forty-four

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Naomi Black

"Matti, I can't sleep." I spoke as I turned to face him. I was wrapped up in his arms, making it hard for me to move. He let out a chuckle, "Neither can I." His eyes staring at me. It felt like when he looked at me, his gaze was looking into my soul.

"Thank you." I spoke and cuddled deeper into his chest. "For what?" He asked. I sighed, "You're here with me now—aren't you?" I respond and his grip tightens around me.

"I would swim oceans for you," He mumbled into my hair.

It was round three in the morning. After a long night of talking and planning things for my grandparents we headed for bed around two. No funeral, no showing, and they were getting cremated—I wanted to take them with me so they could see me leave this joke of a life I lived.

"Tell me about your mom and dad." He speaks as I chuckle. My fingers find their way to his bare chest and I trace circles. "That street corner and parking garage I took you to in Pittsburgh," I spoke as he nodded. "My mom was on the corner that night selling herself as a prostitute outside of her stripclub. My dad couldn't resist." He listened to me as I spoke.

"The pictures on the mantel, is that her?" He asked in reference. I perked up, "Yeah, she was a total smokeshow," I spoke as he nodded. "You look a lot like her." He responded as I scoffed.

"Yeah right," I said. He chuckled, "You're telling me you look more like your dad than your mom?" He asks as I shrug. "My mom found out she was pregnant when she missed her period. My dad claimed she poked holes in the condom, but I doubt she did. When she found out she was pregnant, she was able to get ahold of him after a while. He brought her to coaches office actually, and he tried to get her to have an abortion." He raised his eyebrows.

I nodded, "Yeah. Coach, my dad, Blake's dad, and Karla tried to convince her—but she wouldn't do it." He looked at me in confusion. "Karla was my dad's fiancé when he cheated on her with my mom. She was still a student at Penn State." He nodded.

"I knew that he cheated, but that name sounds familiar." He tried to reason as I shrugged. "I've never met her." I spoke. "But she didn't get the abortion and she was alone for loads of things. Dad found out I was a girl and lost it, hated the idea. My mom's family was somewhat okay but they were all drug addicts." He chuckled.

"Man, you turned out really good for having such a fucked up life." He praised me as I shrugged. "I raised myself and then my grandparents did some." I responded.

"My mom gave birth alone, my dad would come in and out of my life. I would see him just enough every year to make him ineligible for child support." Matti couldn't believe what I was saying. I just continued to trace patterns on his chest. "We needed the money. We really needed it." He didn't respond. He started to play with my hair.

"So—what happened then?" He asked. I sucked in a breath of air, "When I was six—I saw the first three guys come into our home. My mom would do meth, heroin, anything to take herself out of the narrative in front of her, including me." He coughed.

"I knew what sex was from a very young age becuase the men that would come over would tell me what they were going to do to my mom. I would have to listen to it. I would hide in my room, play Disney movies really loudly. Especially Cinderella—I wanted to play it so loud that my own Fairy Godmother would hear it to come and save me." I chuckle as Matti sat up, leaning against my headboard.

I sat diagonally from him, knee's to my chest.

"When I was seven, there was a man so strung off on something that he tried to convince me that I should let him poke me with the needle. It would take me to see my own Cinderella." I didn't dare look up at Matti's eyes.

I could feel his emotions, his anger.

"So when I told my teachers, I got taken away from my mom for a few days. And then, she got me back. Promised she would clean up her act. And she did for a couple months." I chuckled.

"I came home and she was dead. I thought she was just sleeping off her high, I sat with her dead body for a while waiting for her to wake up." Matti gasped and I made eye contact with him and shook my head.

"So. She got taken to the hospital, I had to go in to confirm for sure—it was my mother. Duh. And then we had to plan a funeral." I sniffled, not crying though. "One of her crackheads gave me an allowance of two dollars per week if I fetched him a beer every time he got done sleeping with my mom." I smiled.

