Chapter 44. [mature]

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CHAPTER 44: the nightmare before Christmas

[MATURE SCENES]

[lol, not really a sex scene, but it's pwetty mature. ps. it's not even between the main characters pahaha]

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Do you ever just get it where you want to crawl into a hole and just die?

Because I'm currently feeling like that right now. Out of all the stupid ideas Darren has ever had, this is taking the mick now. Even kissing another girl the day after he slept with me doesn't sound as stupid as this.

"There is no way in hell I'm bunking with you," I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest, "what kind of idea is that?"

"Oh, come on, it'll sort out everyone's problems. If you sleep in my room, Nicole won't have to sleep on the couch. Surely you're not going to let your own best friend, the person who organised this whole thing sleep on the couch whilst we sleep on comfy mattresses." the cheek of this guy sometimes. I would do anything for Nicole and I love her to pieces, but I will definitely not sleep in the same room at Darren. It's hard tolerating him right now so he wouldn't last a night in the same room as me. He may know how to punch, but I'm smart and quick on my feet.

"Kelly, you don't have to, you know?" Nicole spoke up from where she was stood. She shot Darren a deathly glare that he simply ignored, "I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

"Oh, but Nicole, that's just unfair. You deserve to sleep on a bed for all your hard work." Darren's voice was sharp like needles and to be honest, I'm about to slice his tongue off. He was mocking me, using my friends to his advantage like he does to everyone. God, he's so fucking infuriating.

"I am not bunking with you. I am not sleeping in the same room as that jerk," I told everyone simply. Some of the others avoided my gaze, wanting to not get involved. It was just fucking perfect that Darren wanted to share a room with me. What's he going to do? Fuck me until I'm begging on my knees? Fuck no, absolutely not. I'm done with the jokes and instead of acting mature and sensible about it, he's pushing my buttons like an overexcited kid, "no, I don't want to."

"Oh, come on Kelly. Just get over it because right now, you're ruining this trip for all of us. I've grown to get over it so you should as well," Darren spoke up, his voice low and piercing through the silence. Cassidy stood up and placed an arm over my shoulders in comfort.

Get over it.

That's what everyone fucking says to me. If I was over it, I wouldn't be this pissed off.

It was easier to say than to do when the guy I love is thriving through a good life and then there's me, in deep pain and not getting over what happened. Sure, I lived with it haunting my dreams of being abandoned, but I never truly got over it. I just couldn't. I wish I did, but it was just damn near impossible.

"It's fine," I started as Darren's eyes met mine, "I'm telling you this now, Nicole that you deserve to sleep in a proper bed not some couch. I'll be fine here, don't worry."

"No, no, you can't. I can't let you do that, Kels." Nicole stood up from the carpet, a frown on her face, "no, you can bunk with Cass and Coco. There's a spare mattress somewhere so you can get that out if you want."

I simply shook my head and placed some of my things on the couch before collecting my glasses from my bag and putting them on to look at the clock in the distance. I smiled at Nicole before making my way to the kitchen in a hurry.

"I'll be fine on the couch, don't worry. Trust me on this. This'll be a good holiday so I'll get started on the food. Anyone want to help me out?" Cass and Jaxon decided to help me in the kitchen, which was away from everyone else, but even then I could still hear the hushed whispers of the others to Darren.

'Just stop where you're at before you push it.'

I could specifically hear that, but even then, it didn't make the feeling better. Darren was sat in there smirking his ass off whilst I was stuck in the kitchen away from him. Still, cooking a meal for everyone tonight might make me feel better.


...and it did.

I was soon singing Christmas songs with Jax and Cass as we prepared the table and placed food on plates. Everyone was coming out of their rooms after placing their stuff there and the familiar talking and shouting of the boys brought me out of my thoughts and soon, I helped serve the dishes before placing my plate down at the end of the table.

