41 | heartbreak land - part 1

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C L A I R E

A thousand bells ring inside my head at the same time when I try to open my eyes. Ray of light pierces my eyelids, hurting them, and I have to take deep breaths, hoping that the raging headache would come to a standstill. Pain jitters my nerves, cramps taking over my legs like I am a sixty-year-old woman on her deathbed.

Last night — I remember it as clear as day until the moment when I was held by Mason and he threw me over his shoulder like a sack. Everything after that is a script of blurry images.

My ribs hurt along with my chest, torturing me and making me groan in pain. I am somehow able to snap myself awake and find a glass of water with a pill kept on the bedside table. I quickly drown them both, the coldness of the water quenching my unspoken thirst.

This is worse than any hangover. I am never picking up a drink again.

The medicine starts its work quickly, calming my nerves down and lessening the throbbing in my head. When my wits clear a bit, I find the courage to lift my head to look at my surroundings and the first thing I see lands my heart a sudden jolt.

Vaughn is sitting on top of the vanity, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together and his eyes fixed on me. The top buttons of his shirt are undone, showing glimpses of his chest, and his sleeves are folded randomly. But that's not what scares me. It is the look in his eyes. They are red, fixed, magnetic, and sharp as they focus on me. His jaw is hard, his lips sealed and he looks...angry.

"Vaughn—"

"Happy now?" he cuts me off with a sudden edge in his voice. It strikes a nerve in me and I cringe.

"What?"

I throw the blanket off me and take a step down the bed. I get up on shaky legs and he watches me, not bothering to help when I stumble and have to hold the headboard to steady myself. I look down and find myself changed into one of Vaughn's T-shirts and a pair of black bottoms. Whoever dressed me did it quickly because the trouser is inside out.

"What did you get by doing this, Claire?" Vaughn speaks, getting down to his feet and taking steps closer to me. "What made you think that you had any right over my employees?"

His voice is so unnecessarily loud and harsh that I don't find any words. I just stare at him, my lips parted in shock, my head dizzy with weakness.

"I gave Jake a job to look after you girls and what did you do?" he continues. "You made him defy my orders. You're the only one to be blamed for last night."

Last night? What else happened last night?

Almost instinctively, my hand reaches between my legs, pressing gently. Vaughn follows the movement of my hand with a stern look on his face. I look down at my thighs, peek down my shirt and check my boobs. There is no pain, no marks either. I drop my shirt, lifting my eyes to Vaughn, trembling like a leaf under his cold stare.

"Vaughn...did he..."

"No." Vaughn pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Your friends came just in time to save your dumb ass."

Why is he talking like that?

"Why are you talking that way?" I wince, my voice hollow. "Why are you blaming me for what happened?"

"Because you deserve it!" he snaps, taking another step close and I step back, startled by his actions. "You made Jake leave. You fucking made him leave! Even though I strictly said that he needed to be there."

"Jake was sick!" I shout back. "He would have fainted by another hour. And it wasn't just me, Rose asked him to leave too."

"Rose did it because you did it. Don't you get that little thing inside your head?" He runs his fingers through his hair, spinning around and breathing hard. The muscles in his back are taut and he seems agitated. "You're a bad influence on Rose, Claire. You'll always be one."

"Why are you saying that?" I move past him, standing in front to make him face me. "I...I wasn't that drunk, Vaughn. Mason..." I halt for a second, even his name tasting bitter on my tongue. "...that bastard had something in his drink. I don't know what it was and then—"

"It was spiked, Claire! You let your ex spike you while you were too busy grinding with him."

"I wasn't grinding with him. I was drunk!" My voice rings in my ears as tears trickle down my eyes. My stomach growls in hunger and I just want to close my eyes and sleep for another hour.

How come Vaughn doesn't understand that? He is picking up a fight with me this early in the morning without any valid reason.

I hear his laugh and look up to find him chuckling to himself, his eyes holding an expression of mockery. "Jesus, Claire...you think I would fall for that?" he says between laughs, taking steps back until his legs hit the bed. The mattress dips as he places himself on it.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you clearly love your precious ex, isn't that right?"

My heart freezes, time coming to a still. The sound of birds chirping is the only sound that can be heard in the room as his question sinks into me. Every word pierces my skin like a needle.

Love? I love Mason? I never loved Mason. I have never loved anyone...anyone except...

"No." I shake my head. "I...I don't love Mason. Why are you saying these things? What's wrong with you, Vaughn?"

"What's wrong with me?" Vaughn clenches his hands into fists, shoving himself up from the bed and briskly erasing the distance between us. His tall frame towers over me, shadowing me in what feels like doom. Hands on my shoulders, he pushes me against the wall, pressing his hands on both sides of it, trapping me in between. "What's wrong with us, Claire? What's wrong with you?"

His lips are almost touching the tip of my nose, and his breath smells like alcohol.

"Are you drunk?" I ask, scrunching my nose in disgust at the bad smell. "It's seven in the morning..."

"I don't give a damn!" He slaps his hand on the wall above my head and the sound causes me to hug myself, fear rising through my veins. "I don't give a fuck, Claire. All I care is that you defied my orders, put my sister in trouble, and almost hooked up with your ex in a cheap bar room!"

"I didn't hook up with him!" I shout, pushing him hard and he stumbles back. "And don't act like I'm the cheater here when you have been keeping secrets from me!"

Vaughn's stern expression breaks into something unfamiliar for a second. He stands frozen, looking at me with bewilderment.

"I have been what?"

"I know about Thea. I saw you at the hospital and I know that you have a baby with her!" I scream it all, unburdening my chest.

Another round of silence follows between us, filling in the distance as I breathe hard, gasping softly at the realization of what I said while Vaughn stands there, looking like he has just been informed of the death of someone close. His face is pale, a crestfallen look replacing the cold stare.

