My eyes opened and burned from the bright fluorescent lights hanging above me. My head was pounding and my vision was blurry. I looked up at the bright white ceiling above me and didn't know where I was. I lifted my right hand up to touch my face and the weight of my arm felt foreign. When I looked down at my arm, it was covered in a bright blue cast. My whole body began to ache.

Why did I have a cast on my arm?

Why did my body hurt so much?

At my first movement, my Mom, Dad, and JD rushed to my side.  It looked like I was in a hospital bed. My mind was blank and I had no idea how I ended up here.  Did something happen to me?

"Riley, Peanut, are you ok? How are you feeling?" My Mom was crying as she held on tightly to the rail of the bed.

"We're here, Riley. I am so sorry." JD croaked out.

My Dad just stood in the back of the room with tears in his eyes and his arms crossed in front of him.

This was too much for me. I laid there in shock. The bodies surrounding my tiny bed overwhelmed me. I still don't know what happened or why I was even here. The last thing I remembered was driving to the party with JD and Anna. I was feeling sorry for myself and missed Ezra. JD looked fine, so what had happened to me?

"Honey, you were in a car accident." My Mom slowly told me as she rubbed the arm without the cast. I winced in pain and she moved her arm back. "I'm so sorry, baby."

"JD, are you and Anna ok?" I asked him. JD looked like nothing had happened to him, but I didn't see Anna by his side. Anna was always standing next to JD. Where was she?

JD passed a concerned look to my Mom and then one to my Dad. He looked baffled at my question. He took a long time to respond to me like he was not sure what to say next. My parent's faces mirrored JD's. I was a little dazed, but clear enough to see that I was missing something.

"Anna's ok, right? She didn't..." No, that sounded crazy. JD would not be standing here with me if something happened to her.

"Anna's fine. What do you remember?" JD asked me.

We were in the car on our way to Aiden's grandparent's house. I was sitting in the backseat and you two were in the front." Something in my story felt like it was missing. The timeline in my head wasn't quite right. Everything was so jumbled and fragmented. I must have hit my head pretty hard in the accident.

My Mom and JD exchanged another worried glance. My Dad looked at both of them and stepped closer to my bed.

"Enough with this. Why do you all keep looking at each other like that? Am I missing something?" A small tear trickled down my cheek and stung a spot underneath my eye. I must have had a cut on my face. I wanted to reach up and touch it, but my body hurt too much to move.

Dad grasped the rail of the hospital bed a little too tightly. His light brown eyes had lost the spark they normally had. He began to speak softly to me.

"Honey, you weren't in the car with JD and Anna. You were with Ezra. JD said he left the party after he saw you two together." Dad paused, not sure what to say next and took a deep sigh before starting again. "Aiden called him when you left the party with Ezra. JD tried to call you, but you never picked up. We got a call from the hospital and they said you and Ezra had been in an accident."

My mind was blank.

The sound of crushing metal flashed through my brain. I could feel the panic and terror in my body, but none of the pieces lined up to make any kind of sense in my head. Ezra's angry voice was there too, but I didn't even remember being with him.

"Where's Ezra?" I asked, shaking away the tiny glimpse of memory trying to sneak back. I didn't want him to be alone if he got injured too.

"Ezra left the hospital hours ago." Dad stated flatly. His mouth was in a hard frown and anger was billowing off of him. He was trying to maintain his composure, but I knew my Dad well enough to know it was an act for my sake.

"I don't want to hear that asshole's name. You could have died in the accident." JD yelled at me. My Mom tried to grab his arm to calm him down and he yanked it away from her.

"I'm sorry, JD, I just wanted to see him and make sure he wasn't hurt." I whimpered at him.

"Damnit, Riley. What about this guy is worth this to you? He's a lying piece of shit. He didn't even come in to check on you when he found out you were unconscious and lost the..." JD's mouth snapped shut and he looked horrified. Mom and Dad exchanged glances.

There was something they weren't telling me.

"Lost what, JD?" My hand instinctively moved to my stomach, wanting to hold the baby growing inside of me.

My body felt empty.

The little knot didn't feel right.

Tears began streaming down my face. Deep down, I knew what JD was trying to tell me even before the words would come out of his mouth.

"Lost what, JD?" I cried.

"I can't," JD cried out, tears poured down his face. He turned and ran out of the room into the hall. My Dad chased him out the door and caught him in the hall outside the door. My Dad wrapped his arms around JD as he cried into his shoulder.

"Mom? No, please, no." I squeaked out softly.

"I'm so sorry, Peanut," She cried into my hair.

My body started shaking uncontrollably.

My baby was gone.

The next few days at the hospital were a blur. I spent the days and nights crying over the emptiness growing inside of me. I had only known for a short time that I had been pregnant, but I felt like I was torn apart, raw and bleeding. My body ached from my cuts, bruises, and broken bones, but it was nothing compared to the suffering from the loss of the baby. I barely felt the pain from my two cracked ribs. My soul was torn apart and I lost a piece of myself.

I wished I had died too in the accident.

Why did I survive and my baby didn't?

Part of me wanted Ezra to come comfort me and to hold me while we mourned the loss of our baby. The other part of me wanted to scream at him and blame him for what he had done. If I could scream at him, at least it would mean he was here with me. It sounded so insane that the person who has caused me this pain was the person I wanted the most right now.

But Ezra never came to me.

Not once.