"Kelly, are you coming to join us?" Brielle asked, her voice soft as I walked over to my bag to get something out from it. I nodded, looking up to smile at her and I pushed my glasses up. My bauble. My special bauble that my father got for me made out of glass. It was small and had a picture of my grandmother in it as well as the date of her death.

15th December

I smiled as I held it delicately in my hands. Tomorrow would be the day it all ended, when my dad cried tears of sadness as his mother died. She had always treated me well and cared for me when dad was working and mom had left, but she always told me that one day, I would be at peace with everything and that I wouldn't be sad anymore and every year, on the anniversary of her death, I always wish the same thing. That she would be back.

I placed it in my pocket for later and headed back to the table and sat in my place. The food we made tasted delicious and everyone wouldn't stop talking about how good it was. My eyes focused on my plate as I just ate in silence the whole time. Nicole settled in the seat across me, her plate full of food as she smiled at me.

"Hey," she started, tucking into her food. I stabbed a bit of potato with my fork and placed it in my mouth, "you really don't have to sleep on the couch for this trip. I don't mind sleeping there."

"No, it's fine honestly. I know I'm supposed to be over everything by now, but to tell you the truth, I just can't. I've tried and all I can do now is make sure this trip is enjoyable for everyone." my voice was quiet, loud enough that Nicole would hear, but not loud enough that everyone else could hear. She simply just nodded, her eyes telling me she didn't believe a single word of what I had just said.

Dinner went on forever with the endless jokes and gossip within our group and when we brought out dessert, everyone simply couldn't wait to get their hands on the cake we had made. Plates were passed around along with forks as I began to slice the cake into equal sections. The cake was big enough that people could have more than one square to themselves, but we all knew that by tomorrow, most of the remaining pieces would be gone due to Jaxon's late night antics.

"Wow, this cake is amazing. Who cooked it? I bet it was you, Cassidy," Darren spoke, his mouth full of cake as he tucked in. A small smile landed on my face as I placed a bit in my mouth. To be honest, Cassidy and Jaxon were mostly in charge of the starter and main course whilst I did the dessert, but thanks anyway. Cassidy's eyes found mine along the table to her as she awkwardly coughed in response.

"Actually, you have Kelly to thank for this wonderful cake," she told him, pointing to me. I pretended not to notice, but I could see out of the corner of my eyes that he was grinning like a little kid, "did it all herself. Cheers to that, Kels."

I giggled, nodding as I settled back on my seat. The next few minutes were full of satisfied noises from the people around me, which made my heart swell with a warm tingly feeling. Jaxon helped himself to as much as possible before his brother snatches his plate from him, scolding him once again.

"Kelly, a cook? Who would have thought?" Darren mumbled to the others as if I didn't hear when in reality, he wanted me to hear him. Coco shot him a glare as Michael gave him a pointed look. My eyes fluttered in the other direction, trying to ignore that nagging feeling in my heart. The nagging that made my heart raw with mixed emotions.

"She is a great cook, thank you very much and I'm sure everyone here will agree," Coco spoke loudly as I saw the others nod in response, completely oblivious to the statement from before. Oh, Darren. He never failed to disappoint me.

I soon went into the kitchen and began to wash the dishes. Wiping the last one dry, I placed it on the dish rack and turned around, my eyes meeting Darren's. I yelped in surprise, jumping back and gripping onto the counter for support. He was just stood there looking at me for God knows how long like creepy much.

"Shit, don't do that," I spoke simply as he released a light chuckle. Oh God, don't flutter now butterflies. You're supposed to hate him, "what do you want?"

"That isn't any way to talk to a friend." I knew he wanted to get under my skin and humiliate me the same way I did to him, but I spoke facts and he's just throwing a tantrum because I'm right. Even if my heart struggled to get over him, does that necessarily allow him to make snarky comments about me? I don't think so. I snorted in response before turning around again and gripping the bauble in my hand. Breathe, girl, breathe.

"You're a friend now? Since when?" I asked as I could sense him shrug before walking towards me. His feet carried him around the island and to me where he stood there, hands deep in his pockets, "last time I checked, you hated me."