"I tried to pay for my mom's funeral expenses with a whole twelve dollars." I chuckled. Matti reached for my ankles and scooted me closer to his body. "Funeral happened, I saw my dad. He took me to my grandparents. Then I was there until it was time for college." I finished my story as he sat quietly.

I wouldn't know how to respond if I was him either.

He just stared at me—again looking through my soul.

I just leaned into him, trying to show him that I was okay. He just watched me—observed me. Not speaking words, and Matti was a man of many words.

Was he okay?

"Quit that," I spoke quietly, but he just continued to look at me. I shoved him playfully. "What? Debating on leaving me now that I told you my real life story at—" I looked over at the clock, "—three thirteen in the morning?" I finished as he just blew air out from between his lips.

He shook his head, "No. Just wondering when you're going to let me marry you." He spoke.

I rolled my eyes, "Mattison Williams—shut up." I responded as he chuckled and wrapped his arms around me. "No prenup either, you can divorce me right after we say our 'I do's'. Milk me for my money baby—you deserve it." He spoke as I let out a giggle.

He smiles at me as I squint at him. The moonlight projecting the only light into the room. A scratching was heard at the door. I gave him the 'eyes'. He just rolled his eyes at me.

"No." I groaned. "Matti. Please? She wants to sleep with me, she is lonely." I defend Mimi as he rubs his eyes.

"Fine. Keep the furry feline away from me though—please." I giggle as I rush out of my bed, my bare legs freezing since I was only in Matti's hoodie. I turn my doorknob and open the door to my girl rushing in the room and rubbing against my legs.

I reach down and pick her up, holding her like a little baby. "See. I'll always let you in my room to sleep with me. You're my number one girl." I talk to her as she just stares at me. I hear Matti chuckle as I look over at him.

His arms are tucked behind his head, he's staring at me.

He nods towards me, "She's a cat, you know? Not a baby." He speaks as I gasp. "How dare you categorize her. This is my baby." I defend her as he shakes his head. "Nah, that's a cat." He speaks as I roll my eyes at him. I sat her down on the ground and sat down next to her.

"This is my baby." I repeat as he clicks his tongue.

"Definitely not your baby," He repeats himself as I shake my head. I continue to pet her as she lays down for me. I hadn't seen her in so long.

"I could give you one though." He speaks smugly as I shoot my head up at him. I reached for the nearest thing to me on the ground which happened to be a hairbrush, and I chucked it at him.

He let out a loud laugh as he caught the hairbrush, his bare chest raising up and down as he laughed. He shrugged, "I think your throwing has gotten worse." He teased as I raised my eyebrows.

"Give me a helmet, let's see if my swing is better than yours." I spoke in a snarky tone. He let out a throaty laugh. I stood up from the ground and walked over to him, I grabbed the pillow laying next to him. I got onto the bed and started beating him with it as he laughed.

"Take that," I spoke in between giggles as he reached for my hands. "Quit that! You're going to break my body, you crazy woman!" He speaks as I let out a snort.

"Don't worry! You're insured for a multimillion!" I tease as he smiles at me. "Naomi—" He gets cut off by yelling. "If you two don't shut up, I'm going to burn the damn place to the damn ground!" Sloane yells through the door. Her and Blake were both in the living room since I didn't want anyone in my grandparent's room.

"She's a sex addict! She can't help it!" Matti yells back as I gasp and hear Sloane cackle. I cover Matti's mouth with my hand for him to shut up.

"Good thing she's not any other type of addict!" Blake jokes and I roll my eyes, that was the end of it for Matti though, he was dying of laughter underneath my hands. "Ha ha. So funny." I speak and roll off of him.

I lay back down as he leans over me, "Awh babe, come on. He was just poking at some fun." He tried to reason and pull me into his chest. "Blake! Tell her you didn't mean it!" Matti yells, I groan—he was so loud, always.

"Naomi! I didn't mean it!" Blake yelled back at the same time Sloane yelled back for everyone to quote on quote, 'shut up! I have an early flight tomorrow.' To which Blake laughed and said, 'it's daddies private jet—shut the fuck up.'

