Naomi Black

"Look what the wet dog dragged out." Finn spoke as she shoved a spoon full of Italian Ice into her mouth. Nat let out a loud laugh, "Where are your clothes and—why is your hair wet?" She asks to reach to feel a piece of my damp hair.

"Tripped in a puddle." I started with a smile. Sloane looked at me and let out a loud laugh. "Look at that damn pepperoni on her neck! Wow that puddle you tripped in really left you wet and pleasured, huh?" She teased as I groaned—my face turning red.

Finn gasped, "What happened?" She exclaimed. We got looks from the families surrounding us—we were out in the football family area, awaiting Caden's arrival. And Griffins, Blake's, and Reese's.

The whole family I guess.

But Matti is probably six feet under after dealing with the coach. How awkward was that though? The evidence was there and it presented itself, clear as day. Nothing screams "I just had a partial defloration in your bathroom while your QB1 somewhat fucked me" like a wet head.

"Are we partying after?" Sloane asks as I shrug. "We could—I don't know. Up to you ladies." I spoke as they all started brainstorming ideas. I just didn't even care anymore—I just showed up when it was needed.

The game was going well. I was tipsy, I was having a blast at my last home football game, and at my last football game with Natalie. Not to menton my best friend was now engaged—that is fucking crazy to me.

Matti's throws were on point today and I hadn't seen one flag called for Penn State when it came to offsides. I watched out onto the field as the coach strutted up the sidelines like a little cheerleader. I can't believe he fucking apologized to me.

I couldn't tell if he was apologizing for Matti being Matti or for not telling me about the mess I was about to walk into. If it were the second one—he's off the hook. I mean, everyone knew at this point.

Third quarter and five minutes in when my phone started chiming with the video of Matti smashing my dad in the face, and that shit was brutal. I would hate to ever be on the other end of that helmet.

The stomach drop I had—I don't ever want to feel that feeling again in my life. I hated feeling like I was the cause for ruining things—ruining Matti's career over my dad was not worth it. As soon as I saw that video, I dipped. My heart fell out of my vagina when I didn't see his number nine returning to the field.

I knew that fight was my doing.

I got out of my stadium seat and headed to Matti. Well, I tried. I texted him first to see where he was at—because this place was huge. I only knew where the coaches room was and the weightroom.

Luckily for me—I had my last name to use. I got around pretty easily using the, "Trying to find my dad card."

Jokes on them because I've literally been looking for him my entire life.

When I finally did find Matti, I gave him the biggest hug I could've given someone; because I ruined his future.

Not to mention it was the first time I had any connection with him since the freakout. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. He could've just rejected the hug whole heartedly, but he didn't.

He still wanted me.

And then somehow, someway—the shower happened. I wouldn't regret it for the world though. Experiencing new things with him was fun because I trusted him. I don't think he trusted me though—not after what had happened this past week.

And then he told me he loved me.

And I felt my heart piece itself back together from the mess that he left me in.

Now here I am. I'm standing—waiting on the boys with the girls. They had lectured me for fifteen minutes about how it wasn't my fault about my dad and Matti. Which after hearing that my dad made the first move, it wasn't my fault.

Nothing was my fault.

"So—did you have sex?" Sloane whispered in my ear and I let out a laugh. "Can't we just talk about this later?" I spoke as her eyes widened. "You didn't deny it!" She pointed her fingers at my chest. I shook my head. "I didn't have sex fully." I spoke. Her eyes widened in concern, "He went in the back door?" Her eyebrows raised as mine shot up.

"Absofuckinglutely not!" I laughed as the other two joined in. Finn shrugged, "Talk as much shit as you want fuckers, but don't knock it until you try it." She threw her right arm around my shoulder and pulled me into her.

"You're going to get a cold standing out here you dumbass." Nat spoke as I shrugged. I was going to be a nurse, I could get a lot of things that I wouldn't know about. I don't think a sinus infection would kill me.

