hi, it's almost over and i'm sad to here's this 2865 word chapter.

i love you guys so fucking much. thank you for supporting me and all the hard work i do. you don't know how much it means to me.

enjoy.

six days later - september 5, 2020 12:30pm

"baby, the plane is gonna leave in an hour!" i shout as i bang on the bathroom door. "we have to go now."

i make sure my blohsh beanie is placed neatly on my head, the blohsh symbol in the middle of my forehead, before letting out a loud groan. "billie, come on, hurry up!"

the bathroom door opens, revealing a frowning billie with her phone in her hand, "what the fuck is this?"

"what?" i ask with furrowed eyebrows, gently grabbing her phone from her hands.

it was a photo of carlene and i hugging after i had switched from iv chemo, to the pill form. in the photo, tears were falling from my eyes and carlene had gripped my cheeks in her hands and promised me that everything would be okay with billie.

the worst part was the caption.

"is billies girlfriend cheating?! gwendolyn took billies car to see this skank at the hospital where she works. let's find out who this bitch is." i read out loud, a humorless laugh leaving my lips. "are they actually serious?"

"who is she?" her voice breaking just slightly as her eyes glaze over.

"she's an oncologist that i work with." i reassure, placing my hands on her cheeks gently. "she was telling me to go on tour with you, because she knew i could use a break."

"are you lying?" a single tear falls from her eye as she stares into mine. "if you're lying, gwendolyn, i swear to god-"

"i'm not lying to you." i say softly, pulling the slightly smaller girl into a tight embrace. "i wouldn't lie to you if i didn't have a good reason to."

she pulls away from the embrace and wipes her cheeks, a groan leaving her lips. "i started my period this morning and it's hitting me so fucking hard."

"i'm glad i don't have that problem," i say with a slight laugh as i press my lips to her cheek, walking over to the suitcases we'd brought. "the birth control i'm on is a wonderful thing."

billie rolls her eyes playfully and grabs one of the suitcases from my hands as well as the carry-on. "why are you on birth control when you're gay as hell?"

"because it helps with the whole i started my period this morning and it's hitting me so fucking hard thing." i say, mocking her words from before. "not to mention, it's been routine since i was a teenager."

"throw it in my face that you're legal enough to drink and i'm only legal enough to get killed in the war." she grumbles as she makes her way out of the house. "fuck america, bro, i'm moving to mexico."

"mexico is worse!" i call after her, struggling to keep my feet grounded as well as the suitcase upright. "i think i read somewhere that the president of mexico is an ass who wants to go to war with literally everyone - but i will admit, the girls down there?" i let out an animalistic groan as i let my head lean back slightly. "they know how to work their tongues; let me tell you, there was this one girl-"

"stop talking," billie says with a laugh as we climb into the cab. "i don't wanna hear about your sex life unless it involves me."

"in that case," i say, positioning myself in the seat so i can pull her into my lap. "remember that mind blowing orgasm i gave you last night?"

"gwendolyn!" she gasps, slapping my shoulder as the driver gives us the side eye. "you aren't allowed to talk for the rest of the ride - or on the plane!"

"or what?" i say with a roll of my eyes. "whatcha gonna do, hit me?"

she leans closer to me, her lips brushing my earlobe as she whispers so only i can hear. "i won't stop until you're screaming my name and shaking so bad — i'll have your ass so red, you won't even be able to sit down."

"fuck," i say quietly, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. "you have a deal, o'connell."

time skip to after the flight because ya girl still hasn't been on a plane

as soon as we stepped off the plane, my whole demeanor changed. quietly teasing billie, whether it be my hand in her thigh, or telling her to meet me in the bathroom, turned into wave after wave of nausea and vomiting, slurred speech, and seeing doubles.

i didn't want billie to know about my ill feelings, seeing as she has a ton of interviews tonight and in the morning. she doesn't need the stress of my illness weighing her down while she's talking about her career.

i press my hand to my forehead a so stare at the bathroom wall in front of me.

billie would be back in about two hours. my hands are freezing, as are my feet, and i've been throwing up nothing but saliva and stomach acid.

in the three weeks since i was diagnosed, my weight has been falling in numbers, and it was beginning to be noticeable. i don't want billie to notice the rapid changes in my body, so instead of wearing the once tight fitting clothes that is packed, i'd been wearing billies hoodies and my own sweatpants.