Not even in my restless nightmares.

By day three, I was exhausted from the flurry of nurses and doctors that came in and out of my room at all hours of the night. They poked at me and maneuvered my body in ways that caused sharp pains to rip through me. I would scream in pain as they forced me to bend and move.  When they left, I just stared at the ceiling. There was nothing else I could do.

On day four, I was surprised when Mark, Anna, Aiden, and Brynn came to visit me. Brynn walked into the room holding a bunch of shiny silver balloons. I smiled for the first time in days when Aiden strolled in behind her with a stuffed bear that was bigger than I was. He looked ridiculous as he placed the bear on the chair in the corner.

Anna handed me a small pink bag. She was the practical one of the group. Her bag was filled with a few magazines and various other things to help me feel less gross. I was thankful for Anna trying to make me feel more normal.

I loved them all and appreciated the effort they made, but their presence only reminded me of the dark-haired boy who didn't even try to contact me. Nothing anyone could do would comfort me in the way I needed. I wasn't sure if I would ever feel like me again after this.

I was in the hospital for six more days before I was released. Ten days laying in this room—ten chances for Ezra to come to see me. He didn't show up. He didn't call. I couldn't ask JD or my parents where he was. Anytime I tried to bring up his name, everyone in the room would tense up and change the subject. No one else wanted anything to do with him after what he did. It was as if he never even existed at all.

On the day I was getting released, I somehow found myself alone in the room with Aiden. He had come up here to visit me multiple times, sometimes with Brynn and sometimes without. The last time they were up here, they ended up in a screaming match in the hall. Something was not right between them. They would barely look at each other even when they were in the same room. That night had changed everything for all of us. The stress of the situation was getting the best of everyone. No one had escaped that night unharmed.

"Hey, Aiden."

"What's up Ry, you need something?"

"If I ask you something, will you be honest with me? I don't want you to freak out, but you are the only one who will tell me anything."

Aiden nodded and prepared himself. He knew what I was going to ask him about before I could even say it.

"What is it?"

"Have you heard from Ezra? "

"I haven't. I heard he skipped town and went back home. He packed all his stuff in the middle of the night and left. He waited until we were all out of the house to get his things." I had asked Aiden to be honest with me. He had given me the brutal truth. Ezra was gone and wasn't coming back.

How was leaving town a solution?

It wasn't fair that he could run from this while I had to stay here with my misery. That wasn't an option for me and it shouldn't be an option for him.

"Can you call him for me?" I winced, grabbing my ribs as I adjusted myself in the bed to sit up.

"He shut off his phone. I tried calling him right after he left and got the message saying the phone was no longer in service. I'm done with him. He doesn't have one redeemable bone in his body."

"Oh." It was literally the only word I could choke out. I picked at a loose fabric string on my cast to try to hide the sadness in my eyes.

Aiden walked over and sat on the bed next to me.  He wrapped his arm around me in the familiar way he always had. I leaned my head against him and let him hold me. 

"Is there something wrong with me?" I asked, sniffling as he stroked my hair.

"Riley, there is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful and intelligent. You have the biggest heart I have ever seen. You're such an amazing woman and any guy would be lucky to have you."

"Then why doesn't he want me?" I cried into Aiden's shoulders. Aiden and I sat in silence for a long time. He continued to stroke my hair and whispered, trying to soothe me.

"Do you really not remember anything from that night at the party?"  Aiden asked me softly after my tears were all dried out.

"No, I don't remember even being there."  I said, trying to pull the memories back somehow. "Why?"  I asked, looking up into his hazel eyes.

"Oh nothing, I just told you a hilarious joke and you laughed for like five minutes about it.  I just wondered if you remembered it, that's all."  He blushed a bit when I looked at him.

"You can tell me again if you want? I could use something funny right now." I said, curious to find out what I thought was so funny.  Maybe it would help lighten the apprehension I was feeling about going home today.

"Nah, it wouldn't be the same if I told you now.  I'll tell you again when the time is right."  He said, kissing the top of my head.

"Ok."  I said, snuggling into him.

I fell asleep with his arm wrapped around me.

"Peanut, wake up" My Mom said, shaking me awake.  "The doctor signed the discharge papers. You're free."

Aiden must have fallen asleep too. He started stirring when I moved to straighten up. I looked over at my friend and smiled at him when he realized he had fallen asleep next to me. He looked up and saw my Mom staring down at us. Aiden blushed when he realized he still had his arm around me in front of her.

My eyes moved around the room, taking it in one last time before I would finally get to go home. The room seemed so safe right now and I wasn't sure how I would feel once I was out into the hallway and outside into the fresh air again. Nothing that happened felt real, but I knew once I stepped foot outside the door that would all change.  I couldn't hide from this. I had to face it head-on.

My hand rested over my stomach and I said goodbye one last time to the baby I would never get to hold. I silently promised the little one that I would never forget what happened and I would find a way to make it through this. I had family and friends who would support me and help make me strong again. I was not alone.

I would not let what happened with Ezra Miller ruin me. Today would be the last day his name would leave my lips. If he wanted to be with me, he would have fought for me. He would have never made me get into that car with him that night. He chose to leave me when I needed him the most and I had to choose to survive him.

"Are you ready, Ry?" Aiden asked, pulling me to my feet slowly to help me into the escape vessel cleverly disguised as a wheelchair.

"I'm ready."