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C L A I R E

Memories are scary. They have the power to haunt you every time you close your eyes. I have my share of bad memories too.

The recall starts in simple ways — like the moment in first grade when Kevin Lewinsky dropped noodles on my head, or the time in secondary school when Nina and Jesse got their first boyfriends while no one asked me out, or the time when I had to change myself completely in high school only to find out that I was a victim for stalkers to follow me home, or the day when I came home from prom with my Dad only to find out that my brother was gone forever.

But worst of all, the memory of that day is the one that chills me to my bone. I close my eyes, I see the masked man. I open my eyes and find him still there. My skin crawls when I remember being pressed under him, the glint of the steel knife when it cut my face, leaving me with two viciously ugly lines on my cheek which the doctor said would take a lifetime to vanish for the cut was so deep. I remember the way I ran after I defeated him. It was by sheer luck that he believed my pretense or else, I don't want to think of where I would have been now.

It's been fourteen days of doctor's appointments, my Mom calling me day and night to check on me, Rose and Doris taking care of me, and fourteen days of Vaughn slipping beside me at night and holding me close to him. Sometimes it feels like the memory won't stop replaying, like it will go on and on and that's when I get scared the most.

"Claire?" Vaughn says my name as he slips a hand under the blankets and presses my body to his. "I'm here for you."

He has been telling me that every night for the past week, telling me that he is guilty of not being there for me. I try to tell him that I am fine always but lying feels unfair. I am not okay. I may never be okay.

Yet, I turn to him, shifting my body to find him resting on an elbow as he looks down at me. The room is dark but the half-moon outside gives a little glimpse of his beautiful face. He is dressed in a plain white T-shirt and trousers, smelling of fresh soap and his hair is wet from the shower. I see the dark circles below his eyes and feel pity for him.

He has been working all week and not just doing office work. He spends his day calling all the officers hired in the investigation, all of whom give him disappointing results. They don't want to share anything other than the necessary details for fear that the media might get their hands on the reports and cause chaos. The Jackson family is always on their radar and they want to avoid anything which may derail the investigation. Pretty useless people if I have to comment.

Vaughn spends his afternoons and evenings locking himself in his study and working on his projects. He has avoided going to the office till I get better, scared of leaving me alone for another second and I don't know what to make of it.

How long will this go on? Am I even capable of defending myself without him? I have no self-defense training except for the ones I saw in movies but is that something I can depend upon? What if the killer comes back? How will I stop him then?

"Vaughn?" I say, swallowing a gulp. "I want to learn how to fight."

He silently observes me for some time with a bemused expression before getting up to a sitting position, making me get up too and sit beside him. He pulls his knees to his chest, crossing his feet at the ankles as he rests his forearms on his knees, his fingers tugging at his hair.

"You want to hire an instructor or would you be okay with Rose teaching you?"

My lips part in surprise. I was expecting him to give me one of the manly speeches men usually give to women. Something like 'You don't need any training. I'm your husband, I'll protect you.' At least that's what I heard my father say to my mother whenever she asked him the same.

"So, you're okay with it?" I ask, not hiding the amusement in my voice. "You won't mind?"

"Why would I mind, Claire? You fucking need it!" He closes his eyes and presses the sides of his nose with his index fingers. "I think it's better if Rose teaches you. I don't want to invite a third person into the house."

"Why can't you teach me?" I touch his shoulder with one hand and with the other one, I reach for his chin and make him face me. "Chris told me that you know martial arts. Why can't you train me?"

"I..." His cheeks flush red and he bites his lip. "I can't, Claire. I'm not allowed to."

"What do you mean?" I get on my knees, dragging them until I am in front of him so that we are both facing each other. "You mean because of your work at the office? I understand that Vaughn, but maybe you can spare me just a few hours a week. That should do. Right?"

He gives me a faint, barely-there smile while the look in his eyes dull, something sad replacing the warmth.

"Claire..." He grabs my hands, lifting my knuckles to his lips and pressing a soft kiss. "Chris was right. I used to learn martial arts but I stopped four years ago."

"Why? Did something happen?"

"That accident...it injured me badly," he begins, looking at our joined hands with a blank look. "I...I got a blood clot in my heart. The doctors had to perform surgery to unclog it. Ever since then, I have been warned against injuring myself in any way. They said that if the clot comes back, which it is very likely to, I might not survive. It's one of the reasons I get nosebleeds often. I can fight but if I get injured, it'll cost me my life."

