How am I supposed to tell Fidelis that she needs to leave her brother behind and come with me to a place full of Dreads? What will her answer be? Obviously no. Everything she does is to protect her brother and she wouldn't leave him behind if her life depended on it but what if his life depended on it? No she probably still wouldn't leave him behind. I'm still not over the fact that I basically broke Tobias' heart. He didn't deserve that but it was something that I needed to do. In the old days, back before the world went to shit, maybe there would have been a chance for him and myself. Thinking like this is toxic because things will never go back to the way they were in the old days. 

I am with Fidelis training the teenage girls survival skills. Every time I go speak to her something inside me stops the words from coming out. I want to just say it and get the conversation over and done with, even though i know she will say no she will still be coming. Yes, i'll force her.

 "Somethings off" she says to me as she is observing how the girls light fires from scratch. 

"Yeah, we suck at teaching" I state with a small chuckle. Fidelis looks away from the group and at me. Her dark hair falls over her face and she pushes it back, seeming annoyed at how inconvenient her hair is. 

"No, something is off with you. You have barely said a word to me" Fidelis states. She's right, I haven't spoken to her the whole class. I spoke to the girls we are teaching and given them instruction but I have failed to say a single word to the person I really need to talk to. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No you didn't" I say annoyed. "I kind of wish that it was you that did something wrong"

"ok... what did you do?" she asks. She runs her hand through her hair in a nervous way. Every time we have a conversation like this it either makes or breaks our friendship and I would really hate it if she went back to hating me.

"I just... I uh... I have something to tell you and I don't think that you are going to like it" I stutter on my words. This is different to me telling Tobias that he can't come. This is me telling my best friend that she has to leave her brother behind so I can control a group of dreads so I can help find a cure and potentially save the world. I don't think that it is going to go down well.

"Good because I needed to talk to you as well"

"What about?" I ask. She turns to look at the group of girls once again and she sighs.

"About getting the hell away from the shopping centre, It's too dangerous for the people living here. We attract too much danger" Fidelis says. This reminds me of the time when she tried to kick me out of The Twelve where she said that I was dangerous. I shake this thought out of my head, realizing that Fidelis isn't that person anymore. "and yes that means leaving my brother behind"Well shit, I think that this conversation is going to go better than I thought it was. I start to laugh and she looks at me as if I have insulted her. "May I ask what is so funny about my idea"

"Nothing is funny about it, it's brilliant" I say with a chuckle. She furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "I was so nervous to talk to you about that. I am leaving with Luke to go to a place full of dreads so that I can lead them and I was going to ask you to come with me. I'm laughing because I was so worried about how you would react when you were thinking the same thing as me"

The truth is... I wasn't just going to ask her, I was going to command her to come with me. This works out better because this way she won't hate me.

"There is a place full of Dreads?" Fidelis asks with great interest. "How many are there?"

"One thousand and one"

"Shit! That is a lot" She says in shock. I honestly thought there would be more, honestly I don't know how far this dread virus stretches. Are there some in Australia or Japan or any other country too? I don't know what I am dealing with. Maybe there isn't even an apocalypse in those countries and they are just leaving us here to rot because of all the stupid mistakes that we have made.

"I imagined that there would be more" I admit. "But I'm happy that there won't be as many as I thought there would be because I don't think I'd be able to handle that"

"I think that you're underestimating yourself" She says before moving towards a girl who seems to be struggling at lighting a fire. Fidelis kneels down infront of her. She reaches out a hand to help, her face full of kindness. "Here let me help you" she says before going to take the stick from her. The girl pulls the stick away and flinches. Fidelis is clearly shocked by the reaction. Her face turns into a frown and she slowly retreats her helping hand. "What's wrong?" The girl looks up at Fidelis with hatred in her eyes.

