Hiraeth

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(noun.)

A homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which never maybe was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

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It could have been any other morning in the household.

 Yet, today, it seemed like that definitely would have been the most bizarre thing to ask for.

Y/N grumbled slightly as she felt rays of light just shining on her face. It was too bright for her to register the moving pillow that she was laying on.

Moving Pillow.

"Wait a minute?" She whispered, groaning slightly because of her slightly sore muscles.

She opened her eyes to see her hands fisted onto someone's shirt. She sniffed slightly, smelling a oddly nice combination of rich chocolate chip cookies and the salty seawater. There was a hint of rain that she could smell too, a little woodsy maybe.

That smells really nice. 

She loved the smell of her pillow. She attempted to inch her head closer to the pillow but, it seemed like it was already hiding its body in her embrace. Letting out a sigh of frustration, she let her head rest of the top of the pillow, snuggling closer to its body.

 However, her sudden actions caused arms to wrap around her waist, gripping onto her sides tightly. She felt a slight pressure on the side of her neck as hot breath fanned it, breathing at a very steady rate. 

The feeling a bit too ticklish for her made her widen her eyes the second she processed everything.

It all happened within a blur of seconds that none of them had anytime to wake up properly.

Thud!

A loud sound rang throughout the room as the young adult laid on his back, groaning in pain.

"Holy Cheetos! What on earth are you doing in my room ?" Y/N screamed, rushing to cover herself up with the blankets. 

"Wah?" A dumbfounded response left the boy's lips as he rubbed his eyes like a little baby. His hair was not too messy but, there were strands sticking out here and there. 

Cute.

"Shut up Y/N! Now's not the time to think about this!" She whispered to herself, trying to fan her scarlet cheeks that seemed to be growing hotter every second.

As the boy tried making sense of what just happened to him, the young girl kept spluttering words of disgust at him.

"You poophead! What are you doing in my room? Didn't you have the least bit of decency to shamelessly sleep in the same bed as me! Is your brain filled with jellies in it or something?" She rambled on and on, unable to think of proper words to insult him.

"Open your eyes wide Y/N. You're in my room." He was now beginning to get up and starting trench his body a bit.

His shirt rose slightly, giving a small peek of what lay underneath causing Y/N's cheeks to resemble one of a tomato.

Heck, even the ripest of the tomatoes would be jealous of her cheeks right now!

"Your room?" She mumbled. 

Finally using her sense of sight, she began to drink in her surroundings.

These walls looked nothing like hers.

They had a more boyish look to it. The walls were a dark shade of blue and some parts even resembled the colour of royal blue. This room had a black punching bag at one corner of it. There were even a few records and albums in the room. There was an extremely messy black table that looked too lavish for her liking. Some articles of clothing were laying next to a basket that she presumed was the laundry basket. 

This room looked nothing like hers.

"This isn't my room." She realised, unintentionally voicing her thoughts out loud.

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock. This is my room that you are in." He scowled at her.

'Why am I here then?'She wondered to herself.

It was then that a painful flood of memories came gushing into her head. She clutched her head slightly. The boy's cold eyes softened a bit in panic and concern. 

"Should I get Johnny?" He asked, almost getting ready to rush out of the room to get him.

"No, no. It's fine." She reassured him.

She gasped when she finally realised how she had gotten here in the first place.

"Damn, I really am in your room."

"I thought we already established that." He huffed.

"Also what on earth do you eat woman? How did you push me so hard?" The boy hissed in pain as he tried to rub his aching back, failing at it miserably.

"The same thing you do idiot!" She countered, starting to get out his bed. She was praying that he would forget about this incident and that she would be able to get away from him before he could ask any questions.

"Oh no. You're not leaving until you tell me how you got in my bed, right next to me !"

Jisung's reflexes had kicked in the moment he saw her try to stealthily attempt her way out of his room.

He moved forward without thinking and reacted without processing.

He grabbed her by the waist and lightly pushed her against the wall, placing his hands on both side of her head. 

Y/N surprised at his actions, let out a cry of surprise.

"Why are you in my room?" Jisung repeated his unanswered questions once more.

They were both breathing heavily. Their breaths were coming out of ragged pants. It was as if they were struggling to breathe.

Jisung's strong scent was starting to overpower her her sense of smell. It was making her addicted to it and at the same time nauseous. She had grown to love it in so little time but, she had grown to hate it too.

One was breathing out of fury and the other out of their close proximity between each other. 

Jisung could see her eyes becoming slightly dazed. There were so many emotions that were swimming in her orbs but, he could not decipher them. There was one that he thought he saw but, he did not want to jump to conclusions.

Lust?

Stumbling a bit at this revelation, his arms loosened slightly from the position the bent position that they were previously in. 

Taking this opportunity, Y/N pushed his arms down and started rushing towards the door.

Jisung did not bother trying to stop her from leaving. He was still stuck on the one emotion that he thought he had seen. His head looking towards the ground as an avalanche of questions surrounding that one emotion ran through his head.

Y/N turned to look at him once more before leaving. It was a rash decision made in second but, it was a decision alright.

"I...um...I'm sorry for coming into your room last night. I just felt claustrophobic in my room and yo-yours was the closest for some company." 

