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V A U G H N

The first thing I notice about Noah Striker when the cops drag him to the other side of the booth is that he has grown a beard. His orange jumpsuit is fitted closely to his body, he has lost weight, and his hair has grown but it is the beard that I notice because the beard makes him look like he had been when he wore the disguise of Jake.

I see a little bit of Jake in his green eyes as he takes the seat opposite me and the cops let him go, taking two steps back and standing behind him with hands behind their backs. Noah stares at me with a look of astonishment, like he can't believe that I am here to meet him.

It was a difficult task to get a visit with him. I wasn't on his contact list so I had to find my way through somewhat illegally. The officer-in-charge, Jeremy Donovan, has always been a little corrupt. He was much obliged to let me in with a few dollars under the table.

Noah's eyes follow my hands as I pick up the headset kept to the side and get ready to talk. He picks up his too, his handcuffed hands digging the metal into his wrists as he puts it on. The first thing I hear is the sound of his breathing as his chest rises and falls heavily.

"Hey, Noah," I say, giving him a small smile.

That must have startled him more because he blinks, puzzled and looking bemused.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, resting his arms on the counter as he leans forward to look at me more clearly since the unbreakable glass separating us is dirty, making some features indistinguishable.

"That day..." I speak, referring to the day he was arrested and I spent the night getting operated on. "I didn't get to apologize to you properly. I'm here to do that now."

Noah gives me a lopsided smile at that, shaking his head as he breaks into a chuckle. "You're a funny man, Jackson. Pray, why must you apologize?" His eyes fix themselves on me, looking at me with ardent curiosity.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened to Danielle." I see the muscles in Noah's face twitch at the mention of her name. "I'm sorry that she died. I'm sorry that you lost your child. It's not only Christopher Hill's but my fault too. I should have tried harder to stop him. Your wife didn't deserve to become his collateral damage."

The green eyes behind the glass start to shine with something watery. Noah Striker bows his head, biting the edge of his bottom lip as it trembles. "My wife...she..." he falters. "She was a good woman. She had the prettiest smile, and she was kind...I...It hurts, Jackson. It hurts to know that she was some stranger's collateral damage."

"I know...I know how you feel. Your story made me realize what would have happened to me if you had managed to..." I close my eyes, unable to let the words out. Noah lifts his head back to look at me, his throat bobbing as he swallows a gulp. I shake my head, brushing the words off. "Noah Striker...you were a good man and I apologize that you were dragged into this. I...I love my wife. She's the one I can't imagine breathing without and something tells me that that's how much you loved your Danielle. I'm sorry that she was taken from you. You didn't deserve that."

Silence follows my words during which I observe Noah scratching his forearm as he leans back in his chair and looks at the ceiling, tears spilling from his eyes and moving down his cheeks, stopping when they touch his beard. I lean back too, keeping the fingers of one hand intertwined with another as my wedding band shines when the light from the ceiling falls on it. I love when it does that because it reminds me of Claire and thinking about Claire makes me forget everything else.

What must she be doing right now? I am desperate to see her again, desperate to feel her again.

The reminders of the events from two months back have engraved themselves in my mind. I still keep thinking about how close I was to losing her. I don't want to waste one second of being with her now. She is my lifeline.

"You're a good man too, Jackson," Noah breathes into the microphone, snapping me back to the present. I find him giving me a weary smile. "But you're foolish too. Friendship isn't something to lose your honor for. You were an innocent dragged into someone else's shit without complaints. Was it worth it, Jackson? Was Christopher Hill worth the lies?"

Memories flash through my head and I see Christopher Hill in them. Christopher Hill who saved my life when I was drowning myself in cocaine in high school. Christopher Hill who lied to his sister about him being the one who introduced me to it. Christopher Hill loaning me the money to pay off the debts to my dealers because I couldn't gather the courage to come clean to my Dad. Christopher Hill staying up late at night with me, both of us playing our guitars and singing songs because he thought that if he left me, I would go back to drinking again. Christopher Hill introducing me to Thea Willows, his first crush, and his first love, and watching me as I swept her off her feet.

It was he who loved her first; it was me who got jealous. It was he who wanted to ask her out; it was me who did. It was me who betrayed him first; it was he who forgave me with a smile.

He wasn't perfect but he was the best friend people dream to have.

"Yes, he was," I answer. "Thanks for meeting with me, Noah. I appreciate that."

Noah's gaze stays fixed on me like he is making a study of me

"Jackson..." I am about to put down the headset but let it stay when I hear him. He leans closer, until he is just an inch away from the glass, his breath fanning it. "Tell Nina Lewis that she was never a part of it. I did love her and I still do. Tell her...that I married her in my dreams, and when I close my eyes...I see us as a happy family. Tell her this much, will you?"

I look at the man behind the glass, something in me admiring the sense of courage he has. He sacrificed his present love for a love that was dead just because he wanted to give her justice. Justice money wouldn't let him get.

I hope that when he gets out of here, he gets to live a life free of those thoughts but I also hope that I never have to see him again.

He has caused Claire enough trauma to last a lifetime. The very mention of his name makes her shiver. She still wakes up with night terrors, still has that scar on her face which makes her cry and put on heavy layers of make-up while heading out. She will never forgive him.

"Good luck," I tell him and then pull the headset off me, putting it back in its place.

As I get up from the seat, the guards behind Noah haul him back and drag him out of the door. I stare at them until they disappear and then start to head out.

The weather outside is chilly when I step out of the prison gates, making me pull my coat closer to my body. I walk to my car in lazy steps, playing the conversation with Noah in my head. I kick a stone that lies on my path as I recall his crestfallen face and think about all that he lost because of Christopher and me. Our friendship pulled an innocent man on a dark path and even though Noah tried to kill my wife, I can't help but relate to him in some way.

Bad or good, what he did was for love and love drives us all to do crazy things, doesn't it?

When I get inside my car, I begin to think over Noah's question, except this time the answer feels different.

No. Christopher wasn't worth it because I didn't do it for him.

I did it for Claire because I couldn't bear to see her living with the truth of her brother killing himself.

I did it for Claire because I fell in love with her the moment we kissed for the first time and I couldn't see her get hurt.

I did it for Claire because she came before everything.

I did it for Claire because she was my first choice.

I did it for Claire because I will choose her always.

With an unlikely calm smile on my face, I take my phone out of my pocket and type a text to Claire.

I miss you.