"My mother told me all about you two. She told me that you kill people and that you are dangerous. You shouldn't be here" She says. "Your going to get us all killed" The girls words were like a million knives getting thrown at us. Fidelis didn't know what to say, she turned her head to look at me. Sadness fills Fidelis' face, she doesn't wanted to be seen as a monster when she has always been seen as the hero. The look on her face suggests that she wants me to say something. I step forward and lean down to talk to the girl.

"Your mother is right, our kind are very dangerous. Our kind have killed people but we haven't" I say. The girl knows I'm lying. I've killed two people, one as a human and one as a dread. "I mean Fidelis hasn't, She is a hero. Remember when she saved all those people? Please let her help you" I say before turning and walking away.

"No." I hear Fidelis murmur behind me. I stop but I don't turn around. "Alex killed Dreads, ones that were a danger to people that she cared about. She isn't dangerous to the people, the monsters that she attracts are and that's why we are leaving soon kid"

*

"Sometimes I wonder if we would have been friends back before the apocalypse" I say as I lay on my back on the floor in Fidelis' room. We came back here to wait for Brodie so we could tell him the news before we tell The Twelve. We started talking like we use to, when we were best friends. When we were human. WE ARE HUMAN!! Why do i always say these things? We are human and right now, talking like this is nice. I feel like we are back in the days where all I had to worry about was the security of this place. It was nicer before the zombie hunting virus. Talking like this is nice.

"What type of person were you before the apocalypse?" She asks. I think for a moment. I can't even properly remember back to the time when I was just a normal person who went to school, came home and went to work at my cleaning job here in the shopping center. That all seems like a dream now, something that couldn't possibly be real. That person Alexandra Renee Ductor, a girl that liked her middle name more than her first, a girl that always cut the crust off of her sandwiches, a girl that stayed up late binge watching her favourite tv shows and struggling to get up the next day for school. Who is that person? That can't possibly be me, I like my first name and the many variations or nicknames my friends have for me. I eat all the food that I can get as there is a tight supply, I wouldn't even dare cut off my crust. I go to sleep early and wake up early, I don't watch TV shows all night because we can't use any power at night. So yes i am a completely different person. 

"I didn't know who I was. All I know is that I was unmotivated and all I wanted to do was leave school and be somebody. I didn't have any career goals I just knew that I wanted to make a difference, I wanted to be remembered" I say. I almost forget that Fidelis is in the room, that's how deep I am going into the topic. "and the thing about that is I never really did anything about it, What about you?" I don't look at her, I just look at the ceiling. I take the topic away from myself because I find myself being unhappy with the person that I use to be.

"Well, I had just left school when the apocalypse started, I was in a band surprisingly. The band wasn't very good to be honest. I was lined up to do a scholarship at Georgetown university for my achievements as a writer. The funny thing is, in a world like this writing skills are useless." Fidelis says with a chuckle. "I was selfish back then, I graduated highschool early and left my parents and moved here with my boyfriend at the time. He was a jack ass. When the apocalypse started I was looking after Brodie while my parents were in Bali, I don't know if they are alive or not" She shifts on her bed where she is laying. I pretty sure she faces me but I'm not sure, i'm too busy looking at the dull white ceiling. 

"I think we could have been friends" I say. "But you don't seem like you would have been the type of person to approach just some highschool student and I'm sorry about your parents, not knowing is horrible. When it all started my grandpa was with me, we left our house with all the supplies that he needed but after about a month we ran out of those supplies and he was dying. We had to get him to a hospital where there were proper supplies, my grand father went with a few volunteers and none of them came back" This is the first time I have spoken about my grandfather to anyone, I have lived in denial for too long. I know his dead.

At that moment the door opens. It's Brodie. We both stand up fast and Brodie looks at us with a confused expression on his face. He steps into the room slowly and closes the door behind himself. "What are you two up to?"