"I never hated you." yeah, because making comments behind my back like that really makes you a great friend. I closed the cupboard and turned around to face him, releasing a breath and placing a hand upon my hip.

"Why won't you leave me alone? I humiliated you so can't you just do what everyone else does in this situation and stay away from me? Please, for my sake," I said, my grip on the bauble tightening even more. If I don't stop, I might break it.

"Why should I stay away from you if I'm the one who's trying to make this holiday less difficult for everyone? You're being immature and I'm not pissed at you for what you said that day. You don't know a single thing about that girl and yet you think you can just make judgements." Oh my God, just shut the fuck up. Of course, I'm being difficult, you had your tongue shoved another girl's throat the day after we had sex! I laughed bitterly before rolling my eyes. Oh, is he going to get a roasting or what?

"What has this girl got anything to do with the situation? Let's go back to the original problem here. Maybe then you'll realise what my point is exactly." he scoffed before glaring down at me. I gulped under his sharp gaze. It was sharp enough that you could slice through anything with it with ease, "you know when you took me out that evening and we went to that hotel?"

He nodded simply as I continued.

"I didn't know whether you were drunk or not, but you told me you loved me. You said I was the most beautiful girl you've ever met and you—well, you know. Anyway, in the morning, you were gone and there was not text, no missed calls—not even a note and when I get to school, you were kissing another girl. Do you seriously not realise how fucked up that is? You can't just lead a girl on like that. She might genuinely love you a-and I did. I still do. That hasn't changed, but I can't just let you do this to girls and expect them to not be hurt."

"For the record, that girl kissed me first," he said as I scoffed, my brows furrowing together. So what if she kissed you first? Just because she did, doesn't mean you didn't have the choice but to return it.

"'That girl' is supposedly someone who loves you. See, this is what I'm talking about. You can't just keep moving from one girl to the next. I know you're young and you want to be free of anything, but some of these girls really loved you. I just want you to be happy so I can't force you to change your ways—"

"She didn't love me, okay? She just came up to me and kissed me! I don't know why I kissed her back! I don't even know what was going through my head that time!" I stared at him in shock as he continued to shout. Someone was going to hear soon and come downstairs, "look, I don't care if I'm shouting right now, but will you for once stop thinking about your ego and listen!?"

Oh, I see how it is. Quite frankly, the situation had taken a turn for the worst because I had no idea what was going on nor did I understand anything that he was saying. Is he mad that I'm not hearing his excuses or is he mad that I'm mad? Who knows at this moment in time?

"This has nothing to do with my ego. I'm just standing up for the girls who got their hearts broken falling for you so don't you dare say this is about me because you know for a fact that I'm just telling the damn truth," I told him, my voice spitting as I glared up at him. His eyes bore into mine like he was telling me to stop now before it was too late, "you know what? Forget it. I can't believe I even bothered in the first place."

I spun on my heel and walked off around the island and towards the door to the room where everyone was currently having hot cocoa by the fireplace. Darren was quick though and he tailed behind me before grasping onto my arm tightly.

"No, this isn't over. I'm not going to have you thinking I'm a shitface jerk for the rest of this holiday. What exactly have I done wrong? You know what kind of person I am yet you still sleep with me knowing damn well I don't do strings attached! You've made yourself look like a fool in front of everyone and for the record, we're not dating so stop telling me what I can and can't do."

"For fuck's sake, Darren. How could you be so blind right now?" I exclaimed, pulling my arm away from his grip, "I loved you. I fucking loved you and you used me! I don't even want to look at you right now so just leave me alone!"

"Kelly, will you just listen to me?" he pulled at my arm, forcing me forward as I dropped the bauble. It fell on the floor with a shatter, the glass pooling at my feet. The picture of my grandmother was there, lying in the grass as I gasped, my hand covering my mouth.