At this, his head snapped up from there ground to look at her. 

He thought he saw fear on her face for a second but, then again, he had seen lust in her eyes. His mind was just a puddle of goo that had no idea what to think of.

Her words were definitely not the truth but, they also were not a lie.

With that being said, she opened the door and walked out, before letting it close from behind her.

----------

"Hyung?" 

"Yes?" Taeil answered.

"What do you think could have happened last night?" Johnny questioned, baffled at the sight of Y/N slipping out Jisung's room.

" I am not sure." Taeil answered, a wide grin taking over his features.

Maybe his ship had finally left the docks.

~~~~~~~~~~

That morning in the dining room, everyone was frantically rushing to choose their seats.

Y/N saw Yuta grabbing Winwin by his ears, dragging him to one of the seats. 

She saw Haechan and Chenle fighting over some fried chicken across the table. Jaemin and Renjun seemed to be enjoying the sight while Jeno and Jisung were busy enjoying their ramen.

Some of the older ones like Johnny and Taeil were busy laughing like maniacs, their loud laughter echoing throughout the room. When they saw Y/N , they just wiggled their eyebrows in a suggestive manner before going back to laughing at something Kun had just said.

Lucas and Jungwoo also looked like as if they were having fun too, playing with some buns on their plates.

Y/N looked around for a quiet spot to sit at, not that interested in engaging in a conversation.

"Y/N here!"  She heard Doyoung's voice scream her name from the other end of the table where it was more peaceful.

She smiled at him and began to make her way over to him when she heard a voice speak up from behind her.

"Y/N can we talk?" She heard that same hoarse voice that she had heard once of the phone. 

Before following his retreating figure to a corner of the room, she mouthed to Doyoung that she would be back in a few minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~

"What's going on Taeyong?" She asked once they reached a secluded corner of the room. She was feeling a little bit anxious for what he was about to say next.

The dining room was pretty big and that also meant that there was a lot of space. Noise would not travel that fast throughout the room. The corner of the room that they were currently standing in was reasonably quiet enough for them to hear each others' voices.

"You're not going on that assignment tomorrow." He demanded.

"What?" She was baffled at his sudden statement. Her eyes widened in shock.

" You heard it right. I don't want to risk you going on that mission, not when you are currently still recovering from a fever which could possibly deteriorate the performance that you might display on this assignment. I don't want you affecting how the assignment goes."

"B-But, I thought you said yesterday that I w-was allowed to go and t-that Jisung and I better make sure we g-got along with each other." She spluttered. She was still trying to understand the fact that Taeyong was not letting her go to her very first assignment as part of NCT. Her hands were starting to move in animate gestures as she tried convincing him.

By now, some of the members had stopped their conversations to try to hear what was happening. They had never seen Taeyong look so worried or Y/N look so awake in the morning.

"That was yesterday. Now is today and today, I am taking you off that assignment." He commanded, folding his arms and standing upright. It definitely did not look like as if he was going to be changing his mind anytime soon. 

"Why?" She croaked.

"Because you are still recovering from be..." He tried reasoning before getting cut off.

"Bullshit." She growled objecting his reasoning.

"Lie to me again." She hissed at him.

He did not think that she would be able to tell his lie. 

Afterall, none of them ever did.

"I am not lying. I am telling you that you are st..." Once again he was cut off by her.

"You and I both know that I very capable of handling myself when something so minor as a fever happens to me before mission. 

Afterall, you know everything that has happened to me before and after my missions till date, right? " She probed him, raising her eyebrows at her.

The atmosphere surrounding them had become extremely tense. You could sense it if you even stood a mile away from them. 

They were so oblivious to how serious their argument had become that they were unaware of the pairs of keen eyes watching and eavesdropping on their conversation.

"What do..."

"Cut the crap Taeyong. You're the leader of such a feared mafia group. There is no way in hell that you would allow anybody to come waltzing right into your gang. We all know that if anyone cares, its always the leader. I know the guys wouldn't be able to find out but, there is no way you wouldn't know anything about me. I can say for a fact that you have contacts.

 Besides, I know that you are absolutely aware of how many horrifying  and gut-wrenching events I have been through, the trauma, the injuries, everything.

You know about all the assignments that I have been on, from my individual ones to the group ones.

By this time, Y/N was seething at this point. She was harshly spewing out all the words that she knew.

"Listen, I don't care how the heck you found out about this information but, I don't want you to going on this assignment. Why can't you just listen for once! I am your god damn leader now, not him!" Taeyong fumed. His nostrils were flaring and his face has turned red from fury. His arms were moving around violently, warning her not to overstep her boundaries.

"Newsflash Mr. Leader, the day you mentioned the assignment, you should have known that they were going to be there because why wouldn't they? You should have figured out at that moment that, people like them, they never stop to rest." Y/N snarled in disgust. 

Taeyong was sure that he had definitely seen nostalgia and fear in her eyes.

"I don't give a damn if it means watching my past and present collide.

I don't care what happens to them but, I will go on this assignment, whether you like it or not. 

 Watch me." At this point, Y/N was shouting just like how Taeyong had been screaming at her a few seconds. She was heaving slightly, trying to breathe in some air. Taeyong, on the other hand, still looked extremely pissed off at her.

When they stopped to look around, they found seventeen pair of eyes looking at them intently. 

God damn it!

These were the only words Y/N thought before she marched out of the room, slamming the dining room's door in the process.

A loud sound echoed through the room.

"The heck was that?" Haechan swore out loud, letting everyone take in the fact that someone actually blew up on their leader.