"Your sister needs to tell you something" My tone is very flat and the speed of my voice is extremely quick. I didn't mean to say it. Fidelis glares at me. "What? You do"

"Yeah well I wasn't going to just go straight into it"

"It's better to just rip off the band aid, it'll hurt for a less amount of time" I state. The glare doesn't leave her face which makes me want to laugh but I hold it in because I know that the situation is suppose to be serious. Brodie's confused expression turns to worried.

"Come on guys just tell me, I can take it" He stresses. He tries to seem tough but I can sense the fear all over him. I can smell it on him, fear has a disgusting smell. I feel horrible now, I still feel like I am forcing Fidelis to do this.

"We are leaving the center and you're going to stay here" Fidelis just spits it out.

"What do you mean?" Brodie asks.

"I don't think I'll ever see you again. It's for your safety" She explains to him, I see the tears form in Brodie's eyes. He makes a face that suggests he is trying to hold those tears in but he fails to hold them in. Tears slowly start to fall down his face and Fidelis races forward to hug him. Brodie pushes her away.

"Why?" He lets out a sob. 

"This place isn't safe with dreads living in it, I have to go" Fidelis explains. She goes to push his black hair away from his face but he pushes her away again. Brodie turns towards me, he is furious. He launches himself at me and hits me. I hold him back but he keeps flinging his arms around trying to hit me.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ALEXANDRA, MY SISTER WOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU!!" he yells as I hold him back. "YOU BITCH" He screams with tears running down his face. I feel myself get angry.

"Well I wouldn't have killed that Dread if it wasn't for you" I snap harshly. Brodie stops fighting and just looks at me. Fidelis looks at me with disbelief on her face. I can't believe I just said that. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that"

"You're right, this is my fault" Brodie says quietly. I kneel down infront of him.

"No, I chose to throw that chainsaw, not you" I say. Brodie nods but I still feel like he blames himself. "Yes I was saving your life but I chose to do that no matter what the circumstances were" I explain. "and you will see your sister again, I promise"

*

Last night I had a dream about my father. It was strange because he was completely different to the person I knew him to be. He was a man who was always smiling, his face was always lit up like the world was such a beautiful place. I knew him as a selfless man who had a soft voice and a big heart. He was so giving and kind. In this dream he was the opposite to the person that I knew. He had a hard face and the way he spoke was harsh. The words he spoke rung in my mind. "This is all your fault Alexandra, I could have been better but you ruined everything... You ruined my life" he said to me. His words burned holes in me even though it was a dream. His words were selfish and so unlike him. I remember him grabbing my arm roughly and pushing me to the ground. He yelled "YOU TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME AND NOW YOU HAVE TAKEN THIS"

I didn't know what that meant, what else could I have possibly taken away from him? I relise that it was only a dream but something about it just hung there. Luke notices the distressed look on my face as we eat breakfast.

"What's wrong? Are you having second thoughts?" Luke asks. I shake my head and continue to eat. "What is it then?"

"Just a dream I had last night. It's bothering me still"

"Dreams are dreams, they are usually very strange" Luke says with a chuckle. "Tell me. What is it about the dream that is bothering you so much?" He asks.

"It was about our father" I mutter. "He was so different, He was cruel" I explain. Luke frowns.

"Oh"

"I'm sorry I bought him up" I whisper before eating my food again.

"No, it's ok. We should talk about him you know? The fact that we are making the topic of our parent taboo isn't alright. You're the only family I have and I'm the only family that you have I think we should talk about it" Luke says. I feel relieved because I really do need to speak to someone about this.

"He said something like I had taken everything away from him and that I had also taken 'this' away from him"

"What's this?" Luke asks confused. I shrug.

"I don't know. But you're right, strange things happen in dreams and they don't mean anything" I say. Luke nods and we continue eating. "Today's a big day" I whisper.

"Yeah, I know"

Today we are telling The Twelve that we are leaving. I know that Rick won't want me to leave because he is extremely protective over me but he won't be able to stop me. We are going to have to do this.

