Kat

Tamara spares Trace no expense. She booked me a hot stone massage, body wrap, facial, and a mani/pedi. I've been to spas before, but I have a feeling this time I'm getting the star treatment. Three hours later, I'm surprised when I'm ushered, still in my robe, into a private sauna room, where Tamara and MacKenna are reclining on the wooden risers—naked.

Tamara lifts her head. "Hey girl! Whooo—you look spa-drunk. I saw your massage therapist. No wonder!" Tamara winks and then closes her eyes again. MacKenna doesn't bother to look at me, she just lifts a hand.

"Did you have Rolfe?" she asks lazily.

"Uhhh, Yeah. He was amazing," I mumble as I hastily slip off my robe and lie down quickly. I never been in a sauna completely naked with other people before.

"Don't worry," Tamara assures me. "This room is just for the three of us."

"Rolfe was good. But I wish I had the other guy—the dark headed one." Mac sounds far away.

"Why?" Tamara asks "Rolfe a little too much like another tall, blonde, and handsome that's got your ovaries poppin' off like corn?"

MacKenna bursts into tears, rolling over onto her stomach and sobbing into her arms.

"Ahhh, shit, girlie, I'm sorry," Tamara groans and she crawls over to Mac. I sit up, find it weird to see a naked sobbing girl and her naked friend consoling her, and lay back down. Then I sit up again, reaching for my robe.

"Maybe I should go..."

"No! Wait!" Mac sobs, sitting up abruptly, hugging her knees against her chest and dropping her head, trying to get control of her sobs. "Wait," she murmurs again, grabbing Tamara's arm. Tamara and I stare at each other. We wait.

"You want to talk about it, girlie?" Tamara asks sympathetically, after about five minutes.

Mac shakes her head fiercely. "No point. Adam and I are done. Really done. No more screwing around. He needs to find a girl that wants to live in his pumpkin shell, or his ivory tower or whatever. I'm no fairy tale princess, like he wants. It's best for everybody if he and I make a clean break.I just want to keep my shit together at all times. This--" she gestures at her puffy face, "is ridiculous."

Okay, girlfriend. Your tough words are not matching the truth of your ugly cry. But I hardly know Mac, and we haven't gotten off to the best start, so no way am I callin' her out.

Tamara takes the soft route, instead.

"You sure you don't want to talk about it,?" she prods.

"Hell yes, I'm sure." Mac raises her head and wipes away sweat and tears from her face. "I...I'm sorry. For acting like a freak just now. And Kat, I owe you an apology for, you know...being so bitchy the other day. You seem really nice and I'm...god...I feel like an insane person right now. I don't usually act like this."

"It's okay. Really. I get it. Touring seems kind of...stressful."

Mac rakes her wet hair off her neck and looks at me through slightly puffy eyes. "This sauna is stressful. I think I'm going to croak from heat exhaustion. Let's go to my suite. Somehow I lucked out with the penthouse with the hot tub. I'm starving. I'll order lunch."

"Sure," Tamara says automatically. I open my mouth, but Tamara cuts me off, "Oh no, girlfriend. You don't have anywhere better to be, anyway. Your Loverboy and Bodie went for a run."

"They did? How do you know?"

"Well, according to their Instagram. The picture of Bodie flexin' that Trace posted was pretty funny."

I pull my phone to look, but get distracted by the text Trace sent me about an hour ago.

Hey Babe.

Headed out for a run with Bodie.

Hope you are having a great spa day.

Can't wait for our date!

I text back:

I can't wait either.

Spa was wonderful.

Thank you.

In the Sauna with Mac and Tamara.

Naked. Weird.

By the time we have donned our robes and made our way to the elevators, Trace has replied:

Thanks for the  visual.

I  stumbled out into traffic.

Why do they get to see you naked before me?

I smile.

Me:

It's your Love Tree, babe.

Trace:

Hmmm. I see what you mean about the babe thing.

It's kind of smarmy when you say it.

Me:

Also when you say it.

Trace:

Fine. No more babe, KitKat...

KittyKat...

Kitty...

prettykitty

Me:

That last one seems a little kinky...

Trace:

Oh, it was meant to be.

Stop flashing your prettykitty to the Crush ladies.

I'm not sharing you, even with girls

Me:

Shut up.

How can you even run and text?

