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C L A I R E

My stare is fixed blankly on the white hospital floor as I sit with my feet above the seat. The sleeves of my shirt are pulled to my hand, my fingers keeping their hold on them tight. The place is quiet except for the sobs of Doris who has a handkerchief pressed to her nose as she sniffs hard. The waiting room has several anxious faces staring at the double doors. Each time they open and a nurse or doctor steps out, the people flick their gaze at the door, thinking that they bring news of their own.

Tears on my cheeks have dried up, leaving behind stains as I wait and wait.

I have been sitting here for three hours while Vaughn's body is being cut and stitched back by the surgeons in the operating room. He had a pulmonary embolism and the doctors arranged an emergency operation, telling me that his chances of survival are fifty-fifty. The entire family is here, except for my Mom and little Chris. They are at home, waiting for any news.

Doris and Rose are sitting on the bench opposite mine, tapping their feet impatiently. My Dad is busy taking care of the papers and bills while an unwanted person —Thea Willows — paces before me, her legs shaky and her face looking tense.

I am not looking at anyone in particular but for some reason, Thea looks at me which makes our eyes meet. She bites her lip as she takes a few steps forward, taking a seat beside me. I turn back to the floor for comfort, the wait close to killing me already.

Nothing can happen to Vaughn. He needs to survive. He can't just leave me like this. I am the reason he fought with Noah; I am the reason he is in there. If I had been more capable of protecting myself, he wouldn't have had to fight for me. My sorry ass couldn't save myself and now, Vaughn is paying.

I don't want him to leave me. I want him to come back. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

Everything was over. We should have been making amends for my mistakes now. I should have been apologizing to him and he should have been forgiving me. I wasn't supposed to sit here while he gets his body cut open by people wearing masks. Everything was supposed to be fine again.

"I'm sorry..." Thea mutters, letting her soft voice caress my ears. I don't dare to look at her. "He'll be okay, Claire. Don't be sad."

She is trying to comfort me but her voice holds a broken note. It sounds like she is keeping her cries in, not wanting to interfere with the grief Vaughn's family is going through. She has always been that way. The kindest one, the sanest one, the prettiest one.

I rub my cheeks with the sleeves of my shirt, sniffing the liquid dripping down my nostrils back inside.

"You don't have to pretend, Willows," I say to her, my voice sounding dead. "I know your truth. You're allowed to cry too."

I hear her suck in a breath at my words. She glances at her intertwined fingers on her lap before looking back at me. I observe her from the corner of my eye.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

A snicker leaves me. I laugh at the irony of our situation and the way she can lie to my face, even though she knows which truth I am talking about.

"You dated Vaughn for three years and then one night my brother came to you drunk and...things happened..." I gather the courage to look at her as I speak. "He raped you, didn't he?"

Thea's eyes widen, her face quickly going white and she jerks her head away from me. "I don't know what you're talking of. It's nothing like that."

"You don't know?" I nod, my lips carrying a ghostly smile. "Not all of us are fools, Willows. I know the story you didn't tell them. The story where Christopher forced himself on you and instead of telling Vaughn the truth, you lied to him. You lied to him about loving Chris, you forged a relationship based on lies with my brother, because you thought Vaughn would get mad. You thought he loved his best friend more than he loved you so you broke his heart. Even went to the extent of naming your child after his asshole father just because you wanted to prove it. Tell me, Willows, did I get it right?"

A drop of tear falls on Thea's intertwined fingers as she tucks her chin to her chest.

"How...how did you know?" she whispers.

"Because I saw the way you looked at my husband," I say, my voice steady and firm. "And I know that look because that's the way he looks at me."

Thea Willows doesn't react. She keeps quiet, letting more drops of tears wet her lap. A small part of me feels guilty for reminding her of things that she probably never wanted to hear but right now, all I know is that my husband is battling with death and I am here, with his ex-girlfriend, not knowing the course our conversation is taking.

"I do love him." Thea breaks the silence after a while. "But it's no more like the love I had before. Now, he's just...my friend. You don't have to worry about me, Claire."

"I'm not worried about anything." I put my feet down and grab the edge of my seat with my hands, holding it tight. "I'm just sad that you never choose to fight for what happened to you. Christopher didn't deserve to die like that but you deserved justice too. I hate that you didn't fight for it. That you let my brother die with no guilt and I'm sad that you named your child after him. It sucks. Everything sucks and you know what sucks the most?"

I lift my head to look at her as I ask the question and Thea gives me an oblivious look.

"What?"

"Knowing that it should have been you in place of me," I confess, hot liquid pooling in my eyes again. "If you had fought, Thea...it would have been you and that makes me realize that I wasn't Vaughn's first choice and that sucks because he was always mine."

I withdraw my eyes from her, letting the tears slip down. We remain quiet and I put my feet back up on the bench again, impatiently crossing my arms over them and resting my chin on top.

"You're wrong," Thea begins. "You might not have been his first choice but you are the one he chose for life." She touches my elbow gently. "He loves you, Claire. You're the one who's always in his mind. You're the one he is holding on to, even when he is lying there..."

I see her pointing toward the direction of the operating room. I squeeze my eyes shut, not able to bear the sight of it. It has brought me nothing but anxiety for the last three hours. I hate this place. I never wish to be in here again.

'You have to' — my mind says and I shake my head to get rid of the voice in my head.

Not the right time, brain.

"Don't try, Thea." I interrupt her. "Don't try to be my friend. I can never be friends with a woman who's in love with my husband. That's not me."

When my eyes find hers. She looks shattered. She rubs her cheeks with her knuckles, sucking her bottom lip inside her mouth. Unlike me, she has every angle of hers perfect. She is beautiful.

Why wouldn't she be someone's first choice?

I take a glance at my wedding ring on my finger and rub my thumb over it. I bring it to my lips to place a kiss — a kiss of hope.

I hope that he will come back to me.

"Do your son a favor, Willows," I speak softly to Thea while admiring the diamond on my finger. "When he grows up, tell him what his father did. Tell him so that he knows whose footsteps to follow and another thing..." Her eyebrows pinch together when I turn to her. "Stay at the Hill manor."

She looks startled, her fingers touching her chin as she blinks at me. "No, Claire...I can't."

"You're gonna take Chris away from my parents...again?" Thea gulps, puckering her lips, a doubtful look crossing her face. "Please...Willows...don't take Chris away from my parents. They need him and he needs you. My parents...they are good but sometimes, they make mistakes. They love so much that they forget the other part of parenting. You need to stay with them. Stay with them, please..."

It takes me a second to realize that I am holding Thea's hands with both of mine, squeezing them tight. Her skin is smooth and warm, like the skin of a mother's. Her lips shape into a tiny smile as she nods at me. I let go, straightening myself in my seat.

The huge double doors open and Vaughn's surgeon steps out.