i check the tome on my phone and place it on the counter, standing up from my place on the floor. roughly grabbing the beanie from my head and tossing it on the floor, i grab the five bottles of pills from my medicine bag and put the designated amount into my hand.

i throw my head back and swallow the pills, chasing it with a small cup of water.

i look at myself in the mirror and frown, my hands raising to run over my now bald head. the imagine being displayed in the mirror reminded me that i spent almost $50 here no a wig that i haven't even tried on her. with that thought on my mind, i make my way out of the bathroom and to my suitcase. i love the clothes around and pull out the paper bag with the natural wig inside.

i take a deep breath and bring the wig to the bathroom, setting it on the counter before handing a tutorial on youtube on how to put it on.

i'm a doctor — i don't fuck with this beauty shit.

i follow the tutorial step by step... to the best of my ability, anyway.

as i was finishing up with the little details — styling and shit like that— i hear the hotel room door open and billie pushes through the room with an angry groan, her brother hot on her heels.

"finneas, i cant just fucking do it." she says, shoving her hand through her hair harshly as she throws a duffle bag onto the bed. "it hurts too bad and i just don't..."

"don't what, billie?" he asks, his eyebrows furrowed as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"i don't bend that way!" she shouts, throwing her hands up in the air as she falls back into the bed. "i get that you can, but i just can't."

"what are we talking about?" i ask with a confused laugh, stepping out of the bathroom.

"i thought you were at the restaurant alrea- woah." billie says as she looks up at me from her place on the bed, dragging out the last word longer than necessary.

"what?" i say wearily, crossing my arms over my chest self consciously. "is there something wrong?"

"did i just fucking dream that i shaved your head?" she asks, scooting her body closer to the edge of the bed.

"no," i say as more of a question, tucking a strand of the wig behind my ear. "i don't you it was just a little longer than my real hair."

"a little?" finneas asks with a slight laugh as he takes a few steps toward me, his fingers running through the natural wig slowly. "it's like..three times longer than your hair used to be."

"i'll be back," billie grumbles as she stands from the bed. "a bitch gotta pee."

"don't fall in," i shout after her, a soft laugh leaving my lips as the door closes.

"are you hungry?" finneas asks me, his hand pointing toward the door. "we can go get something from the restaurant downstairs."

"good sounds great." i mumble, my stomach grumbling as if i'm cue. "i can't promise that i won't throw it up, though."

"billie, do you want anything from the restaurant?" finneas calls softly as he knocks on the bathroom door.

no answer.

i roll my eyes and gently push finneas aside, opening the unlocked door. "bil-"

"bro, what the fuck," she shouts, turning away from the wink in surprise as i slip into the bathroom.

"chill," i tell her, raising my hands in defense. "it's just me."

she sets me phone down on the counter and sighs deeply, shoving her hand through her hair. "i left my phone on the bed and i wanted to look on instagram.. so i was using yours."

"billie," i say with a soft laugh, shaking my head slightly. "i don't care; i don't have anything to hide on there — besides maybe some pictures of my-"

"oo," she hums with a wide smirk as she picks up my phone once more. "perfect-"

"okay, whatever," i laugh, shaking my head slightly. "do you want anything from the restaurant?"

"no," she mumbles, scrolling through my gallery. "go on without me...i'll...be here."

i place a quick kiss on her cheek before stepping out of the bathroom. "we can just eat downstairs," i say to finneas with a shrug of my shoulders. "she doesn't want anything right now."

"alright then," he says with a sigh. "let's go."

with that, we make our way out of the hotel room and down the stairs to the restaurant.

did i mention we're on the eighth floor?

by the third flight of stairs, i could hardly breathe and my head began to feel dizzy, and my eyes, droopy.

"you okay?" finneas asks me as he places his hand on my shoulders to keep my steady. "gwen, look at me."

i look into his blue eyes that reminded me so much of billies and chew on my bottom lip. "i'm good, i'm okay."

"are you sure?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at my words.'"you're pale."

"i'm always pale," i say with a weak laugh, continuing down the stairs slowly. "you coming or not?"

"yeah," he says quietly, following me down the stairs at the same pace.

ten minutes later

my lungs struggle to accept the air trying to get to them, but i hide it as best as i can as we settle into a half booth half table at the restaurant. the beehive themed interior was gorgeous, and the servers, busters, and bartenders were all clad in professional attire. the four foot tall green penguins littered the floor, and it went well with the current theme of the hotel - The Future is Female.