After we finish breakfast we make our way to the meeting room. Tobias is the only one there at the moment, I let out a sigh and sit on the other side of the table. Luke sits next to me. "You can't avoid me forever Alexandra" I hear Tobias say.

"Apparently not" I mutter. I cross my arms over my chest.

"Do you really mean what you said?" He asks as Fidelis and Veronica walk in.

"Yes" I state. He tries to speak to me again but I cut him off. "Now is not the best time to speak about this Tobias" I say harshly. Tobias looks shocked but he doesn't say anything, he just sits back in his chair.

"You don't think you're being too harsh?" Luke whispers to me.

"I have to be harsh with him" I say sadly.

Once everyone is in the room Fidelis is the first to speak. She stands up and smiles sadly at everyone. "Two of The Twelve are stepping down from their leader position as of today" Fidelis says solemnly as if she had lost something dear to her. They all look around at eachother wondering who the people are that are stepping down from their role as leader. "Alexandra Ductor and myself, Fidelis Green for many reasons"

They are all shocked. Rick looks at me confused but I don't meet his eye. Fidelis continues "We have come to an agreement it is too dangerous for the people here if we remain leaders. This place is a community, we are like one big family and to Alex and myself it is important that our very large family remains safe. So we will be leaving the center soon with Luke Ductor so that Alexandra can stop the zombie hunters from hunting humans" as Fidelis speaks tears form in her eyes. I stand up to help her out.

"we apologise but we truly think that this is for the best, there is nothing that any of you can do or say to change our minds" I say emotionalessly. Someone has to be strong right now and that person apparently isn't Fidelis. We both sit down and wait for somebody to speak.

"How will you stop all dreads from attacking the humans?" Rick asks.

"I can control all the dreads. I can bring them all together so that they will be easier to control, once I have found a place to keep over a thousand people then we will be leaving. We are stepping down now because it could be any day now" I explain. Rick doesn't say anything else and neither does the other leaders.

The meeting ends shortly after and I make my way to lunch with Luke. I feel like crap still, the silence in that meeting room killed me. Luke and I eat lunch in silence before I go back to my room and Luke goes to get new clothes with his tokens. Rick did end up going with the token currency system.

I open the door to my room and walk in. I turn the light on and there is a gun being pointed at me. I freeze and look at the persons face. I have gone through some pretty frightening things in my life, things that I have gotten through from the help of my friends and family. Right now I have none of my friends or family are around to get me through this one, I'm alone and that scares me. "Hi Veronica" I say, trying to sound brave. But I'm scared, I have a gun pointed right at me. She steps forward and presses the gun against my chest.

"I could end it all in seconds you know" She mutters as she looks down at the gun.

"Do you really want to shoot me? And risk becoming a monster?" I ask. She looks scared herself and I know that if she is going to shoot me then she won't do it straight away.

"It's better then you being the one to run a group of beasts" she snaps and pushes the gun into my stomach. Does she seriously believe that I'm out to kill everyone? Is she insane?

"The whole point of me leading them is so they don't kill you all" I explain. Verionca nervously laughs. "You're going to kill me because you're worried about me killing everyone?"

"I know you don't want to kill everyone and I'm not going to kill you"

"says the person who is pointing a gun at me" I say sarcastically.

"I'm not going to kill you but your father will" she says with a smirk. What? My father? "I will just severely injure you if you don't listen to me"

"Go ahead, I heal easily" I say with laugh. I go to take the gun but she shoots me in the leg. I feel pain shoot up my leg, this is the worse pain I have ever felt in my life.

"Feel that?" she asks. "You're not healing unless you dig that bullet out and still you won't heal as fast as usual. Yes you will heal faster than a human but the Iron in that bullet slows your healing down. Your father said it had something to do with dread chromosomes not mixing well with Iron"

"My father?"

"Oh you didn't know? He's alive idiot and he's the reason why this Dread virus exsists in the first place"