CHAPTER 26: nobody ever understood

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I relived the memories from my past through my mind. Whenever I thought about it hard enough, the more I thought about it and the more it hurt. I lost a lot of people that I cared about that year. Nothing could change the fact that 2016 was one of the worst years for me.

My boyfriend left me for my enemy.

I lost my best friend in the fire...

...and I lost Owen.

He left and he never came back and when he did, he had changed and I hated it. Maybe it was the fact he was growing up, becoming a man, but he became selfish and violent. When I tried to talk to him, he either snapped at me or shouted at me. We had drifted completely and soon, my heart replaced the hurt with anger and I acted upon that to argue back at him whenever I could, making snarky remarks when he turned around.

To be honest, I'm surprised we haven't fought yet. We used to hate each other's guts to the point where we couldn't even be in the same room together without arguing. Before, Jaxon used to separate us from ripping each other apart, but when he stopped bothering, we just shouted and shouted until the principal couldn't take it anymore. I was a student that excelled in every subject, who was good at anything I put my heart and soul into so the principal took Owen out of school so that we could both cool our heads.

Ever since then, we've resorted to the occasional remark, but nothing more than that. Whilst he flirted with me, I made the kind of jokes that told him if he wasn't careful, he might end up with his head so far up his ass.

"Is your mom still away?" he asked that morning as Jasmine ran around, circling our chairs in excitement. It must've been the new treats Jaxon bought her. He's exactly the same with sweets, "if you want, I'll take you to the river. Kiara said it's going to be quite humid today. We can go swimming."

"No thanks," I spoke before pointing to my hair, "I just got my hair done yesterday and I don't want to ruin it yet."

He nodded and we sat in comfortable silence, the birds tweeting in the trees of the early morning. Owen ran a hand through his face, knocking the sleep out of his eyes. His hair was a mess and he refused to put on a shirt, no matter how many times me or Kiara told him to.

"You know we played beer pong a few days ago?" he asked, sitting up in his chair as he turned to look at me. I'm surprised he's even in the same room as me whilst I'm sat in a white tank top and my avocado print short shorts with a face with no makeup on. I pursed my lips together and nodded, "well, can you remember what happened after because my mind went blank after a few rounds?"

I don't get drunk a lot, but when I do, I literally get hammered like even when I'm already drunk, I'm not afraid of knocking down a few more shots until I blackout. Still, he can't expect me to remember anything that night. Everything was one big blur to me.

"Sorry, but I'm not exactly the person you should be asking. After all, I got pretty hammered too."

"Hey, do you guys want anything?" Jaxon popped his head through the kitchen window. The smell of breakfast wafted through my nose, but I had already helped myself to the cereal boxes on the top shelf cupboard above the sink. I shook my head, Owen joining me after.

"No thanks. We've already eaten." I wasn't sure if Owens actually already eaten, but he didn't seem hungry. Jax nodded before his head disappeared through the window again. Hmm, why is it that I can smell burning?

Never mind, I don't want to know.

"How are things with your parents? I presume you're fathers still bothering you?" Owen piped in and I turned to see him not facing me and instead, looked at the horizon.

"Things are alright. Obviously, moms away, but she calls me every day. Dad though...well, I haven't heard from him since that last letter." each word replayed in my mind. I never memorised it, but I've read it so many times I probably did it unintentionally. My mind just couldn't stop thinking about how chilling and scary those words sounded.

"I understand that it's not easy dealing with people like that. I've had my fair share in the past and trust me, it's creepy as fuck."

"How do you get past it then?" I asked and he closed his eyes, thinking about it before speaking up.

"I just realise this is the life I chose. Obviously, I'm going to be expecting the unexpected. It could be worse. I could be being tortured to death right about now." that...was certainly an interesting perspective on the situation, but he's right. I could be in a worse situation. Plus, dad hasn't really spoken out about everything yet.