Trace:

We stopped for hydration.

Me:

You're on Bourbon Street aren't you?

Trace:

Wha? No.

Suddenly I receive an incoming text from Bodie. It's a picture of him and Trace sitting at a bar. Bodie has abandoned his incognito disguise and looks like the hot, sweaty, sexy stick of chocolate that he is. Trace is wearing aviator sunglasses and his hat backwards. In his tank top and his hair sticking awkwardly through the hat, he honestly looks a little...dorky, for a change. More like Trace at fourteen. They are both giving the stoic rock star chin-up thing to the picture.

I reply to Bodie:

Hot Shot of you, Drummer Boy.

Who's that weirdo you are with?

Bodie:

I like you, HellKat.

Great, Bodie must have been reading over Trace's shoulder. Note to self: no more texts about my nakedness

Me to Trace:

Busted by Bodie.

Trace:

Damn. I need better friends.

In my defense...light beer IS mostly water.

Me:

Famous bar?

Should I know the name?

Trace:

I don't even know.

Some random dl place we jogged into.

There's a mechanical bull here.

Waiting my turn.

Me:

Don't hurt yourself, Cowboy.

Enjoy your return run.

Trace:

Smooches, Kitty.

Me

We are not doing smooches.

Stop being a dork.

Trace:

SSSSMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCHHHHHEEEESSS!!!!!!

I send him a eye roll emoji.

Tamara and Mac are smirking at me as we exit the elevator on our floor and slide my phone into the pocket of my robe.

"Trace?" Tamara says.

"Yeah. He and Bodie are on Bourbon Street."

"Just the two of them?" Mac asks, her voice overly light.

"Uhhhm. I think so. He only mentioned Bodie, and Bodie sent a pic of the two of them."

Mac takes out her phone and shoots a quick text. She gets an immediate reply. She stares at her screen, squinting at it.

"They all went to the gym together earlier, but now Adam and Leed are golfing," she says in disbelief.

"Jesus, they are such white boys," Tamara laughs.

"Well at least they are cool, right?"

Mac  softens into a smile. "Yes, that is good. I hate to see them mad at each other."

After a quick stop by our rooms for swimsuits, Tamara and I converge in Mac's suite. Mac already has champagne open. I opt for water. I can't hang with the constant rock star lifestyle.

"That was quick room service" Tamara replies as she settles with her glass of champagne into the hot tub.

"No, it's my one hotel rider--champagne stocked in the bar." She shrugs. "Leed asks for toe-nail clippers and Kombucha wherever he stays. The Kombucha I understand because it's a specialty thing, even though it's disgusting, but the toenail clippers? Like he can't just keep those in his travel shit," she rolls her eyes.

"What about Bodie?" I ask Tamara.

"Nothin', that I know of," Tamara shakes her head.

"Not true," Mac replies. "Condoms," she giggles and sips her champagne.

"Oooh, he wouldn't tell me that. He'd be afraid I'd tell Auntie Lida," Tamara laughs.

"Trace and Adam don't have any hotel riders," Mac reports to me. "But Trace insists on a bunch of hospitality items at venues, for the crew. He's always looking out for the techs," she smiles at me.

"He's a good guy," I smile back as I finally ease down into the almost-too-hot-to-bear water.

"To new friends," Mac says and raises her glass to me.

I'm surprised. I thought Mac didn't like me, but I guess maybe she's just high-strung over Adam right now. We all clink glasses.

"Thanks. This is all kind of crazy for me. Trace and I...it's weird, you know?"

"No, we don't know. Spill, girlfriend," Tamara says in a rush of exuberance. "We need to understand," she and Mac exchange a look.

I am saved from relationship confession by a knock on the suite door. Room service. We eat a few bites of the wraps and fresh vegetables and hummus that Mac ordered and then we wander back to the hot tub.

Mac brings out the rest of the bottle of champagne to the hot tub. Now that I've eaten a little, I take my first drink of the day. I've been careful not to start to early—I don't want to be smashed for our date. I hope Trace isn't drinking too much.

Mac seems more philosophical, but I guess food makes everyone feel better. She sits on the edge of the hottub, nursing her champagne. She's still on her first glass. "Well, Adam has got me messed up in the head."

"We got that from the sauna-fit, honey. I don't get it—why quit him if you feel that way?"

