Chapter 37

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I'd spent the rest of the day in bed, visited every now and then by Raina, who would refill my water jug or exchange Court gossip. I was thankful when nighttime approached, putting an end to such a bizarre day. Though, as expected, my dread came right back the next morning.

The Court was beginning to stir, and even though I was on the second story, I could still hear the distant voices and detect the strange smells with clarity. For many minutes, I debated staying in bed all day, but then I remembered Zion's little speech. He'd seemed upset yesterday -- even though I hadn't overtly said anything anger-provoking, and I didn't want to risk upsetting him any more than I did. So, I made a deal with myself: I'd skip the eating, but I had to attend a private lesson with Zion afterward.

After many more minutes of internal debate, I finally got out of bed and got ready for the day. After about a full week of lazing around in my pajamas, it felt strange to be putting on my usual combat clothes and flattening the creases in my blue Pelta. Midway through my getting-ready, someone knocked at the door.

"Come in!" I yelled, somewhat dreading who it could be. My apprehension dissipated when a pool of golden locks rounded the door, along with a pair of bright emerald eyes.

"Raina...!" I breathed, unable to contain my relief. She nodded and stalked towards me, taking a seat in the green velvet chair. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "I just wanted to check in on you -- is everything alright?"

I nodded. "I'm feeling better. I've decided I'll train with Zion today. I'm still gonna skip the feasting, though."

Raina nodded, an undeniable light of relief in her eyes. "Did you talk with anyone yesterday?" she prodded, eyeing me warily. I nodded.

"Two people, actually -- Zion and Azriel."

Her eyes widened. "Azriel?" she sputtered, cringing when she realized she'd basically yelled his name. "What did he talk about?"

I hesitated. Azriel's state yesterday seemed too intimate to share -- even with a good friend like Raina. I got the feeling Azriel wouldn't want people knowing how vulnerable he'd been, how he'd basically broken down in one of the Theta's arms and cried. 

So I lied. "It was fine. He mostly came in here to apologize."

Raina blew out a breath, and I couldn't help the small smile on my face. Not quite a lie, I reminded myself. A semi-truth.

"What else happened?" she prodded. I shrugged. 

"Well, he kissed my hand--"

I stopped myself, wondering where the hell that had come from. Raina's eyes widened. "He did?"

I nodded. I had been thinking about that gesture all night, even though I knew it was one of courtesy. I looked deep into Raina's gaze, trying to discern the thoughts behind those green eyes. Raina was never the judgemental type, and if anything, she was the only person I could confide in.

So I sucked in a breath. "And I felt something, Raina," I mumbled. "And, don't get me wrong, I know the kiss was just a polite gesture, but... I felt something, almost like a kind of electricity."

I looked to her for guidance. Her shock quickly dissipated to something close to pity, and my stomach dropped. She gave me a sad smile. "Be careful, Kyra."

I stared at her. "What?"

"Be careful," she repeated, her voice soft. "We all feel that pull towards the Alpha. There's something about him that draws us in -- us women especially."

I blushed fiercely as a retort rose to my throat. However, something close to disappointment smothered that flame.

"He's a True Alpha," she continued. "A Black-Blood; a semi-immortal being. He's something us normal Werewolf cannot handle, Kyra. He has a power that does not compare to ours." She paused. "There's a reason True Alphas are ofttimes mate-less, and many will never find a Luna in their lifetime."

I swallowed the tightness in my throat. I didn't know why, but those words left a dull ache in my chest. It took me a moment to realize Raina was staring at me with pity. I forced myself to scoff. "Are you saying I'm in love with him, Raina?" I teased. "Don't be silly! He's handsome, yes, but he's really not my type."

Raina sighed, like a frustrated adult trying to teach a child something they couldn't understand without making the mistakes that came with growing up. "Maybe you're right, Kyra," she muttered, standing up.

She strode towards the door. Once her hand was on the handle, she stopped. "Just be careful, Kyra. Please." With that, she strode out the room. I watched as she pulled the door forth, shutting it with a soft click behind her.

I stared at that door for ages. 

*****

I'd long left my room -- more to escape my thoughts than anything else. It unnerved me how Raina's words bothered me much more than they should have. Maybe I felt sorry for Azriel in the regard he would likely never find a mate, or maybe it was the thought of all those yearning girls, but something in me felt so... low. So low, not even the lilting melodies of songbirds could lift my spirits, nor the warm kiss of sunlight on my face. I watched the white-flossed clouds drift across the plain blue, trying to divert my thoughts, but they always came back to that one line: 'we all feel that pull'.

Upon realizing being outside was no better than being inside, I sighed, turning to head back. That's when I heard it -- the unmistakable voice of a scolding female. 

"...and that's how it is, you ungrateful brat!"

I whirled, my eyes widening at such cruel words. That's when I found Azure standing before the treeline, her eyes scrutinizing a small omega that sat before her. She stood proud and tall, that menacing aura radiating off her in waves. The little girl cowered in its wake, tears forming in her eyes as she trembled. 

"Do you have any idea what would--"

"Hey!" I called, surprising myself along with Azure as she turned to look at me. Her blue eyes widened at me, and I saw her falter for the briefest of moments. Committed, I forced myself to walk over, hardening my face into a scowl as I regarded her. "What gave you to right to torment young Omegas?" I growled, folding my arms.

Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times. "Stay out of this, Epsilon!" she snapped, but there was something missing from her voice -- that usual fire. "I'll treat them however I want. Besides, you don't have context--"

I stepped forward, feeling a slight thrill as she made a move to step back. Even so, that thrill dwindled as her face paled, eyes widening further. "Leave her alone, and go," I snarled, nodding towards the young girl. She had stopped crying, staring instead at the tense exchange playing out before her.

I watched as Azure seemed to stand taller, as though finding her confidence again. She opened her mouth to retort, but I beat her to it.

"Leave!" I barked, causing her to recoil. "Now!"

I couldn't tell if it was shock or fear written on her face, but Azure quickly gathered herself and stumbled away. She shot me what could've only been a glare, but it came across as more of a grimace on her features. 

I stood there for a few moments, watching her leave. As I watched her back, I didn't know how to feel. part of me felt triumphant for putting Azure in her place, sure, but another part felt almost... shameful. I'm sure she never would have reacted the way she did had we never had that fight, that it was nothing but fear fuelling her actions.

It wasn't out of respect, or even authority. 

Just fear. 

I looked down towards the girl, who also seemed to freeze like a deer in the headlights under my stare. I felt my eyes prickle with guilt. I'd always wanted people to respect me, listen to me, but not out of fear. Never out of fear.

I looked back to where I'd last seen Azure, but now she was long gone from sight. I felt tears of shame welling in my ducts. Not like this, I said to myself. I don't want you to fear me. I don't want anyone to fear me.


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