"I...guess," I spoke and a thought suddenly occurred to me. How come Owen never talks about his parents? I mean, I can tell why he doesn't, but still. Reliving your greatest childhood memories is how I stay happy, "who do you resemble more? Your mother or your father."

That got his attention because now he was fully turned in my direction, staring at me quizzically. Sure, the question was random, but good conversation starters ensure things weren't awkward.

"What's brought this on then?" he asked as I shrugged.

"I don't know. I just wanna know I guess."

"I guess I resemble my dad more. He was a courageous man, who never gave mercy on the people who hurt his family. My father was tactical and smart, but he was stubborn as fuck and only my mom can control him. She played her cards right and managed to get dad to shut up." looking back Owen, he does resemble his dad a lot. I've only ever seen pictures of him around his house, but Owen looked so much like him.

"What about you?" he asked and turned to me with a smile, "when I look at you, I think you look like your mother a lot. You have her blonde hair and smile, but you also have her personality. Quiet and reserved unless you're around the right people. Then you're like a firecracker."

I snorted before laughing loudly as I pulled my legs up to me so I can hug them. I buried my face in my arms as I laughed. Okay, so it wasn't that funny, but Owen seemed so sure he was right and he had a right to feel that way. Only around certain people did I act a certain way and Owen was quick to pick up on the way I acted.

"How do you even know how my mother acts?" I asked and he shrugged, his hand covering his eyes as he pointed to a picture inside the house. It was a portrait of his mother and I nodded. His mother and my mother used to be friends. I still remember how my mother couldn't stop talking about her so I guess it must've been the same back.

"I'm just so incredibly smart, you know?" he spoke up again, his tone of voice tired but still full of humour.

"Oh, shush, you. You have a brother with no brain," I spoke jokingly as Owen scoffed, leaning back in his seat.

"Now we're bringing family into this? Okay, it's on. It's on. My mother used to say your mother had such bad bedhead. Nice to know you inherited that same thing from her." my mouth fell as I gaped at him in mock offence.

How do you even inherit bad bed head?

"Okay, okay, well, you're so antisocial, I wouldn't be surprised if a potato talked to more people than you."

"But potatoes don't talk—"

"That's the point." I pointed out, speaking up suddenly.

"Well, you're just like your dad, you know? You just love to run away from responsibilities." that was when I stopped laughing almost immediately, a frown landing on my face. Turning to look at him, Owen was chuckling loudly.

Oh, why did he have to bring it up? I thought. I mean, he could've roasted me another way, but to bring up my dad? Really?

It didn't seem to faze him whatsoever that my dad wasn't an easy subject to talk about especially after what he did to my mom. That time he brought drugs into our family home was like a slap in the face to mom. She couldn't bear to have him even a metre away from me. She wanted him gone, out of my life so he couldn't hurt us anymore.

My father gave up on us. He thought we weren't worth the fight anymore nor did he acknowledge us as his family. But I fought. I fought hard to keep him in my life, hoping to have the dad I loved back in my life yet he puts me in danger. He puts his own wife in danger.

A sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach and no matter how hard I tried, the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. My hands shook lightly as every memory of my past flooded through my head. My mouth became as dry as the Sahara desert and my heart clenched with devastation and pure hate towards the one man I thought would always treat me like his princess.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" he spoke as he looked in my direction, a grin on his face. My frown deepened and my hair fell forward, "Blondie, you okay?"

I sniffled slightly and a tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek. Why does this always have to happen to me? Once I'm happy, people always remind me why I wasn't. I was sick of it. Sick of people feeling sorry for me or reminding me my dad wasn't coming back.

"I-I know you were, but it still hurt," I whispered quietly as I wiped the tears away. Stupid, stupid tears, I thought, great, now I'm just being over dramatic. 

"I know it hurts. Of course, it hurts, but I still don't know why you're doing this to yourself. That man, your father, he's done so much to make your life shit. He had the audacity to mess with my gang. He's a worthless man, Brielle." for some reason, I just couldn't stop my rage for him. Like everyone else, he just didn't understand. I wasn't made of tough material. I crack when I'm under pressure and for god's sake, give me a break.

