me unconditionally.

Thirdly, you changed my mind. I would've given up my future if it meant that I wouldn't be losing you. If that meant you would've gotten to chase your dreams—I would've given it up—a million times.

Because being with you and knowing you're there is a lot more comforting than knowing you aren't there at all, Matti.

I love you always,

Take care of yourself if you don't come back.

Naomi.

The paper falls from my hand, landing on my bare chest. I lay in amazement at how fucked up the timing of everything is.

She would've accepted that ring if I hadn't left.

That's the saddest thing—this was all happening because I was too fucking selfish. She was way too good for me and I was not worthy of her.

I reach for my phone and come across Sloane's name, texting her.

When are you coming back? I sent it.

Immediately bubbles pop up.

On my way now. He literally wouldn't

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