"Because he wants to get married and have babies," she sighs, sliding down into the frothy water.

"He really wants all that right now?" I ask timidly. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to ask questions. I wouldn't repeat a word Mac said, but I never did actually sign an NDA.

"I can't believe I'm going to tell you guys this..." she dunks her head in the water. When she comes back up, Tamara and I are leaning closer.

"Tell us what, girl?!?!" Tamara said loudly.

"No," Mac shook her head, "I really shouldn't..."

"Girl, don't be a bitchtease like that!" Tamara warns.

"Okay, fine, I really need to tell somebody, and I can't tell the guys obviously, but if either of you breathe a word..."

"Girl," Tamara says, "You know I can keep a secret." They exchange a smile over some inside joke and both turn to me with owl eyes.

"I won't say a word." I assure her.

"Not even to Trace," Mac holds out her pinky finger. "Swear. Not even Trace."

Against my better judgment, I pinky swear. I'm not sure I'm comfortable keeping Mac's secrets from Trace, but whatever. It's hot tub girl time. What's said in the hot tub stays in the hot tub.

"Okay, so...oh god...so the night of the Fox show...Adam and I had amazing, incredible sex...all night long. Sometimes I think Adam's got like...dissociative sex identity disorder, or something."

"What?" Tamara shouts and I laugh.

"It's like he's got more than one personality in bed. One time he'll be the world's sweetest lover, and then he can come right back...I mean like he didn't just finish...and bang like prison porn."

Tamara and I screech with laughter.

"Sounds all good, girl. What's the problem?" Tamara chokes out between laughs.

"Okay, okay, that's not the problem, that was just the good part. The problem was the next morning. I wake up and Adam's lying there in my bed, gorgeous and naked, and he's looking at me weird. Really weird. And he tells me...he tells me that he loves me. It's the first time he's ever said that. It freaked me out, because we basically had just gotten back together." Her voice is low.

"Awwww," Tamara says. I gulp my champagne, eying Mac, waiting for the problem. It doesn't seem like she's taking Adam's love declaration any better than I took it when Trace said it.

"And then he tells me that...during the prison porn banging..." she lets out a long slow breath and throws her head against the back of the hot tub, "he tells me...the condom broke."

"Oooof," Tamara says and I gulp my champagne.

"And I try to act cool, but I'm really freaking out, because you know, it's kind of the worst time of the month that could happen."

"Girl, you should back that shit up," Tamara says shaking her head into the champagne.

"I know," Mac groans, "I gained ten pounds on the pill, so I stopped taking it. I've been meaning to get an IUD but I canceled the appointment three times...last minute appearances and shit always coming up with the band. Anyway, I'm covered because I always keep an emergency box of the morning-after treatment, you know?"

"Whew!" Tamara says. "That's good thinking."

"Yeah, well. The thing is...Adam knows that. He'd already gotten out of bed, found it in my stuff. He was holding it, and told me he thought maybe he should hold onto it for a few hours, and let me think about it."

"Ohhhh fuck no, he didn't!"

Mac is pink with righteous indignation. "Fuck yes, he did! Can you believe him?" she stares at me, demanding an answer.

"No. That's not cool," I agree with her. "What did you do?"

"Isn't it obvious? I freaked the fuck out on him."

"Wait, back up. That's all he said?" I ask.

Mac put her face over her hands. "No. He said a lot stuff. Crazy stuff. Stuff I shouldn't repeat."

"Girl, you already told us the condom broke and Adam stole your morning after pill. Finish the damn story." Tamara huffs.

Mac holds her hands over her eyes, and her words come out in a rush. "He told me he knew it was a serious situation—even though we are not together he knows shit about me like my cycle, it's maddening, actually, what a freak he is. Then he said...he said...he said, he wanted me to understand... I didn't have to take the pill on his account. He tells me again that he loves me and asks...would it be so bad if we just let it ride a few weeks? You know, while we think about it? He said he figured it was a fifty-fifty chance, but if it turned out I was, we could decide then. Maybe with a few weeks to get used to the idea, we would decide it was meant to be.He said he'd been lying awake for hours thinking about it, and he could picture it—us, with a kid. He asked me if I really thought us having a kid together would be the worst thing. He had all these reasons. It's not like we are teenagers anymore. It's not like we haven't had a wild ride already. It's not like our kid wouldn't be amazing. It's not like we couldn't give our kid every advantage and experience. It's not like our kid wouldn't have lots of family around, and it's not like we couldn't hire help while we worked. Then he said, we could even get married, if I wanted. Or even if I wasn't pregnant, we could still get married. Because he loved me that much, you know? If I loved him, too...why mess around and wait for bullshit to tear us apart again, like last time? That we should just commit and put the immature drama behind us. Then he looks at me, and says, Well, what do you think? We have two nights off, I think we should just fly to Vegas and do it. Just like..." she pauses, twerks her head and finishes, lamely. "Just like that."