Everyone soon suddenly enters when they hear the smash of glass and see Darren's hand still wrapped around my arm. Brielle comes over and a hand goes over her mouth as well. The only thing I had to remember my grandmother by was smashed to pieces on the ground. The empty feeling had settled in my soul, the same feeling I felt when my mother walked out on me.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Michael spoke suddenly as everyone's eyes averted to the hand tightly wrapped around my wrist.

"Darren, come here," Owen spoke simply, his voice piercing through the air. The girls were whispering to each other, asking what had happened and Owen's glare hardened on Darren, "Darren!"

He let go of my arm as it fell by my side and he walked off. Everyone soon followed after him except Brielle. She remained there as I bent down slowly to pick up the broken pieces of glass. Well, it just broke into four or five pieces of glass, not much and maybe fixable, but I don't think it would be good to put my grandmother's picture in broken glass stuck together with glue.

My eyes roamed over the picture as I slowly picked it up as well, my fingers going numb. I felt my eyes well up with fresh tears and I sniffled lightly before feeling one run down my cheek. Out of habit, I wiped it away as quickly as it arrived and another followed. Brielle helped me stand up and brought me in for a hug. I didn't resist and I let her hug me before she let me go.

"Don't worry. It'll be fine. We'll fix it, okay?" I shook my head again before going over to the bin and chucking the glass in it before gripping onto the picture for dear life. My chest tightened with pain, but I just looked at Brielle, dead in the face.

"It's broken. I can't fix it," I whispered, shaking my head and walking around the island to the window. I sat down on the window sill and leaned my head back against the wall behind me to stare at the snow falling outside in the dark. The dark blue hue of the sky illuminated the room as the snow created shadows in the room.

I could sense Brielle try to reach out to me, but stopped and peacefully walked out of the room, knowing full well I wanted to be alone. It just seemed better that way. To not be around anyone. I didn't want to be around anyone right now. I knew that I had become such a problematic person to the others and I was only ruining this holiday for everyone by holding a grudge, but it was so damn hard to be around everyone when Darren was there.


I stared out of the window, completely losing track of how long I've been sat in the same place. My ass cheeks ached from being sat in the same position for a long period of time. The snow outside continued to fall, my eyes following after certain snowflakes as I sighed. My eyes averted to the clock across the room briefly to see it had gone past nine. Some of the others are probably getting ready for bed right about now, I thought, I should start getting ready soon as well.

As I lowered my legs over the side of the ledge, the door opened and Darren walked in, closing the door slightly. I simply sighed, running my hands through my knotted hair before looking at him and expecting another snarky remark.

"Kelly, I'm sorry," he spoke simply. I rolled my eyes in response because he could say that again and again and I would hopelessly believe it because I was dumb and liked him, "don't cry. This is supposed to be a fun holiday."

I laughed bitterly in return. It would be if he didn't keep opening his big mouth.

"This would be a fun holiday if it wasn't for the fact I lost something so precious to me. I know you didn't know I had it, but...I'm just done fighting. I'm done seeing you try to piss me off and to have it work and I'm tired of forcing myself to believe that what happened isn't a big deal. After all, I'm just like every other girl, Darren. You don't have feelings for me and you definitely don't do love. It's pointless and hard work." he sat himself on the armrest of the couch as I pointed out everything he said to me about love. How much he despised it and how much he thought the world was better off.

"Yeah and that's my opinion. You thought we could've been something when you know that I hate everything about love. You put yourself in this mess," he spoke, his voice cold and sharp. I couldn't even look at him right now. Instead, I turned to face the window, calming myself down in case I would say something I would regret later.

"That's not the point," I whispered, "you had a choice. You should've told me, knocked some sense into me before I allowed myself to get hurt. I should've listened to my instincts, but you should've stopped me—and that girl. That girl who supposedly kissed you—"

"What about her now? I already said she meant nothing to me. Just like every other girl in the school, she's fucking jealous. Jealous that she isn't you." currently, I had no idea what was going on and what we're arguing about now. Darren

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