Prologue

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I remember feeling helpless and lost. Like I had nothing left. Like the realization that I was all alone, was finally hitting me, after trying to hide from the fact for so long.

Sometimes Random things trigger random memories.

I stumbled out of a bar and saw an airport taxi drive by me and my sloshed brain jumped back to the time I came to this town.

I thought back to the day I moved.

I reached the airport, hopped off the flight, and saw my dad's face. He was smiling. I hadn't seen him smile like that in so long. I couldn't help but smile back at him. I saw the happiness in him that I used to see when I was a child, the happiness that I hadn't seen in too long.

My mom stood next to him with her arms crossed. She saw my face and smiled as well, only her smile was not half as warm as the one I'd received from my father. My mom wanted me to stay back in our old town and join a boarding school. She thought that it would help discipline me or something, but my dad convinced her otherwise.

I sighed and felt a tear fall down my cheek. This was the reason I was hiding from the pain. I didn't want to think back and cry... or cry at all. I didn't want to feel.

I gulped a lump in my throat and wiped my eyes.

Hardly a month after we moved to Rosewood, Dad died.

He always spoke about traveling, probably why I love it so much. We never really got to travel, though. We didn't have the money...And when we finally did, well...he died.

He worked too hard for us, and when we moved to rosewood, he said he would finally be free. We would finally be able to spend time like we did when I was young. He thought it was too good to be true. A salary hike and more free time...It was too good to be true.

He told me that one day, we would travel the world together, and we would go to every place we wished to and paint every sight we see...and moving to Rosewood, with his new job, gave us hope that it was actually possible.

I sat on a stone bench and sobbed as I held up a picture of him. He gave me the picture a minute before his heart stopped beating. He scribbled something onto it in the last moments of his life You are nothing like me Mi Vida you are better. You are selfless.

I never understood what that meant. He used to tell me that we were very similar, and a moment before his life ended, no doubt he was under the influence, he could've written anything...but he told me that he was selfish?

All these months, I was afraid of exactly what was happening now. I was afraid of feeling too much. I was afraid that accepting things...made them true. I was starting to accept that I was now alone, and that scared me.

I stumbled as I got up and looked at my phone through my blurry eyes.

Everything from that point happened so fast, It's a blur.

I felt like my life was hanging on a thin string, almost about to snap. I was a mess, but surprisingly a part of that string was there, and I decided that until I finish high school, I needed it there, whether I was living in ignorance or not.

I accepted most of what happened, but pushed it to the back of my head and tried to put my life together. Try to successfully get through high school without the string snapping.

1 more year of bottled-up emotions, I can leave home and go to college, and put my life together for real.

What I should have done was truly accept everything and take time to heal, but I thought pushing it away was easier... so I did. 

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