"Mmmm. She smells like rough sex on a Sunday." Finn moaned out sniffing my hair. I gasped as Sloane let out a loud laugh. I pulled away from Finn as she winked at me. "It's okay, Black. We all have been there." She spoke.

Another arm wraps it's way around my shoulders. "We have all been where?" Blake's voice spoke out from beside me. I froze, wanting to end this conversation.

"Australia! We have all been to Australia! If not, we sure do dream of going there! Don't we girls?" I ask in excitement. Sloane slowly nodded, catching on to my drift. "Yes. Australia. I heard the guys there are jerks though." She spoke as Blake raised his eyebrows.

"Who told you that?" He asked as I nodded carrying on Sloane's story. "Some sophomore that's a communications major named Georgie. She totally had a summer romance with a guy she met on tinder there—he totally left her because he wasn't ready for her." Sloane spoke while picking at her nail polish.

Reese approached the conversation and grinned, "Let's go bitches! We're having a press conference!" He announced it to our group. I looked up at Blake, he looked down at me and sighed—his arm still around my shoulder. "Nice outfit, although it's reserved for the team. Wonder where you got that?" He spoke as he dragged me behind Reese.

I didn't comment back though—I was way too interested in seeing how Reese was dealing with all of the attention since he played QB1 for two quarters in a game. And this boy was soaking it up.

His arms flopping in the air, "Thank you! Thank you! My whole life has been a struggle!" He stated while speaking into a camera. I let out a chuckle as Blake reached ahead and grabbed him by the ear. "Can you stop acting like a dumbass?" Blake shrugged. "Don't know, don't care—bye. I have to get on stage for MY press conference." He walked, no—he strutted away from us.

I watched the stage as Coach walked out and sat down and then followed Matti. Reese, who was already walking up there, met them in the middle.

And then all hell broke loose, camera's flashing and lots of people screaming in their microphones for Matti's attention.

"Matti! Over here!" A male from the corner yells out. I watch as Matti points at him, "This was your last game at Penn State, this was also your first altercation on record. Why did you hit Ben Black aka your predecessor?" The man asks in a rushed fashion.

Matti answered but I couldn't focus on his answer because my phone was vibrating uncontrollably in my pants. Well, Matti's pants.

I checked to see that I had two missed calls from a random number. My phone was now ringing for a third time from that random number. Third time a charm—so I decided to take my chance.

"Hello?" I spoke into the phone as the other end of the receiver was loud.

"Is this Naomi Black?" A female voice spoke. I froze, "Yes? This is her." I spoke.

"We're going to need you to come down to the hospital." I choked on my breath. "Hospital?" I spoke as the voice horridly spoke, "Yes. I need you to come to the hospital. We um—" The voice froze.

I paused, waiting, "I'm sorry Miss Black, we're going to need you to come to the hospital so we could have you identify a body or two for us." The voice spoke.

And that's when my world came crashing down. All of the people in my life—were here right now except two. And the realization set in. I felt someone shaking me, and I just thrusted my phone in the air, for someone—anyone other than me to take it.

Not again, not again, not again.

This could not be happening—again to me.

I didn't know, maybe it wasn't them. Maybe I'm lucky.

I started hyperventilating, I was literally going to vomit everywhere. I was numb but I felt everything. My ears were ringing, I was hot, there were white spots in my eyes, I was tingling.

I felt like I was being carried.

Everything hit me all at once. Once again, I had to go to a hospital to identify a body or two as the lady said. I could be walking into both people I loved more than anything dead. I could be walking into anything.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

"Naomi." I was shaken by two rough hands on either side of my shoulders. I shook my head. "No. No, no, no, no. Nope. Not happening." I muttered—the tears starting to pool in my eyes.

The last time I had to identify a body was when I was seven and I would have hoped I would've never had to do it again.

I looked back into reality—Sloane and Blake crouched in front of me. I had my legs curled into my chest, I was in a comfort ball position. I shook my head as Blake reached out for me. Natalie walked into my view, she had my phone in her ear.