Guilt is a strong emotion. It is impossible to hide and unstoppable to feel and guilt is what I see on his face, in the clench of his jaw, in the twitch of a corner of his lips, and in the blink of his eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He shrugs, avoiding my eyes, fixing them on the floor instead.

"You don't know?" I take one step towards him, just one, and he steps back. "You mean to tell me that you didn't lie to my face yesterday? Remember what you said? That Thea was just an employee, they share the same name...blah blah. Why, Vaughn? Why the hell did you lie to me?"

"What did you expect me to do then?" he retorts, coming closer and grabbing me by my arms, his fingers digging into my skin, his chocolate eyes scanning me in a mad frenzy. "What do you want me to do, Claire? Give up my child? Leave them alone? Is that what you want?"

"No! I don't want that." My words come out in sobs, more tears spilling from my eyes. "I...don't care that you have a baby with another woman. That was in your past...I don't care about that. I just...I just..."

"You just what?"

"I just need to know..." I sniffle, rubbing the part under my nose with the back of my hand. "I just want to know if you still love her."

I look at the floor, not able to face him after I let the words escape. The thought has been occupying my head for the last forty-eight hours — her and him. The thought of whether he still loves her, because I can't bear to think that the answer is yes.

When he doesn't reply, I look up and find him appearing distorted, broken, his chest rising and falling heavily.

Please tell me you don't. Please tell me that it was always me. Because for me, it was you. It was always you.

"I do," he says and my world collapses.

My hands drop to my sides, my heart skips beats, and my body gets heavier all of a sudden. A weight tugs at my feet, trying to pull me down but I manage to keep standing.

"No...no, you're lying," I begin, stepping towards him and grabbing hold of the collar of his shirt, brushing my fingers over the exposed skin of his throat. His skin is burning hot, a vein vibrating constantly. "Please don't lie to me, Vaughn. Don't lie again. Tell me that she was just your past. Tell me that you're just friends who have a child. Tell me that and it'll be enough...please...don't lie."

I press my forehead against his chest, sobbing hard. He doesn't touch me, his own heart beating fast against my breastbone, ticking like a broken clock. His hands remain to his sides, clenched to fists.

"I love her," he whispers, more to himself than to me. "I love her so much that it hurts..."

"No, please...don't..." My tears wet his shirt, drenching the material with my pain. "Don't make me regret this. Don't tell me you love another when I'm madly in love with you."

He hitches a breath, his body freezing, the warmth of him penetrating through the material of his shirt and biting my palms as I wait. Wait for him to say something. Wait for him to tell me the truth. Wait for him to tell me that he loves me too.

He doesn't.

Instead, he pushes me away, jerking his hands like he was burned by my touch, and then, he breaks into a laugh. He laughs while I stand there like my feet are glued to the floor.

"Good God, Claire, didn't know you would be so easy..." he chuckles, running a hand through his hair. His face has a feral kind of stillness, one that makes me uncomfortable. "Your parents messed you up pretty bad, huh? You thought I could love you? You?"

He snickers like a madman, like someone who finds the whole situation a Shakespearean comedy, like someone who is in a satirical drama and has to act his best.

"I can never fall for you, Claire," he tells me, amusing himself with my condition. "The only reason I married you was because of your Dad."

"Wh...what?" I stammer, unable to believe him.

"Your Dad...you know, Michael Hill — the supremely annoying guy who despises me like anything." He puts his hands on his hips, staring me down like I were a child. "I knew that marrying you would spite him. I wanted him to see how the man he hates the most is the one who gets to be with his daughter..." He steps towards me with a lazy smile and I back up against the wall, my knees about to give out. "...to make him see how his little girl can be my sweet slut."

He presses his hands on both sides of the wall behind me, keeping me enclosed between his arms again.

"You don't mean that," I murmur, moving my head from left to right. "You don't mean any of that."

His brown eyes hold me in place, the pupils dilating as he returns my stare. It lightens the weight in my chest a little, making me believe his drama is over. That he will end up laughing and tell me that he was just kidding.

"Poor...Claire. You think highly of yourself, don't you?" He takes a strand of my hair and rolls it around his index finger, studying it like a curious object. "What makes you so special, Claire? You think you're too pretty?"

The heavy weight is up again, my breathing getting unsteady when he reverts to his harsh tone. "Vaughn...you—"

"Thea's prettier, nemesis. She is so beautiful. You don't stand a chance against her and especially with your...scar..." He touches my damaged cheek with a finger, pressing lightly and making me wince at the pain it causes. The stitches are yet to dry and he knows that. "I would have considered you but I no longer do. You aren't even pretty anymore..."

Fresh liquid forms in my eyes, hazing my vision and blurring him from view. I sob shamelessly, my hands clutching the ends of my T-shirt.

This is too much. I can't bear this.

"You're breaking my heart, Vaughn," I say, looking at my bare feet. "If you do this, I'll...leave. I'll leave and never come back."

"Then do it, Claire." His hold on my arms tightens and he pulls me closer until the tips of our noses are brushing against each other. The heat between us is scorching as his brown irises gaze into my blue ones. "Get out of my life and never come back."

That sentence acts as the last blow and I push him hard. He moves back and I shove past him to head to the bedside table. With my head spinning and my mind repeating all that he said, I search for my phone and find it on the table, above a stack of Vaughn's books. I pick it up and turn to collide with him. He puts his hand on my waist, steadying me.

"Where are you going?" he asks, faking concern in his voice.

"Somewhere far from you."

Before he can say anything else, I rush past him, my tears drying on their own when I step out of the room and run for the stairs. I hear footsteps following me as I climb down the stairs briskly but brush off their presence.

I walk out of Jackson Manor with an unsteady head and my heart shattered to pieces.


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