I got up Saturday morning in a rather good mood.

My window blew cold air onto my face, waking me up at 6:30 and for some reason it didn't make me mad.

I jumped out of bed and changed into my workout clothes. I washed my face and put in my earplugs. After wearing my shoes I walked out of my room, and began my run. 5 miles in 40 minutes oof! that was going to be hard.

I was finally feeling like I was not just trying to be put together anymore, but was kind of actually a starting to be put together. I'd go running every morning, I was doing okay in school and I was able to paint pretty often. Apart from the mess that happened at the stag few weeks ago, everything else was perfect.

My legs started to strain as the cold morning wind hit my face. I pushed myself probably just a little more than I should've, but not to the point that it actually had consequences.

I painted after my amazing shower, and thought of driving home. It was Saturday, maybe I could come back on Monday.

I headed for a quick breakfast, and Aiden was already there so I decided to eat with him.

"You look happy," he said, as I took a sip of coffee. The food was not nice at all. I was extremely hungry cause of my workout, but figured that I'd go home and make something nicer for myself.

I smiled,

"You're going somewhere?" He asked, probably noticing my bag, and jeans, which was not very common for saturday morning.

"Just home, I thought I'd spent the weekend there," I said.

"What about you, what are your weekend plans?"

"Nothing yet, I'm having lunch with my dad today,"

"Oh thats fun,"

"Not really," he said,

I then remembered that my mom never unpacked a lot of my father's art supplies and paintings, and I needed some paints. I waited till he finished, and eagerly walked to my car

The drive was pretty fast, and the second I reached, I headed straight to the attic at home.

I entered the dusty old room and saw a bunch of boxes stacked on top of each other. I blew the dust off a box and looked at messy bold letters written in my mother's handwriting, which spelled out my father's name.

'ALEXZANDER' his name was actually 'Alexzandero ' because his mom is Mexican, but he went by Alexzander.

I opened the box and peered into it. I found old paintings that felt like my childhood. I couldn't really place them in my head, but one look at them and my brain took me back to my summers of when I was young.

I sat on the dirty floor with a stupid smile on my face as I flipped through my dad's old art. I opened up boxes after boxes which sprouted a super warm feeling inside of me.

I then saw another box with his name on it but it was sealed shut with a couple rolls of tape.

I got a little curious as began ripping the tape off eagerly.

I pulled the cover off the top of the box and peered inside. I don't know what I expected to find, but it was not bunch of documents. I narrowed my eyes and pulled a bunch of papers out, exposing a few bottles of pills.

What?

I looked closely at the papers with a growing discomfort at the pit of my stomach.

Patient is showing minimal signs of recovery.
History of addiction, has contemplated suicide.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

Feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second, I rampaged through the box finding bottles of pills.

Anti dippresants?

Holy shit, he was depressed? What the fuck how could I not have known. They wouldn't keep that from me...right?

Why didn't I know? Is this even fuxking true. History of addiction? That's definitely not true.

OH MY GOD HIS DEATH he OD'd what if it was not an accident?

My mom knew all this, why didn't she tell me?

What the fuck?

I looked closely at it and the longer I started at it, the more uncomfortable I got. I picked up my phone from beside and rang my mom with a fast beating heart. My hands were shaking, and my eyes burning.

It rang for long time and finally she answered the phone.

"Hello Hayley, what is the matter?" She asked.

"Mom what the fuck," I whispered shakily.

"What is going on Hayley, I'm in a meeting,"

"Did dad kill himself,"

"What?" she asked, her voice strained.

"Was Dad's death really an accident?!" I asked tearing up. My voice began to crack and I got nauseous as I said my fear out loud.

"Hayley.... I need you to calm down, before you jump to any conclusions, please...who told you this?" she said softly.

"I was going through his stuff and-

I began sobbing and feeling like what was happening was not true. Between the thought of the possibility of my dad taking his own life, to the fact that my mom didn't tell me I felt drowned in 7 months of emotions. Everything replayed in my head as if it were happening all over again.

"Hayley, his death was an accident I promise" my mom's voice said through the phone. "isten I don't think this is a conversation we should have on the phone" she added.

"MOM, What is going on here!? You can't blow me off now...." I said wiping my face.

"Okay, hear me out, your dad did not kill himself! I promise. He was seeing a doctor about it, but once we moved things got a little messy."

"It says he had a history of addiction. Mom none of this makes a sense," I cried.

"Hayley listen, I'll take the first flight out tomorrow morning, or see if I can catch one today, I'm practically begging you, please, don't do anything you'll regret right now, "

"Why didn't you tell me any of this!!" I yelled.

"Listen, we need to talk in person, can I count on you to be okay?" She asked

I sighed and didn't say anything.

"It is not okay that you didn't tell me any of this!" I said.

"Hayley, I trust you a lot, if you can promise me that you will be calm and take care of yourself till I get back, that's great, but if you can't, I will have to call one of your friends to make sure that you don't do anything that you wouldn't have done otherwise." She said.

"My god! Why are you so convinced that I'm going to do something stupid, I've been alone and angry for the past year and haven't done anything
'stupid' " I spat and hung up.

I went up to my room, washed my face, tied my hair in a bun and ran out the door with my keys in my hand. I unlocked my car, got in and began driving at full speed.

I didn't really think about where I was going.

I pressed my foot on the accelerator as I started to get nauseous.

My head started spinning with thoughts as I saw a truck crossing the lane in front of me.

If I did lose control of the wheel now I would crash straight into the truck.
I thought about that repeatedly, and didn't stop accelerating, as my car got closer and closer to the truck.

I hadn't eaten the whole day and my eyes went blank.
Everythng from there happened so fast.
Before I could do anything, I was jolted to the front of the seat with so much force, I felt my neck lose on my head and an enormous pain in ribs as I hit the steering wheel infront of me.

My head hit the window in front of me and I heard a loud crash. I fell back into my seat and felt a rush of pain through my body, but at the same time, I felt numb.

I felt tears run down the sides of my cheeks as I tried forcing my eyes open and with a the sound of chaos around me, everything went blank.