"okay," i sigh deeply, watching as the waiter comes to greet us.

"welcome to the hive, i'm anthony and i'll be serving you tonight." the server, anthony, says as he fills the two water glasses on the table. "can i get you anything else, besides water, to drink?"

"can i get a virgin piña collada?" i ask him, my lip pulled between my teeth.

his sparkling green eyes met mine as a toothy grin spreads across his slightly wrinkly face. "of course, miss - even though i prefer the alcoholic version." i let out a soft laugh, watching him scribble into his notepad. "and for you, sir?"

"water's fine with me," finneas says with a slight nod. "thank you."

he sets two menus down on the table before mumbling a soft, "i'll be right back to take your order."

finneas looks at me as soon as the server walks away. "since when do you drink virgin drinks?"

i sigh deeply and look down at the napkin placed perfectly in the center of the table. "i'm just not in the mood for alcohol right now."

lie. i can't drink while taking my chemo medications.

finneas crosses his arms on top of the table and gives me a pointed look. "you know you can tell me anything, right?"

at those words alone, my eyes began to fill up with tears. i nod hesitantly and look him in the eye. "you can't tell billie."

"talk to me." he says, his hand being placed on top of mine.

"a few days after you guys left for tour," i say softly, wiping my pale cheeks with my free hand. "billie called me and she kept saying i can't understand what you're saying.

"i started having this really bad feeling, and when i hung up and started walking to the nurses station, i had a seizure."

he lets out a sigh, shaking his head slightly in disbelief. "that's why you've been acting so odd? because of a seizure?"

"it wasn't just a seizure, finn." my voice breaks as i squeeze my eyes shut. "they did a CT scan and they found a tumor in my brain."

"a tumor?" he says with wide eyes, his hand squeezing mine tightly. "gwendolyn, are you telling me that you're dying and you haven't told anybody?"

"you're the first one to know." i say quietly with a sniffle, shaking my head slightly. "i don't want her to baby me, finneas — i don't want her to leave me either."

"if i know one thing about my sister," he says, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets as he sits back in his chair. "she wouldn't leave someone because of cancer."

"i don't want her to find out, finn," i whisper, shaking my head slightly as i look at him. "i'm getting it removed as soon as it's small enough, but until then, i don't want her to know; it'll just distract her, and i need her happy right now."

"you can't just keep it from her, though." he says sadly, his eyebrows furrowing as he looks at me. "billie doesn't deserve that — gwen, she's in love with you, and she feels like she's gonna spend the rest of her life with you."

those words hit me. hard.

"you have to help me, finn," i say through a sob, picking the napkin up and covering my mouth to muffle the sound. "if anything happens to me, swear to me you won't tell her."

"she's my sister, gwen-"

"swear to me you won't tell her, finneas," i say lowly, slamming my hang on the table in frustration. "please.."

he lets out a deep sigh, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "fine," he mutters, shaking his head lightly. "i won't tell her."

"what the fuck did you say to her?" billie asks as she walks up to the table, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she looks at her brother. she sits beside me on the booth side of the table and wraps her arm around my shoulders. "why are you crying, baby?"

"no reason," i tell her softly, leaning into her touch slowly as i look at finneas. "i'm fine."

"what did you say to her?" billie asks her brother as she runs her fingers through the artificial hair attached to my head.

"we were just talking about how proud of you we both are." he says lowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

"it's nothing to cry over, mama," she murmurs into my ear, pressing a loving kiss to my cheek.

"i'm okay," i say again as my arms wound around her waist. "i've lost my appetite— can we just go back to the room, in the elevator this time?"

"yeah," billie whispers softly, standing up.

i grab my debit card out of my back pocket and hand it to finneas. "it's on me.."

"i'll see you later tonight, bil." finneas says to his little sister. "love you.

"love you too," she mumbles before the both of us walk to the elevator.

"what did you think happened?" i ask the younger girl as we step into the elevator.

"i don't know," she says honestly, her arm lever leaving my shoulders as she presses her lips to my cheeks and nose repeatedly. "i don't want to see you cry, ever."

"i love you." i whisper softly, closing my eyes as i hide my face in her neck. "i'll never stop loving you."

hello i just wanted to remind you that i love you