~~~~~~~~~~

'He' punch.

'thinks' punch.

'that' punch.

'I'punch.

'can't' punch.

'do' punch.

'this'punch.

'assignment' punch.

She was seething at what Tayeong spoke to her about.

Memories of their fight played through her head like a movie, a movie that she was awfully familiar with.

Afterall, she was the female lead.

She threw repetitive punches on the punching bag. Her knuckles were stained with a disgusting shade of red. There were so many scratches that had formed on them that were bleeding. She could not feel how sore her hands felt. She was in so much fury that she had forgotten to wrap her hands up before punching the bag.

Yet, she was completely oblivious to how injured her hands were. She definitely could not feel the blood trickling down her knuckles or the stinging sensation every time a drop of sweat dripped on one of the open wounds. She continued going on even after hearing his voice.

"You know, he's mad right?" 

"I don't give two flying shits about whether he's mad or not!" She muttered, still punching that miserable bag.

There was silence in the room after that. She thought that he had left to go get him but, she was proven wrong when she felt fist being blocked by a palm.

Next thing she knew, fingers encircled her wrists, holding onto them tightly and dragging her away from the punching bag.

She was forcefully sat down on one of the benches in the training room. She merely saw him move to go get something in the room because she was too busy thinking about that argument.

When he came back, she heard the faint shuffling of some things. Not paying much attention to it, she began to focus on her thoughts. She was nearly lost in them when her interrupted her train of thoughts.

"Give me your hands." He instructed her.

"What?"

He swore a few things, mumbling under his breath.

He clutched one of her hands, bringing it his eye level.

One of his hands held hers in place while the other single-handedly unscrewed bottle of Dettol.

"Don't move your hand." He commanded when he realised he was going to need both of his hands.

He poured a bit of it onto some cotton before bringing it close to her hand. He started dabbing the cotton lightly on her knuckles. When he realised that she was somewhat used to the light pain, he started thoroughly cleansing her wounds. 

She flinched upon feeling the intense stinging sensation.

"Holy poop! That hurts!" She whined, letting out cries whenever she felt the pain. Now that she was not distracted by punching, she could actually feel the pain of her bruised and battered knuckles.

"How is poop holy?" He asked, amused at her words. He could not stifle the chortles that left his mouth.

"Hey, my wish what I want to say!" She grumbled before pleading him to go slightly softer.

"Take it easy on me." She exclaimed, hitting him on his forearm using her other hand.

"You brought this upon yourself."

"Besides, aren't you aware, you shouldn't punch with bare hands, Nemo."

It was slip of tongue. He swore that he would definitely not say that out loud again after yesterday but, he let it slip. His cheeks were tinted pink. However, he was glad that he could not see that since his head was facing towards the ground. while cleaning her hand.

"Wow Captain Obvious! Thanks for stating facts." Y/N retaliated sarcastically.

"Also, where did Nemo come from?" Y/N questioned, genuinely wondering why he said that. Their small talk was beginning to take her mind of the pain and she thought building it onto a conversation could help her forget about it completely.

"Oh...umm...Ikindofsaidityesterdaywhenyouweresickandrefusingtotakeyourmedicinesandgrabbedontomyhandatthatmoment." He rambled on extremely fast for her to even understand a single word.

"Say that again, but slower."

He moved onto her other hand, taking a deep breath as he repeated his words again. 

"I said that I kind of said it yesterday when you were sick and were refusing to take your medicines, but then you kind of needed assurance so you grabbed onto my hand and I just thought you looked like Nemo even though the shirt and leggings that you were wearing clearly made you look more like Dory. It was just a slip of tongue. I don't  even know why I said Nemo." Jisung confessed, recalling yesterday's events.

His confession brought Y/N to blush profusely. 

Honestly speaking, she liked the nickname that he had given to her.

As Jisung finished up her second hand, he placed it down to take a quick glance at her slightly red cheeks before going to taking some bandage from the first aid kit.

He applied some antiseptic cream on her knuckles before wrapping both her hands up with the bandage.

"Why are you always the one that I end up running in to so much?" She asked.

"Guess you could call it, Fate." Jisung joked about, earning a small smile from Y/N.

"Stop it."  She grumbled, smiling at his small joke.

The two of them were oblivious to the fact that it was actually Fate who always managed to bring these two together every single time.

"Here you go, all bandaged. You better not go around punching people again." Jisung warned her.

"Please I can be responsible."

"If I remember clearly, I heard someone say yesterday that they had no idea what the words responsible meant."

"I was drunk on medicines. Give me a break Jisung." She retorted, clearly a small smile slipping onto her face.

They had gone silent for a few minutes before Jisung spoke up again.

"You know, hyung doesn't mean bad for

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