"Oh.My.God." Tamara says. "I hate to say it, Mac, but Adam's kind of adorable. He wants to marry you and make musical babies with you."

"He is insane!" Mac stands up in the hot tub, fists clenched. She looks like a wet red devil. "Amiright, Kat?"

I cover my mouth, trying hard not to laugh. Mac is obviously upset, but I can't stop my mental image of a naked and slightly lunatic Adam holding her morning after pill over his head and fending off an attack from Mac while he fumbles through his speech.

"Maybe he was...I dunno...temporarily insane?"

She shakes her head exasperated. "He was serious and he's certifiably insane. Getting married next day in Vegas is not a normal reaction to the condom breaking."

"True," I concede. "So what did you tell him?"

"That he just gave the world's worst proposal. That what he was doing—withholding my emergency contraception—was at best a horrible manipulation, and at worst, abuse. I told him I was going to throw myself off the goddamn balcony if he didn't give me my birth control back," she muttered.

"Okay, so he wasn't the only one acting crazy," Tamara smirks.

"He drove me to it! His insanity was contagious."

"Love and insanity are the same thing, girlfriend," Tamara laughs.

"Okay, so what happened then? Did he give you back your birth control?"

Mac nodded. "Yeah, right away. He said, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make it worse. I just thought you should know, that I love you, either way. Do whatever you need to do, Shortcake," She mimicked his calm, sexy drawl, and then she slapped her hands on the water over and over, in a fury. "The way he smiled at me— I felt so..." she shirked her shoulder. "...sad. Like my heart would fucking break. So I told him to get out of my face and get out of my suite and get out of my life. And he said, You don't mean that, Mac. And I really really did, because suddenly I was sooo mad at him! Who the fuck breaks condoms!?!?! Goddamn Adam and his over-sized penis, he should double-glove if he's going to go apeshit like that!"

Tamara screams in laughter and Mac shoves more water at her and keeps right on ranting, "So I started throwing shit at him! First, the pill package, then the fucking condom box! Then I threw my phone and he caught it and do you know what the fucker said then?"

She's looking between us her face nearly purple with rage. We shake our heads dutifully.

"He told me to calm down. He said rage wasn't good for me or the maybe-baby!"

"Maybe-baby!?!?" Tamara screeches. "Awwww honey, if you don't marry that adorable boy I will."

Mac slaps water all over Tamara. "Fuck you, Tam! Whose side are you on?!?!"

"Yours, girlfriend. Of course." Tamara says soothingly. "So you took the pill and y'all made up after the Benz show, right?"

"No, I...we...didn't."

Really? I'm not sure I believe her. Actions speak louder than words. She said the condom incident was the night after the Fox show. Adam's dramatic plane confession was the night after the Benz show. Hadn't Adam said they had had sex for the last two nights? So even after the condom broke the first night, they had gone back for round two.

I can see from the doubtful look on Tamara's face she is also reconciling Mac's account and Adam's plane confession.

"So what's the problem here? Is Adam acting weird because you took the pill?"

"Not exactly." She looks down at her champagne strangely. "Fuck." She dumps it over the side of the hot tub.

"Oh god, girl. You didn't take it, did you?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. Did you know you can take it up to five days after? I just don't know. Now that he made me stop and think...I mean, if it had happened with anybody else but Adam, it would have been a no-brainer. But all that shit he said, I can't get it out of my head."

"Baby girl, you have to do what's right for you. If Adam loves you, he'll love you either way. It's not about him."

"I know. But maybe it is about...us. Or what we could be. I don't know. My head is so messed up."

"Does Adam know you didn't take the pill?"

"He knows," she whispers hoarsely. "But I told him I might still take it. That's why he did that shit on the plane."

"How's