two hours later - july 25, 2020

i blink the sleep out of my eyes and sit up slightly, seeing a worried looking billie sitting beside me with wide eyes.

"bro, what the fuck was that?" she asks as soon as she realizes i'm staring at her.

"what?" confusion laces my voice as i take in my surroundings. it seemed as if someone, presumably billie, had carried me into the lounge and had placed me on the sofa.

"have you been eating?" billie asks me, her eyebrows raising as she crosses her arms over her chest, leaning back slightly.

"of course i have," i grumble, pulling my knees to my chest as i find interest in the coffee table holding her weight. "what kind of question is that?"

"you're lying to me." she says with an unamused laugh, shaking her head as she clasped her hands together. "i can't believe you're fucking lying to me, gwendolyn."

"i'm not lying, o'connell." i growl lowly, shoving my hand through my hair in frustration. "i have been eating, and i'll eat a whole goddamn meal in front of you just to prove it."

"then let's do it." she says softly with a shake of her head, slapping her hands against her thighs as she stands up. "now."

"i still have an hour of my shift-" i start, but she cuts me off.

"now, gwendolyn." she says before walking to my locker, grabbing my denim jacket and small duffle bag and walking toward me. "let's go."

i sigh and pull the jacket over my shoulders, the material being cold due to the cold temperature in the room. "i don't know why it's such a big thing." i grumble, pulling my hair back into a high pony.

"your entire body is pale, you're shaking like a goddamn leaf, and you look like you haven't eaten in months." billie tells me, gripping my wrist in her hand. "i'm taking you to a buffet and you're gonna fucking eat, even if i have to shove it down your throat."

i roll my eyes at her words and make my way out of the lounge and out of the building. as i start to walk to my car, billie runs up beside me and tugs at my arm.

"where the fuck are you going?" she asks with a laugh, brushing her hair behind her ear. "we're taking my car."

"no," i tell her, continuing to walk to my car. "i want to drive for once — we're taking my car."

"i'm not letting you drive me around," she scoffs, shaking her head as she, once again, tries to pull me toward her car. "come on, i'm parked on the lowest level."

"i'm driving myself." i growl, pulling my arm from her grip as i reach my chevy sonic, unlocking it and pulling the door open. "ride with me or don't, i don't care — i'll meet you there."

i hear her mumble a, "goddamn it," before running around the car and climbing in as i do. "you're so fucking stubborn, i don't even know what i see in you."

"gee, thanks." i say sarcastically as i start the car and turn the air conditioner on. "not like i let you fuck me or anything."

in the corner of my eye, i see billies head turn to look out the window. "you know that's not what i meant, gwen."

"sure," i sigh, switching the bluetooth on. keeping my eyes on the road, i connect my phone to the bluetooth and glance down at my playlist.

as i pull up to a red light, i debate with myself between two songs.

sad but upbeat, or angry and hard?

angry and hard it is.

i tap on the sing and not a second later, the guitar starts playing.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

"i would drag myself through a mile of broken glass," i whisper along to the screaming of the lyrics. "just to watch you cease to exist; lights out, go to sleep — i hope you never wake up." i tap along to the beat on the steering wheel as i turn the volume up, the shrill scream making my ears ring slightly.

"bro, what the fuck," billie looks at me with wide eyes, her hand reaching to turn the volume down. "turn that shit off."

i slap her hand away from the volume knob and growl lowly. "i'll fucking kick you out of my car if you try to turn it down."

she raises her arms in defense and slumps in her seat. one leg being pulled to her chest as the other stretches out in front of her.

i pull in to the buffet parking lot and wait for the song to finish, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.

"it's over," billie mutters, nudging my arm slightly. "can we go eat now?"

i let out a deep sigh and turn the car off, immediately getting out. i shove my keys into the pocket of my jacket and make my way into the building. immediately, the smell of all different kinds of food made me nauseous.

i pay for my part and billies, even though she rolled her eyes and huffed like a child the whole time, and we made our way to the line of food.

the both of us fill our plates and find a table for two, settling down as the waitress brings our drinks.

"does this count as our first date?" billie asks with a raised eyebrow as she shuffled the mashed potatoes around with a fork.

"i suppose it does," i murmur softly, taking a bite of the cheese covered broccoli. "you sound so hopeful."

"i am," she says with a slight laugh, finally taking a big bite of potatoes. with a mouth full, billie says, "let's go to my place after this."

"i think i wanna go for a drive." i say with a hum, using a knife to cut up the cheese covered broccoli and baked potato.

a lot of salt, but i don't care.

"that's fine with me," she murmurs before taking a sip or her water. "i wanna stop by condom sense though."

"why?" i ask with a laugh, watching the girl with curious eyes. "what could you possibly need at condom sense?"

the mention of the adult toy store raised so many questions in my head.

"i'm out of lube." she says casually with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

"you just bought a brand new bottle not to long ago." i say with an uncomfortable laugh, staring down at the full plate of food that i had no intention of eating now.

"zoe stole it." she grumbled, shoving another spoonful of potatoes into her mouth. "and by stole it, i mean she literally grabbed the bottle, poured all of it on the bathroom floor, and danced around in it until she fell on her ass."

i stifled a laugh at her words as i lift the glass of water to my lips. "is she okay?"

"she's perfectly fine." she laughs softly, looking up from her plate. "i wanted to beat her ass for using my expensive ass lube, but she's fine."

i push t food around my plate for a bit as we continue to talk. every once in a while, we'd both stop talking to stuff our faces with the food we'd piled onto our plates.

"goddamn, i'm stuffed," i mutter softly, pushing my plate away from me with one hand as i hold my stomach with the other.

"same, bro," billie says lowly, her eyes rolling as she leans her head back slightly.

"are you ready to go?" i ask her, pulling my hair over my shoulder as i look at her.

"yeah," she grumbles, swiping the fallen crumbs from the plain taco shells from her hoodie. "let's blow this popsicle stand."

kinda makes me sad that i have to wait for people to see these chapters again

to those of you who have been here since the first time posting it, thank you for your support and patience while i try to find every chapter again.

to those of you who are new and don't know me well, hello i'm chrissy and welcome to the only book i was ever proud of. the original book was deleted on my birthday, also the day it hit 108k reads but wattpad obviously doesn't care about that :)

i love y'all so much. thank you for sticking this out with me.