I wanted to zone into the conversation she was having—because it wasn't one that I could be part of. I couldn't bear it.

I took a deep breath in. "What was it in NJ?" Blake spoke and I just shook my head no. Natalie walked over. "Okay, I can drive her over." Nat suggested as they turned to look at her. "Drive her where for what?" They asked confused.

She looked at me in pity and I just scoffed. Here we go again—the fucking look of pity.

The look of how sorry someone felt for me, as if I didn't feel bad myself.

"Well. Tell them." I spoke to Nat as she grimaced. She folded her hands together. "There was an accident. She needs to go home and identify bodies." Nat spoke through tears as Griff, Sloane, and Blake froze.

"What?" Blake spoke in such shock. Nat slowly nodded and soon they all turned to look at me. In pity.

I groaned, "I'm fine. Let's just go." I spoke with a sniffle. I stood up and was immediately light headed. "Wait, wait." Blake spoke as I tried to get around him. "I'll take her." He spoke as I turned to give him a look that screamed 'hell no'.

"No, we will. I'll stay with her and Blake lives in Michigan which has Pennsylvania on the way." Sloane argued. I groaned, "I don't have time or the energy to just go. I need to go pick out the dead bodies of my—grandparents." I spoke quietly through tears.

I walked out from the pile of everyone.

I just needed to be alone, I needed to get to my grandparents— I needed to go now.

I heard whispers such as "Go get Matti" and "No we can't, he's not able to leave".

I just sucked in a breath and sucked up my feelings. It was one thing after another. It was like nobody wanted me to be happy—and it fucking sucked. I was tired of crying all of the time. There is nothing wrong with crying all of the time, but as Blake told me; I needed to be a bitch.

I sniffle and walk out of the field gate, wanting to escape from my never ending hell that I seemed to never be able to get out of.

I didn't sign up for this.

"Get in my tesla," Blake spoke walking behind me—I heard Sloane's footsteps also. I sucked in another breath. They should be having so much fun right now but they can't. They drove me a whole three hours back to Western Pennsylvania.

The Tesla doors open for me to climb in but I freeze. "I don't want to get in the car Sloane." I spoke as she wrapped her arms around me, "Together, okay?" She asks as I shake my head.

"If I get in the car then I'm leaving the place I knew my grandparents weren't dead in. I'm leaving to go find my dead grandparents." I spoke in disbelief. She sniffled, "I know. I'm sorry. You don't deserve this." She reasons as I sigh and slide into the back seat.

Blake starts the car and it pursues life.

"Naomi—" I cut them off. "Please—I just need my thoughts. I don't want to talk." I spoke as Sloane looked shocked, but it was true.

So we pulled out of State College and got driving on the highway. For the next two hours, I slept. I slept so I wouldn't have to feel the pain. But deep down, I know that this was not going to be a happy ending for me.

And that's when I choked out a sob.

Blake driving down the highway and Sloane turning around in her seat to reach for me. "It's not fair at all! At all! All I ever wanted was to be fucking happy! I can't even get comfortable for three days without something bad happening and it's bullshit! My mom dies, my dad hates me, I fall in love with a guy that won't stick around for me next year, and now I have to go identify the bodies of my grandparents! When does it stop? Seriously, when? I can't keep doing this and pretending I'm okay." I cried out as I walked Blake making eye contact with my wet eyes through the mirror in his car.

"And it's like I shouldn't even have to worry about these things because i'm fucking nineteen! If they're both dead, that's two funerals I have to plan out which I don't have the money for! I'll have to go into even more debt which is already going to be over two hundred thousand dollars, which means I will never be able to start the life that I have worked so damn hard to live because everything keeps trying to stop me from it!" I cry out as Sloane looks at me in horror.

"I won't have anyone to walk me down the aisle, I'll have to sell the house, I'll have to do everything on my own as usual! I have to clean up everyone's messes." I speak as Sloane unbuckles her seat belt and climbs in the back of the tesla with me.

