"You're so stupid." Josh insults and I laugh, turning a few heads in the cafeteria. "You aren't supposed to use a knife like that. Who taught you to use utensils, Freak." I was attempting to cut a piece of steak off of Ty's plate when Josh caught sight of my knife skills. I can throw a knife pretty well, I've learned from training, but using it for cutting food is beyond me.

It's been a week since I've been outside of the asylum and this life as a soldier is starting to feel more like my reality instead of a temporary placement. And hanging out with Josh, Levi, Miles, and Ty has been pretty fun even with Ryder looming around all the time. I still haven't gathered up the courage to ask about Miles's probation. I don't plan on asking him but maybe I'll ask Ty or Josh. Asking Miles himself might make him mad and I don't want that.

Miles doesn't say much to me. After the Hawkins conversation, he mumbles only a few words here and there but other than that he's just another guy who ignores me. In all honesty, he makes me nervous. There's something about Miles that's off and I feel like I'm the only one who notices. I'm also the only one who doesn't know anything about him. Ty talks to him a lot. I assume they're good friends but sometimes Miles looks annoyed with Ty when Ty tries starting a conversation with him.

I guess I just don't understand men.

"Well, don't just make fun of me; show me how it's done." I retort and Ty laughs at me. Josh gives me a long look before showing me how to position the knife in my hands. Then he cuts into his own steak and I cut into Ty's. I mirror his technique perfectly but the knife feels awkward in my hand and I struggle to separate the tiny piece from the large steak. Ty laughs at me.

"Let me." He offers and I let him take the knife from my fingers. He cuts the piece in a second and sticks it on the end of my fork before handing it to me. I shove the cut in my mouth and smile.

"It's really good." I express with the fork still in my mouth and everyone but Miles laughs. I like laughing with these guys.

     It reminds me of home.

"Tell me about yourself." Ty asks as we start to lift weights. I laugh at this question.                                                                                                                                                      

    "My life is so depressing. I don't really feel like telling my sob story." I respond and he shakes his head not accepting my answer. "Alright, fine, but I'm only telling you the short version."

    "That's okay."

    "So after the plague hit, my mom got it and she was pregnant with me." I start and Ty nods his head encouraging me to continue. "I was born unscathed and she died after naming me. I lived with my dad and brother, Mitch, after that and I was homeschooled. I had no friends but Mitch and my dad which, now that I think about it, it's pretty pathetic. Uh, the Prominence found out about me somehow and knocked down my door to take me. My dad and brother tried to save me but the men killed them immediately. I was ten and they shoved me in the asylum to be experimented on. So, I guess that's what happened for seven years. Um, now I'm here?"

    "It sounds like a demented Disney movie." He comments.

    "I guess that fits." I laugh and Josh looks over at us, a question clear on his face.

"We're talking about Disney movies." Ty explains and Josh shakes his head at us in mock-disappointment.

"I thought you were soldiers, not little girls." Josh teases. "Oh wait, Evans is a little girl." We laugh at this, turning the heads of the other soldiers. These are the moments I live for. There's a big difference between living and being alive.

Just once, I want to be alive.