I suck in a breath, my body going cold at his words. When I don't say anything, he lifts his head to meet my eyes. He squeezes my hands softly, licking his lips.

"I'm sorry if you're embarrassed to hear that," he continues. "I know it feels like a coward to be afraid to die...but it's not my choice, Claire. My death won't be my own. It'll end my family with me and I can't let that happen. My mom and sister are dependent on me. This house, this business that my father worked so hard for...it's all on my shoulders now. If I die, it all dies with me and if that makes me a coward to death, then be it. I'm not sacrificing my family for that."

He releases my hands, shifting his body to put his feet down from the bed. He leans forward with his elbows on his knees, haphazardly rubbing his face. My heart beats steadily as it replays his words in my mind. I had little idea about Vaughn's treatment. Ever since the accident, the connection between our families was cut-off for more than a few months. It was only after time passed that things settled down with the heat still high.

I drag my knees towards him again. The movement makes him look at me and I lift a hand to touch his hair, letting the short stands slip out from between my fingers. Without further thought, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him close until my head is lying on his shoulder.

"Vaughn..." I whisper in his ear. "I'm not embarrassed by you. Never ever think like that again."

He moves his hands, circling my waist and hugging me back as he presses his lips on my shoulder, inhaling soft breaths. We stay like that for a while, with his chest against mine, his fingers playing with the strands of my hair as we sway rhythmically.

When I pull away, I find the smile on his face back. "Thanks, blondie."

"Will Rose teach me then?" I ask, my hands moving to the hem of his T-shirt and he lifts his hands as I make him slip out of it. I lean forward and place a kiss on his neck.

"She will. She forced me to teach her years ago." He laughs, putting a hand on the nape of my neck and bringing our mouths together for a delicious kiss.

I part his lips with my tongue and slip it in to meet his. He tastes of the mint toothpaste in our bathroom mixed with cinnamon. He pulls me to his lap as we kiss and slips a hand under my T-shirt, pressing one of my boobs hard. I am not wearing a bra underneath and that makes his touch even more exciting.

I break away from him and hurriedly get rid of the T-shirt. It touches the stitches on my face and I wince.

"Be careful," Vaughn says, helping me out of the T-shirt. I find him looking at the damaged side of my face with his jaw set, anger crossing his eyes. "I'm sorry he did this to you..." He touches my undamaged cheek and brushes his thumb over the cheekbone, speaking softly. "I promise he will pay for it. Whoever he is, he'll pay."

"It's fine," I chuckle, throwing my T-shirt somewhere in the room and cupping Vaughn's face to kiss him again. "As long as I have you and your promises, I doubt I need to worry."

He flips me over, making me lie on my back as his fingers work on my bottoms, pulling them down. "Can I?"

I nod slowly. We haven't had sex in the past two weeks. He didn't even touch me, afraid that I might get repulsed after the trauma I have been through. Tonight, I feel a little bit braver after hearing him share his story. If he can learn to sacrifice a part of himself to live for his family, then I can be my old self too. No masked man can take that away from me.

Soon, our clothes are scattered on the floor and he thrusts inside me in one swift move after putting a condom on. Since the doctor included an anxiety med on my list of medicines, she asked me to avoid taking the birth-control pill for the time being until my course is over. It disappoints me a little since I like having Vaughn bare inside me but at least we can still have sex.

I wrap my legs around his back as he puts an arm around the top of my head. He hides his face in the crook of my neck, groaning as our hips roll together and my eyes squeeze shut, the heat between us intensifying. His fingers move to my clit, playing with it, pushing me closer to the edge.

It is perhaps in that moment that I feel the first flicker of that emotion. The emotion that has never been mine and all of a sudden, the need in me rises much more and I find myself pressing him closer, even though we are at the closest connection shared between two people. Still, it's not enough. I am craving something more. Much more than sex. Tears sting my eyes at the realization.

This isn't enough. Something is wrong with me. I am craving Vaughn Jackson's heart and that's not something I should be doing. This is supposed to be for six months. I can't ask more of him just because he is being affectionate to me. He has always been affectionate, even when he was forbidden.

My walls clench around him, muscles tightening, and with another thrust of his hips against mine, I come undone with him following just behind me.

"Vaughn..." I whisper in a shaking voice when we have come down from our highs. "Please don't make me fall in love with you."

Silence is his only response.