And I listen to her comforting words and she tries to silence my cries but nothing could fix the damage that had already been done—and we were on our way to confirm something that happened at the worst time possible.

I laid my head across her lap as she played with my hair and I cried.

And so I closed my eyes because being asleep was so much better than being awake. But at this point being dead felt a lot better than being alive—because I had nothing to live for.

Except paying others debts and never accomplishing my own dreams- so it seems like everyone got off the easy way except me.

✧

"Should I wake her up?" A voice spoke from above me. "No, don't. Don't do it to her, let her rest before she's unable to." Another voice spoke.

"Do you really think that her grandparents are..." The voice trailed off, the car tires still somewhat making me drowsy. The other person stayed silent but the one above me huffed, knowing the inevitable.

"When is the soonest that he can be here?" The voice from above me spoke. The other voice cleared their throat, "Sloane, he had a press conference and football meetings—" The voice was cut off.

"Blake, she's practically walking into her worst nightmare and the one person she probably needs most, can't even be there for her!" The voice above me quietly exclaims. The other voice sighs, "It's not an even playing field and you know that. He can't just drop everything—" The voice is cut off.

"Yes he can. If he really loved her he would drop everything and save her from this nightmare!" And then there was silence.

I didn't know what the time was or how long I had been in the car for but I was awake for that conversation and now I had wished I wasn't. I felt my heart drop in my stomach. Matti would be here, Matti would check on me, it would be okay.

Because I did the same for Matti and we're better now, we worked on things.

So I closed my eyes and dosed off a little bit longer because second by second my heart was breaking more and more.

And the distance between me and my happiness ever after was becoming infinite at this point.

But I was Naomi Black and I would do anything for my family even if it meant sacrificing my dreams.

✧

"NJ, wake up." A voice and hands shake me awake. I opened my eyes and saw Blake's face. I sit up and slowly look around. "Where's Sloane?" I ask and he nods. "She's already inside the hospital—" I shot up from my sitting position.

"How long have we been here?" I ask as he puts his hands up to try to calm me down. "Listen, we're going in together. I'm here for you—I'm always going to be here for you. Just try to relax and let's hope for the best. We have no clue what we're walking into." He speaks as he reaches for my hands. I stare at him as he nods.

I slowly get out of the tesla and look around. Same old, deadbeat hometown.

I sigh, looking straight at the hospital. I felt the pressure in my eyes and body kick in—I was about to enter that hospital and come out in either the worst position possible or the best. Whatever I'm feeling now is about to be nonexistent.

He wraps me in a side hug, "Everything will be taken care of NJ, don't worry." He assures me as we slowly start walking towards the hospital. I was born here, I got my first dirty look from my dad here. I've had multiple trips here due to injuries from myself. I had so many memories.

The automatic doors opened and the fresh smell hit us, you always could tell when you were going into a hospital. We walked up to the desk and I spoke my name to the women behind the desk. She nodded to the chairs in the corner and that's exactly where we went. As soon as I sat down, I pondered over the ideas of being by myself. Not having any family. Only being able to rely on yourself.

I feel my eyes start to stir as I just stare emotionless at the clock.

"It's gonna be okay NJ." He grabbed my hand as I just continued to stare. "Where's Matti?" I asked as he slowly nodded. "He'll be here soon." He spoke as I raised my eyebrows.

I looked at him in the most deadly way before he cracked. "A few days- maybe five." He spoke as if it were nothing, but it was something. I nodded.

I would be cool with it- it's fine. It's okay because it only hurts a little bit and the person that told me to suckit up is the one who has already told me about my attempts.

"Two hundred thousand?" He asked as I slowly nodded. "Guess not everyone can have the lifestyle you guys live." I spoke as he nodded. "I'm sorry." He spoke from the bottom of his heart.

I nodded, "Thanks." I spoke.

This was bound to be the worst day of my life I fucking just knew it. I mean my boyfriend who isn't even my boyfriend punched my deadbeat