chapter twenty

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Often times I have wondered what it will feel like to die. Well, after all of those years of questioning, I'm finally getting my answer and I'm not loving it too much. For some reason my airway is closed off and I can't breathe. My eyes flash open and there's Miles right above me with his hands around my throat. I claw at his hands and I kick and squirm, but he doesn't budge.

    I can't breathe.

    "I came back for you, Evans." Miles growls and I feel like a fish out of water with the way my lungs scream for help. "But this time you won't be saved." Tears puddle in my eyes but don't spill. That would take too much effort that I don't have.

    My mouth is gasping but the air won't go down. I'm going to die. This is it. I have no way out and for some reason I feel a little bit relieved. After all the misery I have been through, I am finally finding a way out. I stop kicking. I stop struggling. I simply let my hands rest at my sides. Hopefully I will find my dad and Mitch in whatever comes next. Maybe I will finally get my family back. I close my eyes.

    Then they fly open.

    I sputter and cough, gasping the precious oxygen that finally reaches my lungs but find it a little unneeded. That when I scream. My knees come to my chest, my arms hug them to my body, and I rock back and forth sobbing. The sheets were thrown off of my body at some point and as the door flies open, a chill shakes my body.

    "You're waking everyone up, Freak." Someone reprimands but stops before continuing. I keep sobbing and rocking while the person just stands there staring. A second set of footsteps approaches and stops short. Then a third and a forth but I do nothing. I act as though they are not all watching me totally breaking down. I continue on as if they aren't observing me go insane.

One of the men approaches without stopping. This guy comes all the way into the room, comes right up to me, before scooping me up in his arms. My sobbing fades immediately at his touch and I burrow myself into his body welcoming the warmth.

"You're safe now." Parker's voice soothes and I whimper. My feet gently sway as he walks me off somewhere. "It was just a dream, love. Nothing to be scared of. You're alright; you're safe." His voice is low like a murmur and I can feel his words against my ear. A door opens and closes before I feel Parker begin to peel me from his body. I clutch him tighter.

"You have to let go, love." He attempts and my fingers dig into his shoulder.

"N-no." My voice shakes. "If you l-leave, he'll f-find me. He'll t-try to kill m-me again." I hiccup at the end and struggle to not start crying again. "Please d-don't let him h-hurt me again." Parker's body is rigid against mine. His breathing is shallow and his arms are stiff as they hold me to him.

"Who? Who's going to hurt you?" His words come out of clenched teeth. He's either really mad or he's in pain or both.

"Miles."

"Love, Miles got shipped away yesterday. He isn't even in the compound." I open my eyes to look at him. Parker's face holds so much concern it almost breaks my heart. "It was just a dream, love. Miles can't hurt you anymore." We're in his room again. I can distantly make out the open door to his office. Parker tries to set me down on his bed but I won't let go of him. I shake my head when he looks at me and he breathes out a sigh.

"Stop being stubborn and let go, love." Parker commands and I reluctantly let my hands drop from his shoulders. He lays me down on his bed. I sit up immediately and watch as he slips his shoes off followed by his shirt. When he lifts his arms to take off his shirt, I blush

Somewhere in my mind I'm aware I'm watching him undress and somewhere else in my mind I'm aware I'm trembling. The already cracked mirror above the dresser cracks again and I glance over at it. Whoops. Maybe I don't have a good a grip on my power as I thought.

His eyes meet mine and we hold eye contact until I look down bashfully. Then, in one big movement, he lies down on the bed next to me, pulls my sitting body down, and scoops me to his body. His breath tickles my cheek and his bare chest is warm against my clothed one. I don't fail to notice he says nothing about the crack in the mirror. I don't blame him. The last time he did, we fought.

    "Sleep." Parker whispers to me. "Miles can't get to you if I'm here." But I'm a little too awake to fall asleep. I've calmed down substantially but my heart races for a different reason entirely. Every inch of his body is pressed to mine. One of his hands is under my head and the other one is set on my hip. There's not a breath of air between us.

I can't breathe but in the most extraordinary way.

My eyes flicker to his and there's a smile in their depths. I can see it forming and it causes me to move my eyes down to his lips. When he notices my eyes on his mouth, his eyes go to my lips. My trembling body refuses to stop shaking.

"Are you going to kiss me or not?" I whisper and he smirks at me before brushing his lips against mine. He breaks away and our noses touch lightly. My mouth finds his impatiently but he only kisses me gently. It's a kiss meant to send me to sleep. It's a kiss meant to warn off bad dreams and remind me of what's yet to come. I move closer and wait for him to deepen the kiss, but he never does. After making a very disgruntled sound, he removes his lips from mine and turns me over so I'm facing the other way.

Parker's hand on my hip presses my body to his and I can feel his beating heart on my back. The bones of my ribs that conceal my heart are breaking as his hand comes and steals my heart from my body. He has the thing beating in his palm and I know I'll never get it back.

Ever.

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