"Owen, this isn't about your gang," I snapped before groaning in frustration, "it's the fact I've stood up to mom for him and suddenly, he stops giving a shit about me, about mom. L-Like what have I done wrong? Why did he stop loving us? People! Everyone! They say it gets better, but it doesn't and I'm tired of people saying it." by now, I was pulling at my hair, scrunching my eyes shut with force.

"You don't deserve what's happened to you. No one does. A man like him doesn't deserve to have a family like you and your mother. What he did was toxic like he hit your mother and he lied to you. Will you, for once, stop feeling sorry for yourself!" he shouted it at my face as if it were some kind of Rom-com drama. I stared up at him in shock as my tears stung my eyes. All of the anger that I held in just went away and the more I looked at him, the more his words just hurt me. Did he really have to shout at me?

I breathed heavily and his facial expression changed from a glare to a look of worry and concern. His blue eyes held nothing but worry that he had pushed me away or scared me. Me, on the other hand just shrunk back from his touch and my eyes stung even more. I wouldn't have minded if he forced all that stuff in my head, but he shouted. He shouted at me and it just felt too much like...

Like...

Like dad when he was mad at me or mom.

"I have to go," I spoke quickly, getting up from my chair and reaching for the handle of the door. Owen quickly pushes the door closed again and looks down at me.

"Wait, I didn't mean to—"

"No, no, it's fine. Just leave me alone." I slapped his hand away from the door before opening it and walking inside. Jaxon was still busy cooking breakfast and blasting music through his headphones so our presence was barely sensed by him.

"Brielle, I'm sorry. I really am, but you know what I said was true." I'm sorry, what? What did he say? Does he have some sort of track record on my family because the last time I checked, nobody knew anything?

"So what if it was true? Are you going to shout at me again just to prove a point?" I snapped and before I could even stop myself, I spoke. I spoke those words that I would regret for the rest of my life, "you don't understand! No one ever understood how it felt to lose a father!"

My heart was pounding against my chest as those sick words replayed in my mind. I never meant it! I never meant it! Ugh, why did I say that to him? Quickly, I made my way towards the stairs before someone grabs my arm with strength. I winced slightly, feeling myself being pulled back. As I looked up, Owen's jaw was clenched angrily as he glared down at me.

"Oh, trust me, when my parents were shot dead on the night my family was reunited, I'm pretty sure I understand quite well. At least you grew up with your father, unlike me and Jaxon. He was taken from us because of the kind of life we lived in so you better be fucking grateful for what you had because thanks to my parents being dead, I've lost my kindness, I've lost my patience and I've lost all hope of love!"

I pulled my arm away from him before glaring at him back. He stared down at me with such a glare that it could knock anyone off their feet. Does he think he can get away with treating me like that? What I said was a mistake. I know that, but when he results in violence to put some sense into me, that's when I officially need to put him in his place.

"I'm sorry I said that stuff about your parents, okay? You may have not grown up with your parents, but at least they still love you. You know that they still love you, but me, I know that mine doesn't anymore. He did once and because of that, I had a happy childhood, but when he stopped, my world fell apart. He may not care, but I still do. I always will. Nobody will understand that I can't just get over what he did to me so I'm sorry if I can't get over it." with that, I stalked up the stairs, not saying another word to him.

I was wrong for saying that. I know I was. I'll always be sorry for saying that to him because I know the kind of person I am. I would never say that stuff about anyone. So again,

I really am sorry I spoke that way. I'll never do it again. Your parents love you with all their hearts. Your mother treasures you and your father's proud of you.

If only my father cared enough to stay.

END OF CHAPTER 26

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I don't really know how I feel about this chapter because in my head, it just seems like a petty argument, but I guess they both have pretty stubborn personalities so hey, I just winged it. Spoiler alert: I'm very sure they're gonna make up.