And then it was silent.

I turned to face Matti, I was actually tired now. I curled myself back into his side and I felt him chuckle. "Facing this way tonight?" He teases as I smile, my face laying on his chest. "Yes. Because if I wake up and your penis is standing at attention in the same home as my grandparents that just passed away, I'll be pissed." I mumbled against his body as he let out a laugh.

"Matti?" I spoke his name as he hummed—his eyes closed. "I think the reason why I'm so scared to have sex is because of my mom," I spoke as he opened his eyes and looked down at me. "NJ," He whispered my name.

"I'm not broken or anything like that—I just saw how useless it was for her. She did it all the time so she could earn money, it just makes me uncomfortable." I spoke as he nodded.

"But you've changed my mind on that." I continued as I looked up and saw him smiling.

"You've changed my mind on so many things, Black. My mind would scare you." He reassured me, his arm wrapping around me pulling me in tight to him.

"Goodnight," His thumb rubbed my left arm. I didn't respond though, I was too tired to.

I felt Mimi jump on the bed.

I was half asleep when I felt Matti pat the bed for her to come closer to him.

It was ten in the morning when we woke up. Sloane was packing her bags, banging into everything. Blake had to drive her to the airport—which led to them fighting because he wanted to get more sleep.

Matti and I just opened the door, eyes wide open to Sloane chasing him around the sectional in the middle of the room.

I said my tearful goodbyes to my Sloaney Bologna and she was off to the city. Blake hugged me for a good minute and then proceeded to shake Matti's hand to head off to Michigan.

And then there were two and a cat.

"Babe!" Matti yelled from the kitchen. I turned my head, "You know this is an open floor plan. There is no wall separating the kitchen and living room.." I led off as I watched him smile at me.

"Your birthday is soon." He stated as I raised an eyebrow, "Yeah," I agreed.

He just rolled his eyes and started walking towards me, "So you know what that means?" He teases. "No, what?" I giggle as he leans over me.

"Birthday presents!" I groan.

"Matti—no. No presents at all." I reject him as he shrugs. "I mean I guess that's too bad considering that I brought one with me already—not including myself." He winked at me as I chuckled. "You're so annoying." I reminded him as he nodded at me.

"You love it though." He states as I sigh and look back at the television, "Oh trust, I do." I speak.

For the next hour, I lay on the couch. I caught up on The Bachelor since Reese has been bugging the shit out of me to do so. Reese is one of the girls at this point and I love it.

Matti has sat next to me the entire time, on his computer and phone doing business emails, whatever that means.

I teased him and said 'that's the sports channel not business emails.' Matti being Matti of course responded with, 'I am the sports channel babe.'.

And that was the end of that.

I sigh over dramatically to get his attention but his forehead was scrunched up—he was zooming in on something on his phone. I had enough of that.

I sighed again, this time he looked over at me and smiled. "What do you want?" He asked looking back at his phone screen. "Can we hangout?" I ask as he chuckles.

"We are hanging out," He said. I sighed, "But we aren't though." I point out as he groans. He tosses his phone and computer to the side before stretching obnoxiously. I pause The Bachelor and stare at him while he puts on this production.

He turns to me and smiles before nodding, "Okay. You have my undivided attention." He says as I raise an eyebrow. "Let's do something." I suggest as he nods. "Yes, but what can we do? There are like two stores in this, no offense, shit hole." I let out a laugh and nod in agreement.

"Can I show you something?"I ask as he winks at me before tossing his arms behind his head. "Yes baby." He moans. I scoff and stand up from the couch.

I hold out my hand for him to grab. He slowly reaches for it and I try to pull him up.

Key word; try.

"Matti—holy shit. Those tuna protein smoothies are really working!" I exclaimed as he let out a loud laugh. "Shut up, Black." He let go of my hand and I straightened myself out as he stood up. I pointed towards the door as he sighed. "Outside? We have to go outside?" He complained as I gave him a look.

"Fine, fine. Anything for you." He assured me. I walked over to the door and slipped on my shoes and he followed. I opened the backdoor and took in the fresh air. I inhaled and exhaled and Matti chuckled behind me. "Mmmm yummy. Get a whiff of that horse shit and cow manure." He moaned as I let out a chuckle.

I took a step out on the back deck and looked behind me to make sure he was following me.

He was but he was looking into the distance.

"Your dad grew up here, huh?" He asked as I nodded. "Yeah—how'd you know?" I asked as he smirked at me and pointed at the field. "There are indents in the grass from lines for a makeshift field." He walked up behind me and wrapped me in his arms, my back to his front; his chin on my head.

I took in the scenery that I had missed.

I stood on the huge deck. Our house sat on ten acres of land. We had an area to the left of all the trees, where my treehouse was. I smiled.

I squeezed Matti's hand and then walked out of his grip and towards the ground. He cleared his throat and I turned around to ask him what was wrong. He was just staring at his hand, holding it out for me to hold.

I chuckled and reached for it, before pulling him with me, down the stairs and off of the ramp.

I walked towards the trees, "Only my family has been up here. You should feel special." I spoke as he chuckled.

I pulled him about five steps ahead and then he froze, "No way," Matti spoke eyes wide. I nodded, "Isn't it so cool?" I spoke as he smiled at me.

"This is a big tree house for a little girl." He looked at me and I shrugged before walking towards the stairs to get up to it. "Big tree house for a big imagination." I spoke as I started walking up the steps.

He chuckled, "How long has it been since you were last up here?" He asked. I reached for the door, "Everytime I come home, I'm up here." I opened the door and smiled.

"You'll see why." I entered my sanctuary and did a 360 spin, taking in the most beautiful place. Matti ducked before entering, "That's a short entrance." He spoke as I chuckled. "Whenever grandpa redid this for me, he did that on purpose. He said it would keep the tall boys, like my dad—out." I walked over to the table and sat down.

Matti chuckled before nodding. He turned and looked all around. "Nice job Merl," I heard him mutter. I didn't comment on that, I just smiled.

"So I promise it will look better in the nighttime, but—" I pointed upwards at the roof that Matti had yet to notice. "Now I see why you love it up here." He spoke after a few moments of looking at it in appreciation. I nodded and walked back over to him. I wrapped my arms around his back and leaned into him.

"Matti." I spoke as he chuckled.

"Yes." He responded.

"There's a meteor shower on my birthday, do you want to watch it with me?" I asked in hope as he smiled. "Is that even a damn question! Of course!" He spoke as I laughed. He walked over to the hammock chairs and sat down.

He looked around the room and took it in for its beauty.

"They really tried to give you everything you couldn't have in your childhood." He spoke as I slowly nodded. "Yeah, they really did." I responded. I walked over to the hammock next to him and sat.

We listened to the fall wind slap across the tree house.

"Do you think there is something going on with Sloane and Blake?" He asked and I snorted. "You get those vibes too?" I asked as he nodded. "Yeah but Blake doesn't like people so," He reasoned but I shrugged.

"You didn't want me in the beginning either." I pointed out as he shook his head. "Same to you pal!" He defended as I smiled at him.

"I just think Blake is trying to cope with the fact that he is going to be considered one of the most eligible bachelors in America pretty soon." He scratched his shoulder as I nodded. "Yeah. Well, he should be coping in ways that don't involve my best friend." I spoke as he chuckled.

"I shouldn't be messing with his sister either, but here I am." He teased as I rolled my eyes and leaned back, "God sister, not actual sister." I reminded him but he was shaking his head and smiling at me like a four year old.

I started swinging in my hammock chair and looked up at the sky, watching the sun.

"You know," He started to speak as I hummed. "You'll never forget those words that I called you and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for saying them." I looked at him disconnecting from the sun. I gave him a tiny smile, "Matti—" He cut me

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